Episode Report Card Djb: B+ | 2 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT It's Not A Toomah
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 7 | Aired on 07.31.2004
Sideways Eight waits a dramatic minute before leaning against counter and taking it down a notch: "You never even liked me." You're right, but it's only because we're ooked out by disease and lupus sounds really contagious. "This was about you needing to feel like a big man" -- not likely -- "and now that you got what you need, you're done?" Rico stands stock still looking down for a moment, personifying "big man" the way she personifies "Queen of England," and she breaks the silence by telling him, "Okay. Just leave the gift that you promised Nicole and get out." But Rico has forgotten the gift, a confession that causes Sideways Eight to bellow, "You didn't even bring the dumb Jack the Pig book you've been going on and on about?" Over her protestations, he promises to bring it by the following day. "Forget it," Sideways Eight whispers, setting sail on her round-the-world guilt trip. "She needs to learn. People promise you things. But then leave when they get tired of you." That'll do, Jack the Pig. That'll do.
Ruth "Cuts Like A Wife" Sibley dusts and dusts and dusts and performs other wifely duties that don't cross the line. Like talking to her husband, for example. She stares at a particularly galling collection of mounted rockzzzzzzzzz sitting on a bureau, and when she looks back up, she sees on the top of said bureau six jars with the head of a woman in each of them, because for those of us sitting around waiting for that Six Feet Under/Futurama crossover episode we knew would one day come...thank you. Had only one of his wives been the disembodied head of Richard Nixon. Meh. I'm sure it will come out that it was because he loves secrets.
Each of the glass jars is labeled Wife One, Wife Two and so on, up to Wife Six. Off-camera, we hear one of them say, "She's George's new wife. The one that came after you." Wife One -- who looks not entirely unlike Ruth except her head is in a jar and her body is made up of a wooden shelf chock full of archaeological boredom -- chirps, "Jesus, lady, what are you doing?" Wife Five chimes in then, adding, "You're snooping! You're too snoopy. I was too snoopy, and he got rid of me but quick!" Wife Four asks the leading "You want to know why George doesn't like anybody to ask about his past?" Ruth desperately responds, "Yes, tell me," which cracks the brides up for a considerable amount of time, because they know that he divorced his first wife, killed his second wife by cutting her head off! "Third wife, gonna shoot her. Fourth wife, put her into a bag. Fifth wife, into outer space. Sixth wife, on a Rotissimat. Seventh wife, made out of jam. Eighth wife..." I mean, if the historians are to be believed. Their laughter intensifies when Ruth tries to scream over them, "What doesn't he want me to know? Why can't I know anything?" The wife heads bray on in laughter while Ruth holds the duster over her face, and when she looks again they're gone. She storms out of the room in horror, comforted perhaps in the knowledge that when you marry just a head, you know that when she gets vengeful it'll be more difficult for her to scoop up poo. Because of the no arms.
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