Here are the five episodes encapsulated, interspersed with comments about the show in the media. Entertainment Weekly thinks this is the most wonderfully absurd television show in history. Well, there. What will happen ? I don't know. Tell us!
Back in the penthouse, post board meeting, Bret tells the others that, coupled with the strain of his daughter being tested for diabetes, if he'd been fired he would have tried to leap from the window. Cyndi asks him if he has the results of the test -- they will get them tomorrow.
Cyndi tells Summer that Holly was trying to be her mutha and she doesn't need one. She VO's that the younguns around here don't listen, which she thinks is a mistake. Holly and Maria enter and Cyndi is immediately all, "Why Selita?" Holly just says she doesn't know and receives a hug from Summer who asks if she's OK. Holly interviews that their team was at a disadvantage because Sharon was sick. And, also, there was Cyndi who had so much to say about a task for which she wasn't even really present. We see her ask Holly if she hates her now. She just says that once Cyndi was safe in the boardroom, she should have been quiet, but Cyndi replies that she didn't want to see Selita fired. Holly interviews that the "kumbaya moment" is over. Then, we see her tell Cyndi that she didn't want to see Selita fired either, but she didn't want Maria to get canned either. Oh, the kumbaya moment isn't just over, it's dead. "R.I.P. kumbaya," says Holly, for now it's "game on." Cyndi, look what thou hath wrought.
Curtis takes Clyde to the New York Rescue Mission. He tells Clyde that when he's not being raked over the coals by Mr. Trump, this is where he spends his time. Feeding America, Curtis's charity, supports the mission. So, Curtis just starts chopping some vegetables. I hope they know he's there. Clyde says that he never cooks for himself.
This little happy dude, Phil Zepeda, greets them and says that he wasn't expecting company today. Curtis says that they have a surprise for him that happens to be inside a copy of his cookbook. Nice plug. Also, he's making chicken and leek pie for lunch. It's a check for 20k! Phil is happy. Then, Clyde presents him with a matching check from Right Guard! Phil interviews that his organization can stretch a dollar into seven meals, so this donation means a lot (280,000 meals!). That's terrific. Curtis and Clyde serve lunch to the peeps at the Mission.
The Donald, along with Trace Adkins and the greasy Trump, meet the celebrities at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Annex. Summer sees Trace and that's when she knows this challenge will be about music. And, it's not because of where they are? Hmm. Donald says that Sharon is still sick and it's up to Tenacity whether or not they utilize her for the challenge. Holly says that, even though she likes Sharon, she feels like preferential treatment is taking place. She needs to play by the rules just like everybody else and not get sick, I guess. Donald says that he expects to see Cyndi and Bret in the Hall of Fame one day, especially after The Apprentice. Yeah, that'll do it.
The challenge interests Donald in the same way that he was fascinated that Trace's career really took off after he was on The Apprentice. Trace shakes his head. They will be making over two young country stars. They will prepare them for an interview with People Country magazine. Then, they will prepare them for a performance. Judging them will be a journalist from the magazine, a well known country DJ, and Pete Fisher who is the general manager of the Grand Ole Opry. Greasy Trump says that they will be judged on the overall makeover, the press kit they create and the value they add to the artist's potential breakout.
Donald asks them to choose their project manager. Cyndi volunteers and Holly and team agree. Donald thinks it's an obvious chose as well. She interviews that she loves to work with artists and reinvents herself all of the time. The guys huddle and decide that Goldberg will do it. Donald wonders why it isn't Bret and he says that it's Goldberg's turn. Wouldn't Bret have an expertise that Goldberg wouldn't? Yes, but they all work as a team and Goldberg says it won't matter. He interviews that he can't shrink away from the challenge. The winning project manager gets 20k for their charity.
