The show pads its two-hour time bloat by spending nearly five full minutes recapping last week. Well, they can suck it. If you saw it, you know what happened. If you didn't, then why the hell are you reading this? At any rate, Dennis and Herschel return non-triumphantly from the board room. Clint determines that, for the men's team to succeed, they'll have to get in line with the Project Manager, whoever that may be. He doesn't say it, but the upside of that plan is that, if the PM sucks and steers the team into the ground, he's a goner. See? Everybody wins! Tom Green realizes he can trust no one. Credits.
The opening scene is Joan delivering food to a homebound mother. They share a lovely moment while TH Joan gives the God's Love We Deliver spiel again. She presents the $126,000 check to the organization, and they group hug. Again, everybody wins (except The Dice Man and his crappy cupcake).
It's a new day, a new task for the Apprenti. Trump introduces them to CNBC anchor Erin Burnett. Trump claims to have participated with her in the biggest and best CNBC special EVER! How does that man do it? Pffffft. He tells them this week's task will deal with billion dollar-plus shoe, handbag and apparel site Zappos.com, then introduces them to Zappos CEO Tony No-Last-Name. Tony emphasizes that Zappos is all about customer service. As such, the teams will pair with Image Comics to create a comic book character that communicates the Zappos customer experience. Specifically, they must generate a costume and four-page comic, which the site might publish online. Emphasis on "might."
Trump tells them to pick PMs. Team Athena chooses Khloe because she owns clothing stores herself, though she admits she's unfamiliar with online business. After much deliberation, Team Kotu taps Scott. He retroactively justifies that they may have picked him because they saw him as a voice of reason last week. He reasons that he won't survive by shying away from leadership. Despite the fact that it's worked well for many, many people in the past.
Athena gets things rolling by meeting with Tony to determine exactly what he wants. And if he wants Khloe in a spangled prison-striped sweater, he is in luck! He launches into an extended remix of his earlier customer service speech, with bonus bits about customer service reps. Riveting stuff, really. Annie plans to use her poker skills to read Tony and what he wants. What she fails to recognize is that she is not gaming this guy. She is serving him, so no end-runs need apply. She also fails to take into account that Tony is an elusive bugger. For example, when she asks whether he would like the campaign to appeal equally to men and women, he flat-out refuses to answer. He tells them that's their call. Which is one way not to get what you want... Melissa randomly asks whether he prefers blondes or brunettes. She presses it to an uncomfortable degree, even asking what hair color the girl he dated longest and/or married had. Tony gets the look of discomfort on his face that only a gay man would get when asked about his girlfriend/wife. He eventually skirts the question, telling the ladies that the campaign is not about him.
Meanwhile, the guys are still struggling to find their character, even as their focus group joins them. Tom isn't impressed with Scott's leadership skills, so he takes the reins and launches into his shtick. Looks like we have a new court jester! Thank God Dice Man created that job to fill the gaping void on team Kotu. Scott spends most of the time bellyaching that Tom is stalling progress rather than reclaiming power and moving this sucker forward. He fears they're fucked. The focus group leaves, and still no character. Herschel grows increasingly agitated with Tom, even telling him to "shet up" repeatedly. Then he tells him to pitch his idea. Well, which is it? So Tom pitches an idea he's already pitched five times. Scott shuts him down. Clint comes up with an everywoman, and Jesse reminds them he needs to get the costume design to Brooklyn, or it won't be made. Someone actually has to tell Scott to make a damn decision already. Way to PM, Hamilton! Scott sits there silently. Commercials.
When we return, Athena has scheduling conflicts with their model and decides that Natalie should be the model instead. And seriously, until this moment, I didn't even know Natalie was on this show. The caption tells me she's a pro golfer, but I seriously thought she was just some sidewalk hooker they found near the Port Authority. Whoops! The ladies call the costume studio and immediately sends the guy on the other end of the line into a frenzy because they're all yapping at the same time. Joan calms him down by telling him to "touch velvet," then determines that he is gay and declares they're going to get along just fine. Joan, T-Boz and Natalie leave to sort out the costume, though Joan's still pissed that Annie didn't let her write the script.
