Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | 10 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Forever CANCELLED!
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.20.2006
Future Sun Porch. Aftermath. "I just don't understand how..." Piper Piper begins. "You were aiming for Grams, but you weren't specific enough," Old Piper explains, chuckling for whatever reason, "so you came to the future where you're the Grams instead, and here I am!" Piper Piper's as shocked as the audience to discover that Big Gay Chris and "I Conjured The Village People For My Third Birthday" Jesus have spawned. "Blows your mind, doesn't it?" Old Piper grins. You have no idea, old lady. The Dolt wants to know how the elderly marrieds knew they were coming. "Because fifty years ago," Old Dolt reveals, "we were sitting there where you're sitting, talking to our future selves." And they make note of the date during this scene...when, exactly? Oh, that's right: Never, because this show sucks, and I want to die, but WHATEVER! because CANCELLED! Hooray! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Old Dolt and Old Piper wax nostalgic for a very lengthy while before Old Piper begins to instruct their younger selves on what, precisely, they'll need to accomplish in order to save Phoebe and Raige. This leads to the following exchange:
Old Dolt: Ah-ah-ah! Don't say too much, hon. We don't want them to mess up the future.
Piper Piper And The Entire Viewing Audience, Vastly Diminished Though That Audience Might Be: Isn't it already messed up?
Old Dolt, condescendingly, as if this were entirely obvious: Oh, no!
The Entire Viewing Audience, But Not Piper Piper, Because She Is An Idiot: Wait. What? How?
Old Dolt: ...
The Entire Viewing Audience: [Unintelligible garglings of rage, followed by several choice deleted expletives.]
If you really must wank out an explanation for all this, though, you could think back to The Angel Of Teasley's line at the end of the last episode regarding the unexpected outcome of the final battle, and interpret it to mean that the Destined result did not include the destruction of the Manor and the deaths of...oh, my holy Christ, what the fuck am I doing? Who cares at this point? CANCELLED!
"You keep using the ring," Old Piper instructs her younger self, "but focus on who you want to go to with your heart, not with your head." Old Dolt assures them that this method will, in fact, lead them first to Grams, then eventually to Phoebe and Raige. "But what do we do when we get there?" Patty wonders. "How do we save them?" "You get rid of The Hollow together," Old Piper replies, placing particular emphasis on that final word. Piper activates Stoop's ring, and the screen flares pink to whisk our intrepid adventurers...