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We start off tonight's episode with a visit from Kristin Cavallari. This is apparently a thing people are excited about? I don't know. Her advice basically amounts to, "Haters gonna hate." Bre asks Kristin how you maintain longevity in your career without being a serial reality show contestant, which in this context seems quite ironic.
The girls head to The Grove, which is home to Extra. Nigel meets them and tells them that their challenge today will be to answer tough questions thrown at them by Peabody Award winner Mario Lopez. The ladies are split into two teams. Team one is Lisa, Laura, Alexandria, Isis, Dominique and Angelea. Team two is Bianca, Allison, Bre, Camille, Shannon, and Kayla. Whichever team better weathers the interview will be safe from elimination, and the individual winner will get the chance to be an Extra correspondent. Team one is dominated by Lisa, who is a total dumb-ass and gives her teammates high fives at the most inopportune times, then proceeds to talk all over them. Team two is a little dull, though Allison stands out for speaking like a smart, thoughtful person. She's the individual winner for the challenge, and team two takes the collective victory and gains immunity. In his feedback, Nigel tells Angelea that she was TOO professional and didn't let her personality shine. She makes up for it in the limo, when she busts out the classic quote: "I know how to conduct myself, bitch, I worked at a bank." I know! All that AND she can open your checking account.
The girls head to their photo shoot and learn that they will be on really cool stilts, posing in pairs -- one person from the winning team, and one from the losing. Bianca is afraid of heights, and so is having anxiety attacks all over the place. This week it's her turn to cry in the bathroom! She works it out, though, and her photo with Lisa is a collective standout. In fact, all of the photos are pretty great. Alexandria and Shannon pose together, and Alexandria's flair for drama finally works to her advantage. Allison is praised for her booty tooch -- which Tyra has to define for us AGAIN -- and while Angelea's performance is okay, she's most notable for asking Nigel about his crunk advice not to be so professional. Dominique and Kayla get mixed reviews on their photo, as do Isis and Camille. And though Bre's face isn't flawless, her photo with Laura is exceptionally cool. Allison has the best photo amongst the safe girls, while Alexandria gets top praise for the ladies in danger of elimination. Isis and Angelea land in the bottom two, even though both of their photos actually were pretty good. And in a sad and shocking development, Isis gets axed.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Picture it: The Top Model limo, post-elimination. The girls give Lisa a hollow congratulations, and she reminds us that having the best photo one week means absolutely nothing for your safety in the . The level of Lisa's hair insanity in her interview footage is something beyond verbal explanation. It's like if Star Jones's wig company decided to do a synthetic inspired by Shirley Temple. Just really, really frightening. Lisa points out to the others that the first two girls to be eliminated, Brittany and Sheena, had huge personalities. She thinks it's insane that they were the ones to go. Isis then tells us that while it's not safe for anybody, she has star quality that a lot of the others simply don't. That comes from her photos, her design background, and her struggles. This time around, she's here to win it. As opposed to last time, when she really did just seem to want to get out of there.
Back at the house, Allison tells Lisa that she feels more uncomfortable and nervous in the house this time around. Maybe her fuzzy bear hat is like a security blanket? Or a sensible friend amidst lunatics? While wearing said hat friend, Allison tells us that she knows she's strange and had strange interests and tendencies, and that it's always been hard for her to make friends. But she's so delightful! She adds that she has to get more comfortable with herself and get past certain things, otherwise she won't look natural. I didn't realize that looking natural was a plus on this show, but there you go. Allison tells us that even though she's lonely sometimes, she knows that she's smart and has a lot of energy, and this is a spectacular opportunity. Her hat friend agrees, and hugs her head tighter for comfort.
