Previously: Sixteen crazies came together with one goal: get more famous. Oh, wait. This is about charity or something. They made pizza last week. Star Jones led the women (Team ASAP) to a win, which put the men (Team Backbone) at risk of being fired: Project manager Richard Hatch went head to head with HULKy Jose Canseco and wimpy David Cassidy, and David Cassidy went home. Which brings us to now, where everyone in the war room thinks David's going home. When the guys get back, Jose interviews that it's all going to get ugly now. Hatch thinks the men now know that he's here to play. Star and Lisa recap their boardroom bitching from last week, and seem to make up. But, in individual interviews, each one thinks she's the bigger badass. Star says she's all for the team winning always, but if they lose, she knows she'll win the argument. "I'm not worried about that." Abbreviated opening ("Money, money, money, money...") followed by Star giving her own heart doctor, Valentin Fuster, a check for almost $170,000 for the American Heart Association.
Teams gather on a windy New York street, where Trump and the Trumplets (Don and Eric) greet them. Trump asks Jose about "his friend" Hatch still being here, and Jose's like, "Oh, we're not friends." Hatch says he's happy to be here, then interviews that he has to be concerned about how he's being perceived more than he was in the first episode (this man knows his strategy, y'all), which may be why he's shaved his beard since last week. He's showing a softer, fresh-faced Hatch. Trump tells them they're standing in front of Madison Square Garden, which is going through a multi-million-dollar renovation.
Eric fills them in on their task: They'll create and write a children's book -- developing characters and writing the story. The story has to be based on at least one member of their team, and then must be performed for a group of children. Don says they'll be judged on three criteria: originality, presentation, and age-appropriateness. They'll be judged by a children's book publisher and non-winning Celebrity Apprentice winner (or winning non-winner?) Holly Robinson Peete. Backbone chooses Meat Loaf as project manager, mostly because no one else wants to do it (but also because his charity, Painted Turtle, is for children, and he loves children; everyone else hates children, I guess). Lisa's forced to project manage for ASAP. Nene says they chose her because she won't be able to handle it, and they just want to get her out now. Trump thinks both Lisa and Meat Loaf are great choices. The winning project manager will get $20,000 for his or her charity.
Backbone war room. Meat Loaf's decided he'd like them all to be animals in their story (so, it's nonfiction, then?). He'd also like to have a moral to the story. I think it might be a little difficult for this group to figure out what a "moral" is, but we'll see. Mark McGrath, a "writer," sort of takes the lead, story-wise, leading to this gem from Busey: "God bless Mark McGrath. He's the hood ornament. On your car of creation." Anyway, Mark's brilliant idea is to make Lil Jon a superhero, which Lil Jon thinks "might be kinda hot." Which is always what you want to get across to children, right? That you're hot.
ASAP. Lisa's trying to come up with a them: diversity? Tolerance? But Nene thinks no one's focusing on the fact that the children are four and five years old. La Toya (whose name I spelled wrong throughout last week's weecap; sorry about that, Ms. Jackson) and Star agree that those themes are too big for that age group. Lisa explains that the brainstorming started out well, and then went bad. La Toya says that Lisa was discombobulated as a leader. Lisa says it's hard to lead women who can't be led, and who want nothing positive to happen for her. Even Marlee -- who suggests teaching the kids sign language -- tells Lisa to just take charge already.
Back at Backbone, the men get to meet with Margery Cuyler of Marshall Cavendish Publishing. She's published many children's books, so she knows what she's talking about. Margery tells them not to try to use rhyme in the book unless they have someone who's very good at that. John takes that as a direct challenge to make the book rhyme, of course. At ASAP, Star suggests an ABC book done in sign language, but Lisa says kids already know their ABCs by that age. Marlee says that they don't necessarily know signs for animals, which are very visual. This is when Margery comes to visit them. Nene, as usual, looks pissed off. She's so warm. Margery tells the ladies that animals are wonderful for children's books, because they're so visual and kids love them. They all decide to have La Toya be the main character in the book: La Toya the Lion. She's happy to be the star. Not for the attention or anything, but because she's a team player. (Giggle.)
