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Okay, first off, everyone hates Kyle. Huge twist, I know. Seymone is a possible exception, but that's all hearsay from Kyle so we can't really be sure. The two teams are challenged, under direction from Nigel, to create a two-minute PSA for Tyra's B.I.O. campaign. B.I.O. stands for "Beauty Inside and Out," and focuses on anti-bullying. You surely didn't think she wasn't going to get in on THAT. Each team is charged to work with four young girls, which is the extended money shot of this episode. The young girls are adorable and amazing, and the challenge brings out tales of earlier bullying and insecurities from the models, and it's actually all quite touching. When the absolutely gorgeous young girl working with Alicia confessed that she didn't like the color of her skin or texture of her hair, I totally started crying, which was a complement to Alicia's own bawling. The sky is green, the grass is blue, Top Model made me cry in Season 18. I'm sort of gobsmacked by it all. The Brits continue their streak by winning the challenge, getting their PSA shown on The CW website, and a bonus prize of video messages from home. The videos are very lovely and supportive, with the exception of Sophie's douchey boyfriend, who gives her, like, weather updates from the alley to the pub. She is TOTALLY breaking up with him when she gets back. Which she should, because he also looks to be 14.
The photo shoot for the week is conceptually quite weird. The set is a really fabulous Bel Air mansion, and the guest star is British pop star Estelle (who is great), and the girls are to pose as booty-tooching art installations at a fabulous dinner party. Except what art installation crawls all over your table? Several of the girls struggle, as befits the rather unclear assignment. The extreme tooching proves to be a challenge as well, and the models are left with shaking legs and aching backs. Kyle gets a literal boost in the form of butt pads to supplement her flat ass. A lot of the girls are pissed about this advantage, which they see as unfair. Because Kyle didn't have to deal with the pain of the extreme tooch, she could focus on her face. Lucky for them, however, she doesn't, and lands in the bottom two along with my beloved Alisha. It's not all bad news for the Brits, though, as Sophie gets best photo for the week and Alisha is spared. Kyle is sent back to Texas where she can pursue eye reduction surgery, and perhaps a personality enhancement, and continue to smile for miles.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Okay, you guys. First of all, THIS. I still feel like I haven't properly processed it all, aside from recognizing that, other than dealing with Tyra, these three have had a sweet-ass deal for a really long time. In some ways, the most shocking thing is that Cutrone apparently HASN'T been fired. Up is down, right is wrong. I do wonder who will replace Nigel and the Jays, and hope that it is some combination of all of the Real Housewives who have been fired from their respective shows, Andre Leon Talley, and Sharon Needles. But who am I kidding? We all know that from now on the whole show (including contestants!) is going to be comprised of Tyra and holograms of Tyra. And Kelly Cutrone, I guess. Sigh.
Previously: Androgynous American front-runner Azmarie was sent home, for being too cool for stopping, dropping OR tooching. Eight bitches remain! Four are British, and four are Yanks.
We open the episode with the Brits finally coming home to a giant present that belongs to them. Their video plays on the house TV, along with stirring commentary like, "You had the cow by the udders!" Who was it that gave that high praise? Alisha thinks that her country-women should thank her, because she had best photo of the week and thus earned the oversized prize. The box appears to be filled with, like, crap from the Salvation Army. Maybe they don't have Salvation Armies in England so it seems really exotic and cool to the British models?
As the Brits ride high on their victory, Seymone and Kyle consume carbs in the saddest ever "potato party." They're just eating potato salad out of a giant Tupperware container. Kyle claims that she and Seymone have become really close, apparently because both of them are widely reviled in the house. I guess Seymone never recovered from the haggis incident, just as I feared. Kyle confessionalizes that the haters can keep hating, and it's just going to make her stronger. She must be Hulk-strong at this point, given how much shit we see being talked about her. Laura and Sophie have a tête-à-tête by the pool, at which they agree that Kyle is a terrible model and should have gone home before Azmarie. I think we can all co-sign on that latter point. Sophie notes that the judges see something in Kyle, but she's in no way strong enough to take the prize or even be there. She brings up that unfortunate time when Kyle wanted to quit the entire show, and Laura notes that she doesn't trust Kyle as far as she could throw her. Kyle is so gangly that I think she'd be especially hard to throw, and then she'd probably just land on one of her prominent eyeballs and start complaining. As Laura tells us that everybody is sick of Kyle's attitude and ready for her to go home, the credits roll.