In the van, Cyndi tells the girls that she thinks if a person is comfortable in their own clothes you go from there and make it bigger. Maria interviews that she's an aspiring singer and is excited to watch one of her idols, Holly Robinson -- kidding! Cyndi is one of her idols and she is excited to watch her at work. Holly says to Cyndi that even though she's project manager, she needs to utilize the rest of them. She only gets out half of the thought though before Cyndi cuts her off and says, "Yeah, both of you are singers. You don't think I know that?" Not what she was saying, Cyndi. Holly tries to explain but it's weird. Cyndi interviews that she likes Holly, but they're all tired and edgy. Summer interviews that things are tense after the last boardroom meeting.
Maria says that she has a huge closet of clothes, but Cyndi says that she does NOT want their artist to dress like Maria. That would be an ouch. Maria says she was just offering. Cyndi says that they need a beauty shot for a girl and sexy, cute for a guy. Maria says that Lady Gaga isn't that concerned with looking beautiful and Cyndi corrects her. She has worked with her (the giant MAC billboard in Times Square is proof) and she is very concerned with her beauty. Holly jokes, "So there" to Maria and she responds that everything from Cyndi has been like that for this challenge so far. Cyndi says that it's just a matter of Maria thinking she knows something that she doesn't. Maria interviews that having one of her childhood heroes attacking her is changing her opinion of Cyndi.
RockSolid meets with Mike Dungan from Capitol Records Nashville. He says that a press packet should differentiate the artist from his or her peers. To Bret, this means it's necessary to talk about Poison's crossover success with "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." Goldberg is feeling a little useless with Bret in the room. Mike brings in Luke Bryan and Emily West, the artists. Curtis interviews that he thought they'd be working with total newbies, but these guys have already had a certain level of success -- and they won't be so malleable.
Curtis confuses Emily by directing a "mate" at her or Luke, she doesn't know! Crazy Australian talk. Luke says that he wants to preserve the enjoyment of performing. Luke interviews that he liked the serious vibe of RockSolid. Emily thinks that they were nice, but thinks it would be weird for them to makeover her look. So, she's crossing her fingers that she'll be working with the girls' team.
At the Tenacity office, Holly tells Cyndi that she wants to be able to ask the artist questions. Cyndi says that's fine, but don't step on her. Holly says don't step on them. No me. No me. Holly interviews that Cyndi is going to keep them from asking questions. Jesus, get over it. Just let the woman lead the challenge. Mike enters and Cyndi's all over them. They listen to Emily's song, a ballad. It's pretty. Mike says that she has a big personality and she is hard to put into a box. Cyndi says that you shouldn't change artists and that's what's wrong with the music business. Mike seems annoyed. He says that he has no intention of changing her (whatever, he totally does), but he doesn't know if he should focus on the big personality. Luke's song is about whiskey and rhyming.
The artists enter and Emily is excited to meet Cyndi. Summer thinks that Cyndi was touched. Maria looks that Luke up and down. Afterwards, the teams were to decide who they wanted to work with, and then negotiate with each other. Tenacity thinks they can help Emily. Cyndi really advocates for her and Holly keeps talking about why Luke is great too. Then, Holly interviews that they knew Emily was the one from the moment they saw her. So, shut up then.
Holly keeps talking and trying to make a plan for the negotiations and Cyndi gets frustrated. I think all of the talking annoys her. Holly says that Cyndi reacts in the middle of someone giving an opinion and Cyndi apologizes. Holly says that she doesn't want any apology, she wants a change in behavior. THAT'S WHAT SHE'S TRYING TO DO, says Cyndi.
Bret calls some music people who are familiar with the artists. Lots of talk, but no decision. Bret says that he doesn't care who they work with. During negotiations, the guys ask who the girls want. Goldberg says that he doesn't like negotiating with people he can't beat up. The men are tight-lipped with the girls and finally Cyndi just says that they want Emily, so the guys give her to them. Goldberg interviews, "They're women," so you just give them what they want. Holly tells Bret to not put any guyliner on Luke, but he jokes that guyliner gives one special powers. That's what I've been missing.
