Previously: The teams had to write a children's book and present it. Everyone had problems and looked like they'd lose. But project manager Meat Loaf won, and the women, led by Lisa, lost. Lisa didn't fight hard enough against mean girls Star and Dionne, so she was sent packing. Up in the suite, Busey's wondering why he lost Meat Loaf's respect, and Meat Loaf swears he still respects him; it's just that he has a focus issue. Busey: "Don't tell me what I'm not doing when I'm doing what you don't think I'm doing." Huh? It gets a little contentious because neither of these men know how to talk to each other and they both think the other one is overreacting even though no one is. Meat Loaf thinks it's time for Busey to put his money where his mouth is. Star and Dionne walk back in, and Nene freaks out and hugs them. Star says she's not happy with a lot of the team, and then she tells Nene they're all on their own time. Nene tries to say the issue is with everyone else, but Star's mad that she didn't have help running over Lisa with that bus. Nene says that Star says she won't act like the project manager time, but Nene (and all of us) know better. Full "Money, money, money" opening this time. Most everyone gets two to three moments in the credits, but Miss Queen Nene only gets one. Ooh, burn!
Charity presentation moment: Meat Loaf meets with a lady from Painted Turtle in the park and tells her everything that happened (lucky for her, he spares her for the Busey fight details). It's as faux-touching and scripted as always. But this time with a "Thank you, Meat." It's so weird when people call him by his first "name." The check will send lots of kids to camp. He promises more money to come. Blah-blah-blah-sentimental-cakes.
Trump Soho. The teams line up out front and await Trump and the Trumplets and some other guy. Trump welcomes them to his just-opened hotel, which is the perfect segue into the opposite of a hotel: camping! The guy, Marcus, is with Camping World. The team's task is to take two RVs and display them in a setting in New York City. They also have to negotiate for which campers they want. They'll be judged on brand messaging, originality, and overall presentation. As usual. The winning project manager will get $20,000 for his or her charity. Nene says that, because she's black, she's never even slept outside, so she's not up for this one. Niki's camped, so she steps up. The guys debate and debate and debate, then volunteer Busey. Trump thinks that's "interesting" and asks Busey to shake Marcus's hand. He does, and says, "I know nothing's free, but my heart to your heart is free." Marcus: "Okay." Busey explains to us why he's so crazy (only he doesn't put it that way): He split his skull open in a motorcycle accident in 1988. That's why he's here: to raise money for the Center for Head Injury Services. Trump reminds them that someone will win money and someone will be fired. Because he never knows what Busey might have forgotten.
The teams show up at Madison Square Park and find four RVs: two small ones, one that's a little nicer, and one super-nice RV that's like a tour bus. The women like the two smaller ones better anyway, because they think they're more homey. It's the easiest negotiating ever because everyone gets what they want. Back in their fancy RV, Jose's like, "I don't like this RV because it's too fancy and not as homey and family as the other." Nice of him to speak up NOW, right? Anyway, the other guys disagree and think they have a better mix with their super-fancy and their mid-level family RVs.
Marcus shows up while Team ASAP's brainstorming. They've come up with a title: "A 21st-century Camping World." Star does exactly what she swore she wouldn't do and takes over the conversation, asking Marcus all of the questions, cutting other people off. Nene tells us later that Star just can't help herself from being the boss. Marcus tells them that the most important thing is this isn't about promoting the RV lifestyle; it's about promoting Camping World. At Team Backbone, Lil Jon's offering an idea of setting up four different scenarios, but Busey hates it. Then Busey interviews that "Lil Jon turned out to be an antagonist in my heart to me. I don't know what it was, but it's his issue, not mine." Uh, okay then. Lil Jon says he wasn't really feeling Busey, who kept cutting him off. Mark offers up some ideas, too, but Busey tells them to keep it simple or they're going to miss the point. Hatch just observes and then says that he considers himself sort of an expert at tapping into what people are about, but with Busey, it's kind of "Put on your seat belt; it's going to be a bumpy ride." Marcus shows up, and they feel him out. He tells them the same stuff: This is about branding, not about RVs. It's about football games, concerts, etc. Lil Jon's annoyed that Busey didn't ask any questions. After Marcus leaves, Busey starts rambling about how he wants to go to Camping World to get some backpacks and first aid kids, and this will be the home base, from where folks can fly out like little drones. Or something. I mean, that's all I could make out. Meat Loaf might as well have a question mark thought bubble above his head as he's trying to take notes.
