By DeAnn Welker
Previously: Scott Hamilton was an ass and an idiot who named his Zappos.com character "EEE." He tried to throw Tom Green under the bus, and Trump almost fell for it because he loves Scott Hamilton so much.
And now, Herschel's back with everyone else, telling them he thinks it might be Scott. I don't know if he means Scott might be safe or might be fired, but hopefully he was smart enough to see how very fired Scott should have been. Jesse tells everyone that Herschel almost beat up Tom, adding a new syllable to this phrase: "Right now-uh!" Hee. Herschel tells them all how Tom volunteered to be the PM, and Herschel thinks that might be the best thing for Tom to do, because it might make Tom show leadership. Tom comes in, to what seems like a lot of groaning. Then Jesse tells the camera later that Tom's "just one of those creative dude's that's kind of a dipshit that you've just got to put up with ... but he did actually say a lot of stuff that makes sense." Tom's telling everyone that zapatos means shoes in Spanish, and people seem annoyed since they are "well aware." Jesse goes on that Tom's big behavior is funny, but he can't command respect without earning it first. "Money, money, money, mon-ay" opening credits. Annie Duke fondles her poker chips. Ew.
Inspirational music plays as Khloe hugs some old guy named Bob and tells him how handsome he looks. She asks him how the charity is doing. She tells us she's playing for the Brent Shapiro Foundation, "to bring drug and alcohol awareness." She doesn't tell us where the foundation is bringing this awareness, but apparently this foundation makes people aware of drugs and alcohol. Awesome. She explains that Brent was a dear friend of hers and his father, Robert Shapiro, was a lawyer with her father on the OJ Simpson trial. She tells Bob that she "did a challenge" that she was project manager of, and that she won, so he gets $20,000 to make people aware of drugs and alcohol. She then tells us that Brent Shapiro died from "drug addiction," and goes on to talk about her own mistakes, including a very public DUI. She wants to "vocalize" that and teach people from her mistakes. Do you know what I want? For her to learn to actually say what she means instead of talking nonsense. Someone get this girl a grammar lesson.
Lots of intense music plays as Trump, Ivanka, and George (George is back!) get out of cars and walk up to where our teams are standing all lined up. I want to see the raw footage of how long it takes to line these people up. Because I am guessing it's not an easy thing to do, just judging by the two episodes of mass chaos. Trump says good morning and then says Joan won't be with them this morning, but will be back tomorrow. Close-up of Melissa smiling knowingly. Maybe Joan needed some emergency plastic surgery because part of her face was falling off? Trump tells them they're standing on the steps of St. Bartholomew's Church where a lot of people get married. Trump helpfully informs the teams that "People love weddings," and that he himself loves weddings and has had a couple of them himself. Brian McKnight tells us that he feels at a disadvantage because all women do is think about weddings and all men do is hope they never get there. Nice.
Lots of intense music plays as Trump, Ivanka, and George (George is back!) get out of cars and walk up to where our teams are standing all lined up. I want to see the raw footage of how long it takes to line these people up. Because I am guessing it's not an easy thing to do, just judging by the two episodes of mass chaos. Trump says good morning and then says Joan won't be with them this morning, but will be back tomorrow. Close-up of Melissa smiling knowingly. Maybe Joan needed some emergency plastic surgery because part of her face was falling off? Trump tells them they're standing on the steps of St. Bartholomew's Church where a lot of people get married. Trump helpfully informs the teams that "People love weddings," and that he himself loves weddings and has had a couple of them himself. Brian McKnight tells us that he feels at a disadvantage because all women do is think about weddings and all men do is hope they never get there. Nice.
Trump says each team has 125 dresses, and whichever team makes the biggest profit wins. George and Ivanka will be his eyes and ears. Trump tells Dennis he'll be very good at this task since he knows a lot about wedding dresses (because he married himself). Then he asks for project managers. The men choose Tom, of course, after Trump reminds them Tom said he wanted to. Tom tells the camera that no one else on his team could manage his team to a win. The women choose Brande, who tells us that this task would be in her realm, and be a lot of fun. Trump says someone's going to make a lot of money for their charity.
