Trump, aka The Donald, aka The Billion Dollar (Bad) Hair-Do introduces us by telling us how big the stars are this season. Instead of the truth -- "Eh? Not so much" -- he lies that they're all big stars. And he would know, y'all, because he brought us Piers! Joan! Bret! Who were nothing before him. He tries to make a joke about this, but some of us (me) actually didn't know who Piers Morgan was, and had forgotten about Bret Michaels. So... not such a great joke.
But now here we are, with our new "celebrities." First, the men's team: "the original teen heartthrob" David Cassidy, "country superstar" John Rich (whose "hits" include the "brilliant" "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)"), "rocker and TV host" (and The Soup coke head) Mark McGrath, "the first Sole Survivor" Richard Hatch (not the other Richard Hatch), "baseball star and controversial author" Jose Canseco, "rap star, DJ, and entrepreneur" Lil Jon (his Wikipedia page says "crunkster" but fails to mention "entrepreneur"; huh), "rock 'n' roll legend" Meat Loaf, and "Academy Award nominated actor" (and crazy person) Gary Busey.
The women: "Oscar-winning actress" Marlee Matlin, "Playboy Playmate of the Year" (only on this show does that qualify one as a "celebrity") Hope Dworaczyk, "music legend" Dionne Warwick, "author and TV host" Star Jones, "actress" (that's all she gets?) Lisa Rinna, "reality star" Nene Leakes, "supermodel" Niki Taylor, and (sister of an) "entertainment icon" Latoya Jackson. Announcer guy says they'll bring the crazy, and we get a bunch of clips of it: from Lil Jon, Gary Busey, John Rich, Nene Leakes, and MEAT LOAF (bringing so much crazy it has to be in all caps). They'll also bring cash for their charities. Really, though, aren't most of these people charity cases themselves? Lisa Rinna is carrying a sharpened knife in her pocket, ready to stab these bitches. Star thinks no one can argue against her. Busey thinks he'll win. Marlee Matlin's deaf. Trump says the circus is back (tell us about it), and he's the ringmaster. And ...here we go. Finally. I think?
Contestants are gathered and greeting each other at Radio City Music Hall, when Trump walks in with some Rockettes. He just says, "I loooove the Rockettes," then dismisses them. Great use of Rockettes on television. I hope they get their SAG cards for this. Trump tells the contestants how great Radio City Music Hall is. It's the greatest music hall in the world, of course. Trump: King of Superlatives. He asks if any of them have performed here, and a bunch have, including Gary Busey, who claims he once sang here with Sting for a rain forest special. WTF that means. Nene Leakes looks around and then interviews to the camera later that she's surrounded by Grammy winners and other successful people, but she doesn't give a shit about that. She is who she is: Nene Leakes! "I will take them down, one by one, and become the Celebrity Apprentice."
Trump asks Star who she's playing for, and why she's putting herself through this. She's playing for the American Heart Association, because she had open-heart surgery seven months ago. She figures that, after what they did for her, she can put up with this for a while. Latoya's playing for AIDS Project Los Angeles, which her brother was very close to. Trump says that her brother was a good friend of his, who lived in Trump Tower for some time. John Rich is playing for St. Jude Children's Hospital, because they've never turned a child away and never will. Trump makes the bold move of agreeing that St. Jude is great. Rich says he didn't come on this show to get famous; he did it to raise money for St. Jude's. Period! He loves when people look at his cowboy hat and underestimate him. Marlee's translator Jack tells Trump that she's here to raise money for the Starkey Hearing Foundation, which provides hearing aids for people and children in Third World countries. She wants everyone to have the gift of hearing. Inspirational music plays while Marlee signs. I hope that doesn't always happen. Trump announces he's dividing them men versus women, and they all get excited. He sends them away to choose their team names, then they'll meet back at the boardroom to get a task.
The men find their nice suite and start discussing names. Richard Hatch has brought some ideas with him that we don't get to hear. We just know that Lil Jon doesn't like them. He can't be associated with anything lame! Instead, he suggests "Winners." Someone suggests "Magnitude." Someone else says "Pinnacle," and Gary Busey agrees. "Penultimate." (They want to be second to last?) "Integris." Busey starts cracking jokes, suggesting "Sperm Farmers." Richard Hatch is not amused.
