Episode Report Card Kim: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Your Money Or Your Wife
By Kim | Season 4 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.23.2001
Noel walks up to the counter and asks whether anyone has been in there looking for him. Javier immediately clams up and looks guilty, because he knows the secret. Noel explains that he's supposed to meet Gnatalie's lawyer, and then notices that Javier is staring and asks what's wrong. Javier blurts out, "My lips are like glue sticks." Noel's all, "Oooookay," and then says that he thinks he sees the lawyer and takes off. As soon as he's clear, Javier sighs and says, "Oh, that was so awkward. Wasn't that awkward?" Felicity answers that it was a little awkward, and she's looking at Javier like, "Maybe if you could have stopped staring at Noel and looked a little less guilty, it wouldn't have been so awkward." Javier says, regarding Noel, "He was weird."
A professor walks into a classroom and starts giving a big speech about what a hard-ass he is, and how 40% of his students fail each year. Is that something to be proud of really? I mean, Chemistry's difficult enough without scaring your students. J-Dawg's dad was a Chemistry professor, and he was really nice. Just in case this portrayal had you thinking that all Chemistry professors are evil. I just wanted to defend the profession. Anyway, Ben is in the class, and he's seated next to that guy from Popular. ["Christopher Gorham." -- Wing Chun] They commiserate that they will both probably be among the 40% who fail. Popular guy introduces himself as Trevor and offers to be Ben's lab partner. Ben agrees. No, no! Ben, you always pick someone smarter than you to be your lab partner, not the person who just told you that he's going to fail the class. Although I guess it would have been awkward to shoot the guy down. Trevor comments that if so many people fail the class, the professor must suck, and Ben giggles. The professor rattles off some stuff about chemistry that sounds really intimidating, and Ben and Trevor look...well, intimidated.
Noel meets with Gnatalie's lawyer at Dean & Deluca. The lawyer slides a check across the table for $50,000. Noel is stunned, and says that he only stayed married for a year, and thus didn't earn the money. Hey, I thought he was supposed to get $100,000. I guess this is after taxes. Also, take the money and run! What are you, nuts? Noel asks whether the lawyer knows where Gnatalie is; the lawyer doesn't, but he does know that she had no trouble taking the money. Noel starts telling a really boring story about his cousin who got hit by a cab and now lives off settlement checks, and he's the joke of the family. It pains me to think that there's someone in Noel's family who is more of a joke than Noel himself. It had to be said. The lawyer explains that if Noel doesn't take the money, it will revert back to the law firm. Noel decides that if the money has to stay with him or go to a law firm, he could use some money. That's my boy. The lawyer asks him to sign a receipt, and Noel adds that he could get his own apartment. Yeah, I don't think that unemployed people should be turning down fat checks, really. And if Noel is that morally conflicted about taking the money, he could just give some or all of it to charity.
At the loft, Sean tells Meghan that he's really nervous about the dinner, mostly because his dad says inappropriate things and tries to impress people, and it always leads to a fight between them. Meghan says that she'll help Sean control himself, and that whenever she says a code word, Sean will know to shut up. Meghan looks around the loft for an idea for a code word, and decides upon "Rice Krispies." Yeah, that'll be easy to work into the conversation. Sean agrees with this plan. Sean's parents arrive. His mom is your stereotypical Jewish mom from every sitcom you've ever seen. His dad is big and gregarious. Sean's mom says that they were upset not to be invited to Sean's wedding, but now that she's met Meghan, she knows that it was meant to be, and that Meghan is gorgeous. This breaks the ice a bit. Mr. Blumberg gives Sean a big hug, and Mrs. Blumberg follows suit. They look around the loft. Have they never been there? And Sean's lived there for at least four years? That's weird. As his parents walk off, Sean starts to complain to Meghan that his father is wearing a suit, like God forbid someone tuck his shirt in, since Sean never seems to. Meghan just mutters, "Rice Krispies."