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The final six get a hot minute to celebrate Kyle's departure before they are thrown into the world of fashion prizes and runway shows! At the Beverly Hills Hotel, the models meet up with Kelly Cutrone and learn that they will be walking in a show for the Dorchester Collection Fashion Prize. Though all of the girls will walk for the four competing designers, selected individuals will be chosen to open the shows. All of this is a big deal because there are some estimable judges for the Prize, including Georgina Chapman and Karen Craig of Marchesa and Francisco Costa of Calvin Klein. The model who opens the show for the winning designer will be the challenge winner.
The models walk in a casting for the four designers in contention, and Catherine manages to stumble. That's bad, even though she swears she won't do it on an ACTUAL runway. Eboni gives a particularly bad performance, which Cutrone likens to a robot on Oxycontin. In general, Cutrone is frustrated because there's not a "slayer" in the bunch. I have to agree with her there -- at least Catherine's stumble showed some personality! When Cutrone gives her critique to the girls, Seymone gets in one of her moods and pouts endlessly. Everyone is basically sick of her being such a baby, and would like her to stick a loaf of haggis in it.
The girls learn who has been booked to open the various shows. Alisha is chosen to open for Anndra Neen, Annalise will open for Julian Louie, and Sophie gets two openings -- for Siki Im and Giulietta. The others walk, I presume, somewhere far back in the show where they can't ruin anything. The famous judges show up backstage for a brief Q&A, and Georgina Chapman looks flawless per usual. Though the walks in the show seem for the most part to be pretty dull, there are no major gaffes. I guess the Dorchester Collection Fashion Prize did not go for the idea of a giant swinging pendulum. Anndra Neen wins the Dorchester Prize, and Alisha by association wins the challenge.
, the ladies have a pretty fantastic fashion shoot where they wear very elaborate (and also, by all accounts, quite heavy) Hello Kitty couture designed especially for the shoot. Their photographer, Ann He, is only sixteen years old and was a finalist in some sort of Seventeen contest. She is extremely lovely and professional, and makes Seymone look like even more of a baby when she complains about her giant wig. Though it really does seem like something that would hurt a bitch, Jay basically tells her that nothing in fashion is ever comfortable, so she needs to get over it. Eboni picks the absolute wrong time to again take issue with her whole 30-Never persona. Hint: when you are literally wearing toys, make an attempt to look young and fun! Seymone and Eboni land in the bottom two, and Eboni squeaks by while Seymone is sent home to wallow in a bathtub full of haggis. Meanwhile, it continues to be a very good week for Alisha, who deservedly gets best photo, and the Brits in general, who are now up four to two over the Americans! Dare we dream of an all-British final?
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Kyle got a long-awaited boot, which may finally squash her well-known compulsion to smile for miles. Seriously, will those three seconds of song not haunt your dreams forever? Throughout the day they will randomly pop into my head, leaving me to pull at my own hair and scream, "Nooooooooo!" into the ether. When people ask what's wrong, I can merely mumble, "Stop...drop...tooch," and weep. If my co-workers take me away in a straightjacket, please use this as evidence.
Anyway! The girls return home from panel to find a giant box of presents for the Brits. This is all in honor of Sophie's best-of-week photo, in which she tells us she's giving both side-tooch and smize, along with a helping of fierceness. This is just the confidence boost that Sophie needed, and she's pleased that the judges have finally taken notice of her. It's funny that she'd characterize it that way, because I think she's been a bit of a front-runner from the outset. As the Brits celebrate and revel in whatever crap they've gotten, Seymone pouts. She doesn't think the Brits are staging a comeback, but have rather gotten a "little moment to shine." This one has haggis in her soul, doesn't she?
Later, there is much celebration about the fact that Kyle is gone. Though several of the girls seem pleased, Laura is the most vocal and tells us that the fat (bony fat, such as it is) has been trimmed and the competition is on. Elsewhere, Sophie puts hot sauce on a piece of celery (gross or genius? I can't decide!) as Alisha complains about the judges calling her a commercial model. In London, apparently, Alisha is considered editorial, so this is all very confusing to her. Poor Alisha went from the top to the bottom two, and says that it's just the wake-up call she needed. From now on, she pledges to be a beast and win the damn thing. I figure it's going to be her or Sophie, given the rapidly thinning and not always impressive American herd.
