Previously: There was a lot of crazy, and you either watched or you didn't, but if you didn't, who cares? If you do care, this is what you need to know: The women won a lot. Project manager Tom Green was eliminated.
That brings us to this week, where the ladies discuss Tom's firing, which they actually got to witness this time, since Trump didn't send anyone out and tell them to turn off their TV before just cutting to the chase with Tom. Dennis and the other guys come back in, and Dennis interviews that there are three teams now: the girls, the guys and Dennis. Clint talks about how his team needs to learn to subordinate themselves to their boss. He keeps saying "some of these guys" don't know how to have a boss, but he really means "Dennis." He calls Dennis out, saying he'd expect him to show up even if his eyes were bleeding. The ladies interview that the men are difficult and they argue a lot. Which is the opposite of what you'd expect. You'd sort of expect the women to be the ones sniping at each other, but they're not. It's pretty bad that I'm praising the women for getting along better than these guys, I know.
Anyway, Claudia interviews that Dennis has a lot of difficult people to deal with, like Clint Black. Dennis interviews about how he is being targeted, just like he was in the NBA. He says that Michael Jordan would tell you how easy Dennis is to work with. Clint tells Dennis he could work for him, but probably couldn't be his boss. Dennis tells Clint he's worked for harder guys than him, and he walks off. The women sit there, mouths agape. ... And, "Money, money, money, money." Does it feel a little weird to celebrate money like this in this economy? Well, at least it's for a good cause, right?
Speaking of, Brande's in Central Park to give her charity money. She tells us she's one of the celebrity advisers for California Police Youth Charities. She tries to raise money to help children get scholarships, or a hot dog at a ball game. Either way. The executive director comes to collect the money. He tells her the kids don't like the hot dogs as much when she's not there to cook them. She gives him the check, for $166,680. He says it's unbelievable, but doesn't act anywhere near as surprised as I would if someone gave me a check for that kind of money for my charity (which is, by the way, the Keep DeAnn From Being Broke Fund).
Trump has the celebrities lined up, as he welcomes them to Capitale, where he says they'll be working. He calls it one of the great event spaces in New York City. Trump tells Athena that Joan's gone all day again (another close-up on Melissa), at a charity event, but will be back sometime tomorrow. He's sure she'll be checking in. Trump tells them how large the telecommunications industry is, and then tells them that ACN (which might or might not be a pyramid scheme, by the way; thanks to Snark Shark for the tip) is the largest video phone distributor in the world. He introduces Greg and Tony, from ACN, who will tell the celebrities what to do. They tell the celebrities to launch the new ACN video phone to the world. Five-hundred ACN sales people will vote on the team with the highest excitement, energy and emotional appeal for the project. It will be based on votes.
Trump tells them to choose project managers. Dennis doesn't even participate in the discussion, and Trump calls them out. They chose Brian, who tells us he wants to lead to keep them from getting their butts kicked again. He says this is an event that's pretty much like his life for the past 20 years. I'm not sure how, but okay. Claudia will lead the women. The winner's charity will get $20,000. Don and Ivanka will be Trump's eyes and ears. He tells them the first thing they'll do is negotiate who will present first. They'll do that in the room where the event will be.
In the room, the teams are talking about it, minus Dennis, who's sitting by himself on the stairs. They ask him to come help, but he's all, "You guys got it. You guys got it." The women choose Annie to negotiate for the time slot, and the men choose Clint. Dennis talks shit about Clint, calling him a dictator and swearing a lot. The men and the women both want the second slot, and since no one will budge, they'll flip a coin. Annie tells Clint he can call it, which gives Dennis another opportunity to talk shit. He starts swearing and says now he'll see how good Clint is. Clint calls tails, and it's tails. So, apparently he's good? Because coin tosses prove everything. Dennis jumps up and gets in Clint's face. But since half of what Dennis is saying is bleeped, it's hard to know what he's actually spouting. He is clearly pissed, though. Clint calmly asks Dennis if he thinks this is going to help, so Dennis says, "Fuck you, man." Annie interviews that she thought Dennis was joking at first, until she realized he was serious. The women all look uncomfortable. Dennis says it's a team game and storms out. Because that's what you do in a team game, you know.
