By DeAnn Welker
Previously: Three people (Nene, La Toya, and Star) were fired in three hours last week. The Jo(h)ns were pretty amazing. Meat Loaf and Marlee were just all right. In the suite, the Jo(h)ns are hoping Meat Loaf fights back against the women. They're obviously overjoyed when he comes back to the suite. The three guys hug it up. Lil Jon gives us an announcer voice of the final four, in which he calls himself "the King of Crunk." Marlee comes in then, and is all depressed about Star leaving. In fact, she even cries. She says it's because of not getting money for her charity, and because Star was fired. Trump enters the suite, then, shocking the celebrities (and Jack, Marlee's interpreter). He lets them know they're going to be interviewed by Bret Michaels, Joan Rivers and Piers Morgan. They won, he reminds them, so he takes what they say very seriously. After those interviews, he says, he's going to fire two more people. Lil Jon says they just came out of one firestorm and are entering another, but he's ready for whatever. "The epic battle continues."
Intense music plays as the winners show up and the current contestants (in new clothes, by the way, so this might not be the same night that the Star firing took place) head into a lobby to wait. John's the first one called in to be interviewed. He tells us that he puts everything on the line every time, and "by god, I do want to be the Celebrity Apprentice." "Money, money" opening. Man, Dionne Warwick was sure pretty back in the day.
Trump meets with his three winners, after their interviews with the contestants. Piers says they're all good, and it's going to be a tough decision. Trump asks what they think of John Rich, who's been very competent. Bret Michaels thinks he's at the top of the fiercest competitors and that he's a fighter from humble beginnings. Cut to Rich interviewing with the fearsome threesome. Piers asks who he'd chuck under a bus right now, and Rich says Meat Loaf, who's been a bit of a screamer and a crier. He also throws Marlee under, because he says she's mostly just raised a lot of money. Joan asks what he's done, and he says he's been a good writer. "Every time I wrote, we won." He says that when he was project manager and writing, it was left and right brain. Piers says he's not impressed that Rich can write a song, so what else does he have? Rich says he's organized. They ask him what others will say negatively about him, and he honestly doesn't know. He says no one's said a negative thing about him yet (and, weirdly, I think that's true; how did I not realize that sooner?). Piers asks if they've even mentioned the hat, which Piers finds annoying. This gives Joan and Piers a chance to make a pot-shot at Clint Black. Bret asks Rich if he'll be able to go toe-to-toe with Lil Jon despite their friendship. Rich says he's ready to compete. Dude, they're the new Troy and Kwame! And since Trump didn't give us a Troy-Kwame final two way back then, I sure hope he'll give us this one. Back with Trump and the threesome, Piers tells Trump he wasn't impressed with Rich's answer about writing. Eh, whatever.
Trump asks about Lil Jon, who Bret says is so smart. He thinks Lil Jon's a bit of a sleeper player. He says Lil Jon didn't get here by accident. Cut to Lil Jon's interview. Bret asks the first question: He asks Lil Jon if he thinks his laid-back attitude is going to hurt him here? Lil Jon says he clawed and fought to get here. Joan asks who the final two will be, and Lil Jon says "John Rich and Marlee." They're all like, "Come again?" Piers calls him a loser, and Lil Jon asks him to let him speak, please. Lil Jon says he respects those other two, who have raised so much money. Piers says he respects Lil Jon. He wants to win, but he respects that those other two have raised a lot of money and are tough competitors. They ask about Meat Loaf, and Lil Jon thinks he wears his heart on his sleeve a little too much. Bret asks if Lil Jon thinks he can win it if it's him and Rich in the final two. Lil Jon says they're friends, but when it comes down to it, he'll fight. He says his persona is one thing, but his mind is another. Piers asks the second reason (after charity) that he wanted to do this competition, and Lil Jon says it was to show that all rappers are not blunt-smoking, crack-selling, ignorant people. Joan asks if he could name names, and they all laugh. Back with Trump, Bret says Lil Jon was a little too laid-back, so he's not sure if he can step up and compete.