After credits, we see Alisha looking at Sophie's digitally displayed best-of-week photo, and telling Eboni that the eye makeup makes the whole thing. Oooh, do I detect a little bit of trouble brewing amongst the Brits? Alisha goes on to tell us that Sophie's agencies in London are the best, and it's greedy of her to even try for the Top Model prizes, which include two agency contracts. Both of Alisha's parents have been working three jobs, in part to support her, and she wants to be successful and be able to provide both for herself and for them. I do wish that Tyra would, like, hire the whole family at a fair wage. They seem like lovely people.
There is Tyra Mail! "Hope by now you've hit your stride, the fashion elite awaits! Fierce and love, Tyra." Before the girls can really discuss their theory that this will involve runway shenanigans, brand futurist Martin Lindstrom pops up on the screen. Is Tyra banging this guy? I really do not understand his continued presence on the show. Martin explains that the ladies are going to go on a casting for an extremely important event, so hopefully they've been studying up on his first impression lessons. In case they haven't, however, he's going to give each of them a few reminders. You know, because he knows the girls so well after meeting them that one time when Tyra named them all like they were characters in her book. Martin tells Sophie that people like her bubbly personality, but she has to make sure not to get too full of herself and turn people off. Does that seem like a danger, really? Sophie has always come across as so pleasant. Eboni's youth is her strength, but Martin says that she can also come across as arrogant. I thought she came off as trying to look like a whore? Eboni still is not feeling the baby face thing, in case you were wondering. Seymone speaks with confidence as a fiercely real model, but her body language says the opposite. Okay, wait, how can her criticism not be her periodic stankness? Alisha shows fierce determination, but can crumble under bad critiques. Martin ends by telling all the girls to believe in themselves, always. Wow, what sage and original advice! He's well worth his consulting fee.
With that, the girls head to the Beverly Hills Hotel. Laura claims that it is elegant and extravagant, though to me it seems to have a vibe like the ghost of Bert Convy is going to slip you a roofie. Kelly Cutrone awaits the models by the pool, which is hilarious since the skin below her chin has seen neither sun or nor open air in about 25 years. Annaliese reminds us that Cutrone kind of hates her, and in fact hears her voice in nightmares. What does Martin Lindstrom have to say about turning around that impression? Cutrone talks up the Beverly Hills Hotel, and notes that it's owned by the Dorchester Collection. This is of note, because the girls are going to have an opportunity to open a fashion show as part of the Dorchester Collection Fashion Prize. The Prize itself is for designers, but the show provides an opportunity for the models to be seen by fashion's elite.
Bronwyn Cosgrave, who is the chairperson of the Dorchester Collection Fashion Prize and possibly also an old-timey ghost herself, explains that the four designers they are about to meet will stage a runway show in front of an audience, as well as an esteemed panel of judges including: Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig, founders of Marchesa; and Francisco Costa, creative director of the Calvin Klein collection. The winning designer will get $40,000 and an opportunity to display his or her collection during fashion week. The model who opens for the winning designer will get a free two-night trip to one of the nine Dorchester Collection hotels. Cutrone notes that the models who don't get picked to open will still be in the shows. Catherine notes that she really needs to stand out since she booked zero shows in Toronto. And stand out she will, though not for the reasons she would like.
The first casting is for Anndra Neen, which is apparently a jewelry line. The girls walk as Cutrone skulks about and watches. One of the Anndra Neen designers, Phoebe Stephens, explains that all of their jewelry is handmade in Mexico City, where they are from. There really are some lovely pieces. The other designer, Annette Stephens, explains how important the models will be, since if anything happens to them on the runway you lose the entire look. And with that, Catherine walks directly into a chair and almost falls. This is not good. She confessionalizes, "Please book me! I promise I won't actually do this in the show." Well, I'm sure the designers will take her word on that.
