By Lady Lola
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.It's Prom season at West Bev, and Harry remembers he's principal for just long enough to ban all after-Prom parties. Six months ago, this might have spoiled the gang's plans, but, at this point in the game, they've pretty much degenerated into angsty outcast losers, so it doesn't really make a dent.
Post-break-up, Annie and Ethan have to go to Prom with a nerd and tag along with Dixon and Silver, respectively. While Ethan contemplates his expanded field of options for the future -- thanks to an invitation to train with the national all-star lacrosse team this summer -- Annie's first non-selfless gesture of the whole season may be her last. Everything blows up in her face when she accidentally lets it slip to the geek that she just went with him because he asked. Whoops! He turns his reject wrath on her, claiming she finked to Harry about a party that Harry actually discovered with his own sneaky sleuthing skills.
On the bright side, Silver seems back to normal again! She's perkier (meds) but definitely not tattooin' crazy. She does make the misguided decision to buy the foofiest pink tutu-ed princess dress so she won't "stand out," but we'll let it slide because she and Dixon win Prom Queen and King! She takes the win as a mandate to speak about the struggle for conformity that she has finally abandoned. Miraculously, no one pours pig blood on her. Also, she actually decides to come back to West Bev, which should make Dixon happy, but he feels judged by her, especially after his good-faith rally to get her voted Prom Queen through a write-in vote. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Silver's Tammy Metzler speech inspires Ethan to forego lacrosse camp and develop a bit of a crush.
Naomi is repeatedly misled by both Liam and Sister Grifter throughout the episode. After Liam finds out that his stepdad is considering sending him to military school, he gives Naomi boatloads of false hope by inviting her to prom so he'll seem like less of a nogoodnik. She discovers this underlying motivation and starts to give him the what-for until, through a process of deduction, she realizes that he really does like her. He visited her Facebook page, y'all. That's true love. Meanwhile, Sister Grifter continues on her spending and deceiving spree, using Naomi's credit cards to buy not only the entire house but also all the furniture in it. Not to mention a fucking couture dress to accompany Matthews to prom. A couture dress that maxes out Naomi's credit card so much so that she nearly can't afford her own prom dress, btw. What an ass. Once at the dance, Sister Grifter and Kelly dredge up old ill will and generally act as nasty to each other as possible. Kelly tries to give Matthews a heads-up, but he arrogantly takes it as a sign that she's still into him. Amidst all this, we learn that Jen has a husband named Olivier. What?
Rounding out the loser parade, AAdrianna and Navid naturally accompany each other, but she spends the entire night faking labor pains so he won't confront Ty about being a smarmy, skinny-mustached deadbeat dad. She steps away for one minute, and Navid starts to rouse the rabble. It's short-lived, though, as AAdrianna's fake labor scares become real water-breaking. Crack baby will not be upstaged by Prom!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Seeds of conflict aplenty -- Jen, Naomi's Sister Grifter rolled into town and began swindling the Perma Donna for all she's worth and some she wasn't schedule to get for another five years. As Naomi was trying to move from booty call to girlfriend, her would-be boyfriend Liam began furiously hitting on Annie, likening her to an active volcano. What a catch! Silver flipped out and transferred from West Bev but sucked it up to accompany Dixon to prom. And AAdrianna revealed that Ty is her crack baby's deadbeat dad. With two episodes left, some of these arcs better pay off already.
We open on Annie boogying down at a post-prom shindig. All the drips we've come to know and loathe on sight are mysteriously missing, not to mention that the whole set-up is super-cheesy and delightfully meta. And then the digital bars come down. Yes, my friends, this is a PSA from Harry about the dangers of having unsanctioned fun after prom night. He announces that he and the BHPD have teamed up to establish a zero tolerance policy wherein partying = suspension = summer school. Everyone grumbles about the square principal's daughter in their midst. And boy does her acting stink! Awesomely, Harry has a bright red slogan shirt that reads, "One party can ruin your whole summer." It really brings the message home.
Naomi asks what in God's name Annie was thinking being in that train wreck of a production. Everyone knows that classy high school videos include Lord Byron and hardcore porn! Annie says she was begged, guilted, and finally bribed with the prom dress of her choice. Not that that matters since she doesn't have a prom date. Oh, but wait! There's a lanky, mop-topped ragamuffin who looks like he's up for the job. Naomi suggests as much, but Annie rejects that idea flat. She worries she'll never live down her dad's amateur directorial aspirations. Naomi consoles her, saying Mariah Carey got over Glitter. Wow, way to whip out the seven-year-old cultural references there, Ringlets.
Students hand in test papers as Matthews' class lets out. We see Liam's, which features a sketch of some sort of sea creature. Matthews bemoans Liam's lack of motivation, and Liam predictably reaches into his sass vault to fling Matthews' "teacher with a heart of gold" complex right back in his face. Liam mocks Matthews some then heads out, running into Ethan on the way. Matthews tells Ethan he has great news and hands him an envelope. Ethan reads the letter inside and gives Matthews a soap opera-worthy eyebrow raise.