KOTU: Tom's in a van telling his team to keep it positive. He asks who wants to be in charge of marketing. Jesse thinks getting on the phone and getting people down to buy is a good idea. Tom encourages Clint to use some of his contacts in the country music industry. Clint asks for a target amount, and Tom says $100,000. I hope he doesn't mean for just one dress, though. Clint tells the camera he intends to carry out the challenge Tom gave him to raise $100,000, even if that means exhausting all of his resources. He starts making calls right away, hitting people up for money.
Athena's also in a van. Melissa's sending an email to update Joan. Annie's on the phone asking people to buy a dress for at least four figures, and not "some janky four figures." Uh, what is "janky"? Whoever she called says he'll buy a $10,000 dress. Back in the KOTU van, Dennis finds someone to pay $3,000 for a dress they've never seen. These people must have a lot of suckers for friends. Insanely rich suckers. The guys arrive, and see that KOTU and Athena are right door to each other. Brian explains to the camera that it was a daunting task to be right door, but it's not where you're selling, but what you're selling, and how. The women are nervous because they know the guys will try to bring in a lot of money, because they know how much the women will bring. It's all very circular and confusing logic, because it isn't actual logic. But whatever.
Clint's still making phone calls, trying to make good on his $100,000. Meanwhile, the other guys are trying to work on a name for their dress sale. Jessie chooses "Red Carpet" as their name, and their theme. Tom likes that. They keep getting their friends to buy dresses. Herschel has another $6,000, and Clint another $5,000.
door, Melissa greets someone named Preston with a hug. She explains that she thought it would be a good idea to reach out to her friend, Preston Bailey, one of the best known wedding planners. I guess they're using him here as a wedding dress sale planner. They tell him they have 125 dresses to sell, and he says he can "transform it," whatever that means. I'm guessing he means the space. Melissa is happy, but also convinced the guys will be giving it their all. As if on cue, Tom Green comes out of a dressing room wearing a wedding dress. He wants Brian to zip it up, and Brian's all, "absolutely not," but then does. Tom explains he's contributing to the relaxed atmosphere that might help them get a lot done.
Dennis points out that no one is walking on the street their store is on, so they should go generate hype. Tom agrees, and asks Herschel if he wants to go with Dennis or keep making calls. Herschel is still making a call as he gets up to go with Dennis. They go out on the street and talk to people. Dennis says his purpose is to draw business, but then we see him order a vodka cranberry. He says he's doing his thing, being Dennis Rodman, "Boom!" He drinks his vodka cranberry while he hits on a girl, though it's not clear if he's trying to sell her a wedding dress. Herschel just looks on in shock. Dennis tells us that on his team, he knows women more than anybody. He asks if we ever saw the movie Ghost and then summarizes in case anyone hasn't: "He came back as a ghost and got inside Whoopi Goldberg. ... That's me." God, I love Dennis so much. What profoundly insane wisdom the guy spouts. He continues to flirt. Herschel explains to the camera that all Dennis wanted to do was go around the neighborhood and have a drink here and there. Herschel isn't sure how that's going to sell a wedding dress. Dennis orders another drink, continues flirting with ladies, and says he's having fun now.
Back at KOTU headquarters, Clint's calling Tim McGraw. Tim wants to know what Clint's got himself into now. Ivanka comes in to monitor. She asks who's missing, and they say Dennis and Herschel. She sees they're making calls already, and Tom says they've been doing that since the beginning. Ivanka tells the camera everyone seems to be working together harmoniously, at least those who are there. She says Dennis and Herschel were missing, and she has yet to figure out where they are. Uh-oh. This could hurt them later, in the boardroom. We see them walking the streets, as Dennis says, "Everything's beautiful in New York."