Team ASAP is in a van on the way to Camping World, and Niki repeats their theme: "It's a 21st-century Camping World experience." They arrive at the Camping World, which is outside. Niki thinks that's cool, and Marlee gets excited about shopping. Niki calmly but sort of rudely says, "Um, yeah, I know." Fortunately, Marlee can't hear the rude inflection. Niki seems seriously sedated. Even when she's "excited" about being there before the guys at the first-come, first-served shop, she's half-asleep about it. All the women run around and around and around, except Dionne, who's totally slow and methodical. They want to spent their entire $5,000 so they rush, rush, rush. Except Dionne. Marlee and Nene agree Dionne doesn't do much, but Nene's okay with it because she's not doing much when she's 70, either.
Team Backbone's in the van, where John's coming up with a song about Camping World. Meat Loaf chimes in and everyone seems into it. Except, of course, Jose. The Naysayer. He's like, "I just want to be on record saying I'm completely against that. He thinks a country song is alienating a lot of people, because it's too hick-ish. Mark says it's fun, and John says that Marcus told them that they use the camper at CMA fests. But if Jose hates it, he won't sing it. Jose says he doesn't hate it, but he totally does. Mark asks if Marcus will be charmed by a song about Camping World, and they all say yes, so John sings some more. Jose again says he hates it. Hatch asks what kind of music they'd use for everybody. "Not country, not backward, less educated." John threatens to fight anyone who wants to call his audience uneducated or backward. Busey asks them to stop fighting, and even HULKy Jose's patting John on the shoulder trying to calm him down.
Backbone shows up, and Niki asks her team not to let them see the stuff they bought. But it's a little hard to hide their giant mountain of stuff, so the guys wonder if anything's even going to be left for them. As the women shop, each for their own room or something, Dionne gets angry that people are buying stuff for the same room she was shopping for. Nene tries to be peacemaker, but too late: Dionne thinks Niki's a dumb idiot, and so she has found her target. Busey calls John Rich over to show him some walkie-talkies. John asks if he's going to use them for anything or if they're just to look at. Busey: "I think we're going to use them to look at to be useable." He really never answers a question or says anything, does he? John doesn't know how to respond to that.
The women are about to check out, but they realize there's too much crap. They start to put stuff away, and Star bitches about Niki not having organized them well enough. The men pass them and leave first. Back at their RVs, the guys all work to unload. Mark makes some calls and procures some hedges for the campsite, so it will look like a real campsite. He tells Busey, who likes the idea, and he asks Busey to make sure to keep $400 or $500 around to pay for them. The music tells me that Busey is not going to remember to do this. Duh. Mark doesn't realize that Hatch is inside also buying trees. He's ordered fifteen or twenty for $875, plus tax. Busey gives him $875, but that's all the money left. Mark and Hatch talk and realize what's happened, so Mark confronts Busey and says he'll cancel his order. Busey gets mad when Mark's like, "Do you really not remember?" Because, obviously, Mark: BRAIN DAMAGE.
Jose sits around and does nothing while Lil Jon and Mark work and talk about how they have no idea what they're even doing. John and Hatch need to leave to meet the graphic artists, so Busey lets them go. Mark talks to his plant guy, who gives him the trees for free. He lets Busey know, and they shake hands and "God bless" each other. Busey tells him he's not against him. Busey interviews later that, "There were no mistakes made, and if there was a mistake made, you must understand that a mistake is a gift. So you just brush it away and achieve it in another way." He does this with lots of meaningless hand gestures. Back in the camper, Jose sits and eats while Mark says he thinks they're real far behind in terms of setting up their staging. Busey: "No, we're not. We're not."