Six hours in, the guys finally settle on a character -- a family woman who gets sucked into the computer and comes out a superhero? The idea is that she gets her power from the website. They work with the cartoonist to finalize the look of the character. Jesse and Dennis head off to design the costume. Erin Burnett comes to check on them and realizes in short order that they're a bunch of fuck-ups. She heads out, and Clint points out that they need a character name. This inspires Tom to start haphazardly screaming out Z names. Scott and Clint are not amused and basically ignore him while they finish up the story arc. At the last minute, Scott make his first PM decision: The character's name will be EEE, which stands for their motto, "Everything. Everywhere. Every time." Fair enough. And yet? Not a name. Tom pushes for a Z name once again, but is shot down. He states for the record that EEE is a lame non-name and makes fun of them a bunch to their faces. Clint even admits that it's a craptastic name, but he resolves to be loyal to the PM.
Back at Kotu, Dennis and Tom play games on The Office website. The guys finally decide that Tom should be the presenter. Tom feels like he's been jerked around, and he's kind of pissy about it, but he agrees. Tom points out that he has been given no responsibilities or power on this task. Herschel gets nonsensically offended and calls Tom a liar. Tom shows surprising restraint but makes it clear that he will not abide being called a liar. Dennis hands him what looks like chocolate milk (?) to "take the edge off," and they make a plan to go get a beer after the presentation.
Because this is a two-hour ep, we get yet another Trump-spirational speech. This time, he lectures about closing the deal. In short, no amount of work or creativity will matter if the client isn't happy.
Khloe says everyone was nervous before the pitch, especially her. Inside, Trump and Tony await Athena's presentation. Claudia takes the stage and starts strong, despite Natalie's Mizz Z looking like a busted hybrid of Mary Roach and Nikki McKibbin. Claudia makes the first of her flubs when she calls Trump and Tony women. Whoops! They also have a gratuitously kick-ass picture of a woman slamming her face into her computer keyboard, all "I. AM. SO. FUR-RUST-TER-ATED!" Despite this genius, the pitch -- which we learn is basically identical to the men's -- is pretty much a disaster scenario of stuttering and unnecessary self-correction. What's worse, Mary Roach McKibbin even announces that the costume is a visual catastrophe that she would never wear in public... or even out in the hallway. What a hag. In sum, it's not looking so great for the goddesses. , Tom takes the stage for the men and does a pretty solid job. Brian doesn't appear to agree with me, as he shakes his head dubiously from the front row. Also, props to that model for wearing skin-tight silver spandex. That shit ain't easy.
They head out, and Tony points out that it was stupid to call the heroine EEE since it has nothing to do with the unique Zappos Z. Though he did appreciate their focus on the customer. As for the ladies, he liked their understanding of the company's values and culture, though he gave them low marks for presentation and pronunciation on the company name. He starts to announce the winner... but we cut to commercials.
The Apprenti reconvene in the boardroom, where Trump praises Khloe for a surprisingly good job. [Way to dole out the backhanded compliments. - AC] He turns to Scott, who meanders through a skating metaphor. Trump notes the tension with Tom. Tom says he thinks Scott couldn't control the group. Scott points out that he never asked to be team manager, but no one else seems to remember or care how they arrived at his appointment. Trump asks Scott who was the most difficult person to manage, and Scott predictably points the finger at Tom. Tom argues that he had to make an effort not to get angry during this task because his ideas weren't respected. Scott starts giggling like a maniacal woodchuck and rolls his eyes psychotically. Herschel, surprisingly, sticks up for Tom, so Scott immediately backpedals and apologizes. Tom says Scott just proved his point. Trump notices that Brian is shaking his head ruefully as always and asks him to explain. Brian says Kotu is not a team, but a group of individuals. Erin says she noticed that during her check-up. Trump asks her who is at fault. She says that, abstractly, it should be the PM's job to put everyone in line. Scott grabs a shovel and starts digging his own grave.
