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The girls all lament Isis's elimination and celebrate the fact that they get mail from home. Well, except for Camille who only gets a box of bills. Kayla has some sort of over-the-counter self-medicated, stress-induced panic attack. But after a brief trip to the hospital, she's forced to return to the house and is shipped off to the challenge.
They have to audition for a role on CSI. Naturally, awesome Bianca thinks she's the only one who has the skills to pull this off. Anthony Zuiker, the man who created all things CSI, plays dead and then tells the girls they have 30 minutes to memorize a scene that he wrote. This is taxing, as Kayla says, "half of the words are longer than my face." Camille presumes that she's going to get a permanent paying gig on the show. Because that's how Top Model prizes work. Angelea "got skills" and the jargon rolled off her tongue. Must have been working at the bank that helped her. Bre also remembers the script, which is all that this show requires. Lisa sucks so bad that Anthony has to personally help her… and she still sucks. Bre wins, because she was very natural.
The photo shoot is a picture for Express (a sexy and sophisticated brand for men and women… or so we're informed by someone who works there). There are four possible roles they'll be portraying: the girlfriend, the flirt, the cool chick or the socialite. There are also male models to "help" them be more inspired. Angelea is a "real rich bitch" (aka socialite), Kayla's a cool chick but looks pained, Bianca thinks she knows everything because she's actually a working model, Camille worries that Express won't hire her because she's so old she's collecting social security and Lisa thinks she's on Skating with the Stars.
At panel, Laura's rocking a really cute Wanda Sue special. Wanda Sue, call me… I need some new clothes. Allison's picture is great, but the guy looks like he's grabbing her crotch and no one says anything about it. Lisa blames the models being hungry on why her picture is really awful. Bianca doesn't understand the concept of flirting, but she still looks fabulous at panel. Angelea's photo makes her look like a Russian bride, according to Andre. Top photo goes to Angelea. Runner up is Dominique. Lisa and Camille are in the bottom. Lisa is wearing a ridiculous knitted pink bow in her hair, with a metallic pink shrug over a wife beater tank top. It's… a look. Lisa gets to stay, so long as her cousin the excuse monster (one of Tyra's creations) leaves. Camille, though she looks amazing even when she's just standing there, goes home because she was too boring with her facial expressions.
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The episode starts with the words "booty tooch," which can't be a good omen. The tooch that shall not be named is in reference to Allison's tooch-filled, best of week photo displayed as digital art in the house. Allison is excited to feel like she's doing well in the competition again, especially given that she was called eighth the week before. Meanwhile, Angelea does a makeshift tap dance on the floor and literally cries out, "Somebody pay attention to me!" If you've ever wondered what would happen if you boiled this show down to its three-second essence, there you go. Angelea tells us that it was a scary feeling to be in the bottom two last week, and reminds us about how Nigel told her that she needs to work on finding herself. Actually, what he really told her was that she needs to learn how to turn the 716 on and off at opportune times. Like, "Don't be so professional! Except when you should be more professional. No, NOW is when you should be ghetto! Except not so much." Angelea tells us that she came here to take this competition, and make her career brighter. That's what she intends to do. She'll be the brightest star in the banking world! Stick that in your interest rate!
Meanwhile, Lisa opens wine bottles and points out that it's a noteworthy moment for the cameras. In Season Five, of course, Lisa was shown drinking kind of a lot. I mean, probably not more than me on a Tuesday night, but I guess she really did have a problem. We see her talking to the real all-star of her season, "Cousin Itt" the plant. He was her best friend in the house, and they made a team that could not be matched! Lisa owns that she did drink on Top Model, and tells us that ultimately she went to Celebrity Rehab. I'm kind of glad I missed that, because Celebrity Rehab just makes me sad. The three minutes I saw of Janice Dickinson freaking out on a patio with other sad people were enough to tide me over for five lifetimes. A bunch of the girls toast with their chardonnay, but not Lisa! She's choosing not to drink this time around, and says that she needs to remain focused with a firm grip on reality. I sure hope this doesn't foretell an eventual relapse.