ASAP. Niki and Hope leave to go do the brand messaging and design. Star is annoyed that Niki left them no instructions on how to set up the campsite, but she says, "I want to be known as a person who solves problems rather than as a person who creates problems. And you may write that down." Thanks for your permission, Star, but I probably would have anyway. Star condescendingly explains all of the scenes to everyone. Nene explains that Niki left to do graphics, and she left "big bossy Star in charge." Nene thinks that Niki should have stayed. Niki and Hope giggle in the van and then Niki explains that it was important for her to go with Hope to do the graphic design, "because we're both models." Known for their graphic design.
Backbone. Ivanka shows up and sees Jose lounging on a couch. She asks how it's going, and he's like, "Uh, okay," then crickets. So she asks how he thinks Busey is as a leader, and then if Jose thinks the wild-man thing is part shtick. But Busey walks in before Jose can answer that. She asks Busey how it's going, and he says it's wonderful. "The team I have -- every one of them is like a different color in the rainbow." She asks what Jose's doing, and Busey says that he's doing great. Ivanka tells us later that it's not a good sign when someone isn't showing any interest or enthusiasm. Busey gives Ivanka a lesson in a weird game he apparently plays with himself, where he takes a word, spells it out and creates an acronym. Let me demonstrate: Lucky = Living under correct knowledge yearly. Freedom = Facing real exciting energy developing out of miracles. Busey = Batshit unless someone edits... um, let's stick with "yearly." Ivanka says there's no one else like Busey; he's a complete original.
John Rich, Meat Loaf and Hatch are back at the war room trying to work up two banners and a pamphlet. But they find it pretty difficult to tie anything into a theme, since THERE IS NO THEME. Busey and Jose are sitting in chairs just chilling, and Mark wonders how Busey can feel that safe as project manager. Mark calls John and tells him they're sort of directionless and needs help. John says they're in the same boat, because there's no theme. John says he's come to learn that Mark's a panicker. Jose and Busey discuss the weather and the time going by slowly.
ASAP's decorating. Star has even put together a little campfire, which impresses Marlee. Each of the ladies has decorated her area of the camper as much as she can, which is all Niki asked them to do. They decide to call a meeting to find out what's left to do. Star calls Niki to ask her what's up. First she asks if everything's sent to the printer, and Niki says it is. Star says they're not sure what to do now, because they don't know what the experience is. Niki, sounding like a complete ditz, says, "What do you mean you don't know what the experience is? We're camping!" Niki says it's difficult to have Star on the team, because you can't tell if she's just playing the game or is really like this. Niki decides to send a group to Home Depot to get some green turf so it looks more like camping. Star says she doesn't understand this, so Niki needs to come back now. She promises they're on their way.
Backbone. Mark tells Lil Jon that there's no way they can win this task, since they have no theme and no experience and they're all sitting around doing nothing. He feels like he's back in high school with a paper due tomorrow, and he didn't even read the book. Jose and Busey play catch. Lil Jon and Mark decide to take video of the game of catch, in case they need to expose him in the boardroom. Mark interviews that maybe if he can show Trump this side of Busey, "Maybe Mr. Trump won't be so enamored of an Academy Award nomination in 1979. You know?" How surprising is it that Mark is the smart one? Mark videos him obviously, and even gets him to say he's playing baseball on camera, and that he feels like they're killing the task. Lil Jon tells Mark that's the funniest shit all day. And, you know, they work with Busey, so there's been a lot of funny shit.
ASAP. Niki and Hope talk about how Star's being crazy for saying she doesn't know the experience of camping. I mean, she, like, totally shopped at a camping store this morning. What more does it take? Hope says Star's a bully. Although, compared to these two, I'm actually starting to prefer the bullies. Niki sends Dionne and La Toya to Home Depot, but they really want to go to Bed Bath and Beyond. So this is not likely to go well. Backbone graphics guys arrive back at the campers and notice that nothing's done and it looks like a cluttery piece of shit. They realize they're going to have to do everything. John comments on Jose being lazy. He's so mad to find that the generator is still in its box while a giant like Jose is sitting on a couch inside. Team meeting. Busey says he doesn't need to tell them what he's saying, because that's totally covered. Then he makes a long metaphor about this being like a cake and ice cream. Which makes no sense (obviously). Back at ASAP, Marlee says that turf would be really nice, and Niki says she knows and hopes they're getting it right now. She starts to worry and calls Dionne and La Toya, but they don't answer. She says there won't be time tomorrow, so she really hopes they make it to both places.
