Episode Report Card Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Let's Not, and Say We Did
By Sara M | Season 3 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.22.1998
In the kitchen, Matt appears not to be working on his project at all as he looks around for some cookies to go with the tiny half-gallon container of milk he got from the fridge. I know I've commented on how ridiculous it is that this family doesn't buy economy-sized portions of everything, but a half gallon of milk? Are you kidding me? We had four people in my house while I was growing up -- one of whom was lactose-intolerant and another who just wasn't a fan of dairy -- and we still went through a full gallon of milk every week, sometimes even sooner. A half-gallon of milk for a family of seven isn't just cost-ineffecient; it's also a great way to find yourself going to the grocery store twice daily. Actually, maybe Annie does this so that she'll have a reason to leave the house every day. Matt finally finds the cookies in the oven where Annie left them for reasons that will never be explained. Matt starts to eat a cookie, but then he hears Lucy's disembodied voice repeat her earlier conversation with him about first time experiences. He chews slower and slower as he realizes that Lucy was hinting that she was going to lose her virginity. "I'm an idiot!" he says, throwing down his cookie and leaving. No argument from me!
Back at Eddie's "Great Place to Have Serious, Life-Altering Discussions" Pool Hall, Babs is lecturing Sam to the effect that even though she said she wanted to have sex with him, this is still all his fault because she was too young to know better and he was older and "smarter." Smarter? But...he's an illiterate crack user! Sam looks stricken.
Roger says it's not fair that he now has a lifelong connection to Cassie through their child. Well, Roger, a lot of things in life aren't fair. For example, it's not really fair to me that you're such a bad actor and I have to watch you. Roger asks Cassie why she went out with his brother when she knew she was pregnant with Roger's child. Cassie says, "[she] wanted to get back at [Roger] for doing this to [her]." The hell? Babs and Cassie need some serious lessons in blame-assignment. Roger says that their child is going to be mad at them one day for "not being the family [they] should have been before [they] created it." Cassie says that the baby isn't "an 'it.' He's a boy." Roger starts crying again.
Over in the corner, RevCam and Annie look on sadly. "I don't want to be judgmental," RevCam says, "but there really is nothing good to be said about teenage pregnancy." When they write dialogue like that, I have to believe that the writers are actively trying to make me hate these characters. ["And since when doesn't RevCam want to be judgmental?" -- Wing Chun] Annie agrees with Eric, of course, adding that they're lucky to have Matt, Mary, and Lucy. I guess Simon, Ruthie, and the upcoming twins are unlucky, then? RevCam and Annie toast to their three favorite children.