The morning, the girls are getting ready when they hear an unfamiliar voice calling them in an Ann Shoket-esque, "Ladieeeeees!" They are all atwitter and try to build suspense by rolling into the new, insane credits without letting us know the identity of this guest. When we return from credits, then, it's a bit of a letdown to realize that their special guest is Kristin Cavallari, reality star/TV personality from Laguna Beach and The Hills, and recently Dancing with the Stars and My Fiancé Dumped Me, Maybe, Or Did He?. Having never watched Laguna Beach, I have no idea whether her appearance is actually cause for excitement. I guess, though, that adding a famewhore to famewhore summit couldn't hurt. Kristin asks how things are going, and Bianca says that her biggest thing about being back is that people have a certain perception of you, even though you've changed. You know, because Bianca's a lady now! Except for when she's holding that word on a card. Kristin understands, because she was apparently the bitch on Laguna Beach and had a lot of haters. What she's learned over the years is that no matter what you do, haters will be haters. You'll always have them. She adds that it's all about being true to who you are, because the audience can tell if you're full of it. Uncoincidentally, the camera lingers on Alexandria as the phrase "full of it" rolls off of Kristin's tongue.
Angelea asks Kristin if people were calling her for gigs after Laguna Beach, or if she had to go out and get an agent herself. It turns out that a producer on Laguna Beach hooked her up with her first manager, who then found her an agency and publicist. This is bad news for the girls, who are assured zero help from Tyra. Kristin is now producing reality shows and also has a shoe line, which proves that success can come even to the bitch. Bre asks how you maintain longevity as a reality star, without going from reality show to reality show. And now, Kristin will perform the cha-cha. I mean, that's at least as ironic as a free ride when you've already paid. Kristin says that it's about making smart choices and knowing what you want your brand to be. What is her brand, I wonder, and did she ever translate it into a hot dog? Not wanting to answer such a hard-hitting question, Kristin bids the ladies adieu.
The girls receive Tyra Mail: "Having all the right answers will save you from an uncertain fate. Fierce and Love, Tyra." I just can't even believe she's trying to make "Fierce and Love" happen. I guess that's her new brand. I personally think that "Fierce and Ugh" is more accurate. The ladies head out in the rain and arrive at The Grove, where Nigel meets them. He stands inside a trolley to address the ladies, while they stand out in the rain with matching umbrellas. Nigel explains that The Grove is home to "that fabulous TV show" Extra. He then goes on to say that stardom has its perks, but also involves a lot of hard work. This includes ANSWERING QUESTIONS. Oh my God! What a triumph of the spirit that requires! For today's challenge, the girls will be tested on their ability to answer tough questions thrown at them by Mr. Mario Lopez. Angelea reminds us that Mario Lopez is rather fine.
The girls will be interviewed in teams. Since Lisa and Bianca had the top two photos of the week, they'll be team captains. Lisa's team is Laura, Alexandria, Isis, Dominique, and Angelea. Bianca's team is Allison, Bre, Camille, Shannon, and Kayla. Nigel announces that the winning team will be safe from elimination this week, and the girls get very wide-eyed. Drunk Laura tells us that this is either an amazing prize or really crappy, depending on whether you win or lose. We are reminded that a correspondent gig for Extra will be part of the prize package for our very top all-star of the season. Nigel tells the girls to make sure that their brand is clear while answering questions, and encourages them to be authentic. In some cases this means "authentically horrible," but that seems OK too as long as it's consistent with the brand.
Lisa's team is up first to be interviewed by Mario. He turns to Lisa first, and asks if she believes that any press -- including "peed in a diaper" press -- is good press. Lisa says that it's a balancing act, and then adds, "And guess what, I got first place in balance beam! Whaaaat?" She then high fives her teammates as we hear a buzzing sound. I think that indicates a job poorly done. Mario then asks Isis how comfortable she is talking about her former life as a man. She says she's very comfortable with educating people about her transition, but thinks that the fans will see that she's more focused on her goals this time around. At this answer, we hear a happy ding. Isis says that she's done a lot of public speaking, and also has embraced her sexuality a little bit more. I don't know what the latter has to do with answering questions on Extra, but well done nonetheless.
