Episode Report Card Keckler: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The One Where Talyn And Crais Elope
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 03.16.2000
Moya. Rygel is woken from his nap as his hover Rascal is thrown backward into bulkhead. Pilot needlessly explains that Moya is accelerating. She heard a transmission from Talyn broadcasting that he's in great pain. Chiana joins Rygel and says that Moya is in "full lunatic mother mode." "She'll blunder right into Scorpius' bad teeth," Rygel agrees. Chiana quietly wonders about the two of them escaping on Crichton's Farscape 1 module. I guess it's probably fair of them to assume that Zhaan's got her stamen so far up her pistil, she wouldn't even notice if Moya got shot out of space. Pilot hears and seethes a bit. No one seethes like Pilot seethes. Rygel muses over Chiana's suggestion and reminds her that there aren't many hospitable planets around. Pilot growls in his chamber. Chiana whispers that Pilot and Moya didn't abandon them during Zhaan's trial, so they should stay. "Stupid though it may be," Rygel agrees. "There is a transport pod available should you not wish to accompany us," Pilot points out primly. Chiana snaps her head up and pretends they would never think of leaving them. Pilot scoffs quietly with curled lip. If Pilot can be said to have lips.
Command carrier. Scorpius and Braca have a back and forth which makes it clear they sent out the Talyn distress signal to trap Moya.
Moya approaches the asteroid field. Pilot announces that they are nearing the point of Talyn's transmission but there's no sign of him. "Any other ships around?" Rygel asks. "None," Pilot scans, "Wait, a prowler!" Pilot says the prowler is changing course to intersect with theirs. "It's been a thrill, Your Frogness," Chiana says dejectedly to Rygel, who responds, graciously, "May your afterlife be almost as pleasant as mine." Pilot notes that the prowler hasn't initiated any communications, not even back to its command carrier, and is maneuvering as if it wants to dock. "You don't think..." Rygel gasps. "No," Chiana says firmly, "It couldn't be." She then tells Pilot to let the prowler dock and runs off.
The prowler docks. Chiana takes cover with a gun. The docking bay doors slide open and Crichton, dragging Crais, saunters in. "Yo, Chi!" he calls, "Whaddup?" The music swells happily. "STAY where you FRELLING ARE!" Chiana screams. The music peters out pathetically. No, seriously, it's like the entire orchestra just gave up, and instead of stopping crisply in unison, you can hear a few half-hearted horns blow their last notes in the growing silence. Crichton's face falls. "How do I know it's you?" Chiana asks. Crichton offers his birthmarks up for inspection. Chiana might take him up on that but wants to know why he didn't signal. "'Cause the bad guys might be listenin'," Crichton explains as if to a child. Chiana, gun still raised, asks what Crichton's doing with Crais. "What, this guy?" Crichton asks, giving a glowering Crais a big kiss on the top of his head, "Putting this guy back in his cell!" He shoves the manacled Crais to the ground and looks at Chiana, waiting. Chiana stares, gasping, before jumping up and flying at him. Literally, flying. She's like a grey Sandy Duncan. I do believe in fairies, I do believe in fairies, IdoIdoIdo! Chiana gasps and giggles and hugs Crichton. They spin around together as Crais lies patiently on the floor. A DRD raises its little gun and moves closer to Crais' head, as threatening as a kitten on wheels can be. Crais eyes him, annoyed. Hee.