The women like their pretty suite, too. Star lets out her tiny Maltese, Pinky, because she'd rather get a hug from her than take a Xanax. Latoya likes the name ASAP, which means "Artists Singers Authors and Professionals" for a purpose. Star loves it, too. Lisa doesn't really like it, but decides to fight bigger battles because "the sisters were strong on this name." I'm not sure she should be calling Latoya and Star "the sisters." Marlee teaches them how to do ASAP in sign language. Now they have to pick a project manager, but no one wants to do it, so they all beg Star to do it. She relents, because she prosecuted murders and then sat to Barbara Walters for nine years. But, still, this makes her nervous. Back with the guys, they've moved on to "Backbone," and everyone likes it. David Cassidy tells us it means "strength, courage, honor, integrity... I think it really suits this bunch." How did the editors not make a crazy gong sound or something when he said that? Now they have to pick a project manager. Richard Hatch says he's always, always willing. John Rich tells us that Richard Hatch is crazy, always watching everyone. He guarantees Hatch has a chart with notes about everyone back in his hotel room. They all agree Richard can be the man, and they think that means they've just won. David Cassidy says he was the right choice because only a serious player could win the first Survivor.
Trump calls them back to the boardroom. Lil Jon thinks it feels like walking into a haunted house, with all the souls of the people who've been fired. They sit down, then Trump comes in wearing a shiny purple tie, which I love. Trump tells them they'll sometimes have fun, but mostly be miserable. He says Don and Ivanka will be his boardroom advisers. The men tell him they've chosen Hatch as PM, and Busey tries to incomprehensibly explain why. They tell him it was a unanimous choice, and that their team is called Backbone. Trump asks Marlee who their PM is, so Jack tells us that it's Star Jones. Trump's happy wit
h the choice, and so is Dionne. And Nene. Latoya tells him their name is ASAP, which doesn't mean "as soon as possible" but... something she can't remember. She keeps getting the words wrong, subbing Actors for Artists and Performers for Professionals. Trump tells her it's okay, but the men are already snickering. Then they show how they learned sign language. Trump's impressed, and so is Backbone. Hatch wishes them well.Trump tells them that New York likes pizza more than anything other than money, so they're each going to run a pizza place. They have two choices: One on 8th Street, near NYU; the other is at 50th and Broadway, up by the theater district. The women want the theater district, and the men are happy with NYU. They'll each leave with a truck full of pizza and come back with it full of money. They can sell to whomever they want, including friends, and for any price. And then someone will be fired, which he reminds them is never fun. Especially when you're first.
Backbone. Hatch tells everyone to call whoever they know they can bring in to buy some pizzas. It really looks like every one of them is making calls. Jose tries to tell Hatch what role he wants the day: He wants to be out front with a bullhorn, but Hatch wants him to make calls. Jose says he's from L.A., so doesn't know anyone in New York, and he can't call any Yankees since he wrote Juiced, which accused everyone in baseball of using steroids.
ASAP arrives at their pizzeria and they all start making calls for big-money donors. Lisa gets $5,000 from Russell Simmons, and they're all happy. Star does know that training people how to use the equipment and procedures of the pizzeria is also important. Dionne tries to learn how to run the cash register, which is a bad choice. The pizzeria employee told her he'll be here tomorrow to help her when it all goes wrong. A graphic designer shows up, and Star works with him to make giant posters for the windows.
Backbone arrives at their pizzeria to learn how it typically runs. Hatch wants to make a clear decision about price, but David Cassidy keeps asking questions. Hatch finally actually tells him to be quiet, and then sends him away. David Cassidy says he's worked with a lot of big egos in the past forty years, but no one quite like Hatch. Which, well... yeah. Lil Jon, Rich, and Busey are in charge of marketing, so they hop in a van with their graphic designer. The Jo(h)ns try to figure out how to use Busey, who starts preaching about pizza. They love it, and name him the "Pepperoni Profit." Back at their pizzeria, they're making pizzas when Ivanka shows up. Hatch tells her that it's really heard to learn to make pizza and these guys are doing it quickly, so there. He's pretty arrogant with her, too, but I think that's just how Hatch comes across. Ivanka thinks he has his finger on the pulse of Backbone, but she says he really needs her father, her brother, and her on his side, not his team.