Backbone. The guys have a storyline, which John reads: "Lil Jon's going to a brand new school. / He's afraid the other kids won't think he's cool. / Lil Jon's kinda quiet and not very tall. / And no one talks to him when he walks down the hall." They all love it. John advises them to write the rest of it like a country song: a "very big idea, short amount of words." Jose's like, "no one talks to him? Like, not even teachers." But Mark thinks he's getting into semantics. Jose says that people don't realize how creative he is, and then he tells the group that he doesn't like saying "nobody" because that includes teachers, which is a bad message. "I don't think teachers should ignore little kids." Meat Loaf says teachers aren't normally in the hall, but Jose gets deadly serious: "Oh yes they are! I beg to differ." Is Jose's mom a teacher or something? Mark still thinks it's semantics, and Meat Loaf tells him to lay off this a little bit. John asks Jose to come up with another word if he doesn't like "no one," because it seems like all he's doing it shooting him down. John tells us that "Jose Canseco smashes baseballs. He does not write rhymes."
ASAP. The women are brainstorming what the lion's problem will be, and Hope (who?!) says, "Maybe the lion cannot roar." Lisa: "Yes!" La Toya likes it, too, because she was quiet and didn't talk on her first day of school. Star suggests the title, Why Can't I Roar? which causes Lisa to jump up and down shrieking that she loves it and she has chills. Star and Nene look at each other knowingly; they clearly hate Lisa. Dionne doesn't think that's the point of the book, though, and neither does Marlee. However, Dionne can't get her point across because that bitch Marlee won't stop talking. No, really. That's how a couple people -- Star! -- act. AS IF MARLEE CAN HEAR DIONNE. Dionne thinks the lion should go to every other animal and ask them to help her roar. No one likes it, but Nene articulates later that they can't disagree with a seventy-year-old, so Dionne might just be here until the end by default. Lisa suggests another animal, who is deaf, can teach the lion sign language, but Dionne says that's just sad. Lisa asks her if she thinks Marlee's sad. Dionne doesn't, but she says kids won't understand that. They all ask her why not. Dionne tells us she had to speak up because she didn't think four- and five-year-old children would like that type of story; they'd leave sad, feeling sorry for her.
Marlee says, through Jack, that she never took pity. Dionne tells Jack he may not have, and he's like, "No, I'm talking for Marlee." Dionne says she may not have, but... Jack keeps going, telling her that you shouldn't feel sorry for someone who's deaf, but accept them for who they are. Nene tells us later that Marlee was ready to attack. And, can you blame her? Dionne says that ninety percent of the kids won't even know there's a deaf person there, and Marlee says, "We teach them." Then Marlee interviews later that "Dionne put up a very clear barrier, right in front of my face." She says that attitude made her feel handicapped, which she doesn't accept. "What she said was completely ignorant." Who would have thought Dionne Warwick would be the ignorant bigot on this show? (On another note, it's pretty interesting that two popular reality shows -- this and The Amazing Race -- airing right now have major deaf contestants).
At Backbone, Meat Loaf's directing their illustrator about what Lil Jon should look like. The illustrator listens, then just sits and looks at the real Lil Jon. Lil Jon thinks it's amazing, because the character looks just like his son. At ASAP, Lisa's trying to get the team to decide whether they want La Toya the Lion, or a character who's deaf. Marlee says she's a happy-go-lucky lion, who just happens to not be able to hear. Lisa explains that Marlee's and Dionne's concepts were basically the same except Marlee's uses her deafness. Dionne -- who's been sitting right to Marlee all this time, by the way -- looks seriously irritated. Star tells Lisa she needs to decide what she wants, and needs to be more organized. Lisa reminds them they all told her she could do this, and that she needs more help from them. Nene explains that Star took over Lisa, who was already nervous about being the project manager. Cut back to Star ridiculing Lisa until Lisa lets her decide, which means they're going with Dionne's concept. Now Marlee's the one looking irritated. Marlee interviews that after hours of brainstorming they have a story about a nervous lion. She says she has eight or ten books at home like that -- but at least she bought them, right? -- so if they're going to tell that story, it better be good. (Like this.)
Jose and Busey are in charge of costumes and props for Backbone. Meat Loaf gives Jose an address to deliver the props to, and then Jose's phone dies, which he tells Busey is "perfect timing." Jose and Busey can't find the address, so he tries to call Jose back, but it's going straight to voicemail, of course. Meat Loaf interviews that, if we want his opinion, he thinks he's doing horrible. Jose and Busey wait about forty minutes to drop off the props, but no one came down. Meat Loaf finally calls Gary's phone and tells them he sent them to the wrong place, so he sends them to a new place. But then he calls Meat Loaf's contact, who says that they are now at the wrong address and were at the right one before. Jose's about to HULK out, yo. Meat Loaf better watch it or he'll be back in Fight Club. Jose screams at the lady on the phone then tries to call Meat Loaf, who doesn't answer his phone. Suspense!