Brian and Clint are planning. Brian's trying to prepare his music for the day. He's on the phone, choosing his music and dancing around. Clint asks Brian if he's already written his track. He says he has. Clint says if he wants to bounce it off him, he'd be happy to. Brian just nods. He interviews that he knew Clint had some ideas, but he isn't sure how many country music fans would be there and this is a dictatorship, not a democracy. Brian asks Clint to call the choreographer and order four female dancers. Brian says he doesn't want to deal with that. So, Clint makes the call, but while he's on the phone, Brian weirdly comes up and wants to make a list with Clint. Clint apologizes to the guy on the phone, but does what Brian asks. He interviews that Brian had him doing what just about any bonehead could do: make phone calls. He says all he has to do so far in this task is rise to the level of bonehead. Brian keeps interrupting him while he's on the phone. Then Clint tells us that he's produced shows for 20years on tour, but Brian's keeping him in his little box making phone calls. Brian has him order smoke machines, lighting board, lights, and more. It's really funny, because Brian is spending as much time on these calls as Clint because he tells him exactly what to ask for instead of, I don't know, making the call himself and cutting out one step. Brian interviews, though, that this is finally good leadership: people taking direction and the leader leading. Then Clint's ordering a pizza, and Brian says, "There you go, Buddy." Clint laughs because... how could you not?
At Athena, Melissa's telling Claudia what her gut says. It's all about emotional payoff. Khloe doesn't feel that has anything to do with their phone. And I have no idea what they're talking about. Melissa interviews that they're way behind, so she's trying to get some form to it. She tells Claudia some vignette ideas: say goodnight, daddy; baby steps; a son recapping a game to their dad. She interviews that Claudia's not leading the team. Then Claudia interrupts and tells Melissa that she knows she produces a lot of things, but they feel like whenever they get close, Melissa interrupts. Melissa says she's not married to any of her ideas. Melissa says she's the one with the hands-on technical experience. Claudia interviews that Melissa's a spoiled only child. They keep arguing, and Melissa apologizes that she's sorry for writing too fast. She's all, "I'm sorry I'm too good." Claudia interviews that she had to shut Melissa up because the whole team was frustrated. Melissa says this is what she does for a living, and Claudia really talked down to her. Melissa interviews that Claudia was trying to cut her out. Melissa wants to stop arguing and do her work. Claudia interviews that she doesn't like Melissa's personality and then she totally goes there: "She looks funny. She scares me. I can't tell if she's happy or sad or pissed-off." She talks about her blank look and immobile forehead. I agree, but then Claudia praises Joan. So... I don't get it. They look the same. Both with far too much plastic surgery. Claudia says Melissa would be nowhere without Joan. [Which is the smartest thing she said all night. - Angel]
KOTU: Clint is still on the phone, asking about his costs and his pick-ups. Dennis arrives, so Clint gets off the phone. Dennis interviews that he doesn't quit since he was in professional sports. He says you always have to help each other out, even if the situation is good, bad, ugly. He tells them he's there to work, because he's still on the team. Clint calls Brian over and tells him they have a team member who returned and Brian needs to figure that out. Brian says Dennis is a loose cannon and he'd rather he stay downstairs or someplace else. Dennis keeps talking about how he was the target, even in the NBA, but he won six championships. But he said if they don't want to use him, that's fine, too.
Ivanka comes up and asks Brian how it's going. He says it's good, and tells her what Jesse and Herschel are up to, and that the three here are it. He tells her he doesn't have a babysitter (which I'm thinking must have been Tom's role), so he doesn't know what to do with Dennis. She says she'll go ask him what his thoughts are, and heads that way. She asks Dennis to come over and join the group. Ivanka interviews that with the guys being several men down, Brian needs to humble himself and ask Dennis to help, since they need him. Dennis tells Ivanka they turned their backs on him, so he's just sitting here doing nothing. Ivanka says, "Fair enough." Dennis interviews that if Brian loses, he can't blame Dennis, since he didn't ask him to do anything.