Khloe's on the phone telling someone not to go right door to KOTU. Brande tells the camera that they are having this great sale, but if no one shows up to buy them it's pointless. She says her goal is to raise $100,000. She calls someone and asks them to come buy a wedding dress, please. Please. She tells the person they can throw it away. Hmmm. Not a great sales tactic. Claudia's asking someone to bring their rich friends to buy dresses tomorrow. Khloe's on the phone with Joe Francis, who she knows is getting married soon, so he might as well buy a wedding dress. Melissa tells them it will be $5,000, and he's in.
Dennis shows up back at KOTU with a drink in his hand. He tells Tom how much he likes the ladies. Jesse interviews that the good thing they found out how to get Dennis to talk more and be more interactive, but the bad news is that it's with vodka and cranberry juice that makes him do that. Dennis tells them he's going to get some models. He calls a friend, who sends him over a Russian girl. It's very shady, especially because I can't understand most of what Dennis says. He brings the girl in, and tells everyone he loves Russian bitch... girls. Then he apologizes, as all the other guys shake their heads. She does look good in the dresses, which she's modeling for them. Tom interviews that the day went really well, and then he and Dennis leave with the model to go get a drink at the hotel. Tom tells everyone it was an awesome day.
The morning, Herschel, Brian, Clint, and Jesse get in the van. They wonder where Tom and Dennis are, but they aren't waiting. They call Tom's room and Jesse tells him to wake the fuck up and get Dennis up, too, and both of them get the fuck down there. Clint says they were going to the bar last night with that Russian model. Herschel says, "She ain't no Russian model." Clint's like, "Stripper?" Uh, yeah, or possibly prostitute? That might explain why it was all very shady when he called someone who sent a Russian girl over. Clint interviews that when you start adding things up, it looks like those guys had a pretty rockin' night. Jesse would just like to throw out there that Tom might not be the best project manager. A very tired and hung-over Tom gets into a van alone, with a coffee. He says good morning to us (or the camera guy), and then says this is going to be the biggest disaster in the history of The Apprentice. He means a positive disaster, because his team is going to make so much money.
The ladies are getting out of the van at the Athena sales room. Joan's climbing out of the van and says if she falls, "we now own Trump plaza." Heh. She explains that she went out of town yesterday to give a lecture on survival, and she's learned a lot about that from here, so it was good. But she's so glad to be back. The ladies see a truck full of beautiful flowers show up, and they all get happy and giddy just like the women Brian was stereotyping about earlier. Melissa thinks Brande's a great project manager, because she's cool under pressure. She says Brande's underestimated: She's smart and ambitious, a deadly combination with looks.
Tom shows up and tells everyone how exciting this is, and how this place is going to transform. Jesse interviews that Tom and Dennis didn't show up with them, and that when Tom did, he was still a little drunk, possibly. Tom asks if he can drink Herschel's orange juice, and Jesse hilariously says, "You're the project manager." Clint tells Tom that cola is great for a hangover, and Tom's like, "What? Did you go out drinking last night?" Clint says, no, but he thought that's why Tom was after the orange juice. Tom, innocently: "No. It's just my breakfast." Clint interviews that Tom was really frazzled when he got there, which could be grounds for firing, unless he can pull out a win, despite the partying. Jesse asks if Tom can get Dennis down here to go a block over where bridal registries are. Tom says he went into Dennis' room and he couldn't get him out of bed. Clint gets a call from "Dennis' guy" (what happened to that "no assistants, no managers" crap?), who says Dennis is having a lot of trouble with his eyes and won't be joining them. Everyone looks panicked. Brian says that not having their most recognizable person is detrimental, though he acknowledges that having him can also be detrimental.
Athena opens up at 11, letting in a light of waiting customers. Khloe's in a wedding dress. The women are all sensitive and teary when women try on their wedding dresses, convincing them to buy them, no doubt. door, the men just sit around while women walk around and look. George comes over, and says that these men are not great merchandisers. He asks where Dennis is and then tells the camera that evidently Dennis' eye problem is serious enough that he doesn't want to show up for his team. George clearly does not believe in calling in sick. He stops by Athena, where he sees that the women's store is much more attractive and inviting -- more of an entertaining express than just trying on a dress. Tom and Clint discuss Athena, but they hope their sponsorship from friends will help them. Meanwhile, Brian wore his slickest suit today and is offering the ladies in KOTU's sales room free champagne. He's also walking around telling the ladies how great they look. He's actually very good at this.