Back in the war room, Hatch is typist (I think?) as the Jo(h)ns and Mark write the book. Mark and John seem to have become besties, all high-fiving and calling each other "J.R." when they write their glorious rhymes. Eric shows up, and Meat Loaf says that if he wants to know how they are, Meat Loaf might as well be bald from pulling his hair out. Eric says he likes the energy, though, if nothing else. Meat Loaf says he felt like he really didn't have time for Eric, who's asking Busey and Jose a bunch of questions. Meat Loaf cuts in and tells Busey to go to the costume shop. Eric says it was interesting to see that Meat Loaf and Busey were already at each other's throats, given that they're only two weeks into the competition. Busey is totally confused, and later says he's pissed off that Meat Loaf interrupted his conversation with Eric and sent him away. Eric says time will ultimately tell for the men, but it seems like they're going to have serious problems.
ASAP. Star reads the book out loud to the group: "Today was going to be a special day. Today was the day La Toya was going to have to roar in front of the entire class. La Toya was nervous. She was the shy and quiet one. 'What if I can't roar,' La Toya said." Niki stops Star and says she knows she's going to kill her, but a four- or five-year-old doesn't know what "shy" is. Dionne disagrees with Niki, who also thinks kids that age don't know what "good advice" is. Well, judging by this show, neither does anyone on ASAP, but it's not age-related. Everyone disagrees with Niki and lets it stay as is. Lisa says the written portion of the book was done, so she left the written portion of the book with Nene and Star and the graphic designer and illustrator. Lisa and the rest of the group were going to the performance space to rehearse. Star says she would not, in Lisa's shoes, have left someone else in charge of writing, illustrating, coloring, and picking the font of the entire project.
Most of Backbone is at the costume shop to pick up costumes. Everyone's starting to try stuff on, and Mark McGrath of all people realizes they need to focus. He says you have to be the bad guy to make Busey focus, so he was the bad guy at the costume shop. The costumes: Hatch is a little girl. Mark, Busey, and John are little boys. Jose is a fifty-foot woman. Jose: "I feel bad for you women with those high heels, 'cause those things hurt." They finish up and leave. Most of ASAP arrives at the rehearsal hall. They put Dionne with the keyboard player and then start running through the characters. Dionne starts singing, "Can she do it?" Lisa's rehearsing, and Dionne's like, "Okay, Lisa, move on." Lisa interviews later that she's a huge fan of Dionne Warwick, but not a huge fan of how she plays this game, since she's not a team player. Lisa finds it unacceptable how she treats people.
As they're finishing their presentation, Don shows up and asks whose concept was most utilized. Dionne: "Mine. So, it is mine." Don interviews that the concept was the lion that lost its roar, which is strikingly similar to The Wizard of Oz considering one of the three criteria he gave them was originality. Come on, Don; do you really think these ladies know what that word means? It's more than two syllables. Lisa tells Don she feels good about it, and he wishes her luck. Then they call Star and ask her to send the cover to the printer, but Star says Lisa needs to get back there and approve it first. Lisa asks if Star feels confident approving it, but Star says, "No, sweetie, this is your task. I've done about as much as you can expect me to do it in terms of taking responsibility. This is your task. Now, come on." Wow, she could not be any more condescending. Lisa says it's interesting to have someone like Star who's telling you what to do but is unwilling to take responsibility. Lisa: "Don't confuse me." (But it's so easy.) "Don't make it crazy." (Also easy.) "Just own what you say you're going to do." (Less easy.) Star shit-talks with Nene after she gets off the phone; she thinks Lisa was setting her up to be responsible in case they fail. Nene, ever eloquent: "True that."
Lisa and company arrive back at ASAP's war room. Lisa loves the book, which is a pretty simple, brightly colored book with cute lion pictures. The illustrator wants to know whose name to put on the cover, and everyone says "Team ASAP," except Star, who wants it to say, "Written by Star Jones and Team ASAP." Lisa doesn't feel right about that, since the whole team was part of this. Dionne wants her name on the cover, too: "Conceived by Dionne Warwick, and written by Star Jones." Marlee thinks this is totally insane; she says she's never seen anything like this kind of attitude.
