Episode Report Card Gustave: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ladies with an attitude
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 10 | Aired on 02.04.2002
Back at the new Kiefmobile, Kiefer has parked so that he can load a gun and talk to Nina on the car speakerphone. Nina explains that the "preliminary read on the trace" can't pinpoint the TerrorShack's exact location yet, but they've found the general vicinity. "It's somewhere north of the 10 and east of the 405," she says. Kiefer shields his face from some passing cop cars and begs Nina to stay on the trace. The koast becomes klear, so Kiefer puts the car in drive and goes off in search of the Kieferettes.
Back at CTU, Nina's face is starting to show her lack of sleep. But it's totally sexy. She tries to order Soul Patch around some more, but he's found something interesting on his computer. And, like, this time it's actually not porn-related, so Nina walks over to check it out. Apparently, Jalapeno failed to destroy an email from Gaines. It's encoded, but there's a name in the subject line. "Ted Cofell?" says Nina. "Find out who he is…and pick up my dry cleaning." I'm joking about the dry cleaning. Soul Patch hands the encoded email over to Milo, who complains that he's already trying to trace the location of the Kieferettes. "Well, you're going to have to do two things at once," says Soul Patch. Soul Patch is familiar with the concept of multi-tasking? Who knew? The phone rings again. Operator Soul Patch takes the call. It's the clinic. Jalapeno is dead. Soul Patch tells Nina, and her face gets even more tired. I knew she was dead. But then, do I know that she's dead? I've stopped taking anything for granted on this show. And can I ask what the hell is up with the Chicago Cubs coffee cup that's always featured in some prominent position on Soul Patch's desk? I mean, they can't get the clothes, hair, or furniture consistent from hour to hour and Milo's snack food is constantly changing from shot to shot, but that coffee cup is always right there. That's got to be important. The time is 9:13:53 AM.
Okay, this Campbell's Chunky Soup commercial? It has got to go. It annoyed me when it first started being aired a year ago, and my resentment is only growing as time goes on. I know it's just a commercial, but it bugs me that this football player's mother is interrupting him on the set of a shaving cream ad just to bring him some canned soup. And why does she have to be so rude to the director? And let's consider this soup, shall we? It's liquid salt. It's high blood pressure in a can. It's not good for you! It's the crack cocaine of food products. I mean, if this woman really has no life to the point where she's bursting in on her son at work, would it kill her to soak some dried beans overnight and make a nice pasta e fagioli from scratch? Why can't she hit an organic grocery and buy some miso? Or am I being too gay here? But I love this Heineken ad where these guys party with the trannies because they have beer. That's what all the trannie-chasers would have you believe, isn't it? Oh, and this Domino's ad reminds me of this weird thing that happened last week. I called the Domino's in my neighborhood because I had forgotten to eat and everything was closed. They hung up on me before I could say a word. I called back, and they hung up on me again. I figured that by the time I hassled someone into delivering me a pizza, it would probably have spit on it so I gave up. Then I'm talking to Sars and she tells me that the Domino's in her neighborhood hangs up on her all the time. What is up with that? I mean, if I wanted a hot teen babe or a lesbian hot teen babe, no problem, but Domino's won't take my calls? I don't get it. Nor do I understand how The American Embassy got a green light from a semi-major network. The U.S. Embassy in London is worthy of a weekly television drama? What do they do there besides hold dinner parties and replace lost passports? What's next? The Department of Transportation? The Registry of Motor Vehicles? The Food and Drug Administration? "I'm sorry but we can't approve this diabetes treatment. You're just going to have to run some more tests!" "You sick bastard! You're just mad because I aborted our child! Diabetes is a serious disease! Can't you forget the past?"