And then, it's mail day! I didn't even know these ladies were allowed to get mail! Alexandria apparently got clothes, and also some lemon pepper that she's unreasonably excited about. She probably just eats it by the spoonful. Shannon tells us that getting presents from home is encouraging and uplifting. Or at least it is when you have someone to love you. Cut to Camille who sourly states, "I got a box full of work." That's technically a lie, because I don't think she has a job. Camille tells us that she's thirty-three years old, and at this point in her life she has financial responsibilities that differ from the other girls. Does this mean that she's had time to rack up more debt? Because bills are bills, whether you're twenty-three or thirty-three. Camille says that she's done print modeling and runway, but the business is still slow and doesn't pay what it used to. Also, duh, you're old. I mean, younger than me. And young in the scheme of life! But in model years, she's 457 and a half. Anyway, Camille's box is full of bills. If she has someone close enough to box up her bills and ship them to her, that person could have at least included, like, a pack of gum or something.
, we focus on Kayla for a little while. She says that the last panel was really rough. Isis went home, and Kayla started feeling uneasy. We then see her lying in bed and saying that her heart is racing and she feels really dizzy. Dominique asks her what she's taken, and I think basically she doped herself up with like five Advil. Laura runs to get Bianca and Bre, who actually are the two people in that house that I'd go to in a moment of crisis. They go straight to Kayla, who's now crying. Bianca tries to get her to sit up, while Allison's eyes grow three times their already huge size and she looks at the cameras nervously. Bianca remains calm as she tries to get Kayla to drink some water, but as Kayla starts hyperventilating she tells someone (I assume the camera folks or producers) to tell someone (I assume the producers or a medic) that it's an emergency. thing we know, a guy in black is attending to Kayla, who is throwing up. Angelea recaps the symptoms for us: vomiting; gasping for air; really fast heart rate. Allison explains that the situation went from frightening to requiring an ambulance, and soon enough we see Kayla being attended to by EMTs. As one of them states that they need to get her to the hospital ASAP, we cut to the insane credits. And NO, Tyra, for the last time, I DON'T WANT SOME.
When we return, the girls actually seem to be genuinely concerned about Kayla. Whereas in a regular season the models might be secretly thrilled about a competitor possibly exiting due to a serious illness and/or death, Dominique says that she hopes Kayla returns in good health. At 2:12 AM Kayla returns to the house with Laura by her side. Laura looks extra adorable, in part because Kayla is looking so rough. The other girls give Kayla a warm welcome when they see her, and Kayla tells us that she was diagnosed with cardiac arrhythmia. Cardiac arrhythmia can be caused by stress, caffeine or a number of other factors. I'm surprised all of us haven't succumbed to the stress/caffeine disease, to tell you the truth. How are we not a nation of cardiac arrhythmiacs? My right eye won't stop twitching. Is that related? Kayla reminds us that the Top Model house is kind of a stressful place, and then jokes that she'll probably be eliminated because she's a liability. If the vagus nerve girl stuck around for a while, I think Kayla will be okay too.
With medical crises over, there is Tyra Mail! "It would be a crime to miss this action! Fierce and love, Tyra." The girls correctly surmise that they are in for an acting challenge. The day they arrive at Stage 25, where Jay Manuel tells them that they're going to be auditioning for a role on CSI! There is much celebration. Bianca tells us that most of the all-stars would like to branch into acting, however she doubts that anyone other than herself can truly do everything. By "everything" I guess she means acting AND modeling. If Andie MacDowell can maintain a tenuous grasp on both, it's truly possible for anyone.
Laura overdoes it just a touch as she tells us in an interview that CSI is like the number one show ever, in the world. She adds that it's the biggest prize so far, which seems correct. The girls walk through the set and land in autopsy room B. I don't think I've ever actually seen an episode of CSI, number one show ever in the world, but I imagine that a lot of cadavers are involved. Jay then introduces the girls' other judge, CSI creator and executive producer Anthony Zuiker. He comes popping out from under a sheet on an autopsy table, because emulating your weird, creepy uncle is his thing. The girls pretend to be delighted, because they all want jobs. Anthony says that the winner of the challenge will appear in a fall episode of CSI.
