Previously: Fourteen "celebrities" came and tried to do actual work. They mostly failed. Rod Blagojevich couldn't type. Oh, and P.S.: Rock stars (Bret Michaels and Cyndi Lauper) are more than a little crazy. The women won, and Darryl Strawberry was a big quitter. Post-firing, the guys fill the women in on what happened in the board room, even though they got to watch it on their big screen, didn't they? Then Amanda calls everyone back to the boardroom. Summer immediately worries he'll fire someone else, because she's clearly never seen this show. And, really, good on her.
In the boardroom, Trump says it's time to put it all on the line, so Michael nominates Rod for project manager, because he thinks he should step up and do something. Selita nominates herself. Trump informs them they'll be going to Teterboro Airport, where they'll get their task. Everyone gets excited, but Trump tells them just the project managers will be traveling. For the first time in the history of this show, the PMs will be separated from their teams. Gasp! Or, actually, who cares? He sends them away, and Selita's like, "Yeah, great," since this happened when she finally stepped up. However, she does trust her girls and their judgment. The men are saying the same thing in the other room: They want to end their losing streak. Bret says, "There's not one loser on this team," and I reply, "No. There are at least three." And ... "Money, money, money, money" credits. I never noticed before this season how much Ivanka and Don look alike.
So early in the morning that it's still dark out, Selita and Rod are picked up by a limo to head to Teterboro. In the car, they talk about how they are totally clueless and worried. All Rod knows is they're not leaving the U.S. since, you know, he cannot legally do that. Selita sings her own praises to Rod. She's more than just a pretty face, y'all. A lot of dramatic music as they get on a plane, then Trump appears on their in-flight video to tell them they're going to Universal Studios Orlando to check out a new Harry Potter exhibit. They'll communicate with their teams back in New York about the exhibit, and their teams will create a display in New York to create buzz and interest in the new ride. Then they'll join their teams to present the presentation. Because we all know that Harry Potter needs more buzz. I mean, has anyone ever heard of Harry Potter before? Who is he, anyway? Trump closes by telling them to turn off electronic devices, and I can't tell if he's trying to be funny, which probably means it's a failure either way. Selita seems excited about Orlando.
Summer plays soccer with some Right to Play kids in New York, and presents the charity with a $20,000 check. I know I should care, because it's a good charity, but it's Summer, who I can't really stand so it's hard for me to be happy. Back at RockSolid headquarters, the guys discuss that Rod's gone and they're ready to get to work as soon as they hear from him. At Tenacity, Cyndi brings in a dry-erase board because she thinks they should write down their tasks on it. Holly's like, "It might not work for every task," which gives us the opportunity for Cyndi to tell us how "bossy, saucy gal" Holly is. She says "Holly Peete Robinson whatever" is a control freak, and then they start yelling at each other. Sharon reminds them they're here for their charities and should shut their mouths. Then she tells them that, without Cyndi, this would be as boring as watching ice melt. Good God, I love that woman. She tells us later that she's the first one to tell Cyndi to shut up, but there's a way to do it without hurting people's feelings.
At RockSolid, they're discussing Rod's lack of technical savvy. Curtis tries to be very sweet and diplomatic in his way, all, "Bless his heart, he can't send an e-mail," but ends by calling Rod a "total technical reject." But in his accent, it's still charming and fun. They try to call Rod and Curtis leaves an awesome voicemail that's all, "Whoever picks up this voicemail in a couple months' time, can you please tell Rod that we love him, no matter what happened back then? It's all okay." Hee. Okay, he's my favorite. Goldberg hopes there's a homing pigeon to help Rod if he has to email today. Cut to Rod trying to use a laptop on the plane. He literally looks at the bottom of it but can't seem to get the Trump screensaver to go away. Rod says he can't text, but he can use the phone, which some say he does all too often. Selita goes to work with discs and her computer, as Rod orders food and then politics to the camera guy, all, "Hello. How are you?"
The plane lands, and Selita calls her team immediately to fill them in about the theme park, which is called "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter." It's a 3-D experience, blah, blah. Cyndi asks what tasks they'll be assigned, but Selita says she can't do that until she sees the display. Instead, she tells them Rod can't use a computer, and none of them can believe it. Rod tries to call the guys, but apparently thinks they're on speakerphone when they're not, so they're all, "Hello? Hello? Hello?" But he doesn't hear them. He finally gets it to work and fills them in. Fortunately, he took very good hand-written notes, but he doesn't know what "3-D display" means, so he asks Bret, who describes it as a "nativity scene." These people are totally geniuses. At least Rod's ready to assign tasks, though: Bret's on design/creative, Curtis is on communication, Goldberg is on graphics, and Michael is on finances and timing. The guys are ready to kick ass.
