Episode Report Card Monty Ashley: B+ | 11 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Creepy Zombies Are Coming
By Monty Ashley | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 03.31.2013
Bronn shows up outside Tyrion's chamber. Those two knights are standing in a way that clearly indicates that no one's allowed near the door. Bronn is not impressed by authority, so he strolls up to chat with them. They have an attitude that suggests the question "Who do you think you are?" So he answers it: he's Ser Bronn of the Black Water. And Podrick pipes up to remind them that Bronn was knighted by the king himself. This, of course, completely fails to impress them, as one of them informs him, "You're an up-jumped cutthroat. Nothing more." Well, that's who you want as a knight, isn't it? It's all very well to have knights with an overdeveloped sense of chivalry, but the most important thing is to identify the people who are the best at killing people and then build an army out of them. You can worry about who's best at composing quatrains once you've won all the wars. Anyway, Bronn is hard to insult: "That's exactly who I am. And you're a grub in fancy armor who's better at beating little girls than fighting men." Well, who isn't? I mean, little girls are little. It's right there in their name. The two knights tell Bronn if he puts his hand on the door he'll lose it. He steps forward, reaches for his knife... and Cersei comes out. Crisis averted! Although I imagine Bronn will have plenty of time to get into disagreements with knights as the season progresses.
With that out of the way, Tyrion strolls through the parapets and crenellations of King's Landing, accompanied by Bronn and Pod. Bronn complains that he's been Tyrion's man ever since the Eyrie, but he's broke. Apparently being an official knight doesn't mean he's automatically rich. And as we saw in the previous scene, the other knights have not clasped him to their collective armored bosom, nor are they letting him play in their reindeer games. So Tyrion needs to double whatever it is he's paying Bronn to keep him alive. Tyrion makes a half-hearted attempt to appeal to Bronn's sense of friendship, but Bronn clarifies that he's a "sell-sword," which means even his friends have to pay. At least he didn't say Tyrion wasn't his friend! Anyway, Tyrion doesn't even know how much he's paying Bronn, so he can double it with no problem. I feel like Tyrion's number one priority should be keeping Bronn happy. Then he can move on to priority number two: being sarcastic at people he thinks are dumber than him. Which is everyone.
On a rock somewhere, Davos looks at his stubby fingers. He survived that big explosion in Blackwater! Well good for him. But now he's covered in gross facial sores and looks nearly dead. But there's a ship on the horizon! Davos stands up and we see that his rock is out in the water, not connected to a larger piece of land where he could maybe get a ham sandwich or something. He gets up and waves his shirt. A horn sounds! The ship sends a canoe or something. But all is not fixed yet, because the people on the canoe want to know who he is. Davos answers, "I was in the battle. At Blackwater. I was a captain. And a knight." That's still not enough information: "Aye, ser. And serving which king?" That's a tricky question these days. I think the right answer is "whichever one you guys serve. Can I get some food or something?" But Davos is more righteous than I am, and here's his answer: "The one true king of Westeros. Stannis Baratheon." The guy in the canoe smiles and throws Davos a rope.