Julie's in the old banana costume, which has been repurposed into a baggy sheath dress, as she asks whether the coaches will enter the game. Like we don't already know.
In the previouslies and recaps and story-so-fars, we're reminded that Shane won Head of Household last week, then nominated Ashley and Joe, then won the Power of Veto, then denominated Ashley and put Frank in his place. Basically it's been The Shane Show all week. Then Julie flatters us that we might be making the biggest move in the game, voting on whether the four coaches will get to join the game or not. I know, the suspense is killing you.
After another flashback to the Veto ceremony, Mike DRs that he had a deal with Shane, and is "a little perturbed that they're going to make me go back to work this week." Ashley congratulates herself, "I did it!" Which is like a drought-stricken farmer taking credit for rain. Frank, meanwhile, is already counting votes in his head. Shane reassured Frank after the Veto meeting that he wasn't the target, when he totally is. As for Joe, he's feeling better about his chances to beat Frank than Ashley. Frank goes in to calm Mike down, which doesn't really work since Frank saw this coming and didn't warn Mike.
Britney and Frank visit Mike, and she gloats, "Look, Boogs, I know you're pissed." Britney tells Mike about her "no foreseeable circumstance" answer from Ian the other night. She also says she doesn't want to get Ian in trouble. Good luck with that.
Janelle and the non-nominated members of her team are up in HoH with Britney and Shane, talking about the move Shane just made, at least until Ashley sends the conversation spinning off into space with her hippie-speak. Ian, meanwhile, is completely bowled over by Frank's nomination, totally unaware that it's the result of his own overly cautious words to Britney. Ian tells Mike and Frank about how he didn't want to write Britney a check he couldn't cash, and Mike impatiently tells him, "This is the Big Brother house! You can bounce checks!" But for now, they figure Frank's fate is in the hands of Dan and Danielle.
Britney and Janelle lie in bed talking about cramps, which segues into Janelle's inability to cry, and her lack of emotionalism in general. Which Britney envies. Envy, of course, is an emotion.
Janelle, Wil, and Joe hang out in the backyard, while Janelle shit-talks Frank, as if they were going to vote for him to stay instead of Joe if she hadn't. She adds to Wil that Frank's departure is the best-case scenario for him, and takes full credit for keeping Wil off the block this week. Which Wil doesn't particularly appreciate, any more than he appreciates her obvious coaching tips about the upcoming HoH competition. And then when he leaves, she shit-talks Wil to Joe.
The morning. Joe and Wil rehash the night's conversation, and Joe didn't even pick up the meaning Wil did from Janelle's words. I guess it's hard for an outside observer to see how Wil might be offended at Janelle's suggestion that she protected him this week, given that she won the coaches' competition and gave Wil immunity with it. But now Joe's worried about tension between Janelle and Wil. So Joe goes right to Ashley and frets that Wil may have already joined the other side over this. Ashley goes and fetches Janelle so Joe can report back to Janelle what Wil said to him about her. "I just don't get it," Ashley says, like that's news. "If he flips and I'm gone, you're down to her," Joe warns Janelle. Might as well go to the worst-case scenario, after all.
Back in the studio, Julie intros a clip by asking us whether it's the players or the coaches in control of the house, like we don't all know it's really the producers. In the house, Janelle takes Wil aside to smooth things over, and minutes after we saw her talking to Britney about what a Vulcan she is, she cries in front of Wil. In the DR, however, Wil says he's not fooled at all, although he plays along. Either that, or he was completely fooled at the time and is only just now realizing he's been had.
Frank and Mike talk to Dan about whether Frank should make sure he has Danielle's vote, confirming that he understands she'll be safe if she votes with them. Dan just takes it in, until they put him on the spot by asking him how much he trusts each of them. Dan diplomatically says Frank is above Mike in that particular metric. Frank just wishes there were a way to evict a coach without cutting her players, because he'd like to get rid of Janelle week. Well, he may yet have his chance.
Dan talks to Danielle about whether they should go with Mike and Frank, but Danielle is, of course, sticking with Shane. "Stop liking Shane," Dan says. "I command you to stop liking Shane." He condescends to her about her feelings, saying, "I'm not losing 100K over a high-school crush." Looks like another coach/player rift could be in the offing.
