Episode Report Card Keckler: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The One Where Talyn And Crais Elope
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 03.16.2000
Crichton and D'Argo plan to get Talyn away from Crais. Crichton comments that Aeryn is going to be majorly pissed off when she wakes up. "It was a time-saver," D'Argo dismisses and then announces he's going to be the one to break Crais. "D'Argo, you couldn't break wind right now!" Crichton argues. They both owe Crais and they both want their pound of flesh. They look at each other for a moment and then rock-paper-scissors it. Crichton's scissors beat D'Argo's paper, so Crichton takes off.
On Moya, Zhaan continues to go bughouse and refuses to oblige Chiana by talking Pilot out of going back to the asteroid field.
The mining rock. Aeryn sits on the floor and rubs her neck. She tells D'Argo that without Crais' help, they'll never get out alive. D'Argo doubts that Crais plans on letting them escape at all even if, as Aeryn says, Crais no longer considers himself a Peacekeeper. D'Argo points out, "If he has deserted the Peacekeepers, then his loyalties lie only to himself, which makes him even more dangerous, not less." D'Argo is like the old man in the Sesame Street cartoons who sits on a hill and doles out bon mots all day. He's very wise.
Talyn. Crais scrambles a communiqué and asks for confirmation. "Scramble confirmed," Scorpius purrs, "Proceed." D'oh! Crais starts to talk about Talyn, but Scorpius doesn't give a rat's ass about the shipling and just wants to know where Crichton is. Crais doesn't know. Aeryn still doesn't trust him enough to tell him. Not wanting to be diverted from his favorite subject, Crais brings up that Scorpius' "spurious" transmissions panic Talyn and make reaching out to him even harder. Scorpius paces around his dark red room and tells Crais that he was late in getting back to him, so he concluded that Crais was incapacitated, therefore, he attempted to retrieve Talyn. His interest in the gunship lies only with using it to get to Crichton. "Deliver Crichton to me, and I will allow you to keep the gunship," Scorpius drawls. Crais requests that Scorpius "demonstrate some of the formidable patience [he's] always bragging [he] possess[es]." Scorpius calmly tells him that is patience is indeed formidable, but it isn't endless. Scorpius is so cool.
Crais talks encouragingly to Talyn about Scorpius not wanting him and how he, Crais, and Aeryn are all in the same boat and should trust each other. At the end of this speech, Crichton jumps into view with Wynonna. "Crichton!" Crais exclaims. Crichton drops his gun and holds up his hands in mock apology, laughing, "I know, I know, sorry. You know, I should've CALLED but I was in the NEIGHBORHOOD, thought I'd DROP in, say hi." His neck is all bulgy and angry, which makes his practically whispered delivery of "say hi" even more genius. Crichton steps into Talyn's command center and hisses, "How ya doin'?" Crais demands to know where Aeryn is and if he's harmed her. Crichton splutters over Crais asking him that and wants to know if Sebaceans have a word for chutzpah. They do, it's "Aeryn." Crichton checks out Talyn and makes vaguely threatening comments in Crais' direction. Crais tells him that he's unarmed but that Crichton should be warned because Talyn regards him as a friend. Cocking his head with interest at Crais, Crichton says, "Interesting. I heard that you had a long way to go in that department." "I have; nevertheless I believe that he would react badly to my death and retaliate by killing you," Crais responds. Crichton points out that if Crais is dead, Talyn is out of his clutches and he considers that a fair price. Crais tells Crichton that neither of them wants Talyn in Scorpius' hands. Finally, Crichton asks just what it is Crais wants. Crais wants to escape and go deep into the UT where he can reexamine his path. "You wanna have a mid-life crisis?" Crichton asks, "Fine, just ditch the firm, head off to Maui, shack up with a supermodel, but YOU DO NOT GET TO KEEP THE PORCHE!" How much of that do you think Crais actually comprehended? If the translator microbes didn't throw a syntax error at "Maui," they definitely gave up the ghost at "supermodel," and they fritzed the fuck out at "Porche." "You do not get the keys to Moya's baby," Crichton finishes quietly. "Talyn, intruder," Crais says calmly. Guns swing around in Talyn's perpetually flowing mist (what's that about anyway? It is Talyn's breath, or something?) and point at Crichton, who grabs Crais to use him as a shield. He presses Wynonna to Crais' neck and tells him, "You're about to lose your head, now tell Talyn to put away the toys." Crais just says, "Talyn," and Talyn retracts his guns. "Now open the hatch," Crichton orders. Crais raises one hand and the doors open. Cool. Crichton says they're going to go for a little ride. Talyn bloops and trills after them.