Episode Report Card Gwen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT All By Myself
By Gwen | Season 4 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.23.2000
Mary has gone into the hall to fume. Simon shows up and barks, "Who's on the phone?" "Not Robbie," says Loser Mary. "Well, just stay off the phone, okay?" Simon bellows. Whatever. Like any self-respecting chick would take that from a younger brother. Mary tells Simon he should just call Dina. Then she starts flaking out on some diatribe about girls and how they always sit at home waiting for their stupid boyfriends to call. She meant to say "some girls," I think. This goes on too long, and then Mary yells "MEN!" Please shut up, Mary. She leaves. Simon says to the space in front of him, "Why is it that women can never admit when they're wrong?" We see Ruthie in her animal-print bathrobe, with a huge blue towel on her head, saying, "Beats me, lover boy," in a cute-not, angry way. Ruthie, I'm not going to tell you again. She takes off before I can tell her to shut up. Next we see a close-up of a shirtless twin ambling into the hall. (It's the follically-challenged one.) Aw! He's so cute. RUN, LITTLE BOY! ESCAPE WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
RevCam is drying the other twin; he's wearing his bathrobe over his clothes. He comes out of the bathroom and gets to hear Simon ask some stupid, sexist, rhetorical question. He tells Simon to help him dress the twins and that they'll discuss Dina afterwards. Simon says, "No, thanks," and hands a the other naked baby to his dad. Okay, well, thanks for nothing, Simon, you little ingrate. Simon goes into the kitchen as Lucy comes out and announces that she has a date with Brad, "the adorable hunk" she went out with last week. Lucy, I don't want to hear that, so I doubt your dad does. The word "hunk" makes me ill. It makes me think of Bill Bixby. She runs off while RevCam's yelling that he wants to hear all about Brad. Rev mutters to the twins that he doesn't care about Brad, but he does care about Lucy. The twins are very cute. I hope someone's saving their paychecks and investing them wisely. I hope they won't be too traumatized because their parents made them appear on this show. Brat -- oops, I mean Ruthie shows up fully dressed and says, "Did your wife call?" She's all pissy about missing another call from Annie. Who cares? Mary walks by and doesn't respond to RevCam yelling, "Hey, there!" at her. Okay, okay, we get it. He's humorously befuddled without his wife. WE GET IT, DAMMIT. The phone rings. Mary, Simon, and RevCam each pick up an extension. "Hey, it's me!" says Matt. Mary grunts fiercely and slams down her phone. Simon sighs and hangs up his. "Hello?" says Matt, the Bird Who Would Not Leave The Nest. RevCam asks how the packing went. Matt quickly explains that if RevCam called him that morning, he didn't answer because he woke up really, really early to help Shana. We know, however, that he spent the night at Shana's because he's wearing the same sweatshirt and his hair is dirtier than ever. He repeats his alibi over and over, causing RevCam to squint. Shana walks up to him and whispers, "Stop saying that or he's going to know that you slept over." Shana's wearing this stale white night-thingy with black dots and trim, under a black robe. Matt eventually hangs up and tells her he thought his lie went well. We see RevCam musing and saying "nah" to himself. "He wouldn't. And even if he would, she wouldn't. They wouldn't, would they?" The hair-having twin smiles as if to say, "Of course they didn't, Dad. This is just a ploy to keep the more gullible viewers in suspense." RevCam goes off to get the kids some clothes.