Episode Report Card M. Giant: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT You Can Take the Man Out of CTU…
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.08.2005
Kiefer 2.0 arrives at the dry cleaners, and positions his team members outside the other entrances. He goes in the front door himself. No one's at the counter. He places what looks like a cell phone on the counter, and presses a button. Instantly, two views of the inside of the cleaners appear on Driscoll's monitors, neither of them blocked by Kiefer 2.0, even though the blocking in the cleaners shows that he's clearly in the shot. CTU technology gets more amazing every season. Kiefer 2.0 calls out, and the aforementioned "Maurice" – TerrorCleaner -- appears behind the counter. Kiefer 2.0 immediately identifies himself as a CTU agent (then why the hidden camera?) and asks TerrorCleaner what he knows about TerrorTurk, but TerrorCleaner is acting all innocent and offended. "He's hiding something," say Kiefer and my three-month-old son simultaneously. Driscoll doesn't appreciate Kiefer's backseat driving, but even though he has no idea who the subject of the questioning is or what is going on, he leans on her until she speaks into a communicator linked to Kiefer 2.0's hidden earpiece. She tells him to turn his back on TerrorCleaner. Kiefer 2.0 does. Kiefer and Driscoll watch the monitor as TerrorCleaner, thinking he's unobserved, cuts his eyes to his right. Kiefer moves in next to Driscoll and takes over her keyboard (rude much?), rewinding the footage of TerrorCleaner and replaying the glance. We saw it the first time, Kiefer. He still has to spell it out for everyone else, though, telling Driscoll to tell Kiefer 2.0 to look to TerrorCleaner's right. Kiefer 2.0 asks to look behind a counter in that part of the store, and TerrorCleaner refuses, ordering Kiefer 2.0 to leave. Kiefer 2.0 refuses, and that's when TerrorTurk breaks cover and dashes for the back door. Kiefer 2.0 calls down his minions, and TerrorTurk is handily nabbed. "Great job," Driscoll tells Kiefer 2.0. Indeed. If I heard about a terrorist act that resulted in an arrest a half hour later, I'd be really impressed. Or I'd think the person being arrested was incredibly stupid. Kiefer turns away from Driscoll's monitor, making his "all in an hour's work for Jack Bauer" face, then remembers himself and chuckles ruefully at the rush he just got from that tiny taste of his old job. Or maybe he's imagining how long he would have put up with being micromanaged the way he and Driscoll just did to Kiefer 2.0. I think there are objects that last longer than that that only exist in supercolliders. End of preview. It's 7:33:04. That was more than twenty-four minutes, but I am so not complaining.
It's a week later for me, but only 7:39:03 on the show. Witless heads back to the office with newspaper and coffees, TerrorDad watches his handiwork on the news, and Kiefer tries to get back into the mindset of a faceless government budget wonk. DaD's motorcade arrives in a suburban neighborhood whose ill-kept lawns are probably meant to represent a bad neighborhood, like Chino. Attended by a Secret Service agent, DaD gets out of the limo and walks up to the door, which is standing open. So maybe this isn't such a bad neighborhood after all. DaD sticks his head in and calls for DiCK, who I'd like to mention bears a much stronger resemblance to DaD in terms of the shape of his face, at least, but who is also catastrophically grooming-challenged. Which happens. Especially, as my dad can testify, when your son is in a rebellious stage and also kind of a pinko. I'd like to say that if DiCK is one of those "no blood for oil" types, he should really stop presenting himself to his father as such a target-rich environment.