is the casting for Giulietta. Designer Sofia Sizzi explains that the collection is vintage '60s-inspired, and that they're looking for a girl with personality. You know who doesn't have personality? Eboni. Cutrone describes her performance as, "Robots on Oxycontin." Well, isn't that what the 21st century is all about? We then go to the casting for Julian Louie, who tells the girls that their walks should be straight and clean. He thinks that Annaliese is incredibly elegant, sophisticated, and refined, with a lot of potential. As all the girls walk in a line, Cutrone tells Laura not to look so serious, since it's only fashion. That's perfect advice coming from her, because she's so fun and light all the time.
is the casting for Siki Im, who tells the girls that he used to live in Oxford. That's where Sophie is from, and she smiles and giggles and chats about the whole thing, as you do. We then cut to Alisha confessionalizing that there's a bit of fakery going on, which she doesn't appreciate. This isn't acting class, she says, so there's no need to overact. I kind of doubt that she's actually talking about Sophie in that clip, but who knows. The effort to build up a rivalry between those two leads me to believe that they may be the final contenders, which is an exciting prospect. Siki explains that he'll be presenting a menswear collection, so it's important for the models to feel the vibe of his clothes. When Seymone walks, Siki asks her not to move her hands from side to side so much, and then Sophie does a really fantastic impression of hand-bobbing, lick-lipping, crazy-looking, catwalking Seymone. You know who is not thrilled about anyone today? Cutrone. She says that all the girls need to step it up, and there was not one "slayer" amongst the bunch. She didn't see a "Bam!," and as she expresses her frustration in a raspberry-esque fashion, we head to commercials.
When we return, Cutrone spends the ten minutes before the opening girls are announced engaging in a critique of the castings. She tells Eboni that her face was fierce when she walked, and not in a good way. She needs to keep her face relaxed, and drop the trout pout. Catherine went where only one in 1,000 models has gone and tripped. This will not do. If she has a problem with her shoe or something, says Cutrone, she should let the designer know before she goes out and stumbles in front of the entire city of L.A. Seymone's walk is simply not happening, and Cutrone tells her to stop swinging her arms so much. As expected, Seymone does not take this news too well and instantly transitions to a stank mood. After Cutrone leaves, Seymone says in a rather defensive manner that she's new to modeling so of course her walk isn't on point and that's why she's working on it. Oh! And it turns out Cutrone is actually skulking about around the corner, as she is wont to do, and taking it all in. All of the other girls seem to be in agreement that Seymone is a pain in the ass, and Laura points out that if influential people see your damn stank mood on display, they're not going to want to work with you. Annaliese tells Seymone that her mood now is reminiscent of her mood in Toronto, which was also stank. She interviews that Seymone is hard work, big sign.
And then the opening girls are announced! A very happy Alisha is opening for Anndra Neen, Annalise will open Julian Louie, and Sohie will be opening for both Siki Im and Giulietta. Too bad for the Americans and Catherine, eh? They all still get to walk in the shows, though, which is better than slumping in the corner and pouting. With two hours to go before the runway show, the girls are visited backstage by some of the esteemed judges. And really, is there anyone prettier on earth than Georgina Chapman? It's almost not fair to the models to be in the same room with her. The other luminaries include Giovanna Battaglia, Contributing Fashion Editor for W; Derk Blasberg, Editor of VMAN and fashion writer; Elizabeth Saltzman, who is a Contributing Editor for Vanity Fair; Georgina's colleague at Marchesa, Keren Craig; and Francisco Costa, Women's Creative Director at Calvin Klein. I don't know why I bothered to type out all those names and titles, as only Georgina and Francisco actually talk. They engage in a Q&A, and Catherine asks if personality is more important than look when casting a model. Francisco explains that it's not personality per se, but rather choosing a character that will fit with the show. Georgina tells them to be confident in who they are, put aside insecurities, and own their looks, because that will make people look at the clothing. But what fun is it to watch a bunch of pretty, confident young women? This is exactly why The Real Housewives franchise does so well.