Backbone arrives at the rehearsal space with only twenty minutes left before they have to move the props out -- and two guys are still back working on the book. Meat Loaf narrates, and the guys act out his concept. The problem is that Jose was put into the role of teacher, based on his size, and it's the most pivotal role with the most lines. Jose realizes if he messes it up or misses a rhyme or a beat, the play's over.
At ASAP, Lisa shows them all the cover, which is ready to go to the printer, and Dionne's pissed that her name isn't on it. Lisa says they're a team and she will give Dionne and Star credit, but not on the cover since they all came up with this. Dionne: "No, you didn't. No, you did not." Dionne asks for credit where credit is due. La Toya starts crying and asks Star and Dionne why they can't go on the first page inside. Star tells her to suck it up; this is business. "We're not twelve." Lisa somehow shows a little wisdom by saying, "This is for kids, four to five. Why are you all being like this?" Star says they're waiting for Lisa's instruction, and Lisa says she wants it to say Team ASAP. Star: "That's what it says." Lisa: "So accept it." Hope says she was really proud of Lisa for standing up for the team because one person didn't come up with the book. She reminds us that she, in fact, came up with the lion not being able to roar, but that doesn't mean she came up with the book. Lisa says she expects everyone to behave and not to go to this place. Dionne cuts in: "Don't take me there. Don't you dare take me there. I'm not two years old." Lisa screams that she knows that. Dionne tells her not to dare tell her to behave. Lisa tells her not to psycho-babble her and turn this around, and not to be like this. Then she interviews that they're going to throw her under the bus after they begged her to do this, which she says is exactly what's going to happen, they can bring it on. But she says she will not be taken down by a bunch of bitches. No way. Man, I am totally loving Lisa for not being intimidated by Star and Dionne being crazy bossy. Someone asks what's , and Lisa says they're done. Star looks at her like she's an idiot.
The day, they show up to get ready for their presentation. Lisa says that, despite all the conflict, she knows they have a really great book so she just wants to get the team excited to go out there and give a really great performance. She stands up in the dressing room and tells them they can win, so to please not let any pettiness get in the way. Star: "Ladies and gentlemen, Emmy-nominated actress Lisa Rinna." Dionne cackles. Lisa says that's not nice, and Star says it was accurate, though. They're professionals, and they'll get it done. Star interviews she was a little shocked Lisa felt like she needed to give an inspirational speech to this team. She mocks her behind her back and then calls Lisa condescending. Hi, Pot? Meet the Kettle. Jesus. Dionne also starts in at Lisa, who says she feels like no matter what she does, these women are out to get her.
At Backbone, they're all getting into their fun costumes. Hatch and Jose are dressed as women, and the three "boys" are in overalls and striped shirts. Busey: "I play a kid that likes to study in trees. He likes to think he's a flying squirrel. He gets up in the trees, jumps from limb to limb. He's fallen a few times, has some bumps and batters. That's me. What the hell am I talking about? I'm playing me." Busey Wisdom. Love it. (Also, how is it possible that this team is the less crazy one on this show?) Parents and little kids start showing up for the presentation. Don comes in with a little girl, who must be a little tiny Trump. Holly Robinson Peete and Margery Cuyler show up to judge the teams.
The women go first. Lisa and Marlee come out and Lisa sweetly introduces Marlee and they teach the kids a little bit of sign language. Lisa narrates the presentation, and the kids really do look engrossed. Marlee interviews later that she could see on the kids' faces how much they loved it. The kids all laugh at Star as a dog, Nene as a chicken, and the rest of the sketch. Then, in the end, Dionne comes out for her little "Can she do it?" song, and La Toya roars. Lisa says that it all came together in the end, and that's how creativity works. "Star is a micromanager, but you can't micromanage creativity, baby." They did manage to overcome some pretty ugly obstacles to make that look halfway decent. Still, originality? Not so much.
