Episode Report Card Potes: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Express Yourself
By Potes | Season 17 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.06.2011
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.The girls all lament Isis's elimination and celebrate the fact that they get mail from home. Well, except for Camille who only gets a box of bills. Kayla has some sort of over-the-counter self-medicated, stress-induced panic attack. But after a brief trip to the hospital, she's forced to return to the house and is shipped off to the next challenge.
They have to audition for a role on CSI. Naturally, awesome Bianca thinks she's the only one who has the skills to pull this off. Anthony Zuiker, the man who created all things CSI, plays dead and then tells the girls they have 30 minutes to memorize a scene that he wrote. This is taxing, as Kayla says, "half of the words are longer than my face." Camille presumes that she's going to get a permanent paying gig on the show. Because that's how Top Model prizes work. Angelea "got skills" and the jargon rolled off her tongue. Must have been working at the bank that helped her. Bre also remembers the script, which is all that this show requires. Lisa sucks so bad that Anthony has to personally help her… and she still sucks. Bre wins, because she was very natural.
The photo shoot is a picture for Express (a sexy and sophisticated brand for men and women… or so we're informed by someone who works there). There are four possible roles they'll be portraying: the girlfriend, the flirt, the cool chick or the socialite. There are also male models to "help" them be more inspired. Angelea is a "real rich bitch" (aka socialite), Kayla's a cool chick but looks pained, Bianca thinks she knows everything because she's actually a working model, Camille worries that Express won't hire her because she's so old she's collecting social security and Lisa thinks she's on Skating with the Stars.
At panel, Laura's rocking a really cute Wanda Sue special. Wanda Sue, call me… I need some new clothes. Allison's picture is great, but the guy looks like he's grabbing her crotch and no one says anything about it. Lisa blames the models being hungry on why her picture is really awful. Bianca doesn't understand the concept of flirting, but she still looks fabulous at panel. Angelea's photo makes her look like a Russian bride, according to Andre. Top photo goes to Angelea. Runner up is Dominique. Lisa and Camille are in the bottom. Lisa is wearing a ridiculous knitted pink bow in her hair, with a metallic pink shrug over a wife beater tank top. It's… a look. Lisa gets to stay, so long as her cousin the excuse monster (one of Tyra's creations) leaves. Camille, though she looks amazing even when she's just standing there, goes home because she was too boring with her facial expressions.
-- Angel Cohn Want more? The full recap starts right below!
The episode starts with the words "booty tooch," which can't be a good omen. The tooch that shall not be named is in reference to Allison's tooch-filled, best of week photo displayed as digital art in the house. Allison is excited to feel like she's doing well in the competition again, especially given that she was called eighth the week before. Meanwhile, Angelea does a makeshift tap dance on the floor and literally cries out, "Somebody pay attention to me!" If you've ever wondered what would happen if you boiled this show down to its three-second essence, there you go. Angelea tells us that it was a scary feeling to be in the bottom two last week, and reminds us about how Nigel told her that she needs to work on finding herself. Actually, what he really told her was that she needs to learn how to turn the 716 on and off at opportune times. Like, "Don't be so professional! Except when you should be more professional. No, NOW is when you should be ghetto! Except not so much." Angelea tells us that she came here to take this competition, and make her career brighter. That's what she intends to do. She'll be the brightest star in the banking world! Stick that in your interest rate!
Meanwhile, Lisa opens wine bottles and points out that it's a noteworthy moment for the cameras. In Season Five, of course, Lisa was shown drinking kind of a lot. I mean, probably not more than me on a Tuesday night, but I guess she really did have a problem. We see her talking to the real all-star of her season, "Cousin Itt" the plant. He was her best friend in the house, and they made a team that could not be matched! Lisa owns that she did drink on Top Model, and tells us that ultimately she went to Celebrity Rehab. I'm kind of glad I missed that, because Celebrity Rehab just makes me sad. The three minutes I saw of Janice Dickinson freaking out on a patio with other sad people were enough to tide me over for five lifetimes. A bunch of the girls toast with their chardonnay, but not Lisa! She's choosing not to drink this time around, and says that she needs to remain focused with a firm grip on reality. I sure hope this doesn't foretell an eventual relapse.
And then, it's mail day! I didn't even know these ladies were allowed to get mail! Alexandria apparently got clothes, and also some lemon pepper that she's unreasonably excited about. She probably just eats it by the spoonful. Shannon tells us that getting presents from home is encouraging and uplifting. Or at least it is when you have someone to love you. Cut to Camille who sourly states, "I got a box full of work." That's technically a lie, because I don't think she has a job. Camille tells us that she's thirty-three years old, and at this point in her life she has financial responsibilities that differ from the other girls. Does this mean that she's had time to rack up more debt? Because bills are bills, whether you're twenty-three or thirty-three. Camille says that she's done print modeling and runway, but the business is still slow and doesn't pay what it used to. Also, duh, you're old. I mean, younger than me. And young in the scheme of life! But in model years, she's 457 and a half. Anyway, Camille's box is full of bills. If she has someone close enough to box up her bills and ship them to her, that person could have at least included, like, a pack of gum or something.