So what is the challenge, you may ask? Well, the girls have thirty minutes to memorize a scene that Anthony wrote. Kayla notes that CSI uses a lot of medical terminology, and half of the words are longer than her face. Everyone should just shortcut it and use the Top Model classic fake: "illsnesses." Kayla's recent emergency room experience has not given her an advantage, and in fact she's feeling quite nervous. Bre asks if there's someone to help with the medical terms, and creepy Uncle Anthony shoots out the correct pronunciation of, "Gas chromatograph mass spectrometer." Everyone repeats after him, poorly.
The girls study their scripts, and Lisa tells us that, living in L.A., she's acted some over the years. The challenge is up her alley, but she thinks that having to memorize everything in thirty minutes is insane. We then cut to Camille, who proves that she's crazier than we thought by saying that this prize might be stretched out into being a permanent character on the show. She doesn't want to fail at the acting challenge, mostly because she would really like to get paid for something. She's first on set, where we meet actor Robert David Hall, who is playing Dr. Robbins. Camille is playing the role of Marley Territo, the new intern from WLVU. Why would the morgue have an intern from a radio station? Camille's hands are shaking, which does not go unnoticed by Jay and Anthony. We then get a little montage of the girls playing Marley, who has to make a joke about slicing off the cadaver's head.
The big sticking line, of course, is, "According to tox, the results from the gas chromatograph mass-spectrometer detected an admixture of barbiturates, methamphetamine, and hydrocodone." Camille stumbles all over her words, and feels humiliated. Also, poor. But she is certainly not the only one who can't say the line. Dominique biffs it all over the place, and results to saying "all kinds of stuff" when she can't remember "hydrocodone." Bianca tells Dr. Robbins that the tox results found, "Biotin, Neosporin, and metamorphine." You know how the kids are huffing Neosporin these days! Alexandria, Laura and Kayla are all also terrible. I'm surprised that we have no Laura dyslexia subplot!
Then there's Angelea. She tells us that, going into the competition, she's got the most talent up in this bitch. She sings, she acts, she models, the fans love her, everybody loves her, and she looks good. All self-reported, but true. Jay suggests that throwing a little 716 into the mix may bring out the magic in the scene. Angelea agrees, but her performance is actually pretty straight. But she's good! She nails all the hard words, and seems all business. Anthony tells her that she may possibly win the challenge, because she's that good. Let's let Angelea tell us what she thinks of these kind words: "What what! Angelea got skills." Bre is , and though she's petrified of forgetting her medical jargon, she nails it. What what! Bre's got skills too!
And the there's Lisa. Jay asks if she's ready to do this, and she says that since she's last, it's been a while since she read the lines, but she's going to do the best she can. To paraphrase Jeffrey Osborne, Lisa did her best, but I guess her best wasn't good enough. Because here she is back where she was before: a challenge loser. And not only a loser, but the worst of the worst! As Lisa swears and worries that she'll be sent home, we cut to commercials. When we return, Lisa tells us that she was forgetting her lines because she had an hour and a half break between reading the script and running the scene. As she curses, Anthony cuts and then tells her to try to be credible and serious. He is not amused by La Puchinetta. Jay tells us that Lisa didn't learn the script, and had no energy. It's not the Lisa that he's used to. Of course, the Lisa that he's used to soils herself in public. I might take the lethargic one with poor memorization skills.
Jay gathers the girls together and says that he and Jay have narrowed things down to the two girls who did the best. One is Bre, who delivered a very credible performance and really owned the scene. The other is Angelea, what what! Jay and Anthony go on about how she brought the 716, which I still don't see at all. But they give themselves credit for letting Angelea be Angelea. And the person who's going to be acting in an episode of CSI is... Bre! She's quite excited to have a job, and says you never know what might happen from there. Angelea is pissed, and Camille is thinking about what she'll have to hawk to keep her lights on.
