Episode Report Card Gustave: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Kiefer un-klad
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.14.2003
CTU. A CTU medical whatever practitioner examines Bi-Carrie-ous's neck, and Soul Patch crutches over to where Bitchelle is crying quietly to herself in the corner. Bitchelle lies and says she's on her way to IT to access that Whatever Software. "But IT is that way," says Soul Patch, pointing in the opposite direction. Bitchelle needs a moment. The day has finally gotten to her. Soul Patch comforts her, and before you know it, they are kissing. Oh, and then Bi-Carrie-ous enters. What a wacky hospital! Oh, and Bi-Carrie-ous is there because Chappelle is looking for Soul Patch. Aw! Father Phil is back.
Okay, I've seen this video at a gay bar in the East Village. It was directed by John Rutherford for Falcon, and Tom Chase starred in it. Not that I watch gay porn or anyway. Kiefer's naked body is suspended by his chained wrists. He roasts like a wild animal as TeutonicTortureDude continues to make incisions in his body. Wow, this is like that Lifetime movie about cutting. Except it's way creepier. Kiefer continues to make goofy faces around the toilet paper roll, which only makes me want to take this scene less seriously. Jeez, now he's channeling that guy Reuben Kincaid from The Partridge Family. Oh, and this move is totally cold. TeutonicTortureDude takes a sip from his clear plastic bottle of expensive mineral water, and holds it up to Kiefer like he's doing a fucked-up magic show. He then heats a blade with a blowtorch and demonstrates how he can melt the plastic of his bottle with it. Then he sticks it into Kiefer. Kiefer's eyes bulge, and he moans loudly and shakes like Ellen Burstyn getting electroshock therapy at the end of Requiem for a Dream. Stop it! I can't take this scene seriously. Get him a better gag! Preferably in black. And get rid of this toilet paper roll. Nevertheless, José -- or maybe Luis -- interrupts to inform TTD that he may kill Kiefer if he's not kareful. "Don't ever touch me again," says TeutonicTortureDude coldly. Wow! What are you saying? Could TeutonicTortureDude have issues? I'd never have guessed. You know, sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much. And I have to stare at him intensely until my cell phone rings. TeutonicTortureDude answers his phone. It's EvilChrisElliott, wanting to know if Kiefer's given up the chip yet. Hey, EvilChris? Torture takes time. Just read A Man by Oriana Fallaci if you don't believe me. "Get me that chip, TeutonicTortureDude!" says EvilChrisElliott. "I will," says TeutonicTortureDude.
PMHC arrives at the fifth floor corridor and meets up with Rolaide. Okay, this part is really gay, so get ready. Rolaide wants to know who they're meeting. PMHC asks her if she's ever heard of Section 4 of the Twenty-Fifth Amendment. Rolaide answers dutifully that the cabinet can vote to remove a president from office if they decide he is unfit to carry out his duties. The vice president would then become acting president. "PoorMan'sJoeLieberman can't do that," gasps Rolaide. "PMHC, we're talking about a palace coup." Jesper Isberg arrives. PMHC has him give them a moment. PMHC then asks Lynne where she stands with regard to Palmer's decision. Rolaide says that, although she does not agree with the President's decision, it was his decision to make. She insists that she is loyal to Palmer, and believes that PMJL should be charged with treason. "Are you sure that's how you feel?" asks PMHC. Rolaide answers yes. "I was afraid you'd say that," says PMHC. PMHC calls in Isberg and steps out of the room, apologizing. Isberg blocks Rolaide from the door. Rolaide is shocked that PMHC is aligned with PMJL. "David wouldn't listen to reason," says PMHC. He tells her he can't stand by when Palmer's indecisiveness could cost 20,000 American lives. Rolaide puts up a fight, but Isberg locks her in the room. PMHC orders him to not let her out unless Isberg hears it from him directly. The time is 02:49:02 AM.