morning. Star confirms a balloon order, which they settle on instead of trees, since La Toya and Dionne didn't come through last night. Backbone, though, actually has turf and trees, so maybe they could pull this thing out. They're actually getting stuff set up, and even panicky Mark is loving this. He says the plants and turf were really a game-changer. He thinks they probably won't win, but there could even be an experience. Hatch and Busey discuss what they can see at the ladies' campers, which is a lot of domestic crap for inside the RV, but no greenery. They both agree the experience is supposed to be outside. As if to confirm it, La Toya and Niki are putting "a splash of color" on the bed. They're finishing up their folders and labeling water bottles down to the wire. Nene poses with her stuff. Marlee puts up an American flag and Niki doesn't like it. La Toya thinks a door is locked when it isn't. Dionne pays her bills by phone. Niki worries about the presentation, because she's not the best at it. Then she notices the guys' trees and hedges, which causes her some concern.
John's strumming his guitar and singing, "Donald Trump, Donald Trump. Please be nice to me, Donald Trump." He feels good about what they've done on Day 2 after how terrible their first day went. After John finishes his strumming, Jon says, "We are some freaking misfits, boy." Ain't that the truth. Back across the street at ASAP, Don shows up. Niki asks him if he's ever been camping, and he says he's never done RV camping, but has done real camping a lot. Does he mean in a tent? Is anyone else skeptical that the Trumps go tent-camping? Niki tells him how hard everyone's worked. Niki explains that she's going to win this for the American Red Cross, who was there for her when she was in an accident, giving her 100 units of blood. Don asks her if there's anyone on the team she has issues with, and she lies that there isn't. He asks if she'll still say that in the boardroom, but she says there are no issues. He asks if that means that if they don't win, it's her fault, and she says it probably is. Don asks Marlee if there's a weak link, and she says it's Dionne, who does a task she's asked to do, but doesn't do anything above and beyond.
Now, an hour and twelve minutes into this episode, the event finally begins. Nene shrieks at people walking by, and lures them inside her trailer. Niki accidentally tells people this is the 20the-century Camping World experience. Marlee's much better at presenting, and jokes with everyone about the RV's stereo, which isn't for her, since she's deaf. They all laugh. Backbone opens up for their tours, too. They wanted them to feel like people were really traveling in them currently. The tour starts in the cheaper RV and ends in the $200,000 RV, led by Mark. John thinks that they have a great idea of what Camping World offers by the end. A customer interviews that he thought they did a great job.
ASAP's tour is all about the 21st-century experience. Star and La Toya have it down, but Niki's still calling it the 20th century, and Hope just greets people and doesn't tell them where to go . One customer says that sort of turned her off. Dionne approaches Niki and asks where Hope is. She says Hope's supposed to be at her trailer, and where is she. Niki tells Dionne to talk to her like she's an adult. Which wouldn't be a problem if you acted like an adult. Having an altercation like this in front of all the customers sitting around looks like a huge problem for Niki. Dionne calls her on it to the camera: If she wants to be treated like an adult, she should act like one instead of "namby-pamby, I'm so cute" crap. Agreed. Not that I like Dionne any more than I like Niki.
Marcus shows up, and John sings him a song about Camping World, which Marcus clearly loves. When it ends, Meat Loaf even gets in a quick shout of the website. Busey gives Marcus a tour of the $14,000 trailer and then sends him to Meat Loaf at the $200,000 trailer. They both really hit the Camping World branding stuff hard. Marcus asks what's behind the door they hung their banner over. Instead of doing the smart thing and saying, "Let me show you," Meat Loaf acts stupid and like he doesn't know, so Marcus steps away to let them figure it out. It's a TV, so that you can watch it even when you're outside. You know, like real camping. The Trump kind, probably. Meat Loaf realizes they've probably lost now, and Mark tells him saying he has no clue makes them look like idiots.