Mario asks Angelea if she thinks that having too much flavor might hurt her. We get insight into Angelea's internal dialogue at this moment, which goes, "This is a job, be professional." Makes sense to me. Angelea tells Mario that you can never have enough flavor. It will make people talk about you, which is good -- that way they won't forget who you are. Lisa reaches over and high-fives Angelea, because she can't resist getting her neon green leggings all up in everything. Even Alexandria is like, "That's fucking annoying." Alexandria then gets to answer a viewer question about why she felt like she had to put on such a tough exterior that it rose to the point of contention. Alexandria says that she loves everyone, and wants the best, and is all peace, love and granola, but at the same time you have to be tough. And then Lisa jumps in to say that walls go up when things go wrong and you don't trust people. Bianca tells us that the first team's biggest problem was Lisa, because even her candid ass knows that you can't speak all over other people when they're trying to answer a damn question.
Bianca's team is . Mario asks Bianca herself if the fans are seeing the real her. She says that the fans always see the real her, and that she has word vomit like everyone else. She gets a buzzer, I think mostly for the use of the word "vomit." Lisa tells us that Bianca isn't memorable at all, and that she took this time to ponder Mario's hair gel. In fairness, that is a compelling subject. Mario then asks Allison if it's true that modeling hasn't always been her priority and, if so, why she's even there. Allison says that modeling has taught her so much. She loves to photograph herself, and so by marrying the two things together, she's developed a better eye. She gets a solid "ding" for answering a question like a normal, smart human. Bianca tells us that Allison is the biggest surprise for her in the competition -- she's so cool, but also speaks her mind and doesn't let people walk all over her. You know that if Bianca actually likes you, you must be pretty awesome.
Kayla then gets a viewer question about her discomfort working with male models, and whether she's gotten past that. Kayla says that she's moved on from that. She broke through those barriers, and now is moving forward even more. She says that it set her free, and that's why she's here today representing freedom. Too much explicit brand! Mario asks Camille if she has a backup plan in the event that she does not win Top Model All-Stars. Wait another eight years for Top Model: Menopause Cycle? Camille says that she has a degree, and will be involved in the business of fashion one way or another. Alexandria tells us that team number two needed to be more real, relaxed and professional. Oh, what does she know. At least she's not wearing that giant hat with the bow on it, I guess.
With the interviews over, Nigel gives each team an assessment of their performance. For team one, a big problem was Lisa's tendency to jump in when everyone was talking and give high fives and generally be an idiot. Angelea's assessment is: "Lisa, you suck." Nigel then tells Angelea that this is about her showing her personality, and on stage during an interview is prime personality time. However, Angelea was quite conservative, straight, and unmemorable. Angelea tells us that it's frustrating, because she associates an interview with being professional. She's confused about what Nigel wants. Nigel then tells Isis that it isn't just about the message -- it's about the way she moves and looks, so everyone gets involved in the conversation. Does that mean that she did good or not?
Nigel then turns his smarmy attentions to group two. Bianca talked about vomit a lot, and doesn't have to be so open. Allison did a great job, and was very eloquent and on point. Nigel then tells Kayla that she's a true role model, but being a brand doesn't mean just one thing. He says that any one word is multi-faceted, and tells all the girls to think about that. Kayla looks very, very puzzled. With good reason, since nothing the judges tell these girls makes any sense. As all-stars, they should be used to this. In any case, the winning team, who also has immunity from elimination this week, is Bianca's team! They celebrate, as team one looks on in great sadness. There's one individual winner from the winning team, who will come back and be interviewed on Extra. And it's Allison! She's so happy and cute about the whole thing, and the others seem genuinely happy for her too. Maybe three-quarters of the ladies on this show aren't rancid bitches, after all!