ASAP's pizzeria. Wacky music plays while Niki makes a pizza. She volunteered to be a chef since she's been a mom. Lisa plays with a ball of dough that she thinks is just like a breast implant, while Nene jumps right in and does everything. At least according to Nene, who tells us, "I greased the pans, I greased my hands, I greased my ass. I mean, I just did everything." Lisa wonders why it's taken Star 2 1/2 hours to get the menu and fliers ready, because her nine-year-old could have done it in twenty minutes. Star says it's taking a long time for a deliberate reason: "Because I knew what I was doing." The guys of Backbone are sweating all over their pizza dough, which is disgusting, but at least we know they're working hard. I just wouldn't want to eat any of it. When Hatch comes down and sees the toppings David's made, he says it's enough for about five pizzas. Jose interviews that Hatch is a tyrant, but he doesn't want to get in a fight with him, because all hell will break loose.
day. Backbone's menus and T-shirts say "Buy a Pie for Charity." Busey's in a costume, which Lil Jon says makes him look like "a damn crazy man," which he says is just what they want. As if Busey ever looks another way. Hatch and David are going at it again, so David tells us that Hatch has "anger issues" and that he spent four years in a federal penitentiary for "cheating and lying." Tax evasion, actually, but I guess that's pretty much the same. David asks Hatch not to push him or touch him please, and Hatch apologizes, then interviews that "poor David," but says that everyone has to go, so bye bye, David.
At ASAP, Star confronts Lisa for talking about her taking too long with the menus and posters yesterday. Lisa acknowledges it and says she's sorry. So Star is happy with her. She shows her the printed materials, which Lisa pretends she likes but then interviews that she hated. She couldn't read it, because it was too small, but she didn't want to deal with it. It's about time to open at Backbone's pizzeria. Busey, the Pepperoni Profit, has a handful of actual pepperoni in his pocket. The Jo(h)ns are also out on the street marketing, while everyone else is inside serving and cooking. John Rich sings while Lil Jon jumps up and down to him. It's a little weird, but Rich is like, "We're professionals." No, really, he said that about Busey.
ASAP opens, too, with Niki, Marlee, and Hope cooking and Dionne on the register. Lisa's in charge of deliveries and customer service. The mouth of Nene and the celebrity of Latoya are on the street drawing people in. Which makes me wonder what Star might be doing. All the people in the pizzeria are chanting for Niki. Don shows up to check on the women, and thinks they're doing a great job. Star's sure they're going to win. Don thinks the only flaw was Dionne on the register, where she seems to be writing everything by hand. He thinks it should have been a bit higher-paced. Nene makes fun, and says she gave people pizza, which they ate before Dionne got them through the line. Star offers to take over, but Dionne wants her to calm down, because people will be patient. Star admits she was a little intimidated, so she leaves Dionne at the register and tries to breathe deeply.
I can't believe there's now an inspirational commercial about Minute to Win It. Come now, NBC: You're not fooling anyone.
Backbone. Busey and the Jo(h)ns are still working the streets. Inside, some girl cries to Meat Loaf that he's the reason she's working in music. They hug. Hatch's people start to show up: past contestants and winners on The Apprentice and Survivor. Hatch says he's playing for Grassroots Soccer, which educates people, particularly in Africa, about the spread of AIDS. Ethan Zohn buys a slice for $1,000. Lil Jon's DJ friends come in, too. Then one of Rich's friends buys a slice for $15,000, which Rich says was a challenge to the rest of the team. David calls someone and asks them to bring in some money, because he hasn't raised a nickel. He thinks what the other guys are doing is incredible.
ASAP's big-money donors are pouring in, too. Star's dog's best friend's owner donates $2,000. They get a $5,000 donation from another of Star's friends. Wendy Williams shows up. Russell Simmons. Curtis Stone arrives, too, for Latoya, because he's a friend of Janet's (and of The Celebrity Apprentice, of course). He's actually here to taste both the men's and women's pizzas, for Trump. Whichever one he likes better gets $35,000. He thinks the women used a little too much cheese, but it was pretty good, with thin crust. The men are busy and having fun at Backbone when Curtis shows up. Mark tells him to take a s
lice of pepperoni, and then interviews that he wishes they'd focused more on quality than volume. Curtis says their pizza was great, too, so now he has to decide. He has to send eight pizzas from the winning team to a firehouse, where they'll find out they're getting $35,000 for them. But they won't know what amount until they deliver the pies.Star puts Lisa and Marlee in charge of making deliveries. They're sort of embarrassed to deliver one order that's only $300, because Star said they wouldn't deliver any orders of less than $1,000. But she's in charge, so they'll do it. Back at ASAP, they get another order from one of Star's friends, who wants forty pizzas for $1,000 each. She actually starts crying, and Nene gives them big hugs, too. Star says she doesn't think she'll ever be able to thank them.
