Episode Report Card Potes: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Spice Up Your Tooch
By Potes | Season 18 | Episode 6 | Aired on 04.11.2012
When we return, it's panel time! Tyra is wearing a sparkly evening gown, as befits a week focused on tooching. There are prizes, there are judges. Jessica Sutta and Nadine Coyle are the guest judges. We first see the full video for the United Sirens of America's smash hit, "Stop, Drop and Tooch." With lyrics such as, "Our booty tooch / be raisin' roofs," I think we can assume that both a Grammy and genre-busting Pulitzer Prize are coming Lisa D'Amato's way. What can I say, she's a poet. The production on the video is, I think, designed to induce a seizure. And the collective direction to the "vocalists" seems to have been something like, "Do your best to whine this line." Oy. So, Laura really is a standout in the video, and Kyle is particularly horrible, just as we suspected.
The Americans have their single takes reviewed by the panel, and Seymone is first. Nigel says that she owned it, and likes that she was a little bitchy and a little off. Jessica Sutta adds that Seymone looked beautiful. Tyra says that the song is like a cartoon, and Seymone needed to exaggerate and push it a bit more. She was close, though! Laura is next, and Tyra enjoys her crazy, zaggy self. Nigel thinks that she had a nice oscillation between pretty and crazy. Cutrone also compliments Laura on her nasty, dirty, punk aesthetic. Good job, overall! I'm sure Alan's ear is proud, wherever it is. [Cue music for "Somewhere Out There."]
Oh, and then there's Azmarie. Nigel doesn't think that she committed to this video at all. Cutrone doesn't get Azmarie's vocal weirdness. And then Tyra has something to say. As you may suspect, it has nothing to do with the video that they just watched. Nay, Tyra would like to talk about the booty tooch teach, and Azmarie's refusal to cross the training tooch line. This didn't make sense to Tyra, as Azmarie was willing to humiliate and degrade herself in a whole host of other ways, while being covered in maple syrup. Azmarie says that, after some thought, she wants to apologize to Tyra and realizes that she was being disrespectful. Tyra claims to accept the apology, but I think we all know that's really not true. She does point out that Azmarie's stand was just weird rather than meaningful.
Eboni is next, and Nigel tells her that she committed too much, and has to know where her moments are. Tyra accuses Eboni of smoochie tooching while singing, which I think is actually quite a feat. Cutrone wanted Eboni to be more of a robot girly baby, but Jessica thinks she was working some babydoll girl band realness. And then there's Kyle. If the words, "Hi! I'm Kyle / I smile for miles" don't haunt your nightmares, then you haven't seen this episode. Nigel does a pretty dead-on impression of Kyle whining her lyrics, and tells her that she could have chilled out a little bit more. Jessica likes it, though Nadine tells Kyle that she has dead eyes. Tyra reminds Kyle that everyone else was better than her.