Back in the ModelMobile, Alexandria states that she needs to show people her toughness. Angelea pipes in to say that she doesn't need to show nobody nothing. If you think the triple negative is impressive, I assure you that Angelea is just getting started. Because this is actually about her and not Alexandria, she goes on to say that she was very professional, and that's what she was giving, because at the end of the day that's her. She's not going to explain herself to Alexandria, Nigel, or any of the other bitches in the bus. Angelea points out that she's no hood ghetto bitch on demand. She's only a hood ghetto bitch when she feels like it. Happily for us, now is one of those moments. Most moments are one of those moments, I think. But she's merely working up to the apex, the culmination of her efforts, her piece de resistance. Quoth Angelea: "I know how to conduct myself, bitch. I worked at a bank." It's just, like, the greatest thing that's ever happened. Angelea is magic. She tells us that the competition is hard, and doesn't get why she can't win for being herself. Angelea declares her intention to speak her mind at panel, with the ominous warning, "You want a hood bitch? Watch. WHAT?" With that, we head to commercials. But, like, she does have a point in all this. Do they really want her to call Mario Lopez a bitch? He would probably enjoy it, but that's not the point.
When we return, there is Tyra Mail! "My, what long legs you have. Fierce and love, Tyra." We get a little glimpse into the deep recesses of all-star model minds as several contestants tell us their best guesses as to what they will be posing with. Bre and Isis think it will be spiders. Laura guesses giraffes. And Angelea? Rats. Long-legged, Buffalo rats. Whatever it is, Allison is just excited at the prospect of having a creature crawl around on her face. Her hat friend is going to be so jealous. Bianca is living in terror, because she's scared of all animals, and everything else in the world. Quoth Bianca, "Shave your legs tonight, whatever it is." You know, just in case the furry creature gets ideas.
The girls head to Siren Studios, where they see folks dancing on some really cool stilts that look like leg warmers for giants. Jay tells the models that they will, in fact, be on stilts for their photo shoot. The girls will be paired for the shoot, with each pair consisting of one model from the winning team and one from the losing team. The pairs will be: Dominique and Kayla; Isis and Camille; Lisa and Bianca; Allison and Angelea; Laura and Bre; and Alexandria and Shannon. Sarah Silver is the photographer for the day. The girls head back to hair and makeup, and the ladies who are up for elimination are starting to get nervous. Angelea tells us that she needs to figure out how to be professional, but still show her swag. Bianca is safe, but as it turns out she has a terrible fear of heights. She reminds us that during her cycle she was supposed to fly on a harness in China, and didn't do it. She says that she'll have a panic attack. Let's hope that we get to watch!
Dominique and Kayla are up first, and Stilt World creator Trey Night gets them outfitted. Sadly, the girls are harnessed, so no one will be able to break a face. Dominique starts walking around okay, but soon goes flying. The harness catches her, though. She and Kayla start posing, and things are looking pretty good. Kayla kicks a leg in the air behind her, and the two variously embrace and mock-shove each other. Sarah tells them to remember their faces, and Jay suggests that Dominique and Kayla work off of each others' energy more to create different facial expressions. Dominique interviews, "I'm like, more faces? What do you mean? Because I have a whole lot of face going on right here." All at once! Jay says that Dominique is intent on keeping her model face, and needs to learn how to model through what happens around her. Kayla notes that Dominique is strong face-on and so is trying to keep that in her poses, but she's not necessarily delivering the greatest stuff. She's the one on the chopping block, so that's bad news for her.
Meanwhile, Bianca is trying to get herself together while Lisa makes some posing strategy suggestions. Lisa tells us that being paired with Bianca is a challenge, since she's scared of Chihuahuas, heights, and everything. The one thing she's not scared of, however, is elimination, since she has immunity. Isis and Camille are . Isis is wearing silver leggings, which make her look even more like the skinniest person alive. And then, unfortunately, there's Camille. She says that she needs to go up there and deliver, because "how is it that I'm going to have somebody who's transgender do a better job than the actual 'real' woman?" Yeah. She adds finger quotes to "real," but it's still shitty. Isis tells us that, in this case, there's no such thing as being too extreme. She pushed herself to the point where she fell a lot. We see Isis falling, and falling, and falling. Jay thought that Isis would bring a fun, funky energy to the shoot, but says that she didn't. After the shoot, however, Isis busts out some fly dance moves while still on her stilts, to the delight of everyone. Jay wonders why she didn't give that when she as on set.