Backbone's turn. Meat Loaf comes out and introduces himself as "Meat Loaf," which makes all the kids laugh. Because it's a funny name. Then the students come out: Busey, John, Mark, Hatch. Lil Jon comes in, all afraid as the new kid. They do some funny stuff, like make fun of Lil Jon for not being able to count to three while holding up four fingers. Which, of course, the kids won't get, but maybe the judges will like it. Mark says he could see Margery smiling so he knew they were nailing it. Jose's waiting backstage, telling himself to get the lines right. He comes in and, despite some hesitation, he seems to actually get the lines right. The kids are loving it, and so are Holly and Margery. Lil Jon puts on a gold chain and gets up and raps and dances: "I know my ABCs and my 1-2-3s, and gets the kids to sing along." Meat Loaf gets all teary as he talks about how great his team did, and how proud he is of them. They really did do a great job. I'm not sure which book was better, but they certainly had the better presentation. Now I'll just be heartbroken if Lisa, the only one willing to stand up to the cliquey women, is sent home.
Trump meets Holly and asks how the teams did. She liked Not So Little Jon a lot, she says, but thought Ms. Canseco was stiff, and that Meat Loaf needed to be reading to the kids, not to himself. Holly loved how the women had a big giant book and opened it to the audience, so it was like she was really reading it to them. She loved the use of the animal characters, too. But she thought the theme of "Be yourself" was a little too sophisticated for the audience, and the font of the book is way too small. She says she really liked both a lot, but she and Margery unanimously had a winner. Which is, of course, a perfect time for us to go to commercial.
And then the boardroom. Trump asks Meat Loaf who was the star on his team, and Meat Loaf says the whole team. He won't say anything negative about anyone. Trump says he heard Jose was a little bit stiff, and Meat Loaf says everyone was nervous about Jose, but he was the key to it, and Meat Loaf thought he delivered it perfectly. Trump asks Busey what he thought of project manager Meat Loaf, and Busey says he was incredible, and directed like a good director. Trump asks Hatch, who says he liked "Meat's" style, because this was his realm. Busey keeps saying, "He was great. He was great." Don tells Meat Loaf that Meat Loaf looked like he was in his tears when he came out on stage, and Meat Loaf says he was emotional about it. Trump thinks that's great. Eric also says he saw a lot of passion from Meat Loaf when he came into the room. Trump asks Meat Loaf if he's a really emotional guy, and Meat Loaf says he is. Trump asks who's the most difficult person to handle on this team, and Meat Loaf says it's Busey, which he isn't saying to be mean to Busey. Meat Loaf says Busey's got it, but it's tough for him to focus. Busey disagrees, and says he was very focused on his role. Meat Loaf agrees and says that the moment Busey went onto the stage, the children reacted. "That was pinpoint accuracy." Trump says that's why he's a great actor. Meat Loaf agrees, and Busey gives the thumb's up. So, even Meat Loaf's one negative ends up being a compliment? That is so not how it's going to go with Team ASAP. Trump asks Meat Loaf who he'll bring back if his team loses. Meat Loaf says he can't tell until people start talking at him.
Trump turns to Lisa and asks why she was reluctant to be project manager. She says she wanted to wait a little bit longer. Trump asks who would be better, and Lisa says any of them. He asks who pushed her into being project manager, and she says, "All of them. Star -- all of them." Trump asks if Lisa's getting along better with Star. Lisa says that right now they're doing fine. Trump asks Star, who says they are figuring out how to get along with each other. Don points out that Lisa just said that any one of them could have done the project manager role better than her, which doesn't sound like a real leadership trait. She says she just wanted to wait longer before taking on that role. He asks if she was bullied into it. She says that she had a moment where she didn't want to do it, but they all told her they'd help her and work for her. Star: "And we did." Then Trump takes a moment to tell Lisa how amazing she looks now that she had her lips reduced. He doesn't know why guys ever get tattoos or ladies get their lips pumped up. He tells her he shouldn't be saying it, but not to go back to the other crap. She swears she won't.
Trump asks Dionne what she thought of Lisa as project manager, and Dionne laughs, then says that Lisa has a lot to learn. Trump tells Lisa that the real Dionne is tough, and Lisa says she knows. Trump asks what was wrong, and Dionne says she would lose focus, and lose track of what was to be done, and she forgot a couple things that were important. Trump asks if Dionne thinks her team won, and Dionne says she thinks they did, without a doubt. Trump tells her not to say "without a doubt." Trump says that both teams did a really great job. Don agrees it was really impressive. So, Trump says, there is a doubt. Trump asks Nene what she thought of Lisa as project manager. Nene says she was surprised at her, in a bad way. She says she was sure Lisa had control, but she didn't. Trump thinks that's a tough statement. Or, you know, sabotage since she's the one who interviewed that they were pushing Lisa to do this so they could take her out. Trump asks Star, who says she was also surprised because Lisa's formidable. She says that when she and Lisa went toe-to-toe last week, she thought Lisa would be great. But she says Lisa has a big voice and big attitude, but very little organization. She says that Lisa knew she had people who had her back, though and she knew enough as a leader to let them get it done.