Now Tenacity is having a meeting. Cyndi tells Maria that the best interviews are when you are leading the interview. Maria says she does that all of the time. Cyndi says that's how she became famous. What a pissing contest! Just everybody shut up about what someone else is saying.
Then, Maria brings up her interview with Playboy. Cyndi starts to say that she's really not talking about that kind of interview but stops herself, kind of. Maria says that they would ask her if she was shaved or hairy. Everyone is seriously like WTF is she talking about? Then, she says that she has done so many interviews and has been through a lot. Oh, Cyndi gets that she's not talking about interviewing. Maria is hurt by the way Cyndi acted to her in the car earlier. She tries to tell Maria that she acts like she knows everything, but Maria's not hearing it. Cyndi really apologizes to try to get through everything, but Maria, while she accepts it, still seems upset. Cyndi interviews that, what, are they going to tell Emily West to talk about shaving or not?
That last comment is juxtaposed with big-faced Emily West walking into Tenacity with her mouth opened really wide. She's happy to be with the girls. Cyndi tells her that she wants to take a leather and lace approach to her look -- pretty, but a little rough. Holly interviews that Cyndi's all over the place and needs to give up some control. I don't really see that, but I like Cyndi Lauper. Emily jokes with imitating Cyndi's accent, which I'm sure annoys her.
RockSolid meet with Luke. Bret says he wants to bring out the rock star in Luke. Curtis discovers that he and Luke are essentially the same size. So, they exchange shirts to make sure. Curtis is looking hella FINE. Bret has Luke try on a shirt of his that he wasn't already wearing. Goldberg asks him what color his eyes are and is immediately embarrassed. Luke seems really uncomfortable trying stuff on. Bret thinks it was funny seeing Goldberg's other side, the side that talks about eye color.
Curtis and Goldberg go shopping with a shopping consultant. Curtis thought it was so funny to be with one of the most macho guys in the world and one of the gayest guys in the world. Are those charts in Billboard? Holly is still frustrated that Cyndi won't task anything out. Maria is in charge of hair and make-up but won't really listen to Cyndi's requests. More friction between the ladies! Cyndi's thinking Brigitte Bardot. Holly acknowledges that Cyndi is an icon, but thinks she should have respect for their own accomplishments.
Bret tells Luke to not talk about being tired to reporters. No one wants to hear that. That's actually good advice. Meanwhile, he interviewed that morning that he was hungover and tired because the guys celebrated their big win. Maria's interview advice for Emily was all about managing Playboy reporters. Summer was having problems wrangling Cyndi while shopping. She says that she tried to get her in line "time after time" then laughs at her own accidental joke.
Bret has a hard time with Luke because Luke knows too much what he wants and he's reticent to try new stuff. On the way back from shopping, Cyndi is worried about what the make-up will look like. At the studio, Sharon returns! She looks kinda weak, but she interviews that this task is something she could do in her sleep. Cyndi and Summer return. Cyndi hates the make-up, but Holly thinks it's fine. Also the make-up artist airbrushed Emily, which Cyndi hates. She interviews that you spray paint "the old buzzards" not the kids! Good point. Cyndi starts asking Sharon questions about what Emily is wearing and Maria interviews that it bothers her. Sharon reminds us that this is what she and Cyndi do professionally, so of course they would trust each other.
Trace drops in on RockSolid. Bret tells Trace that he's trying to push Luke out of his comfort zone. Luke comes into the room and tells Trace that he's having a great time, though he's nervous. Trace interviews that he couldn't really tell what direction the guys are going in. Then, they start talking about Bret's daughter. [This actually makes sense and is less forced than it could have been because Trace was all about raising awareness/money for food allergies because his own daughter's issues when he was on the show. -- Angel] Since he's diabetic, his children have a greater chance of suffering from it as well. He shouldn't really be drinking then. The blood results will come in today. Trace says that he hopes everything works out.
