Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | 10 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Forever CANCELLED!
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.20.2006
...the sun porch's windows again. D'oh! "What happened?" guhs the Dolt as the three glance around the center parlor. The yellow walls of the hall and stairwell appear to have been repainted lavender, and there's some unfamiliar furniture littering the floor. "Where's Victor?" Patty wonders, for she is as stupid as everyone else on this awful, evil, awful, wicked, awful, CANCELLED! show and so does not realize that the repainted walls and unfamiliar furniture add up to the fact that some time traveling has occurred. Piper picks her way across the carpet and finds the familiar stuffed bunny from the previous scene on one of the unfamiliar end tables, only the bunny's now worn and grey. "Now where are we?" she grumbles. In an answer to that question that's totally not, a woman's voice shouts out off-camera, "Triple-word score!" A gentleman's voice immediately disputes that claim, and Piper, Patty, and the Dolt edge around the corner to find an elderly couple playing Scrabble on the sun porch. The woman's fabulous mane of glossy white hair betrays the fact that she's Old Piper, while the gentleman's previous appearance on this show as Mack Daddy Grandpa in Piper's Retard-induced dream world betrays the fact that he's Old Dolt. The elderly marrieds are playing the game with the Book of Shadows plonked down on the table next to the board, the reason for which becomes clear when Old Dolt querulously demands of his younger self, "How do you spell Zankou -- with a Z or an X?" They've rejiggered the rules so they can only play the names of demons they've vanquished, you see, and are using the Book as a dictionary. And sad to say, I think I'd kick both of their asses were I a part of the game. Javnah. Abraxas. Cryto. Vinceres. Raynor and Vornac. Clea and Corr. Gammill and Ludlow and Rowan and Orin and Jeric and Dyson and Malvoc and Vassen and Katya and Imara and Vicus and The Dread Bunyip and see what's happened to my brain? God, I hate this show.
"That's cheating!" Old Piper chides. "I'm not asking you," Old Dolt sniffs, "I'm asking me." He points a gnarled finger at, um, I can't really call him "Young Dolt," can I? Because, you know...not so much. Yeah. Dolt Dolt freaks for a bit, exchanging gape-mouthed goggles with the wife, before offering his older self, "Z." Old Piper grimaces, because that would have been a pretty sweet fifty-one points, but she removes the tiles as her younger self, still not getting it, begins, "Are you...?" "The future you and [Dolt]," Old Dolt confirms, and I suppose here's as good a point as any to note that they outdid themselves with the casting of Old Piper. Ellen Geer really could pass as Holly Marie Combs's older self, though it is a bit insulting that this 64-year-old actress is supposed to be, without benefit of prosthetics, an 83-year-old woman in this scene. Whatever. Last! Episode! Ever! "We've been expecting you," Old Dolt continues, and Old Piper backs this up by offering the arrivals the chocolate-chip cookies she'd baked in anticipation of their visit. Patty and Dolt Dolt are delighted. Meanwhile, Piper Piper's wondering when she's going to be done with the stupid fucking Wacky Wiccan Hijinks already. Thirty-one minutes and thirty seconds, doll. Hooray! The spunky elderly marrieds twinkle in the soft, warm light of the sun porch for a moment before vanishing into the first commercial break.