Back at Tenacity, Holly's defensive about Sharon's comment, so she says she didn't come to be entertaining, but to win money for her charity, since her son has autism. Cyndi rightfully asks her what makes her think anyone doesn't want to win money for their charity. Maria says she feels like she's in the middle of Cyndi-Sharon and Holly-Summer. Sharon responds to Holly with, "Yeah, I came because I wanted more attention." Okay, where can I get my Team Sharon shirt? Holly says she didn't come to be funny, and Sharon says, "You couldn't be." Dude, they are a disaster. Lucky for RockSolid.
Rod and Selita are in a limo together again, and Selita's texting, so Rod can't hear her on the phone. She tells him she's going to kick his ass. He really wishes he knew how to text, but he doesn't think that will keep them from winning or anything. Though he does think it will be an excuse for people to point fingers later. Selita's sent the girls a diagram of what she wants, and they tell her to keep texting. Selita and Rod arrive at Universal Studios, where the executives welcome them and then take them to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. The executive actually describes it as an amazing level of "authentic," because, you know, Hogwarts is real. And Rod loves it, and wishes he could be there in real life, permanently. The executives tell them they want their displays to be as authentic as possible to the park, so should be interactive, and they get to take merchandise with them.
Bret's drawn a diagram of his idea, which he starts out by saying, "It scares kids, but it doesn't freak 'em out. Big difference." Bret fills us in on how creative he is. Tenacity, meanwhile, doesn't have a real strong creative force working in New York, partially because of their tension. They're going with her diagram to come up with the basic concept, and trying to work together without scratching each other's eyes out. Summer says it's a lot different without your PM here, so you find yourself sitting around a lot. Bret's trying to explain to RockSolid and the fabricators what he wants, but no one really understands him. Michael thinks they're all the way back to Square One.
Tenacity. Maria explains the task, and she seems to get it, so Selita did communicate well. They're trying to decide on props, which leads to more bickering. Selita calls, and they want her approval on stuff. They don't need wands, because Selita has those. Good to know. Back with RockSolid, Bret's having a change of heart when he realizes how small the space is. Rod calls and wants to talk to Bret. He tells him what they have to do, but not really. When Bret asks if he should make it interactive or something to look at, he's like, "Whatever you think, Bret. But don't let it be a flop." Bret finally gets it together and tells them what to do, and the builders are happy that Bret finally knows what he wants. The guys jump in to help them build. Rod calls the guys again before the return flight, but then sleeps on the plane. Selita, meanwhile, is writing her team's storyline.
Tenacity. Sharon's coughing and sick, and the sawdust isn't helping. And then George shows up to check on them. George! He tells them their decisions are very bold, and he can't believe how cool, calm, and collected they are. He thinks it will be great if they can pull it off. Erin Burnett from CNBC is Trump's eyes and ears this time, and Bret thinks she's hot and beautiful and smart and beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. That's basically what he says. He fills her in on his haunted house idea, and doesn't know if she loves or hates it. Erin asks about Rod, but then can't believe that he doesn't know how to e-mail. Bret says his head's on the chopping block for sure, if this fails.
Tenacity. The builders are putting together their 3-D display, which has you walking through a dragon's mouth to enter. They're very interested in seeing what Selita has to say when she comes back. Meanwhile, at RockSolid, Bret's happy with his display, but is nervous and hopes Rod likes it. Bret tells Curtis he'll take the fall if this fails. Curtis thinks maybe Rod did this on purpose -- putting Bret on the line -- since he's a politician. Rod and Selita arrive back at Teterboro, and Rod wakes up and moseys around, while Selita's eager to get back. Rod's so happy to see how good the exhibit's looking, as Bret and Goldberg are working hard. But Rod's less happy to find Curtis and Michael eating ribs, since he thinks Bret and Goldberg could use more help. Selita's a little less happy with hers, and makes changes and bosses everyone around, but they're happy to have her. She's going to do the presentation. Rod wants his presentation to be less scripted and more improv, and they'll hand out candy, since it's kids. Michael wants it to be theatrical, but Rod just wants to ad-lib a bunch of stuff. Curtis tells us the plan is that there isn't a fucking plan. His words.