When we return, there is Tyra Mail: "Beauty is in the SMIZE of the beholder. Fierce and Love, Tyra." Laura wonders if the challenge will have to do with convincing others of their own personal worth, and then talks about how, at this point in the competition, she needs to work on her own self and not get involved in the drama. The models head to a bit studio where Nigel awaits, likely with no idea of the unemployment that looms in his near future! Oh, he was so innocent then, just leering and being creepy like he does. He tells the ladies that they're going to be creating, in teams, two-minute PSAs for Tyra's B.I.O. campaign -- that stands for "Beauty, Inside and Out." It's an anti-bullying campaign, and I think that as Tyra's involvement becomes deeper it should be renamed to "It Gets Worse." Each team will be working with four young girls, who will be incorporated into the PSAs. The winning team will have their PSA released on the CW website, and will also get personal video messages from loved one on their Virgin Mobile product placements.
The two teams (British and American, of course) brainstorm for their PSAs, and the Brits come up with the slogan, "Beauty is inside and out. Beauty is you." Meanwhile, Kyle is talking to the rest of her American teammates, but nobody seems to be paying much attention. She confessionalizes that she doesn't particularly care for the American models, and doesn't want to be friends with them. Well, who's the hater now? Kyle is, however, forced to be on a team with her enemies (no "fr" included) and so is ready to get down to work. Eboni tells the others that her biggest insecurity growing up was her race and social status. She was made fun of for her nose and lips and skin color, and because she was poor she couldn't compensate with clothes and shoes and the like. Eboni says that she's been called names, and had chocolate milk thrown on her, and generally bullied. Working on the PSA, she tells us, and incorporating her negative experiences and trying to make them positive, was a struggle.
As the teams paint their respective backdrops with inspirational language and various colorful blobs, Laura tells us that she didn't always feel beautiful inside and out. She wants other little girls who also feel like they're in a hole to know that things can be changed. We get glimpses of the backdrops, and I must give credit to Twitter-er Nadia, who pointed out to me that, amongst their giant dump of paint, the Americans have spelled the word "fierce" wrong. Yep: FEIRCE. Is "I before E except after C" not taught anymore? Can we bring that back? Both backdrops are very ugly, but the Brits show a bit more restraint, in part because they don't want theirs to look as hideous as the Americans'. Sophie points out a flower on the American backdrop that looks, in her own words, like a poo. Perhaps the Americans are actually genius performance artists who work purely with their own feces? Maybe then, in context, Seymone and the haggis loaf makes sense?
And then it's time for the young girls to enter. They. Are. The. Cutest. Each young girl is paired with a model, and hugs abound. The models seem to have a little questionnaire to give to their girls, and we see Sophie asking her counterpart Raquel when she feels beautiful. Raquel answers, "When I dance and when I act," and Sophie sees PSA potential. Raquel, however, didn't feel so beautiful when she went to a new school and people told her she was ugly and made fun of her Cindy Crawford-esque mole. They said it looked like someone took a dump on her face! That is so mean! Sophie tells Raquel that the other kids are jealous, and then we see photos of little Sophie, who was not quite the glamorous gazelle that she is now, but was still really cute. Raquel says that inner beauty can't be bullied, which Sophie loves.