Trump tells his three champions how proud he is of all of them. He asks where his twenty-five percent is, and they all fake laugh (as many do with Trump, I suspect, so it's not as if he'd notice the difference). He asks about Meat Loaf, who they say was emotional -- barking mad, even -- but Joan says he has such passion. Piers agrees. Cut to Meat Loaf's interview. Joan says Meat Loaf's the oldest of this group, and he asks if that was an asset to him. He says it was an asset to him, because he came in ready to go, and had more energy than anyone. Piers says the others have said he cries a lot. Meat Loaf says that's because he cares more about his charity than anyone else, but Piers wonders if that sends the right message in a business setting. Meat Loaf says he showed Trump all kinds of sides of him: the fighter, the guy on the front line... Piers says Meat Loaf has anger-management issues, since he nearly beat up Busey and cries. Bret asks if he feels that he can focus this anger and energy. Then Bret tells him that the Jo(h)ns threw him under the bus, and so he says Lil Jon's lazy and Rich isn't even a celebrity. Back with Trump, they all say Meat Loaf's emotional, but he wants to win this more than anyone.
Moving on to Marlee: Joan was blown away by her. Bret says she's not hard to look at and she's a fighter. Cut to her interview. Joan asks her first where she keeps her Oscar. She keeps it in her office. Piers asks if winning an Oscar or this is harder, and she says this, definitely. Bret asks if she feels her disability is an advantage to her, competitively, for her charity. She says that everyone puts her in a box as the deaf actress, just like they do with Bret Michaels and his diabetes (yeah, uh, not really the same; no one thinks of that first when they think of Bret. Still, I think she scored points with him for saying it, so ... smart move). She says that now people see she's a contender. Joan asks if the competition has slowed her down. She replies that people assume she can't do things, but she can do anything. Piers says he thinks it's been an advantage, because he'd have liked to be deaf on this show. "If I couldn't have heard Omarosa speak, it would have been one of life's great blessings." Amen. Piers says that, looking at her record, she's had one amazing task but the rest of it hasn't been that impressive. He says you could argue that she's been getting weaker, and this is about momentum. She disagrees. He asks if she's saved people for fundraising in the end, and she admits she's pretty well tapped-out. Piers thinks that's a pretty big weakness, but she says it's true for everyone, but maybe no one else is willing to admit it like she is. He asks if she thinks she can win, and she says it's why she's here. Back with Trump, Piers says she was impressive until he asked her about saving her fundraisers and she was tapped out. Trump says that, fortunately, the final isn't all about fundraising. He asks if they've reached consensus or all have different picks. They have a consensus, though Trump may not agree. Trump asks who they choose, and Joan says, "I think we all agree..." Commercials.
Boardroom. Trump's waiting when the four arrive. He tells them they're all stars, talented, smart, cunning, emotional people. He says they're all very different people, who have all done fantastically well. He says his three winners came up with a consensus, and he relies on them very strongly. Trump asks Rich who he'd pick to be in the final two, and Rich says himself (duh) and Marlee, because she's raised $1 million. Lil Jon says he'd pick himself (not as duh) and John Rich. Marlee says she'd pick herself (duh) and John Rich, who has the resources to handle stress, fundraising and intelligence. Meat Loaf says he'd choose himself (duh) and John Rich. Wow. Go John Rich. Trump tells Lil Jon that he fires people for not picking themselves, and his advisers hated Lil Jon's answer when he didn't choose himself to be in the final. So he fires Lil Jon, who post-interviews that making it this far was amazing and he's happy. He has no regrets.
