Episode Report Card Gwen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT All By Myself
By Gwen | Season 4 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.23.2000
Matt's packing books into a box while Shana packs CDs. Shana's yakking about how NYU's buildings are spread all over the city. Oh, and her academic advisor got her a job in some med lab, and she's so psyched, and blah blah -- but Matt's too selfish to care. I think he's peeved because he wanted to be the only one mopping at a hospital. He slumps on the couch. Shana pops up with her patronizing smile and joins him. "I can love New York and still hate being there without you," she oozes. Shana, please don't wear bright blue with olive green anymore. They kiss audibly, with several head pumps. I swear it doesn't last for more than two seconds, but Shana breaks away and squints concernedly as she says, "What are we doing?" It's called "grossing out the audience," Shana. Matt feathers his fingers against her jaw, making me clench mine sympathetically. "I just wanna be close to you, that's all," he says. Matt, please cut your hair, then shave your sideburns, then wash your whole head really well. "How close?" says Shana. Matt gives a toothpaste-commercial grin and says, "This close." He kisses her, this time reaching under her hair and palming the back of her head. She puts her arm around him and they lie back on the couch a little. Kiss, kiss, head pump, head pump. Piano, commercial.
Hey, that guy from Wendy's took a bunch of his hamburgers over to England. Man, those people talk so weird. Yet they still like the same food we do. I'm going to Wendy's tonight.
It's the next morning, and Reverend Camden is a total failure. Even though he works from home most of the time, he has no idea how to do anything in the kitchen without making a huge freaking mess. There's a pancake on the baby's head. Maybe there are people laughing out there, somewhere. All I know is that if a woman got caught in a sty like that, someone would be calling Social Services on her ass. Oh, but it's so CUTE when men can't take care of their kids, isn't it? Calgon, take me away, and not to the Ocean Side Motel, either. Annie calls. She misses them. Eric's telling her everything's under control. Ruthie will call Annie when she gets out of the bathroom. Annie asks if Robbie called Mary. Nope. She asks if Mary called him. RevCam doesn't know because he's "a little busy running the house to keep track of phone calls [sic]." Yeah, Eric, and that's why you're not a SUPER MOM. You men will never be able to fry up the bacon in the pan while keeping tabs on your children's hearts like we women do! That's why you make the dollar to our seventy cents! HA! The joke's on you! RevCam is unable to remember what happened between Simon and Dina, and he forgot to call and check up on Matt. He says he'll call Matt right now. He loves Annie. She loves him, too. She smiles and then slams the phone down pretty hard. Try to have a life for a while, Annie.
RevCam oh-so-comically dials the phone, then hangs up on Matt and John's answering machine. Mary and Lucy walk in and RevCam asks them to clean the kitchen while he cleans the twins. There's some funny, heart-warming dialogue here, but it wasn't funny or heartwarming enough for me to actually type it out or anything. Rev and the twins leave. Mary tells Lucy that she's not calling Robbie. Lucy says she thought they agreed that Lucy would call Robbie for Mary and Mary would call Brad for Lucy. Lucy! Ethel's calling Ricky! You call Fred! Lucy has VBL (Visible Bra Lines.) Mary's wearing a bandanna on her head like she doesn't look stupid or something. She says that if calling on Friday reeks of desperation, then calling on Saturday just reeks. Girls, GIRLS! If your gentlemen friends didn't call you before Wednesday, you should have turned on the answering machine and pretended to be out swing dancing on Friday night! Mary tells Lucy to face it -- they're not going anywhere this weekend. Oh, those poor girls! They must have that rare disease -- you know, the one that keeps you from being able to leave the house without a boy? Either that or they're ashamed to be seen with each other in public. I can't say that I'd blame them. The phone rings and they jump for it like desperate dogs, which is just SO, SO FUNNY. You 7th Heaven writers, you really do convey the absurdities of teenage-girl life while still setting a good example, don't you? Mary answers and then is bugged that it's Brad. "Yes!" hisses Lucy. Hey, maybe they can have a Jell-O fight a little later! We see Brad asking if Lucy's mad that he didn't call. Whoa. Brad is kind of hot. Hey, he's that boy from that band, isn't he? Is that one of those boys from 'N Sync or whichever? I think I heard something about that. I don't think it is, though, because this boy has natural hair and normal clothes on. Don't all the boys in those boy bands use bleach? Lucy plays it off like she didn't remember Brad promising to call. Brad has a motorcycle poster on his wall.