Then Curtis calls them and asks to deliver eight pizzas to a firehouse. He says there will be a sizeable donation waiting. With a line out the door and all these deliveries, Star decides to close the pizzeria to focus on the big-money deliveries. Nene's not sure that locking the doors is the right idea, and could mean them losing the task. Star calls and asks if they can accept twenty pizzas instead of forty, and they say they'll accept just one. Now Star needs to get the deliverers back with the van, so she calls them and tells them they're wasting time and to get back now. Lisa and Marlee can't believe how rude she is with no explanation. There's such bad traffic in New York that they can't get anywhere quickly. Marlee laughs at Lisa venting about being sent out on a $300 order.
The Jo(h)ns are delivering their pizzas, too, and they had a $3,000 limit, so they're also delivering only to their big-money guys. Hatch hates that David takes smoke breaks while they're raising money for charity. While he's outside, he calls his daughter, Katie Cassidy, who's working on Gossip Girl. He asks her to come over, but she says she's on the set. He knows there's little chance she'll be able to come over, since he's done plenty of TV in his day. Marlee and Lisa arrive back at ASAP to find the pizza place closed. Lisa says Star was rattled, and panicked. Star puts the eight pizzas for the firehouse into Lisa's bag, and the $40,000 pizza. Star's screaming at them that they need to try to make it. Latoya helps them deliver. Star yells at them to make that $40,000. They're in traffic, of course, and racing the clock to make their last deliveries. They make it to the $40,000, and feel great about it, but are running out of time to deliver the pizzas to the firehouse in Chelsea. There's a guy waiting out front of the firehouse for them as they're still fighting traffic.
Backbone. Lil Jon's friends are leaving $1,000 tips and buying $1,000 slices. Meat Loaf's friend donates $11,500. A country radio station donates $1,000 for John Rich. Katie Cassidy shows up and donates $1,000 after her proud papa shows her off, which is pretty cute. Rich says they were just trying to squeeze the last blood out of the turnip. They sell right up to the last minute. ASAP's time is up and they don't know if they made their deliveries. Star calls, and finds out they made the $40,000 delivery, but didn't make it to the firehouse. Latoya, Lisa, and Marlee are upset that Star closed early, because you never know. Lisa knows she's going to get the blame for this.
Boardroom time. Finally. Trump practically addresses Star before he even sits down. He asks if she won, and she's sure they did, since they pulled in all of their major New York donors and worked hard. She gives Niki a special shout out for her pizza-flipping skills. Trump thinks that's good, and says they're a lot of amazing people. Star says they all decided to show America that women could work together and not be catty.
Trump asks Lisa how Star was, and she says she was good, but not great. She thought they could have done better and been more cohesive. She says she's still not sure why the store was closed early, and Trump asks her why. Star says they received amazing orders that they needed to fill. She says they closed the door when they brought in $40,000, which she might not have brought in all day from the people in the line. Trump asks if they did well with the delivery truck. Star says they got most of the pizzas there, but she questions whether Lisa was working at her full speed, even though she acknowledges she can't control traffic. Star -- who just finished saying they decided not to be catty -- says that Lisa stopped being a professional adult woman when she asked why the store was closed, and became a little girl. Trump asks Lisa when the last time was that she was called a little girl. Lisa, surprisingly calm, says she can't remember. Then she points out that Star's doing exactly what she said they wouldn't do in front of everyone.
Trump asks Nene how she feels about this mess, and Nene's like, "I feel that it's a mess." He asks whose fault it is, and she says she'd say Lisa because Star put her in charge of delivery. Trump asks Marlee who's at fault, and she says it was a fault of time. Then Busey's cell phone rings, and Trump tells him to turn it off, then jokes that he's fired. Marlee's like, "Mr. Trump, I didn't hear that," and Trump calls her cute. Not at all condescending to call a woman "cute" in a professional setting, is it? All the women laugh.