Back in the boardroom, Trump asks Rich how he feels that his friend and teammate from the beginning is gone. Rich says he's proud of him for raising money for his charity and for breaking down a stereotype. Everyone in the room agrees. Trump tells them he thinks they're all outstanding, but he has to fire one more of them right now. He wants them each to say why he should choose them. Rich says he came to the show to raise as much money as humanly possible for his charity. He says his career has been about building up himself and this show gives him the opportunity to use that on behalf of St. Jude's, which is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Marlee: She thanks him for the honor of being on the show, because she's gotten to represent herself in a good light. She says he can do anything except hear. She says she's learned a great deal here and is eager to learn more, and she knows this can only help more and more people. I thought Trump would choose her, but now I'm not as sure, because ... was that an answer? Finally, Meat Loaf: He says he's here because of Painted Turtle. When he agreed to do the show, he says, he put himself in Trump's shoes and tried to attack the show as Trump himself would. He says he was determined to give it everything he had. Trump says that the judges thought they were all fantastic and that Meat Loaf was exceptional, but they didn't like that he was so emotional. Trump says his emotions are both good and bad. He asks him to teach him to cry, which might be good for his image. Trump says his advisers didn't recommend Meat Loaf, but he can overrule them. He doesn't, however, so he fires Meat Loaf. In his post-interview, he says he is emotional but this game is also emotional and you need it to get this far. He says his experience on the show has been amazing, since he won more than $200,000 for his charity.
Back in the boardroom, Rich and Marlee celebrate and hug. Trump congratulates them and says this was a rough one. Marlee says she's stunned but is eager to jump in and roll up her sleeves. Rich says he's admired Marlee's tenacity. Trump says they've opposed each other twice as project managers, and each has won once, so the finale will be their final task. He tells them to go home and celebrate and they'll get the final task the day. On their way out, they tell each other they're so happy it's with each other. Rich says that he's going to give Marlee everything he has now, because it's no-hold-barred for the win. Marlee says she'll do whatever it takes to win, and he shouldn't ever underestimate her.
morning, Trump Tower. Trump, Ivanka, Don, and some random guy come in to greet Rich and Marlee. Trump asks them again how they feel about this, but they already said it, so we'll skip that. He tells them that the final task is coming up, and the winner will get $250,000 for their charity and become the Celebrity Apprentice. He tells them that there's this company called 7Up, and asks if they've heard of it. I hope he's kidding. He says the random guy is Jim, the chief marketing officer for 7Up. Jim tells them that 7Up, the Uncola, is asking them to help launch 7Up Retro, which celebrates the heritage. Their three tasks will be to design the 7Up Retro packaging and in-store display; write, create, and produce a 7Up Retro commercial; and launch 7Up Retro at an event that they create. He says one of them is going to be celebrating the 1970s, working with the Harlem Globetrotters. The other band will work with Def Leppard to celebrate the 1980s. They're going to be judged (by Jim and 7Up's CEO) on four criteria: creativity of the design package and in-store display; the commercial; the launch event; and the inclusion of their charity into all of it. He says they're both winners, so 7Up is going to give each of their charities $50,000 to get started. Marlee interviews about how happy she was that it wasn't a fundraising task. Trump tells them they're going to need some help, so he brings in Hatch, Mark, La Toya, Star, Lil Jon, and Meat Loaf.
Because Marlee raised the most money, Trump tells her to choose music or sports, and she chooses the Harlem Globetrotters. Rich thinks that's crazy of her to give him music, since he's a musician. She interviews that she knows it seems like a huge advantage for Rich, but she knows what she's doing. Rich gets first choice, and takes Lil Jon. Marlee chooses Meat Loaf because he is the '70s. She tells him not to cry, and he promises. Rich chooses Mark. Marlee chooses Hatch. Rich chooses Star, leaving La Toya with Marlee. Trump says Don and Ivanka will be his advisers over the three days as they work their asses off for 7Up.
1970s montage as we cut to Marlee's team, where Meat Loaf says the biggest things in the '70s were the Globetrotters, disco, and Stayin' Alive. Marlee says, "And Meat Loaf." Marlee says they basically have to create the 7Up design today, shoot the commercial tomorrow, and create an event the third day. I think I'd start on the event on Day One, so you can make sure to get everything you need. But maybe that's just me. Meat Loaf starts talking about the commercial, and Marlee says to focus on the design today. La Toya interviews this is her first time working with Meat Loaf, who is everywhere, all over the place. He's pushing to be in a fairy suit in the commercial as La Toya interviews, "What the hell are you saying?" She giggles about it. Hatch tries to bring them back to task. Marlee's ideas for a theme, "Feel the pop" or "Celebrate the pop." Hatch is concerned about Marlee, who he hasn't worked with before. He says she wanted ideas, which morphed into people just talking about whatever, and not sticking to the design portion of the task.