We see Kyle's younger counterpart say that confidence is beautiful, while Esthefany, the little spunkmeister working with Laura, says that it's beautiful when she gets good grades and wins awards and makes her parents proud. We then get a little more backstory on Laura, who tells us that when she was nine years old she came home to the smell of rotted, stale beer and felt that she wasn't good enough for her parents to stay sober. She knew she had to get herself out of that situation, but doesn't tell us exactly how she did it. Still, it's a compelling piece of information. This is exactly the kind of thing that makes me miss the casting special, where Tyra would have made Laura talk about this at length while wearing a bikini.
Oh my God, and then it's time to focus on Alisha and her young friend, Anahi, who is the cutest, most beautiful little thing. But also the saddest! She says that she doesn't feel beautiful when she looks at the color of her skin and her hair. And seriously, her skin and hair are so gorgeous, you can't even believe it. But she says that when she looks at princesses they're all pretty and have different hair. And then everybody's crying, including me. Damn you, Top Model! Alisha tells Anahi that she is so beautiful, and then tells us that she's been there and done that and totally relates to being bullied for things that you can't change. This whole thing is taking her back to a place where she doesn't want to be. Alisha tells Anahi that God made her this way because it's how he wants her to look and she's so beautiful. As tears fall, we head to commercials. Thankfully, so I can get a tissue! Fine, a box. Curses. Being reminded that I have emotions while recapping this show is, in fact, a professional hazard.
When we return, Alisha emphasizes that Anahi is beautiful and shouldn't let anyone tell her differently. And then there are smiles and hugs! Alisha sees perfection when she looks at Anahi, and tells us that being yourself is the most beautiful thing in the world. The models and girls continue to work together, and come up with little catchphrases about what beauty is. Filming begins, and we first see Seymone with her young friend, Zara. They have hearts on their faces, and talk about beauty being love, and love being as simple as a smile. Eboni and Natalie talk about beauty being unique. Natalie thinks beauty is her family and her music! Then there is Laura with sassmeister Esthefany, who says that beauty is freedom and freedom is mold. What she means, Laura clarifies, is that freedom is breaking ANY mold. I was wondering where that was going. Kyle and Alicia think that beauty is inspiration, and embracing individuality. Then everybody has a group shot in which they say in unison, "Beauty is me!" The PSA seemed relatively competent overall, despite the poo spot on the backdrop.
, it's time for the Brits to film. Catherine and her young friend Michelle are first, and deliver their lines about smarts and humor being beautiful in unison. They end with a jump and a high five, and it's a liiiiiiiittle cheesy. Alisha and Anahi are , talking about how beauty is special, like the bond you have with your mother or sister or best friends or a pet that can get you through tough times. Speaking of moms, Alisha misses hers a whole lot and would really like to get a video message. We then see Annaliese and Chyna, who talk about how beauty is about showing your inner confidence with a smile. Raquel and Sophie think that beauty is love...of a whole bunch of things. Like fun! Love of fun! You can totally tell that Raquel is a little actress. They spin around, and then the whole group does their "Beauty is on the inside and out. Beauty is you!" catch phrase and there is much merriment.
Nigel gives critique to both groups. He likes what the Americans did, but says that it lacked an element of familiarity between the models and the girls. It didn't feel to him like they really knew each other. The Brits were very well rehearsed, and did a great job, but it was a little forced from time to time and felt less authentic. But no matter: the Brits win! Alisha feels a little bad upon seeing the dejected Americans, but soon gets over it and decides that if they wanted to win they should have worked harder. Fair enough, I guess.
Back at the house, the UK girls get their video messages! Annaliese's is from her good friend, who is lovely and supportive. Catherine gets a message from her parents and her dog. Her mom looks exactly like a cross between Catherine and Meryl Streep. Alisha's mom, dad and little brother talk about how proud they are of her, and her brother is super cute, and Alisha just cries and cries while wearing a shower cap. And then it's time for Sophie's boyfriend to deliver his very unspectacular message. She complains that there was no emotion, no lovingness toward her, no encouragement, and no pride. She calls it bullocks, and I think we have hit upon a Dan Savage D.T.M.F.A. moment.