It's Lisa and Bianca's turn to be on set, but Bianca is nowhere to be found. That's because she's taken a move from her BFF Bre, and is hiding out in the bathroom and crying. Angelea even felt bad for her, and says that you don't expect Bianca to cry because she's so stank on the outside. Bianca is shaking and full of nerves. Lisa, who is the one in danger of elimination, says some soothing words and encourages Bianca to get her shit together. She tells us that if Bianca ruins this for her and she gets eliminated, Bianca had better learn how to run on stilts. You know, because of how Lisa would go after her. With this visual in our heads, we go to commercials.
When we return, Laura tells us that she sympathized with Bianca as well. Sure, she says, they're held up by wires. But wires break! What a comforting thought. Bianca finally gets up on the damn stilts and walks to the wall where they are posing. Lisa is prepared to pull the weight for both of them. Lucky for her, Bianca has to do exactly nothing to look gorgeous, even when she seems like she's about to throw up. Lisa gets into all sorts of interesting poses, and Jay tells us that she eclipsed Bianca. Bianca doesn't even care, saying that she's just proud that she was able to get on stilts and emerge alive. Jay, who really picks and chooses his moments to be comforting, tells her that if she got up there and didn't deliver anything, there was no point getting up there. I mean, ouch.
Allison and Angelea are , and Allison tells us that she's trying to work on having a better time at photo shoots and not analyzing herself too much. She gets some cool leg positions, and her face also looks great. Angelea gets concerned that the bitch is outshining her, and knows that she has to work. However, her posing is a bit compromised by the fact that she has, by her own admission, no body strength. Like, literally, no muscles. She tells us that she's a strong bitch, but she's a weak bitch. The strong-weak bank tellers are always the ones you have to look out for. Kayla is not impressed by Angelea's performance, and says that she really needed to deliver a fantastic shot post-ModelMobile blowup. Jay asks Angelea what happened to the persistent girl who would sleep in a bus station and do other ill-advised things to make it happen. Angelea tells us that the girl is right here, and never left. Angelea and Allison fall, and Jay dramatically says that it was painful. I think he's just talking about Angelea, there.
Bre and Laura are , and get a little sexy with each other. Bre tells us that she's not sure how to do this, but according to Sarah the two of them nailed it. Then there's Shannon and Alexandria. Jay asks Shannon if she's comfortable in her wardrobe. Her wardrobe consists of high-waisted sheer panties and a few straps across her boobs. However, she tells Jay that she checked into the issue and knows that it's a bathing suit, so she's okay. She's truly the dumbest. Alexandria flies all around, and then falls, and then screams. Shannon is concerned that she's going to get a stilt to the head, which actually might improve matters. Alexandria then falls and screams about her ankle. Jay tells Sarah that Alexandria has a flair for the dramatic, and Sarah notes that that particular shtick gets old real fast. She does get into some fly poses, though. And that's a wrap! Dominique tells us how cool the shoot was, and then we see a delightful few seconds of the stilt guy twirling stilted Laura around as she laughs lovably. That is so consistent with her brand!
Back at the house, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is going home. Angelea reminds us that there are twelve girls remaining, but only six are being judged. She's nervous, but ready to fight to the end. Lisa says that she would have loved to have an equally fearless partner, but that did not happen. Bianca's only excuse is, "My nerves is bad." I'm going to try that one. I think it actually might be true. Isis, meanwhile, is wearing a black, ballerina-ish dress with a funny little pinned on hat that looks like a singular cup from a padded bra. She says that she looks like Black Swan. Isis tells us that winning would allow her to push her brand, and start her fashion line. She came back because her destiny is to do something major. Meanwhile, Angelea complains that Nigel doesn't know who she is, and also gives confusing advice. The latter is definitely true. Angelea tells us that this is her life, and she's going to have a solid, stable future if she wins the season. Being a contestant on America's Top Model for the second time is an interesting path to stability. As we ruminate upon this and even feel a little sad, it's time for a commercial break.