1980s montage (including a much younger Trump) brings us to Rich's team. Star asks Rich if he'd like an all-over schedule or a day-by-day. He wants day-by-day, and she tells him to give him about thirty minutes. Rich feels like he has a perfect team: Lil Jon will direct the commercial. Star will handle logistics. Mark is a creative guy. They come up with a theme: "7Up Retro: Still keeping it real." Rich says he knows when a hook's going to work, and this one is going to.
Team Marlee. Meat Loaf thinks the 7Up box should be a boom box (isn't that more '80s than '70s) and the can should be a disco ball. She interviews that he took over creatively, but there's so much to do that she has to trust her team. They come up with a theme: "7Up Retro: Feel the love." Everyone likes it. Marlee has Hatch pose with his shirt open in a disco pose for their graphics. She then asks the designer to make him thinner. Which he does.
Team Rich. Mark's going off on some nutty rant about zebra and polka-dots being very '80s. He wants it to be a new-wave '80s can. Rich likes it, though, because it's crazy like Van Halen pants. Lil Jon says they don't want to go too crazy with the can. He says he has a lot of experience in the beverage industry and knows what the hell he's doing with this. They all like the black and white zebra-stripe. Mark says he can't think of a more '80s print than that. Star agrees, then interviews that she loves being the only woman on the team because the guys respect her, take care of her, and she has a huge crush on John Rich. There's immense flirting going on and some hugging. John Rich interviews that Star Jones told him if he wasn't married, she'd want to date him. When he says it, a picture falls off the wall behind with a loud bang. He turns and sees it, and laughs hysterically. Because it's like the universe's response to that possibility.
Team Marlee. Ivanka enters and asks about the concept. Meat Loaf goes ahead and fills her in, so Ivanka tells him to be careful since he got in trouble for filling in last time. He says he didn't, and asks Marlee, who says "No. You're just very energetic." Ivanka's happy with their can design, but she's worried about Marlee being dominated by Meat Loaf again. She hopes she can reign him in while allowing him to be creative. Ivanka then heads to Team Rich. She asks if he's a big Def Leppard fan, and he says he is. Ivanka notes that he has a talented, musical team and Def Leppard, but they'll have to see how they execute it. She likes their zebra can, and thinks they're remarkably organized.
Back at Team Marlee, Meat Loaf and La Toya are heading out for costumes while Marlee and Hatch focus on design and graphics. After he's gone, they get rid of the boom box idea, which was too complex (and Meat Loaf's gone). Marlee notably says that she's project manager, and Meat Loaf isn't. Which tells you she is seeing herself here as the project manager and not as what she is: the only person actually competing here. She should have zero guilt about making an executive decision, but you can tell it's really stressing her to make the change. Hatch loves it, though.
Team Rich. Star wants to know what type of people they want for casting, and Lil Jon says they can't know until he comes up with a concept. Lil Jon's really tired as he's working on the commercial, and Rich is pretty annoyed that he doesn't have the same urgency as everyone else. Mark starts to get panicky that there's no concept, so he offers one up. He says the concept is '80s icon auditions with Madonna impersonator, Prince impersonator, then a hair metal guy. They all bomb, but the hair metal guy walks away, takes a sip of 7Up, then turns back and is an '80s icon. "7Up Retro. Still keeping it real." Rich loves it.