With that, there is more Tyra Mail: "Tomorrow you will be the centerpiece of attention. Fierce and love, Tyra." Everyone immediately thinks that they will have to pose as statues, which is maybe about a quarter true. Kyle takes this time to tell us again how much she dislikes the other girls, and doesn't want to be around them when they all are in the house. Part of this is so they don't see her emotions, because she thinks they'll pounce on that and bring her down. As she wraps herself in her bed-fort, Kyle resolves to nail the upcoming photo shoot. That kind of resolution always has a 50-50 chance of becoming a kiss of death, doesn't it?
The morning, the girls head to a really spectacular Bel-Air mansion where Jay awaits, obviously also oblivious to his eventual fate. Though when he ruminates on the fact that he has to say lines like, "This week we're taking the booty tooch to the high fashion extreme," maybe he'll see it all as a blessing. He tells the models that they'll be posing as art installations at a fabulous dinner party in the mansion. What "art installations" means is really up for grabs, here. One thing that's for sure, though, is that these girls need to tooch like they've never tooched before! Alisha tells us that there's no excuse for her tooch not to be tooched correctly, because Tyra has taught her the way. So she's going to give some booty hooty, and some toochie fruity. It's hard to argue with that logic. Ben Shaul is the photographer for the day.
As the girls get their hair and makeup done, Jay introduces their special guest for the day, British pop star Estelle! She will be playing the role of party host, and I must say that she's quite a good guest star and judge. Estelle advises the girls to give an extra little something in front of the camera, and be themselves but better. So, the way the shoot is set up is that there's a big ol' table with Estelle in the middle, and then three of the models serve as extras/dinner party guests. And then there's the person who's the "art installation" performing for the people having dinner, who is supposed to be the focus of the shot. Laura is up first, and starts getting on the table and, like, yanking her own hair. I don't know, it's all very strange and I fear that the girls aren't quite getting the direction they need. Estelle tells us that Laura wasn't particularly aware of what else was happening in the shot, and kept cock-blocking Estelle from the camera. Ben agrees that this was a tough shoot for Laura. Laura crushes a tomato in her hand, which goes all over her face and Kyle's boobs. Hot?
Catherine is up , and Ben tells her not to be afraid, but to be British. She puts an apple in her mouth and goes for a high fashion pose, losing her tooch in the process. Jay tells us that Catherine got lost on set and didn't know what to do, and I still maintain that you can't really blame any of them for that. She starts grasping at any prop she can find, and Jay is not impressed. Annaliese is , and Estelle thinks she did a great job and brought a little injection of life to the whole scenario. Then there's Alisha. She crawls on the table too, and Ben tells her that she needs to find ways of fitting into the environment. Alisha exposes us to the harsh reality of the pain of the extreme booty tooch. Her legs are even shaking! She's sweating! The general consensus is that Alisha struggled mightily, and not just with the physical demands of the tooch. Eboni and Sophie talk about how Alisha hasn't yet gotten the concept of "ugly-pretty," which we know is a Top Model favorite. The folks on set kept telling Alisha that they wanted more, but she in turn played it too safe, at least for Sophie's taste. As Sophie predicts a disastrous panel for Alisha and thus the Brits, we head to commercials.
When we return, Sophie's up. Ben gives her the direction to be extravagant, eccentric, and watch out for the meringue pie. Jay thinks that Sophie has finally come into her own, and is free of the horrible manacles that have been holding her back. By "manacles" I think he means her lame boyfriend. Anyway, Sophie has become more adventurous and apparently killed it. Her legs are shaking, too! She attributes this to the fact that she doesn't get much exercise. Eboni is , and Jay tells her to amp it up a little and forget all that 30-Never nonsense for the time being. She seems to do a great job as well. Seymone is, of course, perfectly comfortable at a dinner party, and takes Jay's hint to smash a pie in Annaliese's face. Annaliese tells us that if Seymone gets best photo, she owes her one for taking it up the nose. And by "it" I mean meringue. Has Tyra gotten a pie in the face yet? She certainly seems to have earned it karmically.
