Episode Report Card Potes: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Spice Up Your Tooch
By Potes | Season 18 | Episode 6 | Aired on 04.11.2012
After everyone is finished recording, Lisa and Tom note that the UK girls are ahead at this point, but the Americans can make a comeback during the choreography and video elements of the challenge. And then we are at the choreography portion of events, which I believe happens on a different day. The girls arrive at Millennium Dance Studio, and Tyra greets them. She tells them that they can't possibly do choreography before learning the art of the booty tooch. Oh yes, everyone. It's happening. Tyra turns around to show the girls the words "booty tooch" emblazoned on her tooched booty. My question is, if you're properly tooching your booty, should you really have to advertise?
Oh boy, and then Tyra explains that she has something called a "training tooch," which is kind of like a training bra except it is padded underwear. The girls have to put on the training tooch, along with black tank tops and toochy hot pants. Azmarie is skeptical about the whole thing, and is particularly concerned that wearing a training tooch will compromise her androgyny. And yet she is perfectly willing to put on the "booty tooch" hot pants. It's all very mysterious. I think Azmarie had some idea that she could go on this show and still maintain some street cred, which really only shows that she was misguided from the start. Tyra lines the girls up to inspect their training tooches, only to learn that Azmarie isn't wearing hers. To make matters worse, she has an especially flat butt to begin with. Azmarie explains to Tyra that she draws the line at the training tooch, and Tyra gets that sort of rage-y look in her eyes as she tells Azmarie that if she refuses to put it on, she can't do this tooch teach. Azmarie is okay with that, and Tyra summarily dismisses her. Sophie tells us that by thinking she's too cool for the training tooch, Azmarie is putting down all the other girls and also The Great and Terrible Tyra Banks. And I think we all know how that goes. As Azmarie tells us that she is a grown-ass woman and doesn't have time for tooch pads, we head to commercials.
When we return, we have to relive the whole trauma of Azmarie rejecting her training tooch again, and the horrified reactions of the other models. Annaliese wants Azmarie to show a little bit of respect, and also loosen up. She does take herself pretty seriously for someone who is a contestant on the eighteenth season of America's Next Top Model. Oh. And then the tooching lesson commences. Tyra explains that before the girls learn the right way to tooch, they must learn the wrong way to tooch. She goes through a litany of terrible tooches, including the Hoochie Tooch (self-explanatory), Poochie Tooch (no gut-sucking), Smoochie Tooch (with trout pout), and Dookie Tooch (self-explanatory, hopefully). While most of the terrible tooches earn a rallying cry of, "Nooch to the tooch!" the Dookie Tooch has its own special dance and chant, which goes, "We don't want a Dookie Tooch!" There are certain really special times when I watch this show and feel like I'm out of my body, floating above and looking down on a strange and terrible world where the onslaught of brain cell abuse is commonplace. "We don't want a dookie tooch" is one of those moments.