For the group Chenterview over the viewscreen in the living room, she asks Ian and Mike about the cash prize he won and shared with Ian, while taking the biggest piece for himself. Then she asks Danielle to rate her kiss with Shane, and she gives it a ten. Shane, the gentleman, gives it a 10.5. Only right answer, after all. Then Julie plays them a clip of this week's coaches' competition and asks Janelle an inane question that drowns out what looked like a filthy comment from one of the players in the living room. Which is a shame, because that seemed a lot more interesting.
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In further developments that are more required than interesting, Julie has the private HoH Chenterview in which she asks Shane about changing his mind about Frank. Shane gives some non-answers that are mostly about how he distrusts Mike a lot more than Frank. As for the showmance with Danielle, Shane says it's not in the cards, because it would interfere with his game. Much as we've already seen it interfering with Danielle's.
Time to learn a little more about Frank, just in case. Julie tells us he has "big hair and big game" and introduces a clip in which Frank tells Mike that his father was pro wrestler Sid Vicious. We get to meet Frank's very large dad, who says Frank is a big target in the house. Frank says he doesn't have a great relationship with his dad, who admits that he was on the road for much of Frank's childhood. But Frank's mom assures us that Sid has been deeply involved following in the show, to the point where he's even wearing fan t-shirts for Frank during the viewing party at their house. Frank DRs about how difficult it is living in his dad's shadow. Don't worry, Frank, he's not that famous.
After the ads, Julie welcomes us back to the studio and announces that she has the results for America's Vote right in her hand. She gets on the viewscreen to the houseguests, who until this moment have had no idea that this was even on the table. Or so Julie wants us to think. Actually, nobody in the house looks terribly surprised when Julie tells them about the week's vote. Which she wouldn't be telling them at all, if the answer weren't yes, but they sit patiently while Julie opens the envelope and tells them that America is going to "offer them the chance" to get into the game and compete for the half-million-dollar prize. If they say yes, the game will be "reset," there will be no eviction tonight, and everyone will get to play in the upcoming HoH competition. If they say no, then some evictees will return to the game. "Who they are and how this will affect the coaches will be revealed at that time." But do the coaches all have to agree? Can some of them jump in and some of them stay out? Nope -- the coaches will be sent into the DR one by one, where there's a reset button waiting. If just one of them hits it, the game is reset.
Julie sends Britney into the DR -- "Right now." We follow her in, and watch her vacillate over pressing it while the audio is still coming from the living room and Julie hectors her for a decision. Finally Britney hits the button, causing the box it's on to flash and go dark again. Which means there will be no way for the other coaches to know if anyone hit it before them, unless they dust for prints. As Britney heads back to the living room, Julie says the coaches' new player status is already official, but we still have to see what the other coaches say. Surprisingly, Mike says, "No thanks, America, I'm good." Yeah, that's what he thinks, in more ways than one. Dan goes in, and is still addressing her as "Mrs. Chen" and excitedly hitting the button. Janelle also says, "Thanks, America," and pushes the button with both hands. Once she's back in the living room, Julie tells them the game's reset, nobody is being evicted tonight, and it's time for the HoH competition, in which, once again, everyone gets to play. I swear, this game is like a three-month-long, nationally televised game of Calvinball.
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When we come back, all twelve houseguests -- outgoing HoH Shane and the former coaches included -- are standing on tiny platforms with their backs against a wall that's painted to look like the side of a ship. They have bars behind them at waist level to hold onto. It's pretty obvious: if you fall in the water, you're out. The competition starts, and the wall starts tipping forward almost immediately. After a minute of that, Julie warns of rough seas, and the boat rocks harder. Everyone hangs on long past the point where we should have gone to commercial.
We return, and everyone's still up there, even Ian with his yellow leotard and black shorts. Julie plugs the week's upcoming programming as usual, then goes back to the competition. Of course she cues the "rain," which takes the form of cold water pouring over everyone's heads. Yeah, that looks uncomfortable. Jenn's feet are already slipping, and Mike's stupid headband has slid down to become a blindfold. Serves him right. And really, it's kind of symbolic in a way.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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