THE THUNDER LULZ
Scotty manages to turn some Elton John song into exactly the same song he sings every single week. I guess that is artistry happening, I guess Kara DioGuardi would be proud of him for that. I don't know. At least with an acoustic in his hands he's too distracted to make all those creepy sex faces that are so confusing to see. Then one low silly note that makes Steven Tyler laugh and laugh, and we're done.
Tyler: "Something about boots. I enjoyed when you pandered by shouting out to your grandmother in the middle of the song. Both stupid fucking America and myself were really touched by that bullshit."
Jackson: "Me too, Steven. That gave the illusion of authenticity that I crave."
Lopez: "Don't ever change or grow. Do you know the term 'useful idiots'? That's your demo. Think of yourself as Lenin. For Teabaggers."
Jackson: "It's true. Not many people heard about this, but Matt Sarver was actually burned as a witch last year for listening to a Rihanna song in Jasper, Texas."
Lopez: "Good point, Randy. Just keep singing the same fucking song over and over and you'll keep your core audience. Like me with crystal meth users who also enjoy anonymous sex, but for you it's more like people who can't spell their own hate speech."
Do you think Scotty will still be cute as a button when he becomes an adult? I think he will look exactly the same, and that will be awesome. He will grow into his voice and become a Rockbiter and that will be Scott McCreery: Four stories tall, munchin' on rocks.
Are you going to watch this flashmob show tonight? I am going to watch the shit out of it.
I CAN DO RAD ALL MY MYSELF
up is Naima, who... Sometimes when she talks I'm not sure she's saying anything. Just throw some "connection" or some "understanding" or some "rise above" into a casual word salad and you have yourself a sentiment. She will be doing "I'm Still Standing," with a "reggae swag" on it. That sounds just awful. I cannot wait.
Naima: "This one is for all the people around the world who struggle but [reggae talk]."
Then she does the whole song in this crazy reggae accent! Like that's necessary! Like you have to sing with that accent for it to be reggae! That's amazing! Every time I think she has exhausted her bag of tricks, she pulls some weird new thing out of it! And but what's really genius is that the thing is never singing. It's always not singing instead, because she's got to do some weird performance art from growing up Montessori, and it's always irie, but this time it was naima.irie. (Love you, Joe!) I mean, I don't think I've ever hard to pause this show just because I was laughing too hard, but Naima did it. Tremendous.