Team Marlee. La Toya and Meat Loaf return. They love the poster, but Meat Loaf's not happy that the box isn't a boom box. Hatch explains that making it into a boom box took away from anything connecting it to the whole theme. Meat Loaf goes to Marlee and says he thinks they're making a huge, giant mistake because Ivanka thought it was a great idea. He says they want to go away from what they're doing, so making the box and the can different from each other is a good idea. Hatch interviews that Marlee needs to put a stop to Meat Loaf controlling things or it's going to get ugly. Marlee tells Meat Loaf the box didn't look good, plus her charity is deaf people and a boom box doesn't make sense there. Meat Loaf tells her to think about the whole marketplace. She says it didn't look good. He interviews that they're missing the mark on the box, and she could lose the entire game on that.
Team Rich. They try to come up with '80s icons who they might actually be able to get for the commercial. He suggests Pauly Shore, Tiffany, Debbie Gibson. He says he thinks he could get Dee Snider from Twisted Sister. Mark loves that, because he says he looks the same as he did in the '80s, too. Rich calls Dee Snider, who seems to actually know him; he calls him "J.R." Dee Snider seems to love the idea, but he says he's sporting a huge fu-manchu right now, like a biker in the Village People, because he's doing Rock of Ages on Broadway. It's in his contract that he can't shave it. And he can't look like Twisted Sister with the moustache. He's going to talk to his producers and see if they'll let him shave. Mark thinks they could put white paint on a fu-manchu, but Rich says that's just not Twisted Sister.
Team Marlee is finishing up their designs, then moving on to the commercial. The concept they come up with are things that are smashed by this '70s can. None of those things can hold up against the 7Up can that survived the '70s and more. They come up with the idea to find Geoffrey Holder, who represented 7Up in a memorable way in the '70s. They call 411 and find him with one phone call. Marlee worries it's too good to be true. Her fingers are crossed as Meat Loaf pitches Geoffrey Holder on the idea of being in the 7Up commercial. Tomorrow. He's in. They all tell Marlee that Geoffrey Holder sounds the same.
Back at Team Rich, Dee Snider calls back and tells them he can shave the moustache. Rich thinks they have a multi-million idea here, and he just hopes Lil Jon will be at 100 percent tomorrow to direct the commercial.
Team Marlee's getting their commercial set up the day. Their cans and boxes are waiting for them when they arrive. Team Rich's zebra-stripe cans are in their sound stage, too. The Jo(h)ns love them. Rich is still worried that Lil Jon's a little too slow and not as energetic as he needs to be for this. Their actors show up, and Rich gives them to the makeup folks to make them into Axl Rose and Madonna. Then Dee Snider will be the real deal.
Team Marlee again. She's getting her own photo taken for the poster while Meat Loaf is writing the script for the commercial. Meat Loaf says his idea for the commercial was to take '70s icons and roll them out, with 7Up Retro as the survivor. Marlee's going to be an ABBA type, Hatch is going to be a disco guy, La Toya's going to be a superhero. Meat Loaf will be a CB trucker, but then will also dress as himself, like he used to in the '70s, in the end. So he's their Dee Snider-style star power. Meat Loaf tells them his script. Hatch thinks the characters are great, but the script is totally cheesy. Hatch says Meat Loaf was unrestrained, and Marlee was tuned-out, getting her picture taken.
Team Rich. Dee Snider shows up, sporting his fu-manchu and without his Twisted Sister makeup. He hugs the Jo(h)ns. Mark is totally star-stuck, which is adorable. Their concept is pretty awesome. The Axl look-alike, Madonna look-alike, and Dee Snider (fu-manchued up) sit together on a couch. They'll each come in one at a time, looking terrible. Then Dee will shave his moustache and become Twisted Sister. Rich explains it's chaotic, but they have to get all of Dee's pre-shots first because once he shaves there's no coming back from that.
Team Marlee. Hatch is rehearsing his bit, which he hates. Although he admits he actually did have a perm going on in his high school yearbook photo. Hatch says Meat Loaf was in charge of the commercial. Cut to Marlee, still focused on the picture of herself. She asks the guy to make her look fifteen years younger. up in the commercial shoot is La Toya as the superhero. Hatch can't believe La Toya's superhero with Meat Loaf's lines: She hopes and dreams and holds them for you. "Yay!Go7Up!" Ha. Hatch is funny.