They show each team the other team's book. Trump asks them to study it and tell him what they think. The women love the men's book. Marlee says she does think it's beautiful, but likes theirs better. Star likes theirs a lot, too, but thinks that the women's is better. Mark says he likes the women's book, but prefers theirs, because it rhymes and is sing-songy. All of the men like their book much better. Trump points out the tiny font in Lisa's book compared with the font that is big enough to read in the men's book. Trump asks Don what Holly and Margery thought of the women's team. Don says they liked how Lisa held up the book and showed people. They liked La Toya in her role and the use of the Jackson family. They liked the repetition, of going back to the lion. They also liked the audience participation. They didn't like that the lead character wasn't fleshed out in the book like it was on the stage, the small font, or the sophisticated theme of "Be yourself." Eric tells them what the judges thought of the men: They thought the story was incredible, and loved the rhyming. They thought it was age-appropriate, with ABC's and counting. They thought Jose was very stiff, though, and didn't like his character. They also didn't like the confetti, which might have scared the children. And they thought Meat Loaf should have held up the book while he narrated. So, basically all the things we already heard Holly say to Trump. Are we sure this show needs to be two hours?
Trump says they liked both books very much, though. But now it's time to find out who won. It was the men. Meat Loaf cries. Trump tells him there's nothing wrong with emotion. Meat Loaf says his charity is Painted Turtle, for chronically ill children. Trump tells him that he's going to get Meat Loaf's book published and that money will also go to Meat Loaf's charity. Meat Loaf tearily thanks Trump. The guys leave, singing their ABC and 123 song. Trump tells the ladies to stay put, because one of them will be fired. In case they hadn't figured out how this works yet. And, really, with this season's fools, anything is possible.
The guys celebrate with champagne in the suite. Meat Loaf says it's obvious that he wears his heart on his sleeve, and this charity means a lot to him. Then they sit back to watch the women fight. Trump tells Lisa he gets the impression she's been holding back, and asks her what's going on. She says the team worked hard, but she was very surprised by the attitudes on the team. Trump asks her if she felt supported by her team, and she says that yes, physically, but not emotionally. Trump asks who didn't support her, and she says Dionne didn't support her and Star supported her in the way she could. Star asks what more she could have done, and Lisa says "Kindness" about five times. Then she says Star did do a tremendous amount of work. She says that Star wrote the book, and Dionne created it. She tells Trump about Star wanting her name on the cover, and Trump asks Star if that's true. Star only sort of admits it, after Dionne says it was her idea to have their names on the book (not how the editing made it look, but whatever). Trump asks why Lisa didn't want the names, what name did she want. She says she wanted Team ASAP, because it was a team effort.
Star stars criticizing her for running around like a chicken with her head cut off, and Lisa admits she was confused and has a lot to learn as project manager. Star laughs, and Lisa tells her that's not fair. Trump asks Star if Lisa did a good job, and Star says not at all. Trump says that Dionne and Star seem to be on the same wavelength. Star says she's shocked the rest of the team isn't. Trump says they just want to be under the radar. Nene jumps in and says she agrees with Star, but wants to point out that Star and Lisa are very different. Nene says that they're all wrong. But she does admit she doesn't think Lisa was a good project manager. Lisa says they gave a great performance today and all felt great afterward. Trump says that Dionne had no doubt that the team won. Eric asks Star if responsibility here doesn't fall on her shoulders since she wrote the book. Trump asks who came up with the theme, and Dionne says she did. Trump says they lost largely because of the theme, so should Dionne get fired? Star says absolutely not, because they batted around ideas for two hours because the project manager wouldn't make a decision. Trump says the judges thought the theme wasn't good for four- and five-year-olds. Star says the team all agreed on the theme.