When the girls get home, there is more Tyra Mail! "When you're a star, you have to EXPRESS yourself! Fierce and Love, Tyra." Shannon goes to high five Dominique, who totally leaves her hanging. Angelea tells us that they all knew this was a photo shoot for Express. She's hoping that they might win some clothes. For their sake, hopefully not from Express. The girls head to an extravagant Beverly Hills manse that will serve as the backdrop for their photo shoot. Jay Manuel is there, reminding them that the winner of the show is going to get a national ad campaign with Express. He introduces Chief Marketing Officer Lisa Gavales, who claims (without supporting evidence) that Express is the sexy and sophisticated brand for men and women. They spend a lot of time and effort in ensuring through their photo shoots that customers understand who their girl is. Isn't the answer to that, "A tramp who wears inappropriate work attire?" Though, in fairness, I probably bought an Express suit when I was 22 and thought it was uber professional and also cool. But it wasn't! I looked dumb! Young women of today, please learn from my mistakes. Go to Marshall's, you'll be better off. Jay says that they'll be telling a story today, and each girl will be playing one of four possible roles: the girlfriend, the flirt, the cool chick and the socialite. What's more, there are three foxy male models who will be in the photos with them.
The girls head into hair, makeup and wardrobe. Sequined pants happen. Angelea is on set, wearing a big fur vest. Her story is that she's a socialite from the 716 who was initially humble, but then moved down to New York and became a real rich bitch. In other words: the Joe Reid story. Angelea really does well, and Lisa Gavales is impressed. Kayla is , as the cool chick. She's got a big Russian fur hat, and Jay tells her to go for it. Kayla's health concerns her a bit, and she's trying to remain calm so she doesn't have another episode. She looks kind of confused, if gorgeous. Allison is up as the girlfriend. Lisa notes that when she doesn't look at the camera, she's great. For some reason, Allison reads a little cross-eyed in her photos. She's wearing some sort of furry creature around her neck, which probably reminds her of her hat friend and makes her feel happy and relaxed..
we have Bre, who is the flirt. She's wearing a gold sequined dress, and Jay tells her that when she laughs the picture really comes alive. Dominique is the cool chick, and seems to do well despite her unfortunate red fur jacket. Express is truly the number one choice for the sophisticated streetwalker. Then there's Bianca, who says that she wants to push the limit of flirt. She's wearing a tight, striped dress in bright colors. Though her smile is wide, she seems to have trouble finding her light or a good rhythm. Jay tells her that she's too posed, and Express Lisa advises her to feel as sexy as she looks. Bianca tells us that she loves her outfit and styling, but didn't consider her word going into the shoot. This, she tells us, is because in the real world of modeling you don't get a keyword. When Jay pulls her aside and asks what's going on, she says that in the real world of modeling, you don't go jumping up and down. She knows this because she's done similar shoots. Bianca says, "Of all the girls here, I'm the model." I mean, she's not wrong, is she? Jay tells us that being 5'11" and having a flawless body doesn't make you a model. No, but actual modeling jobs do, and if I'm not mistaken Bianca has had those. Team Bianca forever! Jay tells us that, despite what she thinks, Bianca missed the model boat and he hasn't seen model this whole competition. With those cutting words from the man who likely invented "ghost brides," we head to commercials.
When we return, it's Shannon's time on set. She's very excited to shoot for Express, and is remembering Express Lisa's sophisticated and sexy mantra. She is the girlfriend, wearing a suit jacket with shorts and a leopard skin bag. Sophisticated, indeed! Jay seems to like what Shannon is doing, but when he asks Lisa if this is the type of girl she'd book, she says, "Not based on this yet. She skews a little commercial." Did I miss the strip mall convention where it was decided that Express was high fashion? Also, I think what she means is that Shannon is looking kind of long in the tooth. Laura is as the flirt. She brings some of her hot dog lustability to the shoot, and Jay and Lisa both seem to like it. , Alexandria is up as the socialite. Now, to be fair, they have dressed this bitch in a tomato red suit with a crazy half-updo. She looks like Joan Crawford, at whatever her current age would be. Jay tells Alexandria that she's looking a bit more madam than socialite. You know that I'm no defender of Alexandria, but what's she supposed to do with that wardrobe and styling? Who wears that suit?