With that, it's five minutes to the start of the runway show! Poor Seymone can't get her big fat foot into whatever shoe has been assigned her. Crisis! But not? I guess it's all fine. Alisha steps out for Anndra Neen, looking very Hepburn-esque in a white suit and fantastic jewelry. The Anndra Neen designers seem to be quite happy with her. We see the other ladies walking in the show, and they really do look like they're on Quaaludes. Why is everything so slow and boring? Catherine is worried that she's going to fall, but doesn't. Anticlimax! is the Siki Im show, which Sophie opens. Siki himself says that she was very dynamic, despite all evidence to the contrary, and thinks she can be a world-class model. Seriously, why does everyone look so dull? I guess this is what fashion shows are like. What I wouldn't give for just a little bounce, or hint of a smirk! Giulietta is , also opened by Sophie. She really does look lovely, and the Giulietta designer notes that she has a certain Twiggy-esque something about her. This is a big plus in a retro-inspired line. Annaliese then opens for Julian Louie, looking a bit angry in her tennis-inspired dress. Though Cutrone is normally haunted by Annaliese (in a bad way), she thinks she did really well in the show.
Julia Record, who is the Director of Communications for the Dorchester Collection, announces that Anndra Neen has won the show. This is good news for Alisha, who hopes that her opening had a little something to do with the victory. She's won the challenge, which means she'll get a two-night stay at a Dorchester Collection Hotel somewhere in the world. And really, how stingy is a two-night stay? Pony up, Dorchester Collection, you just got a lot of free publicity.
Back at home, there is more Tyra Mail: "Who knew couture could be Purr-fect? Fierce and love, Tyra." Oh, please telling me they're going to get mauled by tigers! A girl can dream, a girl can dream. The ladies head to Siren Studios, where they encounter Jay Manuel and a whole set full of Hello Kitty goods. Jay explains that the models will be wearing couture pieces made completely of Hello Kitty product. This is awesome. What is less awesome is the fact that all the models have shown up wearing leopard print. Do you think they pulled that together themselves? It is gruesome. The man who designed these pieces is Francis Libiran, a Filipino designer, who worked for over three months creating what amount to be visually exciting physical endurance challenges/torture devices for many of the models. The photographer for the day is Ann He, a sixteen year old young woman who was a finalist in Seventeen's Pretty Amazing contest. I don't know what that is, but young Ann seems lovely.
We see the girls outfitted in their plastic fantastic ensembles. Catherine is up first with an Elizabethan collar made out of... whistles? Pez dispensers? I mean who knows, but it's pretty awesome. Jay tells her that today is all about fun and embracing youth. Catherine gives some regal fun jumping realness, and Jay praises her as the others look on. is Alisha, who is a hot and scary Hello Kitty dominatrix. That seems like a natural combination, doesn't it? She's feeling very confident coming off of her challenge victory and wields her Hello Kitty whip like she means it. Sophie is up , looking like a big poufy Japanese lantern. Ann tells us that Sophie didn't have a clear idea of what she wanted to bring to the shoot. I find it very mysterious that no one is smiling in these photos. Sophie explains that she was going for whimsical, but Jay tells her that she wound up with robotic instead. Alisha tells us that Sophie seemed to be mock-swimming during her shoot, which everyone agrees is a little weird.
Annaliese is net, and I'm not even sure how to explain her outfit other than she has some sort of fan/basket on her head. Ann really enjoys Annaliese, and tells us that all of her poses were very elegant. up is Seymone, who is wearing a super enormous headpiece and is obviously bothered. She tells Jay that the headpiece hurts and is pushing into her forehead. He explains that in the world of fashion, nothing is ever comfortable. I mean, has she watched the show? Jay is worried that Seymone's temperament will cloud all that they're trying to do, which is to create something enjoyable. Seymone! Enemy of joy and fun and haggis loaves everywhere. Alisha says that Seymone walks around with a face of death, which is a pretty accurate assessment. She maintains her sour look, and sort of stumbles around on set, and continues with the stank attitude. Sophie tells us that Jay was really struggling to get a shot, but it appears that they finally end up with something.