Trump moves on to the men. Hatch, even after hearing about Star's $40,000 donation, is sure they won. He says all the men rocked it. When Trump asks who his star was, Hatch says everyone, but Jose was a workhorse and John Rich brought in money like you wouldn't believe. Trump asks David who the star was, and David chooses Jose for taking almost no breaks. Trump asks Busey who's the best team member and Busey says all of them. He's lost his voice from yelling as the Pepperoni Profit for so long. Trump asks Busey what his team could have done better, and Busey clears his throat then says they could have done everything they did better on the day of the task. Trump asks what that means, and Busey says that means they did better. Everyone looks puzzled. Because it's Busey Logic! Don laughs that he has no idea what that means, but he's going with it. Trump asks Jose what he thinks of Hatch. Jose says Hatch is very lucky he's gotten this all-star team. Trump asks if Jose's not a big fan of Hatch's, and Jose says he's not. Which is a perfect time for a commercial. So suspenseful. If only we knew why Jose doesn't like Hatch. Oh, right. We already saw that part, so we do.
After the break, it picks right back up with Jose saying there's no smoke and mirrors with him. Trump knows that, because he told the truth about baseball. Everyone agrees. By the way, WHAT IS WRONG WITH JOSE'S EYES? Have they always been blue, or is he wearing colored contacts? I can hardly look at him. It's trippy. Anyway, Jose says he doesn't like the way Hatch treated members of the team, and says he was physical with David. Trump doesn't think Hatch will be physical with Jose, and Jose agrees that wouldn't go over well. Jose says he's a bully, and delegated aggressively. Jose explains that Hatch pushed David away when he was trying to give his opinion once, and David agrees, saying Hatch was ignoring him and being disrespectful. Hatch says he did say "No, not now, later," but his intention wasn't to be physical. Hatch says he's not sure why Jose dislikes him and he thought he was a great worker on the task. Jose says he stands for the truth and that's it, and he defends the underdog.
Trump asks Meat Loaf to help them. Meat Loaf says he likes Hatch, but he was very short with everyone. Trump agrees Hatch is an arrogant guy. Hatch has a response: He says he took a risk in taking on project manager, because they don't know each other very well yet. He says this was a high-pressure task and things had to be done and organized quickly. He says he never pushed David intentionally, which I actually believe as much as I can't stand the guy. David says he wants to be clear, and explains what he thinks happened: Hatch pushed him twice. Don asks Hatch if he'd push David and not others, because he's a little smaller. Hatch says he would act the same to everyone, and Jose 'roid rages about how Hatch is a liar. Hatch says he's not denying it, and Jose keeps on about how he speaks the truth. HULK ROAR! Jose calls him a damn liar, and Hatch says Jose's lack of intelligence is showing.
Trump stops them, and says Curtis tried both pizzas and liked the women's pizza more. He says Famous Famiglia Pizza was going to donate a substantial amount of money, and do they want to know how much? He tells them it was $35,000, which is a lot of money to blow for not having it delivered on time. The women are all sick to their stomachs about it. Trump asks Ivanka how much money the men's team raised. $54,104. Don says the women raised $115,868. The women cheer and scream. Lisa and Star kiss and make up. The $170,00 is all going to American Heart Association. Trump says he's not giving this $35,000 to Star or her charity, and wants to know who her team's star was. She and Dionne both say Niki. Her charity is the American Red Cross, so Trump gives them $35,000 from Famous Famiglia.
He tells the ladies to go back to their suite and watch, and the men should stay put because one of them will be fired. It seems like it has to be Hatch, doesn't it? I mean, did anyone else do anything wrong, really? I guess if they go by big-money donors brought in, maybe he wasn't the worst one. We'll see after commercials.
Kathy Bates is really overdoing it in these poignant Harry's Law commercials. It's almost as bad as another look at this inspirational Minute to Win It one.
ASAP celebrates up in their suite. Star cuddles with Pinky, then talks about how amazing the American Heart Association is. She says they saved lives today, which is why she's doing this. They shush up to watch the TV screen.
Hatch tells Trump they did consider the possibility that the ladies would have the big donors, and he doesn't have the connections they do. Trump says he knows, but most of these other guys do, with stars and agents. Hatch says there could be strategy to it, but Jose didn't bring in any, David brought in very little, and Busey brought in none. Don asks if that was Hatch's leadership that caused them not to make calls for him. Hatch says he thought he was respectful so is disappointed he didn't hear any of this during the game. So Don asks the team instead if that's why. Mark says he respected Hatch's leadership, which was direct and effective. He says he reached out to his guys, and the
y came through.Trump asks who raised the most money, and Mark says he thinks it was John Rich. Ivanka says she's a little surprised, because it seemed like there was great harmony when she came to observe them. Jose says that was a façade because they were concentrating on the task so they didn't take time to bring it up. Ivanka asks if he blames himself for not having articulated this. She says David's the only one who said anything. David says he didn't want to show up in the boardroom and say it; he wanted to say it then, and he says that Hatch did apologize for it. Trump asks David if he was a little embarrassed about it, and about saying that he touched him but won't touch Jose. Trump says that if he were David he probably wouldn't say it. Hatch says he doesn't recall ever pushing him, nor would he. Trump says he's just watching Jose, who he thinks would like to beat the shit out of Hatch. Jose says that's correct.