, we have Camille. She reminds us that she's thirty-three and, in addition to having more bills than everyone else, she's at the age where Express assumes she's already six feet under. You guys, Camille is so depressing this season. She says that she needs to bring her A-game to the shoot, then does so by nearly falling down the stairs in her heels. Jay says that she's giving about 60 percent of what he'd expect from her in this scenario. Camille does have the advantage of not being dressed in something absolutely hideous. Jay says that they had to push and push and push to get Camille to a place where she was really delivering diva. This does not bode well!
Finally, we have Lisa in her sequined silver pants. She tells the male models that she's the cool chick, the cojones in the group, and the one who's got the swag. They look particularly unimpressed as Jay tells everyone else on set just to let her go for it. Lisa wants to prove how bad-ass she is, and enacts this plan by jumping from the stairs to the ground repeatedly. Jay does not hesitate to tell her that it was not look pretty. He says to us that everything she did involved bending and twisting her legs, so it looked like she was doing a double sow-cow. Let's allow Angelea to sum it up for us: "Lisa was kind of painful to watch...I thought it was all bad." Jay suggests that Lisa interact with the guys more, perhaps by letting them pick her up. They do with audible groans. They then kind of toss her around a little, as Lisa reminds us about how wild and fun she is. Express Lisa does not look pleased with this whole scenario. And with that, it's a wrap!
Back at the model house, there's skull and crossbones Tyra Mail. Someone's going home. Camille tells us that she's worried, because she's older than everyone else and doesn't have the time to accomplish her goals. She adds that it won't be as simple to bounce back as it will be for the other girls in the house. In many respects, a stint on Top Model is akin to a hip replacement. I'm guessing that Camille came back for the all-stars season because she needed the money, but ended up with a hefty self-esteem deficit. This is why I don't go to the gym of the university where I work. Being on the elliptical to a 19 year old just isn't good for a lady in her 30s. Kayla tells us that she was in the emergency room two days ago, but she managed to persevere through an acting challenge and a photo shoot. Triumph of the spirit! She did this all while going through what she characterizes as a mini heart attack. That certainly makes it sound more serious than caffeine-induced flutters. Kayla assures us that she wants to win this competition more than ever. Lisa talks to Shannon about her photo shoot, and notes that she felt like the male models were really tired and devoid of energy. We cut to an interview of her saying that she doesn't know what the future holds or if she'll be going home , then head to commercials.
When we return, it's panel time. I somehow managed to pause right on a shot of Tyra's veiny feet. She's wearing shoes that have a curvy gray swipe running to the point, and it makes her look like she has one giant toe-claw. That's, like, a footwear representation of her soul. She's also back to the jumpsuits, it pains me to tell you. There are prizes, there are judges. ALT is not wearing his barbershop quartet straw hat today, and looks much less wizard-ish in general. Maybe he's taking Nigel's advice about how to turn it on and off to heart. Anthony Zuiker of CSI fame is the guest judge.
Laura is up first for evaluation, wearing a very fancy Wanda Sue creation. Maybe Express will actually hire Wanda Sue as a designer! I mean, she couldn't do a worse job than whoever they have currently. Laura looks so pretty in her photo. ALT tells her that she outshines the men in the background. He thinks that she looks like a high-class but wonderful star, while Tyra adds that Laura possesses a sweetness mixed with sexuality. Kayla is , and Anthony thinks that her fur-hat shot is very provocative. Nigel says that her icy look is genius in the picture, because it makes her look like the tough cool chick that she's supposed to be portraying. It's a good picture, though I think she might have lucked into it.