Clint continues to make calls, and gets a price of $4,800, mostly for the monitors. Dennis says he can get them all for free if they want them. Clint asks Brian, and Brian repeats he doesn't want the distraction, and he doesn't want Dennis infecting their work site. Clint looks frustrated. Dennis says he's part of the team and he's trying to help. Brian interviews that there's a picture of Dennis Rodman in the dictionary to drama, so he doesn't want him here.
The women are working with a production crew to shoot the video half of their vignettes. The baby is crying, and Claudia reminds us of the Hollywood saying about not working with animals or babies. I think the men's team has already proven that, too. They're trying to get the kid to take steps, but the kid is not cooperating. Claudia interviews she's already dealt with enough babies and other words that begin with "b" on her team. Ha. Annie calls the room with this baby the seventh rung of hell. Khloe's stressed. Annie interviews that she felt this was going to be an embarrassing disaster. They let the baby go.
Jesse and Herschel arrive at West Point, which they say took the better part of two hours. They explain they had to go up here to do something the girls can't do, since they've been getting spanked. He guarantees none of the chicks could get on this military base like he did. Jesse says it kind of sucked to be there, because the place is amazing, but they had no time to check it out. Jessie explains he picked out the best-looking guy to be an actor. They film him on the videophone. Jesse makes jokes that the guy finds totally inappropriate, right as Jesse tells us that this could look really cool or really dumb. But he thinks you can't go wrong with West Point cadets.
Back at KOTU, Brian's still asking Clint to do menial tasks. Clint interviews they needed a fifth man, but one who would be productive so he starts prodding at Dennis. He asks him where they went wrong. Dennis says the guy had a bad day and took it out on him; it's as simple as that. Is he calling himself "the guy"? I think so, but it's hard to tell with Dennis. Clint asks if Dennis will still take him out to gay bars, and Dennis says he'll take him anywhere he wants to go. Cute. This is our new odd couple, I think. They can have a spin-off. Clint interviews that Dennis is aloof, but has a lot to offer and that he can still pull a rabbit out of a hat.
Brande, Tionne and Claudia are on their way to the editing room, while the other ladies (minus Joan) were going back to the space with the actors to figure things out. Claudia holds her eyes and impersonates Melissa, saying she doesn't move her bottom lip. She then impersonates her to the cameras. She says she never moves her mouth or blinks. Brande and Tionne are cracking up. Back in the space, Melissa's explaining things to Annie, Khloe and Natalie. They walk through it with the choreographer so they can figure it out quickly the day. Natalie explains they need Melissa, because she's a producer. Khloe seems to agree. Melissa tells them it's hard, because she knows she'll get attacked even though she's working hard and doing everything she can.
Brian's rehearsing. He interviews that he knew he'd get on stage by himself and nothing else matters, because they'll eat out of the palm of his hands. Clint's asking Brian questions, and Brian again brushes him off. Clint interviews that he's been in the entertainment business for 30 years, but Brian hasn't asked his opinion on anything. He wants to win, but can't insert himself if he's not asked. But he realizes he's fortunate because he's enjoying his lack of responsibility.
KOTU's turn to present. Brian has the lights down, and dancers come in and dance around the phone. Claudia talks about the advantage of going second. Clint comes out and introduces their event. Their West Point video is pretty impressive, with the guy talking about the military and what the phone means to him. Then it has him talking to his wife. Clint welcomes Brian McKnight to the stage. Brian asks if they're ready for the future. He interviews that being Brian McKnight is what he does, so he's going to do that again here. He sings his song, as Claudia talks about how this isn't about the phone. Herschel says he was in the crowd and he could tell how much the audience liked it. Ladies dance around Brian with the phones as he sings. Jesse tells Herschel that Brian has some pipes. Then he interviews that he's never bought a Brian McKnight album, but that was pretty awesome today. He asks how you can not like that. [Well, if you don't like Brian's music, or slutty girls dancing with phones... it might not be your cup of tea. - AC] Dennis interviews that he thinks Brian sees this as an opportunity to sell records, and that Dennis had nothing to do with this. He says Brian thinks he's Quincy Jones, "so knock yourself out," as he laughs. I really do have to say that Clint Black's musical style would go better with the West Point video. But Brian keeps singing, and the crowd does seem into it.
