Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | 10 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Forever CANCELLED!
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.20.2006
Cut to a shot of the Manor façade, above which time reverses itself to the previous day. Over in Not!warts, Tomorrow's Fugly Rufus hearts into The Inky Chamber Of I Forgot What I Called It Last Week And I'll Be Damned If I Go Back And Look It Up Because CANCELLED! And Last! Episode! Ever! And Eight Minutes And Fifty-Four Seconds To FREEDOM with Tomorrow's Openly Deranged Chrissssty. Tomorrow's Fugly Rufus barely has time to blurt out an explanation for the benefit of Yesterday's Fugly Rufus and The Zombie Triad before The Manor Morons plus Maggot Neck flare in at the opposite end of the chamber. The Glamorous Ladies hurl vanquishing vials at The Zombie Triad, who howl and wail until they detonate into shards of ghostly demonic goo. "Noooooo!" Tomorrow's Fugly Rufus screams. "Yes!" Piper smirks, right before she unleashes The Mighty Hands Of Discontent upon his annoying ass. Yesterday's Fugly Rufus attempts to squiggle out of there, but The Mighty Hands connect with him as well, and the Rufi blaze their merry little ways down to The Waste Land.
Next, Raige deploys her orbing telekinesis to retrieve Stoop's ring from Chrissssty's finger. Chrissssty, in a fury, conjures a billowing cloud of pyrokinetic energy that she sends flying towards her faithless and oddly proportioned ssssisssster. The Ultimate Retard reflexively flings out her hands, and the resulting telekinetic burst inadvertently redirects the thing straight back into Chrissssty. Chrissssty go boom. FINALLY. Kaley Cuoco drops to her knees to "emote," dissolving into heaving sobs of "agony" and "grief" and "runny mascara," and I laugh and I laugh and I laugh some more. God, she's wretched. The Glamorous Ladies have the good grace to feign concern before everyone disappears into the final -- the very final, as in "Last! One! Ever!" final -- commercial break.
Sun Porch. Grams paces restlessly while Stoop, Big Gay Chris, and Boring Jesus lounge around on the wicker furniture. I find that oddly amusing. Anyway, Piper presently hearts onto the sun porch with Phoebe and Raige to ensure everything's back to normal. Boring Jesus confirms this by orbing to her side and rather self-satisfactorily smugging, "I got my powers back!" Brief mention is made of The Retarded Bimbo's current location, but nobody EVER cared about her goddamned stupid SUCKY ass, so WHATEVER. The delightful Angel Of Teasley chooses this moment to cascade into the Manor to return the Dolt to his rightful owners. Piper shares a giddy little smile with him before shifting into her always-expect-the-worst mode to demand, "You're not gonna take him away again. Right?" "No," The Angel Of Teasley beams. "This is the way the battle was supposed to end all along, and it's over. Congratulations." And with that, she dematerializes upward. Piper and the Dolt race into a hug, followed almost immediately by Stoop and the Feebs. Everyone else present giggles and applauds. Yawn. Patty and Victor arrive with Tiny Gay Chris and The Dead-Eyed Psycho, and there are just waaaaaay too many Manor Morons on the sun porch at the moment, so let's cut to the chase, shall we? Stoop is to escort Grams and Patty back to their respective times. Big Gay Chris reminds him to arrive just before they were taken, as this will ensure they remember nothing about their jaunt to the future, for whatever reason that I cannot be bothered to understand at this point because I am five minutes and forty-six seconds away from FREEDOM because CANCELLED! and LAST! EPISODE! EVER! and I still have a lengthy and plot-tastic forward-looking montage to get through. Ooops! Spoiler!