, Marcus shows up at ASAP, where La Toya starts the tour. She's talking super fast and showing them all about the RV, but not talking much else about Camping World. Marcus tells them they did a great job making it feel like home. Marcus talks to Niki, and tells her he didn't see much signage outside, and she says they had three, but they're on the perimeter. We don't get to see the rest of the tour. Then Trump meets with Marcus, who says the teams did fairly well. He liked that the women's team had such high knowledge of the products. He said La Toya had higher knowledge than some of his own salespeople. He brought pictures to show Trump, though, that they didn't have the brand Camping World anywhere you could see from the front, despite the fact that he was very clear with them about the brand being most important. He says he liked the men's team's music, Jose playing catch with the fans, their presentation was crisp, they had turf, and they had signage and Camping World banners outside. But he didn't like the inside, where they didn't have pillows or comforters. It just looked like men decorated the inside. The winner is...
Boardroom. Trumplets sit and wait as the teams enter. Then Trump joins them. He tells La Toya he heard she was amazing, and he's surprised because he doesn't see her as a camper. She says she's not, but she wrote everything down when Marcus took them through the camper. Trump asks Niki if that's impressive, and she says she couldn't ask for a better team. He asks who was the most impressive, and she says all of them. Don literally rolls his eyes. LOVE. Trump asks if she's confident they won, and Niki says she's not sure. Trump tells her that not being confident is not usually a good sign. She tries to backtrack that they had a good product, but he just says they'll see. He asks Marlee, and she says she absolutely thinks they won, because they all worked together very well, better than ever. Trump asks what Hope thought of Niki, and Hope says they needed someone with her personality, because they all got along this week. So Trump asks Star, who says she was thrilled with Niki, who was smart and capable. She says they had an opportunity to embrace this and make it their own, and she's never seen a team work so well together. Star says Marlee's a demon when it comes to the bedroom. Trump asks what that means, and Ivanka's like, "Are you surprised that got his attention?" P.S. Ivanka looks very cute in sleek black with her hair up. She's such a doll. I don't know how she came from Trump. Star says everyone did a great job, and she thinks they won.
Trump asks Niki what Dionne did, and Niki says that she made a beautiful kitchen, but picked bad timing to come up to her and ask about Hope being on the wrong trailer. Dionne says she doesn't know how it was bad timing. Niki calmly explains that she was about to go get more clients, and Dionne was being "very excited and emotional." Not exactly the truth, but she was a little angry, so okay. Don says that he definitely saw and people commented that Dionne's good when you give her something to do, but she never takes that extra step. Marlee says that Dionne works very well when given a task, and has very good money management skills, but she's not necessarily a multi-tasker. She says she does what they ask her to do, which is what they expect from her. Trump asks if that's a compliment, and Marlee says it depends what Trump's looking for.
Trump moves on to Backbone, and asks Busey about his leadership. Busey thinks he was a very good leader, because he pays attention and listens to his team. Trump asks Hatch what kind of leader Busey was, and he says he believes that Busey believes what he's saying, but Hatch doesn't believe he was a good leader. Ivanka asks John, who says Busey is an inspirational person and has potential to be a great leader, but he's disappointed in his inability to bring leadership to this team. Meat Loaf says Busey was good in situations. Trump says Gary's different, and is a genius, which a lot of people can't understand. Meat Loaf says Busey got hearing aids, which helped, and Busey says that Marlee brought him a miracle by sending him to her doctor, where he got hearing aids. He says he was only able to use forty percent of his hearing, so he's been legally deaf. He says Marlee came to him and sent him down there. He says he now has all five senses working compatibly and evenly. He feels his life is changed. Trump says he thinks he's a great guy, but he may be fired tonight. Busey: "I may be what?" Trump tells him that's convenient.