Melissa interviews that the men staged an incredible concert, but theirs had more heart and emotion and was real. She's not sure dancing around with the phone is selling the product. Except the crowd is yelling "ACN! ACN! ACN!" Jesse's all, "We pumped them up for their company so much that they chanted their company's letters. Which is pretty good, I think." He actually doesn't seem sure, though. At the end of the executives says to the other everyone has a tough call to make. Sales people interview about which one they like more. It's a toss-up, or at least that's how they're making it look. People didn't like the vignettes in Joan's. They liked her, but would have liked real video instead of staged vignettes. So, they clearly felt staged, and the West Point guy might not have. I do fast-forward through commercials, but I saw a video phone and had to stop. The commercial does talk about the phone, but mostly talks about how you can bring more money into your life by introducing the phone to more people. So ... they say they're not a pyramid scheme, but yet they're pushing that aspect in the commercial.
Everyone enters the boardroom and sits with Ivanka and Don. Trump enters. He asks Claudia how she thinks she did. She thinks they did a good job. He asks if they think they won. She certainly hopes so. She thinks they evoked emotions, which was a big part of it. Trump asks Brian, and he thinks they did well and definitely won. Trump asks if they worked as a team and he says, "Mmmm ... most of us." He laughs, and Trump asks what he means. He talks about Clint and Dennis fighting. Clint explains that he reached out an olive branch and told Dennis he's not taking it seriously. Trump asks if that worked, and Clint says he and Dennis are going to hit the gay bars. Trump's not sure about that, but he asks Dennis about him and Clint. Dennis says he told Clint that after this, they're going to be friends no matter what. What about Brian? Dennis says he gets along with Brian, but Trump says he heard Brian didn't want to use Dennis at all. Dennis says he doesn't know why. Trump asks why, and Brian says after Dennis got confrontational, he realized he didn't have enough people for Dennis to have a babysitter.
Ivanka asks the origin of the conflict with Clint, and Brian has no idea, that after the coin toss he got in Clint's personal space. Clint admits he almost got on a chair and decked Dennis. Don asks again what the origin was, and Dennis says it was nothing. He says Donald knows him as well as anyone, and knows he doesn't have a hateful bone in his body and never fought anyone in the NBA. He says he gets along with people very well. Clint asks who's to blame if his team loses. He says he doesn't have a great answer, but Dennis is raising his hand. Dennis says that everyone will point at him if they lose, but he wasn't involved. Trump goes back to Clint and asks again. Clint says Brian really took command, for better or worse. Trump asks if Clint blames Brian as well as gives him credit. Clint says he wouldn't blame him, but he thinks Brian would take responsibility. Brian says, "Absolutely." Trump asks if they lost, if he should fire Brian. Brian repeats "Absolutely," saying it was his decision not to involve Dennis. Herschel thinks the team came together. Trump says Herschel might be the only one who could take Dennis in a fight, but Jesse says he could, too, because he knows his weak spots (hint: eyes!).
Trump asks who was the star of Athena, and Claudia says Joan, even though she wasn't around for the brainstorming. She got it immediately. Trump heard Melissa was good as well. Claudia says she's in this field so she has some strong opinions. Don asks if she was fully utilized. Claudia thinks she was. Melissa does not agree that she was fully utilized. She says she has 15years' experience, and Claudia should have had her oversee everything. [Then why didn't Melissa volunteer to be project manager? This still doesn't make sense to me. - AC] Trump asks Annie what she thinks. She says it was total chaos, more than any task they've done. If they lose, Annie would have to say it was the project manager's responsibility. Claudia says she was prepared for this. She tells Trump that Melissa was the biggest problem. She says you can look at her as a good leader or look at her and say she was out of bounds. Melissa interrupts and says she completely rolled over and told Claudia to lead her. Claudia says she kept jumping in like this, and Trump says she's a strong person, because she comes from a strong person. He says it would be hard for Joan to produce a weak child, and Joan nods.