RockSolid the morning (I think). Rod, Goldberg and Bret are in a van heading to the presentation space, and Rod is stressing Bret out with his emphasis on the "facts" of Harry Potter. Curtis and Michael are on their way to the prop house to pick up the final touches. Michael calls Rod to ask what they need, and Rod's answer is again, "Use your judgment." Curtis thinks it's unbelievable that Rod's a governor and can't make a decision. When Tenacity shows up with 90 minutes until presentation, their project is done, but not assembled, so they all go to work putting it together. It's basically chaos. The guys' exhibit is more together, but, remember, they have no idea what their presentation is. Goldberg's dressed as a tree, though, and he hates it. Bret says this is going to be the greatest thing that ever happened or the biggest laugh he ever has. Or, hopefully, both. At the opening, Bret has a poster about the 3-D display, so he tears it down, leaving a giant hole where it was, because Bret had framed it in Harry Potter scarves. He's an idiot.
Tenacity's presentation. Selita's basically a terrible presenter with a terrible fake British accent that seems to bother Sharon, who's looking on. Selita compares her bad accent to a boob popping out on the runway. Sharon then speaks, and it's slightly more authentic. She sends the kids in, where they're greeted by crazy Cyndi, saying, "Don't look at me. Muggles and wizards." Sharon would really like Cyndi to shut up, although she's very in character. Maria's , and she gives the kids their wands, while Summer knocks the boxes off from behind. When they finish, Holly gives them Harry Potter-themed candy. It seemed to go over really well, and I can't imagine the guys did any better than this.
RockSolid experience. First off, Bret's not in a costume as he hands out a brochure as the kids (or "nerdlingers," as he refers to them) enter. They do have a giant "opening spring 2010" poster, which is a good sales pitch. And there's smoke everywhere. Curtis comes out as the professor, and leads the kids in one at a time. Inside, it's mostly a big room, but they get to wear the magic hat and they get wands that actually light up and knock the tree over. Bret's watching Curtis lead the kids through and he's like, "Oh my God, all of us are going to prison after this creepy castle ride." Plus, there's so much smoke that no one can see anything or breathe. The executive came in, and asked what kind of rides there will be, and Curtis calls Rod over, who can't remember the name of the dragon roller coaster. At the end, Bret gives them merchandise and then reminds them when the exhibit opens. He tells us it was such a disaster and so funny that they have to win. Ha. After it's over, the kids give their opinion. They all seemed to think the guys were funnier, but the girls got the actual canon of Harry Potter across better. They ask them to vote, which is of course when they go to commercial. The suspense is just killing me.
Boardroom. George and Erin wait as the teams enter, then Trump makes his dramatic entrance. He asks Rod if they won. Rod's cautiously optimistic, and likes what they did. He thought his team was great, and Bret was a superstar. Trump asks Bret how Rod did, and Bret says he was in Florida, so it was tough, but he did a great job. Michael disagrees, that Rod didn't give enough direction. He just gave a task without any direction. Trump asks Goldberg how their team communicated through their leader, and Goldberg says it was tough. He says Rod was good, but not as good as past PMs, partially because of the nature of the task. Curtis then says it was difficult because Rod couldn't text or e-mail. He says it would have been a big advantage if he could have e-mailed or texted, but they made it work. Rod disagrees, and says that he gave them instructions that Bret would work as PM on the ground while he traveled. Erin says the guys weren't mean about Rod, but she felt like they were unsure about his vision.
Trump moves on to Selita, and she says she was constantly texting. He asks if she's good at the new technology, and she says she is. She says she was working on the dossier and storyline, and then giggles about Rod napping. Trump sort of sticks up with him, and says it wasn't so bad. Holly tells Trump she was impressed with Selita's communication, so Trump says they're sort of opposites. Trump asks the women for weak links, and no one will say anything, so he tells Selita she has to choose two people to bring back to the boardroom if they lose. She says she'll make the decision if she has to, but she can't right now. He tells her that's smart, but he knows they'll be fighting if they lose.
Erin fills RockSolid in on how the kids and executives thought they did. They loved the tree, but also hated it, basically, and didn't like the inaccuracies. George fills Tenacity in and says the kids loved the display, but the executives wished they'd focused on the theme park more. Trump says the executives thought the men did well, but not well enough, so the women win again. Selita's charity, Shine on Sierra Leone, will get $20,000. He sends them away and asks the men what's going on with them. Someone will be fired. After some commercials.