Herschel's outside stealing customers from Athena. Joan is pissed that the men are outside grabbing customers. She comes over and asks if they have anyone. Herschel tells her it's packed, but she can buy something if she wants. Brande comes out and says they have no one. Joan tells her not to tell them that, though. Brande's nervous because there are only a few hours left, and the guys' store is packed, while theirs is empty. It must be all of Brian's charm, right?
KOTU's still packed with 90 minutes left. Joan goes inside Athena, which is empty. All sorts of the ladies are sitting down, so Joan asks them to please come out and draw customers in. Khloe comes out and yells things like, "Boys suck! It's not worth your while!" as Herschel rolls his eyes. Joan literally pulls women from KOTU into Athena. Joan tells them that door, they're shit. Tom's asking women if they have their credit cards, and they tell him they feel accosted. Luckily, Clint comes up and interrupts to tell Tom the checks are here. He has $5,000 from Sound Image, $5,000 from Tim McGraw. Tom interviews that Clint brought $35,000, and that he knows they raised money, but will it be enough to surpass the women.
door, QVC is paying $25,000 for a dress, which the QVC lady says is a perfect dress for some Joan Rivers Jewelry (there is such a thing as that? Scary.). Annie Duke's friend Perry is there to buy a $10,000 dress. With nine minutes left, Athena starts panicking. Brande says they had brought in so much money, but she still worries because the guys will pull out all their cards. door, Herschel stands out front with the Russian "model" and no one else. Herschel's worried because his checks haven't shown up yet. He calls them, and they show up with $16,000. Tom calls Herschel and Clint "hero fundraisers." He says they need a win after two losses in a row. He says they haven't added it all up yet, but they think they've brought in a lot. He thanks everyone for helping charity, and it's over.
The teams enter the boardroom, where George and Ivanka are waiting. Trump enters last, as always. He asks Brande how they did. She says they did excellent and couldn't have done any better. She says she has an extremely strong team and they all work well together. He asks who did poorly, and she says no one. He asks who was her star and she says Melissa and Annie.
Trump moves on to Tom, who says his team was great. He calls Clint and Herschel "heroes" again, which shows he doesn't hold a grudge, since they both wanted him fired last week. Tom thinks they did good. Trump asks if they used Dennis' celebrity at all. Tom says he did use it in that Dennis raised some money by walking around and drumming up business. He adds that, unfortunately, Dennis had an allergic reaction and his eye was hurt. Trump asks what the reaction was to, and Dennis says he's allergic to cats. Trump's like, "Cats?!" Tom explains that they went out with dot-com millionaires or billionaires -- Trump interjects that they were billionaires, but they aren't anymore -- and the billionaires' dogs gave him an allergic reaction. Trump's like, "Was it cats or dogs?" Dennis is all, "Yeah, dogs." This is such a freaking lie, and a really pathetic one. Trump asks what the allergy has to do with anything, and Tom starts to talk, but George is like, "He wasn't there. Say it like it is." Oh, how I missed George. Tom says he worked hard yesterday, though, raising money. Trump asks Herschel why Dennis wasn't there, and Herschel says he wasn't sure, actually, but that the day before they hit the streets. He says he's not sure what they did. Dennis says he's not chickenshit, so he'll say it: His job was to be the billboard. Trump asks if they hit the bars, not the streets, and Dennis says they hit the streets. Herschel says he was told to go with Dennis, by his project manager. Tom looks grave. Trump asks what he thinks of Tom as a leader, and Herschel says he wouldn't be on his A team.
