Episode Report Card Gustave: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ladies with an attitude
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 10 | Aired on 02.04.2002
Back at CTU, Milo has cracked the code of the email and learned that one million dollars was transferred into Ira Gaines's account from an anonymous Swiss account. Okay, number one? Why would Gaines be telling Jalapeno about this? Number two? Is Gaines stupid enough to have an American bank account with his own name on it? Like no one is going to get suspicious if a million dollars just pops up in your checking account one day? Dude, go to Switzerland or the Cayman Islands and open up your own secret account! Don't you read legal thrillers? I swear to God, I could be a better terrorist than Gaines if I had fewer morals than I already have now! Nina calls Kiefer, tells him that Cofell is indeed involved somehow, and provides some background info. Kiefer calls Cofell's office, pretending to be an old B-school classmate of his. Cofell's young gum-chewing secretary, who is wearing a shiny pink blouse -- a Gucci knockoff from, like, six seasons ago -- tells Kiefer that he's in a meeting, and then he'll be going out of town. Is this girl a temp? If you are an executive assistant, you are never supposed to tell an unknown caller what your boss is doing. You say he's "unavailable" and leave it at that. Kiefer hangs up on her. Way to arouse suspicion, Kief-man! The time is 9:39:05.
The time is 9:43:30. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer's in the karjacked Kiefmobile, the Kieferettes are holding up a bale of hay, and Soul Patch is brooding over something. Soul Patch walks over to Nina's desk and tells her that headquarters has already replaced Kiefer with a woman named Alberta Green. Apparently Alberta has some issues with Nina from the past, but no one goes into it too much…oh, and Nina used to be Alberta's boss, so you just know there's trouble on the horizon. Kiefer calls in for a traffic report, and Nina tells him about Alberta. Kiefer also has some issues with Alberta.
At The Stable Of Sensuality, it's time for a little exposition on the Kiefer marriage. Spawn wants to know why they ever separated. Bride doesn't want to go into it, but Spawn insists because they're both going to die anyway. Kiefer kan be difficult. Oh, and he went away on CTU-related business a couple of years ago and came back a changed man. "He was distant and preoccupied...and other times he was angry," says Bride. So they separated. But ultimately Bride couldn't stay away from the Kiefer for long. "Good," says Spawn, putting her head on her mother's lap and giving us a little more non-lesbian non-porn.