Trump asks Busey if Hatch was a bad leader, and Busey says he did the best he could. Trump asks what Busey did as the Pepperoni Profit, and he explains his suit and his hair looking like he got hit by lightning. He says he had the menus in his hand and then he performs his preacher yelling here in the boardroom for the Trumps. Back in the suite, the ladies laugh and clap and Star says, "Ladies and gentlemen, Academy Award nominated actor, Gary Busey!" Trump asks Hatch what they're going to do with him, since there are people who don't like him at all. Plus, the case can be made that, as project manager, he should get fired. Hatch agrees, but he says he'll fight to stay because he believes he managed the team well. Trump asks if his team was trying to get rid of him, that they lost on purpose. Hatch says he'd say that, but he doesn't think Jose's doing it for strategy; he takes him at his word. Trump asks why? Does Hatch not think Jose's that smart? Hatch confirms that, and Trump asks Jose how he responds. Jose says Hatch won't be here long anyway. Hatch says that if others had come to him and expressed that he was too gruff or mean, picking on little people... David cuts in and says he's not a little person. The women are freaking out that he called David a little person.
Hatch says that David's a little sensitive and a little delicate, and Ivanka points out that he did call him little, sensitive, and delicate -- things most men don't like to be called -- and he did it over the course of ten seconds. Hatch, totally tone deaf, says he meant no disrespect; he meant delicate emotionally. David just laughs and puts his head in his hand. Because, really, how can you not? Hatch says personalities matter when you're managing people, and he tried. Trump asks Lil Jon who he would fire. Lil Jon says everyone busted their asses, and Trump asks who didn't. Hatch says he doesn't think David did. Both Jose and David ask Hatch if he's kidding. Hatch says that David took eight or ten breaks in a four-hour period, when no one else took breaks. Hatch says Jose didn't bring in ten cents. Trump asks Busey who he'd fire, and he says, without hesitation, "Richard." Then adds, for effect, "Hatch." Trump: "Yeah, I figured you meant him." Rich and Meat Loaf also say Hatch. Hatch says he thought he did a great job managing people, and he's sorry if he offended people. It was the risk he took being first project manager.
Trump says that he's very early into Celebrity Apprentice, but asks him which one is harder, this or Survivor. Hatch says they're very different games, because he was literally in control of who left on Survivor, and here it's all in Trump's hands. He says he did the best he could to show Trump how he can be effective. Trump asks him to bring two people back into the boardroom, and one of the three will be fired. Hatch chooses David and Jose, and Trump's not surprised. All the other guys get to go back to the suite. The ladies have to turn off their TV now, but they all know Hatch is leaving. They think Jose's going to punch him out, though, and Lisa kind of wants to see it. In the boardroom waiting room, Jose tells Hatch not to ever underestimate his intelligence. Ever. Hatch calmly says his perception is that it's not where Jose thinks it is because of the way he called him out for lying, which Hatch says he doesn't do. Jose says he's glad Hatch and others underestimate him. "That's perfect."
After some commercials, David tells Jose in the lobby how much respect he's gained for him and how intelligent he is, with so much integrity. Jose appreciates it. Huh. I wonder if they'll gang up on Hatch in the boardroom? Please don't make me root for the asshole. Trump calls them back in, and asks Hatch why he should fire Jose or David. Hatch says it would be a real mistake to fire him, because if he really understood the dynamics of what took place, he'd recognize an efficient operation. Trump butts in, "But you lost." Hatch acknowledges it, but says Jose didn't raise a single penny. Jose looks creepy with his blue contacts. Trump reminds Hatch he previously said that Jose was working hard, so he can't call him out now for not raising money. But Trump turns to David and asks why he didn't raise money, since he's a star with friends. David says he did raise money, and Hatch says his daughter brought in $1,000. Trump asks who Hatch would fire: David or Jose. Hatch says he'd fire David over Jose, because he was more difficult to manage. Trump asks him if that's why he got physical with him. Hatch says he didn't think he got physical with him, but if he did that's probably why.