George wants to know who was their interior decorator, Stevie Wonder?! They say they were going minimal, blah, blah. Trump says he heard the ladies' store was great. The women give Melissa credit, and say she also sold a lot of dresses. Trump says the bad news for the women is that the men also sold a lot of dresses. The women groan. Trump knows for a fact that the men raised a lot of money. He asks Brande if she's scared and she says she is. He reminds her that, as the team leader, generally speaking, she would get fired. He thinks it's time to find out. Ivanka says the men sold 21 dresses for $63,450. George says the women sold 22 dresses for $103,000. Unbelievable that women would be better at selling wedding dresses than men, right? Trump says the women are really kicking ass, three weeks now. Right. There's no unfair advantage or anything. I mean, cupcakes, Zappos.com, and wedding dresses aren't at all geared toward one gender or the other, right?
Trump tells Brande she won a lot of money for her charity, which she says is California Police Youth Charities, for at-risk children in low-income neighborhoods. They give out scholarships, and ... Trump interrupts and says they're going to like her a lot. Trump asks the guys what's going on with them, and then says, "Sadly, someone's going to be fired." Commercials.
We're back with an all-male (and Ivanka) boardroom. Trump says he's embarrassed for the men, and Tom agrees he's embarrassed. Trump asks what happened, and Tom says he had a difficult thing to deal with here, with people arguing (big, big arguments) over the first two weeks. He says he was working with a real deficit (the constant bickering), and just trying to keep it positive. Ivanka points out that his team is at a deficit, with fewer people, so losing an additional person is bad. Tom says he was disappointed Dennis didn't show up, but Dennis said it was a medical thing. Brian pipes up that Tom wasn't even there. Tom keeps talking, but Trump wants to know what Brian is saying. Tom says they called his room and thought he overslept and started talking about him. Trump tells Tom that, as the team leader, there can't even be a perception that he overslept. Trump tells Tom he doesn't think he's a great team leader.
Trump asks Herschel how he thinks Dennis did, and Herschel says he doesn't drink, and Dennis does. He says he thinks Dennis was hung-over, not allergic. Trump asks who was knocking on Dennis's door, and Tom says he knocked on it for about half an hour. Trump says that if you have an eye infection and someone knocks, you answer the door. Tom says he knocked on Dennis' door for a half-hour, which is why he was late. Herschel says, "Tom, I'm not throwing you under the bus..." Trump: "And then watch," as he laughs. Herschel says that when Tom got there, he told them he didn't get Dennis up. Trump asks why he didn't, and Tom says he tried. He banged on the door for about 20 minutes. Trump asks Dennis if he was in the room. Dennis says, "Yep." Trump asks why he didn't answer the door. Dennis says he didn't want to be bothered. He says it didn't matter who was knocking. Tom says he didn't know until now that Dennis was in the room when he was knocking. Dennis says he didn't want anyone to see his eyes looking like that. Trump says that no one would be able to because he wears sunglasses. Dennis takes them off and says, "See my eyes?" Trump says, soothingly, "They look good, Dennis." Trump is so much nicer to celebrities than real contestants on this show, don't you think?
Athena discusses whether Dennis had a reaction to a cat or a dog. Melissa hilariously says, "It wasn't any ... It was a girl named Kitty." Hee. Okay, I might like her a little bit for that. Back in the boardroom, Dennis says he refused to see a doctor, just like he did when he was in the NBA. Trump asks if he didn't think it was disrespectful not to say anything to Tom, even without opening the door, to say "Tom, I'm not feeling good." He says he wouldn't do that to Phil Jackson or Michael Jordan. Trump asks if Phil Jackson's knocking on that door, he opens it, right? Dennis says, honestly, no. Trump calls him a piece of work, as Dennis says that he'd do the same thing to Michael Jordan. Trump asks if that's a mood thing. Dennis says it's not a mood thing, it's just that if he's not feeling good, he asks the team to help him out. He says that's what a team is all about. He rambles on about being sick and stopping Donald Trump International Enterprises. Ivanka thankfully interrupts him to tell him if he doesn't communicate that he's sick, how does the team know to help him out. It just seems like he's not showing up. Trump asks Clint if he'd fire Dennis or Tom. Clint says that if he were Donald Trump, he'd make Dennis produce at least three doctors to tell him the same thing. Dennis just sits there chewing gum, acting sullen.