up is Laura, who is wearing a dress made of lunch boxes. The dress weighs about 40 pounds, but you don't see her complaining or looking stank. We get to hear a little bit more about Laura's difficult relationship with her parents, who we learned last week were quite possibly alcoholics. Laura took on the adult role with them, and wants to prove to them that you can succeed no matter what stage of life you're in. She seems to do a fine job in the shoot, and then it's time for Eboni. She has some sort of headpiece made of stuffed animals, which does look quite stiff. Eboni, of course, always complains about her 30-Never status and having to look young, so even though this should be a shoot for her to play it up and shine, she struggles. Oh, ha! And then we get a brief glimpse of Seymone sitting down and holding an ice pack on her forehead! Hahahahaha! Oh, that made my day. But back to Eboni. She grew up with a lot of disadvantages, and really doesn't know what it means to be youthful and happy. She also apparently isn't good at being smart and faking things. Jay instructs Eboni to make a shape with her body for him, and she just kind of shuffles her feet. Not good. He whispers that the judges are going to tear her apart, because her shoot is terrible. Can you believe that she's still on the show and Azmarie isn't? Ponder that while the shoot wraps.
Back at the house, there is Tyra Mail of Doom! Someone is going home. Seymone is concerned, and says that if she has a little more time and opportunity, she can kill the competition. Eboni is also nervous, because her photo shoot didn't go so well. Sophie cosigns, saying that Eboni looked less 30-Never and more 50-Forever. With the lingering and delightful possibility that we'll be down to two Americans, we head to commercials.
When we return, it's panel time. There are prizes, there are judges. Georgina Chapman is the guest judge. And holy crow! I just read her Wikipedia page and discovered she's married to Harvey Weinstein. That's so gross! How did I not know this already? Is this why she's on TV all the time? In any case, I don't like it. Seymone is up first in front of panel, and Nigel calls her Hello Kitty photo "modeling 101," even though he says her face looks great. Georgina notes that Seymone's outfit is very big (and not just because she's plus-sized), and it would have been difficult for anyone to wear. Cutrone can't even get to Seymone's face in the photo because the angle of her body is so disturbing, and she looks like a random hitchhiker in Hello Kitty land. Tyra thinks that the shot is a bit show and tell, which is not fierce.
up is Laura. Nigel notes that she loves to bend and contort in her pictures, but doesn't really give a critique on this particular contortion. Cutrone wishes that there had been a wink or something to give an element of "1950s housewife gone mad." Tyra claims that this photo brings her back to her childhood, with her best friend who had everything Hello Kitty. Was Hello Kitty even around back then? I totally call shenanigans on this one. Tyra appreciates the photo even though she was supposedly jealous of her supposed best friend and her supposed Hello Kitty collection. Another reason I am suspicious of this story is the mention of a "friend," which: I'm so sure Tyra had any friends during her lifetime. [There was Hello Kitty way back then, but there's no confirmation about Tyra having friends. -- Angel]
Eboni is , and her photo lacks both playfulness and quirk. For real, why do they all look so severe? I think there's a really spectacular failure to get it throughout these shots. Georgina thinks that if Eboni had humor behind her eyes, it would pull the whole look together. But then Eboni would have to look something other than miserable, which is impossible. Tyra claims that Eboni was doing her "face thing," and Cutrone notes that she also looked bad-fierce in the runway castings. Tyra suggests that Eboni imagine she's pumped full of Novocain so she can relax. Yes, there's nothing more relaxing than getting a cavity filled! I am at ease just thinking about it.
Catherine is the first of the UK girls to go before panel. Nigel likes her face, but thinks that her body language is just a bit too obvious. Cutrone wants to like the shot, but characterizes it as "Linda Blair does Hello Kitty." Hello Kitty in the midst of an exorcism seems right, actually. I can't wait to see the Catholic church take that one on. Georgina enjoys the strength in Catherine's eyes, and is drawn to the strength in her face. Overall, a decent critique.
Alisha is , and her photo gets raves from everyone. Cutrone actually gets something that approximates a smile as she declares her love. She calls it Glamatronica Glamazonian, and Nigel tells Alisha that it's her best photo yet. Alisha agrees! Georgina thinks it's reminiscent of Grace Jones, and she notes that Alisha is owning the look and using a prop in a way that doesn't overtake the shot. Tyra is into Alisha's Elvis-snarl, as well as the intensity in her eyes.