Dominique is , and her photo of the cool chick streetwalker is pretty good, minus the absolute hideousness of the clothes. ALT says that it's selling the Express hot color colorblock fashion dynamique. That's a quote. He should be writing for CSI. Nigel says that she's just the right amount of sexy, and Tyra agrees that Dominique rocked the photo shoot. Bre is . Her flirty photo is very cute, but Nigel says that it's almost too commercial for him, and isn't really a fashion campaign. Tyra congratulates Bre on her challenge win, and tells her that it could be a door-opening kind of thing.
is Alexandria's Joan Crawford madam socialite shot. It's, you know, bad. Anthony tells her that her body looks like it wants to be confident (or like she has gas!) but her expression doesn't (because she has a lazy eye!). However, ALT thinks that there's a story just in Alexandria's hand, which looks like it's ordering her rent boys up the stairs. Tyra tells Alexandria that she needs to remember her customer. So, there are 80-year old socialites, and 18-year old socialites. Express's customers are the latter, and Alexandria kind of looks like she might get upset about wire hangers and/or need wheelchair assistance and/or leave all of her money to her pet monkey. Again, I'd say at least 45 percent of this is not her fault.
Allison is , looking adorable as usual. Anthony loves her picture, even though I think it kind of looks like the male model is molesting a fluffy teddy bear. Nigel finds it interesting that Allison seems so awkward in person, but she's completely relaxed in her photos. He kind of laughs as he says that there's a disconnect. And judging by her expression, I think he just hurt Allison's feelings! That's not okay. ALT says that there's a wonderful mood in Allison's face, and it works.
Camille is , and her photo is problematic as expected. Anthony says that it's dangerous for her, because you could crop out the three male models, and it wouldn't look like they were engaged in the shot at all. They kind of look like her security guards. Nigel wants to see more activity in Camille's eyes. Camille tells the panel that it looks like the shot where she slipped down the stairs, and Nigel gets that funny "excuses, excuses" look in his eyes. Tyra says that the supporting models outshone Camille, and it was a challenge to find any shots where she was active and engaged in the story, as opposed to just being pretty and standing there. Camille looks rather upset, and is probably thinking about how her cable has been shut off by now and she won't even be able to watch this when it airs.
Lisa is , wearing a giant version of a baby headband/bow. I don't know, you guys. Tyra notes that Lisa has a lot of energy right now, but was apparently lethargic during her acting challenge. Anthony says that he knows it had been a long day for her, and she was the last model to go, but she came in the door looking defeated. Lisa says she faced an hour and a half of not having a script, which contained words that she already didn't know how to pronounce, then adds that she didn't think she had enough time. No one is happy with this response, and Anthony gets the "excuses, excuses" look this time. Lisa's photo comes up, and ALT says that he's at a loss for words. He isn't really, though, because he continues to speak. Even though the photo looks happy, he says, it doesn't come off as happy to him. While it doesn't come off as tragic, it comes off as bogus. Lisa's baby headband does come off as tragic, I would say. Lisa pipes in to say that the male models were really hungry, and kept talking about how grumpy they were, so she didn't want to push them harder. Nigel says that there seem to be a lot of issues and excuses and things happening that are holding Lisa back. Tyra says that the client doesn't care about Lisa's paltry excuses, and she needs to get the male models in check and pumped up to get through the shoot. Anthony points out that Lisa should say, "This is my career. Starve and pose." I think that's what Bianca would say, actually.
Speaking of Bianca, she's . She claims that she's not naturally a big flirt, but wanted to pull the guys in with her eyes and with a come hither look. Nigel says that's interesting, because she's not actually looking at any of the other guys or the camera. The guy to her right is really working it, though, and even pulling his own hair in sexual frustration. Angelea is , and Anthony clearly still loves her. She pronounces gas chromatograph mass spectrometer just for the fun of it, and adds a little "ding!" for emphasis. She's so great. Her socialite photo is pretty great, and ALT tells her that she looks like a Russian wife. It's 716 via Moscow. Tyra points out that Angelea is giving a fabulous representation of a new money socialite.
is Shannon, as the girlfriend. Anthony likes the physicality of the picture, and Nigel adds that it's super commercial and very girlfriend-y. Tyra says that if she's flipping through a magazine, she looks at Shannon's face first, and then goes, "Whoa!" At first I thought she meant because it looks so hard and aged, but it's actually a compliment. Tyra then looks at and covets the accessories, which shows that Shannon has, in fact, been modeling since her original Top Model stint.