Trump notices Niki's shaking her head and asks her opinion. She says she didn't like the theme, and thought it was too mature for the audience. She says that her boys didn't know what shy was when they were that age. Trump asks if Lisa was a good project manager, and Niki says that she had a tough job because of all of the big personalities and leaders. Don says that the task was lost on the book and the theme, which Dionne and Star are taking ownership of, so he'd like to ask the rest of the team if that doesn't change the focus away from Lisa. Instead of the rest of the team responding, Star jumps in and criticizes Lisa some more. Trump asks La Toya who she'd fire, and she says she'd look closely into the project manager. WTF does that mean? Trump says he doesn't have to ask Star or Dionne. He asks Marlee who she'd fire, and she says Dionne. Not because of the theme, but because she's blunt and intimidating. She says that people tell her Dionne's a legend. Trump's like, "People tell you? You don't know that?" Marlee: "Well, I'm deaf." Everyone laughs. She says she knows who she is, but she doesn't know her music. She says she would fire Dionne because of the language that was used and the fact that she felt demeaned in front of everyone. Trump asks Lisa to pick two people to bring back to the boardroom. Lisa chooses Star and Dionne. But, wait, I wanted to know who Niki and Hope would fire. I guess we'll never know.
Lil Jon's excited for the heavyweight fight coming up! Except Trump tells them to turn their TV off. Lil Jon's like, "No. Bullshit." Hatch almost does a spit-take. While the women are in the lobby, Trump asks Eric what he thinks. He says Lisa's going to be in for a rude awakening. Trump says Lisa's got to get tougher. Don agrees, but he says the other two took ownership of a component that they lost on, so it's still three-way. I usually hate Trump's favoritism for the ladies he thinks are hot, but in this case, I might like that he's loving how Lisa looks. Because someone needs to split up the clique of Dionne and Star or every week is going to be like this. Trump tells Amanda to send the ladies back in.
In the boardroom, Trump tells Lisa he's not seeing much fight from her as the project manager. He asks why, and she says she's a fighter, but she will only fight to a point. "I won't fight dirty. I won't fight real dirty." He asks if they're fighting dirty, and she says she's never come across this kind of negative energy in her life. She says this is pretty intense, and Trump asks if it's tougher than she thought. She says it's tough. Trump asks if Dionne's surprised she's not fighting harder, and would she be fighting harder if she were project manager. She says she'd take her stand, and she doesn't know why Lisa, who's always been feisty, is crumbling now. Lisa says she's not crumbling, but they all thought they'd won. Trump says that then they lost and are now in a different mode. Trump says that winning is easy, but you have to pick up the chips when you lose, which she hasn't done. Lisa says she did everything she possibly could in this task, and she owns that. She says she was not the best project manager, but she is a fighter.
Don asks Star if she'd ever say what Lisa's saying, even if it were true. Star says this show is both a charitable endeavor and a business show. She says they're supposed to come to the table with their skill-set in place, and this isn't the kind of show that Lisa should be learning on. Lisa says that's a tough statement and completely judgmental. Dude, seriously, Lisa, why not fight? What is there to lose? She tells Star that she doesn't know her, and that she begged her to be project manager so they could throw her under the bus. She says that she's a threat to her even though she doesn't think she was very strong. Star mocks: "You're a threat to me even though you relied completely on me?" Lisa asks if she wasn't smart to use her in that way, but Star says no, she was scared. She says Lisa led in fear rather than in a position of knowledge. Lisa says they all begged her to take this on, and she did the best she could. Trump tells Lisa she didn't have to take the position on, and Lisa says she felt the pressure and crumbled. Trump says that Lisa shouldn't be admitting things like that to him, as a judge, and she says she's too honest sometimes. He tells her that Star's playing her like a child, and Dionne is too. Star jumps in and says that Lisa's not fighting because she knows Star and Dionne are telling the truth. Trump asks Lisa who she'd fire: Star or Dionne. Lisa says Dionne, because she's not a team player; she's here for herself. Trump and Don tell Lisa she needed to say for the theme, or Star for the book. Don tells her it's so obvious to say that in her position. Which is true. Trump says he and Don are both giving her points, because they like her and respect her, but she's really having a hard time. She clearly wants to go home. And Trump's happy to oblige, so he fires her. She leaves without saying goodbye to the other women. Trump tells the Trumplets he felt fine about it, and the Trumplets agree she had no fight.
Taxicab confession: Lisa says it was an honor to work for Trump and be around him. She says she loved it, and put herself in a position and place she wouldn't normally put herself in. She finishes with "Do I think Donald made the right decision? No! Are you fucking kidding me?" Okay, so why not fight? I think she's actually just too nice.
week: Busey's the project manager and it's a giant mess. Duh.
DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, is disappointed in herself for being disappointed that Lisa was fired. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.