Trump asks Mark, who says Busey is unconventional and good in some ways. Trump asks Lil Jon, who thinks Busey is incredibly talented, but on this task there wasn't a lot of direction. Lil Jon says this isn't personal, but he, Jose, and Mark were in the RVs with no direction, no idea what their project was. He says everyone was doing their own thing to come together as a team, but it wasn't together. Ivanka asks Busey who was the weakest, and he says that he sometimes feels like there's an alliance against him, which was very hard when he couldn't hear. Ivanka asks who's forming the alliance, and he says it feels like a group. Trump asks who's the weakest player, and Busey says Lil Jon. Trump asks why, and Busey says he wouldn't communicate or look him in the eyes. Busey says it isn't that he's the weakest player, but he's hard to communicate with compatibly. Lil Jon says Busey was cutting him off that day and wouldn't listen to him; the only people he would listen to were Meat Loaf and John Rich. They bicker until Trump cuts them off.
Trump asks the Trumplets if they have anything else to say, and Ivanka says she'd like to ask Jose about how he was sitting on the couch and acting passive when she came in. She couldn't believe he wouldn't even get off the couch when she came in, while everyone else was working so hard. He lies that she actually caught him on a five-minute break. He says anyone here would tell them he's the most physical and has the most stamina. Trump agrees with the physical part, but wonders if the stamina bit is true. Mark says he'll challenge him, since he hasn't taken a break. And John pipes up, "Who picked up the generator?" Jose says John impressed him. John says he works, because he's a farm boy. Jose says he was super-impressed. Trump asks Mark if he has something to say, and Mark says if this were a weightlifting contest, it would be a different question. Trump acknowledges that it's not. Then he tells John that Marcus loved his tune, and they send Meat Loaf to get John's guitar. John's like, "How about the fact that Meat Loaf is my roadie right now?" John sings his Camping World tune for the boardroom. Mark and Meat Loaf pipe in on the chorus, and Busey "Yee-haw!"s at the end.
Trump asks if hearing John's song makes the women think they have less of a chance now. They don't think so. Star says she loves the song, and is honored to be in John's presence (that's going a bit far), but she says she's happy with her team's branding message and theme. Trump says it's time to find out who won. He says Marcus felt the men's experience was absolutely wonderful. He thought the women did a good job, but there was no contest; the men won. And Busey's charity will get the $20,000 from Trump and another $20,000 from Camping World. He sends them back to their suite to watch the coming catfight. Although, really, Niki might be too sedated to make this exciting.
Commercials. Did you know Don and Lil Jon both blog about the show? And do you care?
When we're back, Busey and Lil Jon bicker all the way to the suite. And, really, why does Trump have to push them to that level of disagreement before announcing they won? It seems so cruel. Busey once again tells us he feels like there's an alliance on the team against him. He says that they didn't think he was a good leader, but they just didn't know how he was leading. He tells everyone that it went very well, since he won. Trump asks Niki how she feels, and she says she feels like she let her girls down. Trump asks if it was her fault, and she says yes. He asks if that means she gets fired, and she shrugs that she guesses it does. The guys are like, "Huh?!" They ask if she's bowing out, and they're suddenly not attentive. Trump asks if there's anyone else she can blame, and she says she can't, because everyone worked their butt off and did and amazing job. She says she could say Dionne because of their tiff, but they're over it. Trump asks if she's basically willing to take responsibility for their loss. She says she is, and he says he has such respect for that (doesn't he usually say that they need to fight, and this is quitting?). He tells her she's fantastic, but fires her. Wow, that was easy. Star tells Niki to walk out with her team, because they love her. She tells her that was class. They all blow her kisses goodbye. Marlee says she was a class act, but she wishes Niki would have stayed and fought for her charity. Trump tells the Trumplets that he respects that, and Don agrees, since she told him on the task she'd do it that way.
Taxicab confession: Niki had an incredible time working for Trump. She thought the task rocked, but they lost. She says there was nothing to fight about, because her girls were there for her. She says he had to fire her; it is what it is. Man, is she still addicted to painkillers or what?
week: They have to create a thirty-second commercial. Busey's acting in it, and Dionne's pissing everyone off. Then Nene cries in the boardroom. And someone challenges Trump to fire them, which he says nobody gets away with.
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DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, has no one to root for. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.