Most of the women think Dennis is going, but Brande thinks it's Tom. Annie and Brande bet $5 (Annie's idea, of course). Trump asks Jesse what he'd do, and Jesse says, "Fire Dennis and Tom." Trump says, "Tom because he wasn't a very good leader?" Jesse says Tom didn't get up either, that he had to call and wake him up, and then asked him to wake up Dennis. Tom says he wasn't late -- that everyone had a specific task and they were taken care of. Ivanka says that everyone else did leave before Tom, and it seems like no one believes he was knocking for that period of time. She thinks there's a little bit of a scapegoat thing in that it's convenient that Dennis overslept. Dennis says he didn't oversleep; he just didn't answer the door. Trump doesn't understand that at all, which I like. He asks Dennis if he minds not being led, or if he minds being led. I don't get what he's asking, and neither does Dennis, because he responds with another question: "What do you want me to say?"
Trump asks Dennis if he were Trump, would he fire him or Tom? Dennis won't answer, but Trump asks him again, "Do I fire you, or do I fire Tom?" He points out Dennis was late and wouldn't listen to anybody, including Tom, and asks again who should he fire. Dennis says nothing, so Trump says it again, louder. Dennis says he wants to stay, so he's saying Tom. George says he'd like to say something about Tom. He says that when he was down in the store and asked him about Dennis, Tom was very protective and didn't seem at all concerned that Dennis wasn't there. Tom says he was concerned, but was told it was an infection. George says that Tom didn't say anything about knocking on the door, but just protected Dennis like it was okay. Tom says that whenever something negative happened in the past weeks, the team dwelled on it and he was trying to keep it positive. Trump asks what Dennis produced, and Tom says he did bring some money down, from his agent and several other people.
Trump asks if Tom brought money. He says he didn't, because he was organizing. Trump says he didn't organize very well. He says the store was decorated poorly, he didn't control Dennis (though Trump acknowledges that probably no one can control Dennis), and he didn't bring any money in. Tom tries to say he took a non-traditional approach. Trump repeats all the criticisms, and says Tom was a bad leader. Trump says Tom could have been fired last week, and now this week was even worse. He says that he did have a guy not show up, but that's also because of his bad leadership. Trump says that he thinks Jesse might be right, and he should fire both of them. He asks Clint who he'd fire. Clint agrees to fire both of them. He asks Brian, who says, "Tom. Period." Trump says Tom was a lousy project manager, and was lousy last week. He fires Tom, who says, "That's fine." Dennis is like, "That's it?" Trump tells them to all get out of there. He tells Dennis to please try a little harder. Dennis says, "I will try. I will try." The women say that was brutal, and Annie says she owes Brande five bucks. Tom gets in the wrong elevator, and the receptionist tells him it's the wrong one. He's not going back up.
In the boardroom, Trump says Tom just wouldn't lead. Ivanka agrees, and says he also showed poor leadership by sleeping in. Trump says "We did the right thing." I want, just once, post-firing, for Trump to be like, "I've made a huge mistake" instead of this self-congratulation every time. It gets a little old. Tom exits the revolving door and gets into a car. Dennis leads the rest of KOTU back into the room.
In the car, Tom admits he's a little surprised. He didn't think he'd get fired, but that's the way the cards fell on the table (hey! That's Annie Duke's line). He thought he had the potential to win, but "that's cool." He's just surprised.
week: Dennis Rodman has a meltdown, in the form of getting in Clint's face. And the preview makes it look as if everyone's watching. And since he's twice Clint's height, it's probably a tad intimidating. It's back at 9 p.m., although I'm hoping it isn't back to two hours. ["It is" -- Angel] It's not worth it. ["It's not." -- AC] Also, I hope it's time to mix up the teams, especially if these women-geared tasks are going to continue. There's not much suspense with gender-specific tasks and gender-sorted teams, and I'd like a little suspense with my crazy from this show.
Get our predictions for who you think is going to win.