Ivanka says that Jose called David an underdog, and asks if that's how he perceived him in the context of the team. Jose says he said that because Hatch had it out for David. Hatch says he just felt that David needed more guidance, because there was a lot of whining. Ivanka laughs, and says, "whining, delicate..." Trump says that David was whining, and he shouldn't be, since he's a big star, bigger than these other two "in a certain way." Hatch says that's what he means by having to manage him differently. He says David is a star and is used to a little more coddling, perhaps, which he doesn't mean disrespectfully, of course. Hatch says if he had been told that he was being offensive, he would have adjusted.
Trump says he has a lot of respect for David, but then asks Jose if he thinks David is tough enough to go against Hatch, who's a pretty tough guy. Jose says "Definitely," but Don says he wouldn't see that from his perspective, with the levels of energy. He says he's watching David get killed by Hatch right now, and he wonders if David can go the length of this game. David ho-hums, "Oh, I have no intention of quitting," as Hatch forcefully says, "I want to be here." He says he wants to manage again. Don says he can see that; he just can't see it from David. Trump asks Hatch about the breaks David took, and Hatch again says David took an awful lot of them. Trump asks if that's true, and David says no, then asks Jose if he did. Jose: "Nope." David: "Thank you." Ivanka asks David why he's deferring to Jose, when it comes to standing up for himself. David says Hatch is lying. Ivanka points out what he did, by answering then deferring. David says they were working side by side.
Trump asks David what he has to say, and he doesn't say anything, so Hatch jumps in, "Mr. Trump, he doesn't have anything to say." David slowly says, "That's the last time, in this room, you're going to lie and insult me." Hatch tells David he doesn't have enough to say to contribute to what they're here to do. Jose asks if he can sit beside Hatch. David tells Hatch to be quiet and not interrupt. Hatch says the floor is his. David says Hatch is an egomaniac, a complete control freak, and disrespectful. Trump says Hatch is disrespectful to David. David says Hatch is trying to save his ass, and he's jealous. David says he couldn't have done more for Hatch. Hatch says he wasn't working for him; he was working for charity. David says that, when he took breaks ... Trump jumps in to point out, astutely, th
at David and Jose said previously David didn't take breaks, and now he's saying he took two, or maybe four. Trump asks how many, and Hatch says, "quite a few, over a four-hour period." David shakes his head. Hatch says this is the boardroom and he's going to hear the facts here. David says they're not facts, and looks at Jose again, who shakes his head. Trump tells David he hates what he just did, looking at Jose, almost asking him for help. David says Jose called Hatch a liar. Trump says that every time David goes after Hatch, he's asking Jose to give him a hand. David says that Trump's heard from Jose and David that Hatch is not telling the truth. Trump says he's been in business a long time, and he tends to trust his instincts, which are almost always right. "Now, with that being said, I'm not a huge fan of Richard Hatch." WHO IS?! And he says he is a huge fan of David's. But, he says, it seems that Hatch and Jose have unbelievable spirit and the ability to fight. He says David doesn't have the same spirit right now. David says he's making a mistake, and Trump says he understands, and he respects David more than both of them, but "David, you're fired." David proves the point by saying, "I understand."Hatch thanks Trump, and they all walk out. Trump and the Trumplets just kept Hatch around because they want to see if he and Jose will actually get in a fistfight. David and Jose say goodbye. Trump says he likes David, but he was having a hard time. Ivanka thinks Trump let him down softly. David gets into his car as Jose and Hatch have the most unfriendly walk back to the suite in the history of this show. Taxicab confession: David again says Hatch was disrespectful and physically abusive (repeating this so many times when all Hatch did was raise his arm up makes David Cassidy look pretty pathetic). David says he could have punched him, but that's not his style. He's not a physically threatening person, but he's a guy with great integrity, which Hatch isn't at all.
week: Lisa and Meat Loaf are the PMs. Nene says they're just trying to get Lisa out, because they think she can't handle it. Someone sent Jose to the wrong place and he HULKs out again. The women are fighting and fighting and fighting. And Marlee's a badass, apparently.
DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, thinks this show outdid even itself in the crazy department this season. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.