The women are so happy to be back in the champagne-and-viewing room. Selita explains that her charity is for a hospital in Sierra Leone, where one in eight women die in childbirth. Back in the boardroom, Trump asks Michael if he's surprised. He's not, because he says they didn't get to do all the things they wanted to do, since they didn't know the concept soon enough. He blames Rod, saying you could blame Bret, but that he thinks Bret could have done better if he had had better direction from Rod. Trump talks about how much courage Rod has to be here, since he can't really talk shit because he has to worry about jurors. Rod asks if he can now say why he should stay, and Trump says he thinks that's great, too, that Rod wants to just go on and try to win. Rod says he's trying to make adjustments in the team and then says "Wizardry World of Harry Potter." Trump says "Wizarding" three times to correct him. Rod's happy that he put Bret in charge while he was away. Trump asks Curtis how Bret did, and Curtis says he was great, but it wasn't great of the project manager to put Bret in charge. Trump asks Goldberg if Bret was good, and Bret says Goldberg was great because he almost passed out. Trump makes fun of a big tough guy almost passing out, punctuating it with, "What's with you, Goldberg?" Goldberg glares. Trump asks Rod if he'll be bringing Bret back to the boardroom, since he relied so heavily on him. And that's supposed to be our commercial cliffhanger moment.
Trump asks Rod the same question after the break, and Rod says he will not bring him back because he was very good. Instead, he'll bring back Curtis and Michael, although he says it's hard. Michael says he expected that, because he's singled out Rod in times in the boardroom. Curtis says he's disappointed that that's his choice, but he has to bring back two people. Bret says he's sick to his stomach that Curtis and Michael have to go back to the boardroom, and that they lost. Then Erin points out that the reason they lost was that they got a lot of stuff wrong, and she wonders who was in charge of research. George asks if he put anyone in charge of it or if anyone stepped up, and he won't answer. Trump really tries to get Rod to bring Bret back, but he won't. He says he led the team to a good performance. Bret says he would bring himself back if he were in his shoes. Curtis and Michael agree that Bret should be brought back. Rod says that Bret's a real asset, and is the only project manager who has won, and that they could have won if the other two had stepped up. Trump gives Rod one more chance to change his mind, and he won't, so it will be Rod, Curtis, and Michael in the boardroom. Trump tells George and Erin that Rod's a tough guy and is made of steel. She agrees he stuck to his guns. In the lobby, Michael tells Rod it's a bad move not bringing Bret, but Rod says he feels like he owed it to Bret not to bring him since he asked him to do so much and he did a good job. Michael feels him, but thinks he should have brought him back. Is it possible I'm starting to like Rod. What is wrong with me?
After commercial, Trump calls the three back into the boardroom, and he asks them to sit down. He tells Rod he's proven he has a lot of fight in him, but what does he have to say? Rod says he thinks they did a good job, even though they lost. He says that he thinks they lost because some parts didn't work out, but it wasn't because of creative design. Trump asks him who to fire, and Rod says he'd reluctantly say Curtis, who is amazing, but didn't do that much on this project. Curtis says Rod was a poor project manager and wouldn't communicate. Trump asks Michael if Curtis failed because he was in charge of communications, and Michael says not at all. Rod says Curtis didn't work hard for Bret, and Michael scoffs that Rod wouldn't say anything bad about anyone until now, and he's saying Curtis didn't work hard. Trump asks why they didn't know the product, and Rod tries to say others should have learned about the product. Then he tells Trump that he knows Harry Potter, which he demonstrates by saying "Slithering" and "Ravencloth." What a tool. Trump tells him he respects his tenacity, but he's fired. In the lobby, Curtis and Rod hug, all, "No hard feelings, man." In the elevator, Rod's all, "Hey there, how are you," politicking to the elevator attendant. In the boardroom, Trump feels bad for Rod, and says "It's pretty sad" that he couldn't handle the task. Dude, when did Trump become such a softie? Rod gets in his cab.
Taxicab confession, now with more platitudes: "Life is filled with ups and downs. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you don't. But the real test of who you are is how you deal with it. I was not going to sell out Bret. I think it would have been very disloyal and very wrong. I'm the project manager and I take full responsibility, and I got the boot." week: They have to make commercials, and someone's at the White House. And season, we're back to "real people," as opposed to all these "fake people."
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DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, is a real person. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.