Team Rich. Lil Jon has a lot of shots left to get in an hour, and Rich is worried. Lil Jon says it goes quick, but Rich says the set-ups aren't quick. Rich says the whole thing hinges on Dee Snider becoming Twisted Sister. Rich hovers and tells everyone to be quick. Lil Jon interviews that this is for everything, so Rich deserves to be a little nervous.
Team Marlee. La Toya's getting Geoffrey Holder's set-up ready. It looks just like his '70s commercials, with a wicker chair and big plants. La Toya feels it's important to make their special guest feel catered to. Meat Loaf comes out with a long wig, looking like '70s Meat Loaf. They ask him where Geoffrey Holder's lines are, and Meat Loaf can't fid the script. His hair is getting in his way, too. Meat Loaf asks the crew to get the fan going on him. "I mean, blow me." Laughter. Meat Loaf's segment is sort of incomprehensible, but Marlee seems to love it, because ... he looks like Meat Loaf, I guess.
Team Rich. Dee Snider's shooting his "before" scene with Star and Rich as the judges of the icons. He comes in and yells a bunch, annoyingly. Lil Jon gets the take he needs, and Dee goes to get shaved. He says his wife's very excited about this. Rich explains that Dee rarely breaks out the Twisted Sister thing anymore, and he's doing this for St. Jude and for Rich, which makes Dee an awesome person. He comes out all made up just like old-school Twisted Sister. Mark's so excited. Star loves it so much she did a double-take. Lil Jon directs Dee. Rich teaches him the song: "7Up Retro. Still keeping it real." Rich says Dee killed it in only three or four takes. Rich says when he told Dee it was ready, he was like, "Okay. I'm going to take my dress off and go to Broadway." But there's lots of stuff left to shoot apparently.
Axl and Madonna look-alikes have to shoot their auditions now. Axl guy looks great, but Madonna lady has red hair. However, I guess that not looking quite like the real icons is part of the point. Rich explains there are a million things going on: Lil Jon needs more money for lights. Star needs to know about signage for the venue. The crew is asking him a bunch of stuff. The road manager of Def Leppard is on the phone and he can't quite understand him (he has a thick accent, I guess). Rich says this is the moment where, if you lose your cool, everything goes to hell in a hand basket. On the phone, Rich does not lose his cool, but he does argue a bit, pushing for them to use a kit drum, which the road manager doesn't want to do. Mark's very concerned about Rich's behavior and wonders if he's playing a mind game or something. Rich just wants to go meet the guy and play hardball, but Mark thinks losing Def Leppard would be a huge oversight on his part.
Team Marlee. It's finally Marlee's turn to shoot. She's dressed like the ABBA girls, and dances around for the cameras. (Hilariously, someone puts a boom mike on her and she's like, "I don't need that. I'm not talking.) Meat Loaf gets a call and gets frustrated. He asks if they know the reasons "he won't sign." When he gets off the phone, Meat Loaf says it was Geoffrey Holder, whose lawyers wouldn't let him sign a release for some reason. Meat Loaf's calling Geoffrey's manager, Chuck, who wants him to do this very badly. And Geoffrey wants to do it badly. Meat Loaf says it's the lawyer throwing the wrench into the works. Meat Loaf leaves a message for Chuck, then calls another number. When he gets off the phone, he screams that he's going to throw the phone across the room. Marlee's getting her hair and makeup done, and thinking that she might have to come up with a different plan or everything will fall apart.
So, get it? Rich might lose Def Leppard and Marlee might lose Geoffrey Holder. Seems like a perfect place for a cliffhanger, even if it is totally manufactured and they'll both get their stars week. Speaking of, here's what happens time: It's finale time. All our favorites come back: Nene. Busey. And more. Rich and Marlee both want to win this thing. Rich introduces Def Leppard, and the stage stays empty. Trump: "Unbelievable." Uh-oh.
DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, . You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.