The judges deliberate. Nigel loves Laura's shot, and says she looks beautiful and engaging even though the body language could use some finessing. Allison is very photogenic, and ALT says that she's working the innocent doll persona. Nigel would like to see her be more in control of what and who she is. Kayla's body language is great, and Anthony says that though she commands your attention, he'd like to feel like something deeper is happening inside her. Dominique's photo is great, and in fact is one of ALT's favorites of her ever. Nigel lies that Alexandria looks gorgeous and incredible, but tells the truth in that it skews forty-plus. Anthony compliments the same male model who was working it in Bianca's shot. Camille is pretty, but the personality is not there. ALT is fatigue of Camille's stiff and emotionally vacant beauty pageantry. Tyra adds that perfect is boring. ALT is through with Lisa's excuses, and adds that he doesn't know any model who even knows the names of the male models in a shoot, much less worries about them being hungry. He adds an emphatic and puzzled, "What is this?" Nigel says that Lisa's smile might be great, but this is a clothing ad, and the clothes look wretched. And, again, that is not entirely her fault.
Nigel thinks that Bianca's photo is boring, and doesn't work in terms of eyes or body language. ALT says that at the same time it works, because it's like the girl in the schoolyard who's seducing everyone by thinking about how hot she is in her own head. Tyra, however, finds it amateur. Angelea is amazing, and reminds Anthony why he watches this show. Wait, he watches this show? He says that it's not just about beauty, but about character, and Angelea has the strongest character of all the girls. I think he means "is" the strongest character. Shannon's photo is cute, but Nigel doesn't love it. He says that it has a corporate element. ALT says that Shannon knows what she's doing, and he likes it even though it's commercial. Tyra agrees that Shannon knows what she's doing, but wishes that she'd push a little harder in terms of charisma. Tyra calls Nigel a hater when he's unenthusiastic about Bre's shot. Still, he doesn't think it's convincing. Anthony says that Bre was amazing in the challenge, but he'd like to see a full face in her photo. With that, the judges have reached a decision.
Eleven beautiful ladies stand before Tyra, but she only has ten photos in her hands. And those photos represent the girls that are still in the running towards becoming America's Top Model. The first name that Tyra's going to call is...Angelea! She gives a spirited, "Hallelujah!" She went from the bottom two to the top, and intends to stay there. Runner-up for best photo is Dominique. Tyra then calls Allison, Laura, Kayla, Shannon, Bre, Bianca and Alexandria. This leaves Camille and Lisa in the bottom two. Tyra claims that the two are polar opposites. Lisa is a daring, possibly out-of-control girl. And Camille is an in-control girl. And yet, they have one thing in common this week: excuses. Camille claimed that she was falling in her shot, while Lisa allowed her identical Cathy Duke-esque cousin, the Excuse Monster, to take her place in the challenge and photo shoot. I wonder if cousin Excuse Monster is related to Cousin Itt. Lisa certainly comes from a diverse gene pool! Tyra does make one sentient comment, which is that this is Cycle 17, and these bitches should know that excuses don't fly. Lisa gets a photo, and Camille has to go back to her shack devoid of utilities.
Tyra hugs Camille, who thanks her for the opportunity and says that she will do better in taking advantage of it. Camille is disappointed that she won't get to experience more of Top Model, but clichés that if at first you don't succeed, try try again. And again, and again, I suppose. She says again that this was an amazing opportunity, and she has to reinvent herself. Not winning America's Top Model isn't the end of everything, and she knows this because she's already done it once before. She just looks SO sad, though. It's really bumming me out. Maybe she can get a consolation prize of a year's supply of Wellbutrin?
week: Kardashians and carousels and Latoya! LATOYA! And Bianca's stank comes out! Oooh, I can't wait!
Potes is having cardiac arrhythmia RIGHT NOW! Send medical care suggestions and/or decaf coffee to potesypotes@gmail.com, or tweet @tracieptoes.