Episode Report Card Lady Lola: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT No More Feeling Uptight!
By Lady Lola | Season 1 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.12.2009
s très Jolie and a little bit Penny Cruz at Salma Hayek's wedding. AAdrianna waddles over to ask the sales girl if they have any maternity gowns. Ha! She's in luck. They do. Nicole Richie's newest line, House of Juno 2007, I suspect. Naomi straps on some stilettos and schemes how to get Annie out of her date. When Annie refuses to lie, Naomi moves on, telling the salesgirl that she'd like to buy several dresses and return the ones she doesn't end up using. Given what we know about SG, stop me if you can see where this is going. As the salesgirl rings the dresses up, Silver emerges in what can only be described as a product of some of Paris Hilton's more terrifying girly nightmares. Pink crinoline much? The girls compliment her, and she says -- without a drop of irony -- that she doesn't want to stand out. Then don't choose that dress! Naomi returns to Annie's conundrum, suggesting they run over her legs with a car. Awesome. Annie notes she's not so hot on Naomi's date either, but Naomi insists that Liam's prom invitation implies he is way into her now. Just as the two girls come to a peaceable accord over Naomi's newfound happiness, the salesgirl returns to tell Naomi her card has been declined. Gong!Naomi heads back home to ask SG why she done gone and spent all her damn money. This is only after SG shows off the couture gown she bought for her prom date with Matthews. Are you kidding me?! As you would expect, SG tries to wriggle and squeam her way out of Naomi's direct questioning but is unsuccessful. She lies that she lost some money in the market and just needs Naomi's help until her investments rebound. She apologizes, assured that he she has emotionally manipulated Naomi into still paying for everything. Naomi takes consolation in overruling SG's veto power over that tacky white leather couch. Battle vs. war, Ringlets. Battle vs. war...
That night, the whole gang arrives at Paramount Studios for prom. And now I ask you, isn't that a bit lavish for a sophomore prom? Especially in the aforementioned shitbag economy? Either way, Silver is paralyzed with fear inside the limo, fearing that everyone will stare at her. AAdrianna reminds her she won't be the only spectacle at a prom with an eight-months-pregnant former junkie in attendance. Navid jokes, "If things get bad, you can hide behind her stomach." I <3 him. Silver relents, and they head out for their red carpet entrance and paparazzi-style prom photos. AAdrianna and Navid are adorable as ever, Silver and Dixon invite Ethan to team up with them, and Annie and Liam dodge the photo opp.
Inside, Navid gets riled up upon spotting deadbeat dad Ty. Uncharacteristically, he starts heading over for a full-out confrontation. He's so resolute, in fact, that AAdrianna has to fake a labor pain to keep him from throwing punches.
Across the room, the ragamuffin sulks that Annie isn't nominated for Prom Queen. He pawns it off to her being new. Cue Dixon: "Whoa. I'm nominated for Prom King?" Ha! Everyone hates Annie! A random girl comes up and tells Silver how glad she is that Silver came, and Dixon gives her an "I told you so" about how nice everyone is being. She cynically says they're treating her like she's dying, but she can handle it for one night. He is getting tired of this routine already.
Later, The Veronicas perform and everyone gets down. Ethan and Dixon do a hilariously dorky routine they clearly worked up while surfing the net for their tuxes. And ragamuffin's got some certified White Boy Moves! Sadly, none of them can compete with this. If the writers had been touched by genius and thought to recreate that gem, I Would. Have. Died. That's it! No more recapper! Too much kickassness for one girl to handle. Across the floor SG tries to convince Matthews to dance by grinding all up on him. Ew. She wraps her arms around him, but he shrugs them off when he sees Kelly. He awkwardly introduces them, but it seems they are already well acquainted -- and filled with venom for one another.
Elsewhere, some overly loud girl who thinks she's frickin' Gloria Swanson or some shit brags about all the hooch she scored for her party. Yeah, because a red SOLO cup really gives an Art Deco dress that extra touch of timeless elegance. Jackass. Of course Harry hears every word.
Back on the dance floor, Annie and the ragamuffin dance. She has humored him tonight to the extent that he asks her for a second date. She has to break it to him that she's not interested. He starts pissing and moaning about how she shouldn't have accepted a pity date because he could have actually gone with a girl who wanted to go with him. Uh huh... He tells her to "take [her] pity and shove it!" As she watches him storm away, her eye catches Liam, who gives her a smug thumbs-up.
Naomi and SG convene at the punch bowl. Naomi points out Liam, who is sitting alone at a table, listening to his iPod. It's every girl's dream date, really.
Harry interrupts the band to narc on Faux-ria Swanson's after party, saying that he and the BHPD are stoked to attend. Faux-ria is pissed that somebody ratted her out and wonders who it was. Ragamuffin has a few ideas.
Meanwhile, SG runs into Kelly in the powder room. They have a tense conversation in which we discover that Kelly wrote SG a lukewarm college recommendation because SG is a conniving, entitled rich bitch who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. (The exact verbiage was "a narcissist with no moral compass," if you're keeping tabs.) In high school, for example, SG stole someone's essay so she could win valedictorian. SG snides about how Kelly is just a lowly guidance counselor, then asks what Matthews likes in bed. Low.
Back in the main room, West Bev's resident prissy gay announces the Prom Court, which he has unnecessarily dubbed "The Prommies." Dixon snags Prom King and proves to be a gracious winner over Ethan, Ty, and two randoms. And now for Prom Queen! Considering that Naomi is the only contender we even recognize, it's obvious there will be some sort of twist. The gay announces that the winner is a write-in, and Naomi can't help but squeak out in annoyance. No matter, it's a done deal, and the title goes to Silver! She is genuinely shocked -- none of this Winslet bullshit -- and hugs Dixon, who she immediately realizes set this up.