When we return, it's panel time! In her ongoing tribute to Newsies, Tyra is wearing suspenders. There are prizes, there are judges. Andre Leon Talley still looks like he get lost en route to the wizard barbershop quartet auditions. Kristin Cavallari is the guest judge. Alexandria and Shannon are first to be evaluated. ALT says that their shot is very Lady Gaga, and also culturally exciting. Nigel notes that Shannon played the trustworthy partner in their photo, and that he would have liked to see a little more risk from her. Kristin would stop on the photo if she were flipping through a magazine. Tyra loves the photo too, and says that it's insane.
Angelea and Allison are up . Nigel is excited to see their shot, but before he does, Angelea has a few words for him. She brings up his critique at the Extra challenge, and says that she's confused. She doesn't know if he wants her to be professional or silly. Nigel says that his advice to her is to know when to rein it in, but also know that her personality is what everyone wants to see. He felt that she was being too reserved at the challenge. So, really, she can be bank-like professional, while also dropping in some of her special Angelea flavorings. All of this talk about Angelea is too much for Tyra, who reminds everyone that she was parodied in a Saturday Night Live Top Model skit. Tyra claims to find it hilarious, as if we'd believe at this point that she has a sense of humor. But she says that Angelea can do the same thing that she does, which is to "mix it up" and sound like an idiot at all times. Angelea nods, I think because she is just tired of talking about it. They finally get to the picture, and ALT says that the whole challenge is dramatic and modern, and he feels like he's in a cinematic moment of something wonderful. That is, in fact, true, since the all-star season of Top Model is something of a televisual pinnacle. ALT thinks that Allison looks a bit better than Angelea, and Tyra agrees. Tyra credits Allison's success to her booty tooch, then asks the girls if they know what a booty tooch is. Of course we do, you've been talking about it for like four fucking years. Nonetheless, Tyra explains that a booty tooch is when you tooch your booty. We then get a teeny little clip of Tyra's apparently forthcoming single, which goes, "Tooch tooch, tooch tooch." I know you're counting the minutes until that masterpiece drops. Meanwhile, I'm trying to decide if "tooch" is a lesser evil than "smize." It's a real Sophie's choice.
Dominique and Kayla are . ALT thinks that the picture is totally carried by Dominique, and he screams that it could be featured in his salon. And you know, what kind of a busted salon must ALT have with all these photos from Top Model? Get some real art, grandpa warlock. ALT even goes so far as to say that he would airbrush Kayla out of the picture, and then criticizes her for not tooching. Kristin is ambivalent about the photo, and notes that Dominique looks like she's pulling her hair. I'm actually with Kristin on this one. We flash to Dominique receiving her critique, and her face looks like it came straight from Mount Rushmore.
Isis and Camille are . Nigel says this is the first shot that hasn't blown him away. He adds that it's kind of clubby. Camille says that she was trying to channel Carnival in Trinidad and Tobago. Tyra is basically like, "Well, you failed." Kristin wants a little more face from Isis. ALT says that he doesn't feel like the photo is as dynamic and exciting as everyone else's, and notes that if there had to be a winner, Camille would be it. Isis's padded bra hat deflates a little.
Bre and Laura are . The photo is really cool, and looks totally different from everyone else's. Nigel says that it's interesting and elegant and could be a fragrance ad. ALT loves that Laura has come out as a super feminine glamor puss, while Bre is like a strong robot out of Blade Runner. Kristin notes that Bre could have had more expression in her face. Tyra adds that Bre gave great symmetry, but really could have been better on the face.
Bianca and Lisa are . In person, Lisa looks insane per usual, and the judges love it. Their photo is very good, and all the judges are in agreement that it rocks. Nigel asks Lisa if she's ever photographed with her legs together, which is uncalled for. She says that of course she does, and maybe wants to deck him a little bit despite being amused. Tyra tells Bianca that she's working the moment in the photo, and looks like she's lifting Lisa's leg. ALT asks if they had fun, and Bianca reminds everyone about her fear of heights. Tyra doesn't see fear on Bianca's face, but notes a lack of energy.
