Episode Report Card Djb: B+ | 2 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT It's Not A Toomah
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 7 | Aired on 07.31.2004
They're back at David's apartment with the kissy kissy love love, but it lasts for but a moment when David hits the carpet and starts to invite him to fill at the Fisher Service Station. David suddenly experiences a flashback of a gun -- an actual gun -- in his mouth, and he backs off suddenly and stands up against the window, telling the bootytender, "I can't do this." Bootytender asks him what happened, leaving the house muttering, "Why do I always pick the crazies?" Because you live in L.A.
Keith stands with Javier outside Celeste's dressing room, observing, "She's in a better mood." Javier agrees and responds that he doesn't see any gay clubs on the horizon tonight, remembering, "Somebody called for you on the stage phone while you was [sic] on the can." But not Celeste's can, because that's bad hoodoo. Javier hands Keith a slip of paper, and Keith opens it up and reads the name on it. Incorrectly. Javier corrects his pronunciation in an exceedingly "I have a gub" kind of way. Keith, who's apparently never seen an episode of The Simpsons, nor spent any time in or near the seventh grade, is all, "Heywud Jewblowm." Javier helps Keith with his new vocabulary lesson, telling him to sound it out. "Heywood J. Blow," Keith tries again. A painter walks into the room, seeing as how the letters "Heywood" are on one side of the wall and "Jewblowme" are on the other, and proceeds to push the letters closer and closer. Today's recap is brought to you by the letters F, U, and the number 69. In the longest old joke of all time, Javier helps Keith read letters off the paper, until Keith's able to correctly identify the word "Heywood." Unless this is all to illustrate how Keith is a functional illiterate, this is getting a bit tedious. "J-A-B-L-O-M-E," Javier spells, winning the Mad Magazine spelling bee. Use it in a sentence, Keith. "Heywood Jablowme," Keith says. "Heywood Jablowme." Javier bursts into giggles. Keith asks what's so funny. Javier asks him to say it again. "Heywood Jablowme!" You know who loves these jokes? Mike Hunt. Javier gives Keith his best interpretation of bedroom eyes and says, "Sure, I'd blow you, Keith." Cue confused, conflicted look from Keith until Javier gives him a man-point with his finger, laughing a fratty chuckle. Ooh, Keith! Face!
Nate does that thing that only happens in movies and on television where he wakes up in the middle of the night, turns to the woman in his bed and stares at her because when you wake up in the middle of the night with a hankering to watch a sleeping woman, it's always well lit in the room. Old time-y music kicks in, a touch of Al Jolson fills the room. The song goes: "Oh! I'm the lonely little petunia in an onion patch!" Hope you like your visuals to be literal translations of lyrics, because it's time for Lisa in a petunia outfit, sitting in a pile of onions. We quickly veer from the lyrics, though, because while the song continues, "And all I do is cry all day," Lisa smiles the beatific Lili Taylor permagrin of spiritual understanding. "She seems sweet," says Lisa, a red light of a cheap motel sign blinking just behind the white curtained window. Lisa keeps her hands on her hips as she tells Nate that he and Maile would make a lovely couple. Nate says, "Oh, she's just someone to have fun with. We don't really have that much of a connection." Lisa rises, hands still on hips, and walks toward the bed, the costume making an awkward scratching sound as she moves. Watch out, Nate! She's got a pistil! (Sorry.) She tells Nate he needs to make a connection. Nate props himself up and explains to Lisa that his lady friend isn't really ready to settle down. "Now, you," Nate says, smiling, "you're ready to settle down." Lisa nods, "I'll say." She thinks that Nate and Maile could get together and have a beautiful life. Lisa leans in toward Nate and tells him, "You could have the life with her you didn't give me." Nate almost crumbles, promising Lisa he gave her everything he had. "Right," Lisa says, unconvinced. She sits back down on her onion...patch...chair, and offers some advice. "Stop with the cheap motels. Stop sleeping with the crazy ex, and try to have a real relationship with this one." I want to see Lili Taylor's acting journal for this judging petunia. "I will keep my hands on my hips because that makes me seem more like I have petals. I've bloomed, but I'm still a shy flower. I have never had the pleasure of a bumblebee's fuzzy legs kicking through my pollen." Lisa asks Nate what's stopping him. Nate explains that he can't ever go through the pain of starting a life with someone, only to have it taken away from him. Lisa pegs Nate with an onion. Even when committing assault she remains saintly. "It's pain," she says. "Get used to it." She turns into a pitching machine, hurling onions over and over at Nate's pate, smiling with all of her teeth. Maile sure is a good sleeper.
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