And then there's Kyle. As it turns out, one of Kyle's many problems is that she doesn't have a booty to tooch. The wardrobe person gives her a training tooch, or some sort of padded equivalent. Laura tells us that Kyle is the only one of the girls who had a fake booty tooch. This only strengthens Laura's hope that Kyle is the one to go, and she in fact is willing to shell out some money to make this happen. Kyle manages to pose through the seething hatred coming at her from the various dinner party guests, and it's a wrap! Back at the house, there is some conversation about Kyle and her fake butt. Laura thinks the only reason that her shots look good is because she was wearing butt padding. Sophie agrees, and says that because extreme tooching is really painful, Kyle had an advantage since she could focus on posing with her built-in tooch in place. She thinks that a lot of the girls were pissed about the situation.
There is Tyra Mail of Doom! Someone is going home. Alisha is packing, much to her teammates' chagrin. She says that she's just preparing, although in an interview she promises us that if she goes home over Kyle, there will be drama at panel. Alisha did not cross the pond just to have someone who maybe possibly doesn't even want to be there take her dream away. I think the person that she is referring to who maybe possibly doesn't even want to be there is Tyra. But if Kyle stays and Alisha goes home, Alisha promises, there will be issues. As Eboni lights a flame for the fallen homies and homies about to fall, we head to commercials.
When we return, it's panel time. Tyra is wearing a spectacularly unflattering dress -- even more so than usual! There are prizes, there are judges. Estelle is the guest judge. Catherine is up first for evaluation, and the judges note that she is, indeed, tooching. Nigel thinks that the shot is cool and interesting, but he doesn't really understand what Catherine is doing. He thinks she's focusing too much on the tooch, and the face is doing its own thing. Cutrone wanted to the scene to be one of utter indulgence, but it's not quite getting there. Estelle says that the shot isn't doing too much for Catherine, but it's difficult to slide on a table and arch your butt cheeks. Tyra starts talking about the art of the booty tooch, and then can't believe that she even just said that, and then Nigel can't believe that she said that either... and this is why he got FIRED. Don't ever get too comfortable, people.
Alisha is , and Nigel thinks that she looks like she has a toochache. He wishes that she was more committed, and would like her to be messier. Estelle likes Alisha's front half, but not so much the back. This unfortunately includes the tooch. Tyra reminds everyone that Alisha blew them away last week in the video, but says that her dynamism tends to evaporate in a still photo. Sophie is , and Nigel commends her on her smizing. Estelle thinks that Sophie did really well, and loves the photo. Cutrone says that the photo is reminiscent of Ivana Trump's divorce party -- nasty, dirty, sexy, mayhem. Those four things are favorites of Cutrone's, so Sophie is in good shape.
is Annaliese, and Nigel thinks it's her best photo yet. Estelle notes that Annaliese upped the ante for everybody else, and was quite inventive in her posing. Cutrone agrees that it's Annaliese's best, but Tyra doesn't love the shot. She thinks Annaliese looks beautiful, but her expression is too commercial for a high-fashion tooch shoot. Eboni is , and Nigel thinks that she's done a nice job on a pretzel tooch. Cutrone, however, thinks that it's too topsy-tury. Tyra loves it, though, and says that Eboni looks out there but still young in the face. Then there's Kyle. She tells the judges about the fake tooch, which doesn't get much reaction. Nigel thinks her photo is just okay, and better in the face than the body. However, Kyle is rocking her "signature expression," which means that all of her photos look the same. Estelle notes that Kyle wasn't really aware of what was going on around her, so the others had to dodge her. Cutrone is disappointed, and thinks that Kyle has been going steadily downhill since her beginning-of-show apex as Andy Warhol.