With that, the judges deliberate. They go through the safe girls first. Shannon doesn't ruin her picture, but doesn't make it. She's merely safe. Allison's body and face and booth tooch look great. She's also tooching her lips, apparently, and ALT is feeling it. Kayla's brand is free, but Nigel and ALT think that she's totally locked up. Her photo isn't spontaneous or unexpected, and she takes no risks. Bianca's face and body are extraordinary. Kristin doesn't love Bre's photo and lack of facial expression. Tyra wishes that she was smizing in a buckeyed, crazy fashion. Camille's photo is ALT's least favorite, and Nigel is no fan either.
The judges then look at the contestants who are actually in danger of elimination. Alexandria looks amazing, and Tyra says that she's making the large-foreheaded people proud. Angelea's photo is weak, according to ALT, though Nigel likes that she had the nerve to question him about his earlier comments. ALT is a big fan of Dominique's photo, but Kristin isn't feeling it. Nigel wants to see action and emotion from Isis rather than pretty. Tyra commends Isis for going through her struggles and still serving it. However, ALT sees no work there. Kristin agrees that it's safe and isn't doing a whole lot. Laura took a risk in her photo by crouching, and Nigel says that she's made it a fashion shot. Also, she and Bre pair up beautifully. Lisa's body looks very strong, and Kristin loves it. Nigel says that Lisa is always Lisa. That may not always be a good thing, but it is authentic. With that, the judges have reached a decision.
With the girls lined up before her, Tyra first goes through the safe girls. Allison gets the best photo for the week. As she accepts her photo, Tyra tells her that they have put a new word into Top Model vernacular -- tooch. That word is in the original OED of Top Model! Does she think that viewers of the all-stars cycle haven't watched other seasons? Does she think that we've actually been brain damaged enough by this show that we don't remember? Maybe that's what she's been going for all along. Tyra forces Allison to say "tooch," and it winds up being the cutest and funniest thing. But that's all on Allison. Tyra gets no credit for anything positive related to tooching. Bianca is called , followed by Shannon, Bre, Kayla, and Camille.
Then it's time to go through the girls who are actually in danger. Alexandria is called first, followed by Lisa, Laura, and Dominique. This leaves Isis and Angelea in the bottom two. You can tell that Isis is so over Tyra already. Tyra says that Angelea and Isis do not have the two worst photos, and uses that as proof of how important challenges are to win. Except for all the times when the same girl who wins the week's challenge gets eliminated. Anyway. Tyra is only going to call one name. You know how it goes. Isis's photo is not so great, and Tyra tells her that from week to week it seems to be less and less and less. If Tyra didn't outweigh her by about 60 pounds, Isis would deck that lady right in the throat, I think. Tyra tells Angelea that her photo is not so great, but the judges commend her for speaking up about her confusion. However, the judges are concerned that Angelea doesn't know the difference, and can't make the balance. I guess she means the balance between hood ghetto bitch and bank teller. Tyra then goes on to say that the number one thing that girls go home for is the ability to take a note. It is? Honestly, I think she's using a magnetic poetry kit to write her elimination ceremony soliloquys. In any case, Angelea gets a photo and Isis is going home. Tyra tells Angelea that they don't want her to lose the 716, but they want her to be able to oscillate between polish and sandpaper. For real: magnetic poetry.
Tyra hugs Isis, and tells her to use this platform to show the world that she's got more than fifteen minutes of fame in her. Isis graciously bids adieu to everyone, and tells us that she's shocked. She thinks that she has a lot to offer, and has a presence. From here, she says, she'll continue to do appearances and motivational speeches. Just like the first time, she says, she'll leave having made a great impact on the other girls and the world. She has done the latter by talking a whole lot of shit about Tyra on Twitter, thus making her a hero to all humankind! Tooch tooch, tooch tooch.
week: The girls audition for CSI, and Kayla has a medical emergency!
Potes has been tooching from birth. Tweet @traciepotes or email potesypotes@gmail.com.