Trump turns his attention to Athena. Khloe gives her team generic praise, so Trump turns his attention to Joan. She says Khloe grew into her role as PM but could have led better without all the chaos. Trump asks her to explain, and she points the finger at Annie. Trump gets it out that Joan felt disrespected by Annie's actions, and Joan runs with it, calling out Annie for thinking she's better and smarter than the rest of the team. Trump and Annie agree that she will inevitably end up a team player by the end of this experience. He advises Joan to take Annie to Las Vegas to win money. What that has to do with anything, I couldn't tell you... Trump moves on and asks Melissa who conceived Athena's character. Melissa again fudges the group-think process to take credit, but Khloe puts her in her place, giving credit to Claudia. Claudia stays classy and doesn't air out their dirty laundry at present. Unlike that bitch Natalie, who insulted the superhero costume in front of the client. Trump moves to her . Don gives her some food for thought, basically implying that she was a dumb skank for doing that. Trump shifts the discussion to Brande, which results in a lot of a awkward flirting and Trump revealing that he once unsuccessfully hit on Brande. Everyone has a good laugh at Trump's expense... for maybe the first time ever.
Trump moves down the line to Dennis. He would fire Scott, whom he considers too soft as a PM. Trump tries in vain to get Dennis to compare Scott to former Chicago Bulls coach Phil Jackson, but Dennis instead just states matter-of-factly that they're not on the ice. Trump doesn't know where to go with that, so he moves on to that purveyor of cholo style known as Jesse James. As a total side note, I am loving all the different iterations of what is boardroom appropriate this season. Dennis is rocking his Ed Hardy chic, Jesse's cholo'd out, Clint's rockin' the Johnny Cash look, and on and on... If nothing else, Scott should be fired just because his clothing is so damn boring. Anyhow, Trump asks Jesse who he would fire. Jesse provides the non sequitur of the day by calling out Clint. Trump is baffled: "Clint? What the fuck did Clint do?" Tom begins to explain on Jesse's behalf, calling Clint "a major wrench in the gears," but Trump shuts him up so Jesse can speak for himself. Jesse says Clint is argumentative and detrimental to the team. Upstairs, Joan calls Clint a snake and Claudia agrees she got a mean vibe from him from the start.
Trump asks who Clint would fire, and he sides with Scott. He suggests Trump should fire Tom because he was purposefully undermining Scott. With that, group discussion closes, and Trump lets Scott pick adversaries. Scott harkens back to last year and decides to pick two opponents even though it's really just a contest between Tom and him. Scott decides to bring Herschel back into the boardroom -- more as an advocate than as an opponent. Trump commands the ladies to turn off their TV, and they discuss their ambivalent feelings toward Tom.
In the waiting room, Tom acts diplomatically (genuinely or not, I don't know), but Scott and Herschel remain stone-faced Scott and Herschel. Inside the boardroom, Trump, Don and Erin caucus. Erin believes the men's team won't survive if both Tom and Scott stay on board. Don points out that Clint rubbed some people the wrong way and, therefore, questions why Scott chose to bring back Herschel. Trump calls the men back in.
Scott starts the final round of discussion, saying his attention and ability to lead were compromised by Tom's scatterbrained working style. Tom shakes his head and interrupts to insist that his teammates didn't understand what he was trying to do. This is actually a fairly brilliant move. It's totally ambiguous and, thus, impossible to disprove. And, as a bonus, Scott tries to demonstrate Tom's insanity, which only ends up making him look like the crazy one. Well played, Mr. Green, well played. After Scott's little episode, Tom interjects and claims he -- as opposed to, say, Clint -- was trying to bring positivity and enthusiasm, despite being cut down, sidelined and belittled all day.