Sophie is . Cutrone loves the silhouette and outfit, but isn't crazy about Sophie's face. She does make a comparison to Debbie Harry, which is apt if you think of Debbie Harry with a wonky eye. Georgina loves it, though, and enjoys the fact that it's slightly off. Finally, there's Annaliese. Nigel loves her body, but doesn't like what she's doing with her face. Cutrone agrees, and says that she's a fan from the neck down, but wants to bid hasta la vista to everything above the neck. Georgina, however, likes the deadness in Annaliese's face. Well, look who she's married to! Tyra agrees with Georgina, and says that she likes the photo. Cutrone asks if Georgina would put it in the Marchesa look book, and Georgina says that she might. That is actually a very polite "no," but still.
The judges deliberate. Catherine really wants to be a model, but Cutrone isn't sure that she is. Also, her walk sucks, in the manner of someone who has been drugged and escaped from a hospital. At least she didn't trip? Seymone is an incredible-looking girl in an amazing gown, says Nigel, but before he can finish Cutrone tells everyone about how rude and pissy she was doing the challenge. Cutrone also calls her out as being particularly painful on the runway, and Georgina notes that she doesn't connect modeling from her face to her body. Tyra thinks that Seymone's face in her photo is one of the strongest, but overall it's too much show and tell modeling. Alisha is finally starting to stand out, and Cutrone calls her a superstar. Nigel reminds everyone that she can also look wretched, and Tyra hopes that the good photo is not a fluke.
Laura's shot is cool and fun, but Nigel has seen it already from her. Cutrone agrees that she's a bit of a one trick pony. Georgina wishes that she'd had more humor in her face, but thinks she did a good job. Eboni's shot is good from the neck down, but Cutrone also hates her face. Cutrone also adds that she was disappointed upon seeing Eboni at the challenge not wearing ponytails. Okay, I get the 30-Never thing, but she has to wear ponytails ALL THE TIME? That's just annoying. Georgina thinks that Eboni looks sweet in her shot, but also a bit worried. Cutrone loves Sophie, but isn't so into her face in her photo. Georgina adds that Sophie was good in the fashion show, and looked like a real model. Tyra likes Sophie's photo and its hint of pissed-off-ness. Cutrone says that Annaliese's photo is like a Carnival Cruise ad, but does give her props for her performance in the runway show. Nigel likes the body shot, but still thinks that her face needs work. With that, the judges have reached a decision!
Seven beautiful girls stand before Tyra, but she only has six photos in her hands. And you know what those six photos represent. The first model called, who has the week's best photo, is Alisha! Yay! She is followed by Sophie, Catherine, Laura, and Annaliese. This leaves Eboni and Seymone in the bottom two. Both ladies stand before Tyra because the judges feel that they don't take into consideration how amazing the opportunity is to be there. That is, like, verbatim. Eboni doesn't respect the specific branding advice that the judges have given her. And for real, just look happy and smile and shit. It's not that hard! And Seymone is just stank about everything, as we know. So who stays in the competition? It's Eboni. Seymone gets booted back to Haggisville, where she can be as haggy as she wants.
Tyra says that she's not at the photo shoots or challenges, but the judges and Jay Manuel are. And they're big ole' tattlers. Tyra wants Seymone to remember that her platform is bigger than herself -- a plus-sized platform, if you will -- and that she should go forth and make ladies of all sizes feel good about themselves. I don't know how Seymone could make anyone feel good about anything. It's just not the job for her. Seymone tells us that she tried very hard, and other people should have been eliminated because they were ready to walk out. Wait, WHO? Eboni, maybe? The Brits certainly don't seem on the verge of disqualifying themselves. Ha -- and then Seymone amps up the stank by saying that no one else had any emotion at all when they were walking out, and she obviously does, and now doesn't want to talk about it anymore. She has a little meltdown and begs to leave, and then walks off camera. A fitting end to her journey, wouldn't you say?
week: Tensions surface between Laura and Eboni, and the girls head to Asia only to be accessorized with silkworms!
Potes stops, drops and tooches up and down the east coast. She can be tweeted @traciepotes or emailed at potesypotes@gmail.com.