Claudia continues that Melissa can't take criticism at all. Joan jumps in to defend her child, and Melissa says this is such bullshit. Ivanka looks on, prettily. Joan says this isn't because Melissa is her child, but the weakest link in the group is Claudia. Joan says Claudia's mushy. She doesn't know how to lead. She's a very nice girl but she's mushy. Claudia says Joan wasn't there yesterday, but Joan points out all of the things Melissa did to run the show. Melissa says she wrote the whole thing. Claudia keeps trying to speak but no one will let her. Trump asks Dennis if he can believe this, and he says he's been waiting for it. Hee. Trump asks Natalie if her team won. Brande says she thinks her team won, because they did such a good job. Trump says she didn't win, because her husband will be damn pissed at her. She says she hired a cute boy to play her boyfriend. Trump says he gave her a pretty hard kiss, though. She says that's okay with her, and Trump says her husband won't like it.
Trump asks Ivanka and Don for comments. Ivanka heard about the boys. Hot girls dancing: enough said. Brian McKnight: Need I say more. Second presentation rocked. Don heard that the men were entertaining but not focused enough on the product. Couldn't tell what the men were selling. Joan was funny with several examples of the video. Joan was awesome. Trump says the people watching voted almost 85 percent in favor of one team, so it wasn't even close. The men absolutely, easily defeated the women. Trump tells them how good they are. Brian's charity, Youthville USA, will get $20,000. He tells them to go back to the suite and watch what's going to happen if they want.
The men are in the suite, with food and champagne. Brian explains that Youthville USA provides foster care, and it makes better adults. The men toast. Jesse wants to turn the volume up, and Dennis says this is going to be funny. And we're back in the boardroom, where Trump says the numbers were 386-61. He tells Claudia that's big. She agrees it's horrible. Trump says this wasn't close, so it wasn't hard to pick a winner. He acknowledges they might have had an advantage with Clint and Brian. Melissa says she thought exactly that: two veteran performers. The guys in the room talk about how they had such an advantage despite having only four.
Back in the room, Annie says she thought for sure they'd lose until she saw Joan perform. She was so great, Annie thought they had a chance to win. Joan looks upset or shocked by this, which is weird. Or, I don't know really. It's hard to tell anything with Joan's face. They all agree the vignettes were bad, and Joan was great. Don asks whose idea the vignettes were, and Claudia says they all agreed. Trump asks Tionne if she takes any responsibility, being the great singer on this team. She says that it wasn't about putting on a concert, or she could have done that. Trump says he loves Tionne's music, and asks why Claudia didn't have her sing. Claudia babbles about how she wanted it to be about the emotions. Trump asks Melissa, and she said she wasn't in on the creative process; she was only in on the technical process. Khloe says that Melissa really tried to step back after the fight, which was hard for her as a producer. The guys think this is funny.
Trump gets Claudia to admit that Melissa came through, so he asks why she brought her into the boardroom. Don says that it seems like she let her emotional dislike interfere, which is a problem from a company perspective. Claudia can see his point with that. Trump asks what Khloe would do, and she says she'd fire the "project leader." Melissa says "Claudia." Claudia says she'd fire Khloe. Trump asks Khloe if she did anything on the task. He tells her he doesn't like people who don't take initiative and she didn't do anything. She says she did do stuff, and on every other challenge she was great. She just doesn't feel she should be fired, but ... she's not going to fight hard or anything. Is she doomed? Trump likes fighters.
Trump says he's a fan of Claudia and he realizes she has a lot on her hands as leader of a losing team. He says Melissa may be obnoxious to some people -- certainly to Claudia -- but she did a good job, according to everybody. He says he believes Claudia has an amazing future and is beautiful, but she's fired. They walk out, and Claudia doesn't speak to the others. In the boardroom, Trump says that's too bad, because he thought she was terrific in many ways (mostly her looks). Don says she was, but there was no other choice. She gets in the car, as Khloe and Melissa head to the suite. That decision was obvious an hour before the show ended. We do not need that much boardroom. Or that much of this show. Please shorten this to an hour, NBC. Please and thank you.
In the car, Claudia says it sucks to be the first woman fired, since they were on a roll. She says she lost control of her team, and at the end of the day it falls to project manager. She says, "You win some, you lose some."
week, Dennis's meltdown continues. He drinks all the time, leading to a boardroom intervention. Wait, is this going to turn into an episode of Intervention? Because that would be sort of awesome.
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DeAnn is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.