Herschel chimes in. He admits that Tom has lots of talent but that he was a distraction and wouldn't follow direction. He brings up the "shet up" incident and explicitly says that Tom's clowning around pulled the team members' focus off of the work and their crashing deadlines. Trump realizes Herschel has fulfilled his sole purpose for being in the board room and dismisses him. Herschel joins the others upstairs and sadly predicts that Scott will be fired.
Back in the board room, Tom takes a savvy tack and basically bargains with Trump. He claims he knows how to control groups in a creative setting and promises to prove himself as PM the week if Trump will fire Scott. Erin isolates the reason why Kotu lost: EEE. She wants to settle once and for all whether EEE was Scott's idea. Scott starts in on another 45-minutes oration about his creative inspiration. Tom interrupts and brings up that the brainstorming lasted six hours. Trump wonders why so long. Tom says Clint slowed the creative process. Trump asks why Scott didn't bring Clint to the boardroom, instead of Herschel. Scott says Clint was a team player and a pit bull.
Scott goes back to the old standby: Tom is a derailer who fights with everyone. Tom says he didn't fight with Jesse when he suggested they pick a damn idea already. Trump takes this as a cue to randomly praise Jesse for a couple of minutes. Tom proves that he can stay on task when he describes Jesse as "an out-of-the-box thinker" and adds "and so am I." You see what he did there? He just keep chipping away at boring old Scott. Then he adds that Scott didn't fundamentally get the whole brainstorming thing. Scott deems the brainstorming session "a hurricane of [Tom]." Tom turns the tables, saying, "You just keep talking, Scott. Just keep talking..." So now, after all that insistence that Tom was the one who constantly interrupted others and wouldn't "shet up," Tom is showing that Scott is the motor mouthed nutcase. The most ridiculous part of it is that boring old Scott is absolutely right -- Tom is a game-player. And he's playing Scott like a fiddle. Commercials.
Trump asks Scott to make his final plea. Instead, Scott admits he wasn't ready to take on PM. He talks about how he wanted to unite the team so he could raise money for cancer. Tom starts to talk, and Scott harshly cuts him off. Bad move, buddy. Tom was actually trying to point out that they both survived testicular cancer and are both playing to raise money for the cause. So, yeah, Scott looks like an ass. No less so when he screams out that they both have one ball! [Scott's claim that together they were a set made for a disgustingly weird visual. - AC] Scott wraps up his point -- he's of more long-term value to the team than Tom. Erin begins talking about how they were both kind of pathetic. Tom chimes in. Scott again shushes him and rolls his eyes in frustration, which prompts Trump to give him a cute little wink. Erin continues talking and makes the overarching point that EEE was a dumbass name and was, without a doubt, the reason they lost. Don agrees. Scott gives it one last shot, arguing that people shouldn't be dismissed on the basis of a single mistake. Which would be a sound argument if it weren't the whole point of the show. In the microcosm of this show, that EEE is the equivalent of a multi-million dollar fuck up or an accidental declaration of war. It's a massive mistake and, frankly, the only way they have to distinguish you from anyone else. So, yeah, you should be fired for one mistake. Sorry.
Trump finally delivers his verdict. Since Scott was single-handedly responsible for the team's loss, he's fired. Trump tells Tom he has a lot to live up to week. Wouldn't it have been deliciously punny if he had said Tom was "on thin ice"? Just sayin'... Tom and Scott exit the boardroom. Scott tells Tom to apologize for letting the team down, and Tom assures him he didn't let anyone down. They shake hands, and it's amazingly civil considering how they were just at each other's throats. Back inside, Trump and his minions pat themselves on the back.
Down on street level, Scott boards the Town Car of despair. He claims to be bitterly disappointed, yet upbeat. He says he has a lot of things to fall back on, including but not limited to curing cancer, so whatevs...
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