Laura's face is beautiful in her photo, but neither Nigel nor Cutrone love it. Tyra, however, likes it and thinks it's fun with interesting angles. And then there's Seymone. She's doing a backbend in her photo, which is maybe weird and maybe interesting. Nigel busts out with the fiercely real comment, "I would have thought your tooch would have been enormous." Nice. Very nice. Seymone's tooch is disappointingly proportionate. She also had the misfortune to have her tooch obscured behind what appears to be a wine glass full of Orangina. Otherwise, however, Estelle and Cutrone both really like the picture. Tyra tells Seymone that she's like an upside down arched rainbow tooch, and it's amazing. With comments like that, I worry that Tyra is slowly morphing into Paula Abdul.
The judges deliberate. Catherine was great in the B.I.O. challenge, but her photo lacks authenticity. Cutrone thinks that she's making great progress with how she looks in person, but her photo looks like a leg of lamb that should go back into the freezer. Nice try, but that makes no sense. Nigel thinks that Alisha looked great when she was in the background of other girls' photos, but her feature shot was lacking. Cutrone says that she's been struck more and more by Alisha's beauty, and really thinks that they need to work with her and turn her amazing body and presence into a supermodel. Sophie was one of the better models, according to Estelle, and also lit up the room and was very supportive of the others. Nigel sees in her picture a Ziggy Stardust '70s debauchery kind of thing, mixed with an animalistic lurch (that's a good thing). Cutrone says that Sophie is becoming a contender in the competition, and getting better every week.
Eboni is blossoming too, according to Nigel. He can see what she's capable of, and finds that exciting and direct-able. Cutrone, however, thinks that Eboni's shot is too Cirque de Soleil, and couldn't think of one magazine where the shot would be printed. Tyra disagrees and says that she can totally see it in Italian Vogue, with Franca Sozzani drooling all over it. Kyle isn't doing it for Cutrone, who says that her shot is sad and depressing. Nigel likes her face, but Cutrone doesn't think that's enough. Tyra accuses Kyle of hoochie tooching, which as we know is one of the four cardinal sins of tooching. Nigel says that Laura's shot is spectacular in many respects, but isn't very fashion-spectacular. Estelle thinks that Laura was contorting too much and needed to tone it down. Tyra thinks that Laura's photo is a mix of gymnastics, ice skating, and stripper club. High praise! Nigel really likes Annaliese's picture, and thinks it spans commercial and editorial styles. Cutrone gives the shot big props, but still has a question as to whether Annaliese is a high end fashion model. Estelle doesn't think the pose is high fashion, but loves the energy. Seymone's picture is solid, and Tyra likes how she's being fiercely real and backbending into a rainbow AT THE SAME TIME!
The judges have reached a decision. Eight beautiful young ladies, seven photos. You know what they represent. And best picture for the week goes to Sophie! She's thrilled, and the other Brits are thrilled on her behalf. The runner-up is Seymone, followed by Eboni, Annaliese, Laura and Catherine. This leaves Alisha and Kyle in the bottom two. Kyle is a strong beauty, but she's not great. Furthermore, the judges are seeing the same look over and over again, and America's Top Model needs to have diversity while still maintaining a consistent brand. Then there's Alisha. From week to week, the judges think she's amazing, but her pictures don't measure up to who she is in person. Her fantastic video performance makes the judges wonder if she should do commercials and not model in magazines. But Alisha stays, yay! Tyra tells her that her consistently good background photos kept her in the running.
Tyra hugs Kyle and tells her to go home and practice different faces. Girls door, she says, can indeed do different faces, and Tyra herself is living proof. Wow, what an inspirational story. Kyle tells us that this has been a hard and stressful journey, and there have been times when she's wanted to quit, but she actually did want to stay and continue and win the whole competition. She doesn't think it was really her time to go, but is proud of herself and hopes that Texas will be proud of her too. And then, just in case we were tempted to start liking Kyle a little bit, we get the, "Hi! I'm Kyle! And I smile for miles!" clip again. Stop, drop, and please let us never have to hear your voice again!
week: Big time fashion walking deal where Catherine trips and heavy dresses made of Hello Kitty merchandise!