Trace drops in on Tenacity . Summer comments that he's so big! She asks if he could take Goldberg in a fight, but he doesn't want to find out. He kisses Emily and she tells him that he smells like leather and coffee, "Just like a man!" Trace felt that there was a lot of exciting activity going on. He also noted that some of the girls seemed unhappy. He reminds all of us that an entire generation of young girls wanted to emulate Cyndi Lauper's fashions, so he thinks they should give her free reign. Trace tells Sharon that she has the patience to do well on this show because of the man she has to work with all of the time. She looks like she's about to get annoyed when he adds that he's talking, not about Ozzy, but about Piers Morgan. They both enjoy a hearty laugh.
At the RockSolid photo shoot, Bret tries to direct the photographer to make something rock yet not cheesy. Curtis and Goldberg have the clothes, but their van is late. While in traffic, Goldberg snarls. Curtis worries that he's going to lose it and start piledriving some knuckleheads. They finally make it to the shoot with the clothes. Bret makes him wear heavy jewelry, which is weird. Goldberg screams at Luke to smile, which is also weird. Bret thinks Goldberg scared Luke.
The Tenacity girls have hung roses upside down to be behind Emily's head in her pictures. Cyndi directs her a lot. Then, Maria, who says she's been "modeling" since she was 14, starts taking charge. It immediately bothers Cyndi, because she didn't ask her about it. Cyndi tells us that sometimes church and state crossover, sometimes they don't. But, back to The Apprentice where a wrestling girl is interfering with the work of a pop star/Mad About You guest star. Summer says that Maria has some good ideas, but she needs to realize that Cyndi is project manager. Sharon notes that Cyndi seems disorganized but gets where she needs to go. They seem happy with the photos.
Later, Tenacity meets with the journalist from People. Cyndi introduces Emily to the reporter, the Tenacity team sits outside but within earshot. Emily gives a serious and heartfelt interview. The reporter interviews that she'd spoken with Emily before and now she seemed deeper. Emily tells us that Maria gave her really great advice.
The reporter meets with Luke while Bret was nearby. Luke immediately says he's tired. Dude. Goldberg was bothered by how many times Luke said "you know" in the interview. Then, he starts yawning! And, it looks like he's burping! Afterwards, he apologizes to the reporter for yawning but talks more about being tired. She interviews that Luke seems tired and needs to focus on who he wants to be. They review Luke's photos and he doesn't seem to like any of them. Curtis points out that they are supposed to be making over Luke, but he doesn't want to look any different.
Now, they're getting ready for the performances. The guys chose a photo that Luke apparently thought was gangsta. The press packet for Emily is apparently a disaster. They didn't photoshop her picture and there are all sorts of font issues. Goldberg tells Luke that he should wear the chunky jewelry that Bret chose for him, because he's supposed to be making a change. But, he interviews that you don't want to make a performer too uncomfortable, as to affect their actual performance. Luke tells Trace that the necklace is "outside my deal." Trace suggests that he broaden his deal.
At Luke's performance, everybody seemed really happy. Bret thinks it was his necklace that made it happen. Curtis sings the whiskey rhyming song in his interview and it's pitiful. Goldberg thinks that it was a success. Now, it's Emily's turn. She's really good. I think everyone's crying. Cyndi is definitely affected. And, Holly even gives it up for the job that Cyndi did. Afterwards, Cyndi tells Emily that she's gonna be great. She also adds that her career didn't start until she was 30. God bless her.
Greasy Trump and Trace meet with the judges. Pete Fisher of the Opry thinks that both artists were improved. The journalist thinks that Emily seemed more polished and Luke seemed sleeker. They don't really like the photo in Emily's press pack. Also, Luke is a smiler but he's all serious in his photos.
And, it's boardroom time. Donald enters and thanks Trace for being a guest boardroom member. Sharon says that she's feeling much better. Cyndi says that her team did well and she was glad to work with Emily. Maria says that Cyndi knew what she wanted, but didn't let people finish their sentences. Maria says she helped style Emily's undergarments. Cyndi says that Maria was helpful but could was sometimes too edgy. Greasy Trump asks Maria if she thought the makeover went far enough and she says she didn't, but Cyndi reminds her that she was in charge of hair and makeup. Trace agrees that undergarments should fit properly in order to perform comfortably and greasy Trump says he should stop wearing granny panties. Donald asks Cyndi who the strongest player was. She says everyone but Maria, though she likes her. She says she would fire Maria, if it came down to that. Maria says that Cyndi doesn't know who she is or what she has done and treated her like a child. Her image of her childhood idol is being destroyed. She says that the song should be changed to "Girls Just Wanna Be Mean." Well, that's really weak. Cyndi says she'll send Maria a picture and she can throw darts at it.
Holly winces and Donald asks her why. She says that Cyndi stepped on her sometimes, but she was project manager. Sharon winced too and she says she did because Maria shouldn't be there as a fan. She also tells Donald that Cyndi asked for her advice during the challenge. Cyndi says that Sharon is one of the greatest managers ever.
Goldberg says that he didn't think his team was at a disadvantage, because they also had Bret. Donald asks about his daughter -- she's fine, though he didn't get the answer he wanted. Goldberg says that he delegated a lot of responsibility to Bret, which they have to defend. Donald asks why Luke didn't wear a bandana, a la Bret's signature look. Bret says that Luke didn't feel comfortable going that far. Also, Donald says he would wear a bandana if he were in the music business. [Good luck trying to get that terrifying image out of your head. -- AC]
Trace likes Emily's packet, but Donald says that Trace clearly isn't a "skin" man. This one's for you, Emily. Thanks for playing. Donald thinks that Luke is handsome, but guys aren't his thing. Goldberg says, "Join the club, except for Bret." This is so much fun. Donald thinks Luke should be wearing a bandana and Trace speaks for the world and asks him to drop the bandana talk.
Bret tells Trace that Luke didn't want to change anything. Trace says that Luke usually wears a ball cap onstage, so he was surprised to see him without it. Goldberg says that thought they would get a newbie and Luke was established and cautious. Donald asks Sharon if she could make Luke a star. She doesn't know. Does Donald have what it takes? "Abso-fucking-lutely," his her typically demure response.
The judges liked the men's press pack more. However, the judges like the women's makeover better. Still not over. In terms of breakout potential, they think the ladies have it. Cyndi wins! Oh my God, her organization benefits an LGBT charity. Awesome, especially with all the "I don't like guys!" talk.
The girls leave and it's firing time. Back at the penthouse, Cyndi thanks the other girls and apologizes for tarnishing Maria's image of her. But, she tells her to never meet a person she admires, they will only let her down.
In the boardroom, Goldberg says that he just thought it was his time to step up as project manager. Bret says that he would fire himself, because he took on so much responsibility. Curtis agrees, though he doesn't want to. Donald reminds them that Goldberg was the project manager. Curtis says that he worked to keep everyone on schedule, because Bret can get, shall we say, tangential. Cyndi hates hearing this on the closed circuit. Holly says that this is a hard game for creative people. Greasy Trump asks why Goldberg didn't volunteer to be project manager earlier. Goldberg revises and says that Bret did 70% of the work, which Donald still points out is a lot for the project manager to delegate. Donald asks Goldberg who should be fired. He doesn't really answer, but he's fired. Bret says that he feels sick to his stomach and Donald tells him to get out of the room, because he survived. Outside, it's all good vibes. Inside, Trace says that he would have fired Bret instead. [Someone had the nerve to disagree with Trump! Awesome. Of course that meant that Donald basically had to browbeat him into seeing his reasoning, but whatever. -- AC]
On his sedan drive to oblivion, Goldberg says that he accepts responsibility for his team losing.
See our dream cast for season.
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