Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gee, Unit!
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.05.2012
They reach the house and run jubilantly inside. Yay! It's clean! The toilet works (for now)! And, lest we forget about him, the beloved duck phone is back! Vinny, like the dog he is, expresses his excitement by jumping on top of Pauly in his bed and dry humping him. I'll remind you that Vinny is pretty much the smartest and classiest of all of them. As SamRo 2.0 and Sitch schlep their stuff miserably upstairs, Vinny affirms there's no way in hell he would have roomed with Sitchy. Pauly: "Upstairs is the crying room." Cue forlorn music as Sammi voices her displeasure at rooming with Sitch. On his end, it's not exactly rainbows and kittehs living with the world's worst couple, what with the intercontinental, room-destroying fights. Sitch says he's trying to put the bad blood behind him "and maybe we can be friends again... or not."
Sammi takes the reins, proactively telling Sitch that they need to establish they're all cool with each other. Sitch of course says they are. What do you expect? He'll say anything to snake his way out of a confrontation. Unless there's a shit-talking wall in his vicinity, at which point, he's all, "Game on!" Ronnie assures that, if Sitch interferes in his relationship, he will put Sitchy's bed out on the porch.
But you really know the kids are home when Snooki finds the refrigerator pre-stocked with pickles and just dives right in to take a shot of pickle juice straight from the jar. God bless America! (It's like the time I spent a semester in England. When I landed in the Atlanta airport, literally the first thing I did was chug a Mountain Dew. My insides will eventually rebel at this treatment, but damn that stuff is good.) Also? The triumphant return of Ron Ron Juice! I must admit, I'm nearly as excited about this as Snooki is about pickle juice.
The kids get Ron Ron Juice-wasted and head to place of employment (just like me every morning), where Danny teases them for being pale: "You're all Vinny's color!" They sign up for their shifts, Danny invites them for drinks the night, and they head back out to the Boardwalk for fun with rollercoasters and mechanical bulls. As you would expect, Deena does not have a future career as a bull rider. Rodeo clown, maybe.
The next day, the guys resume their GTL lifestyle with incredibly urgency. Says Sitch, "This is a serious situation right now. We're losing weight, and we're getting pale. It's like the end of civilization." Pauly self-diagnoses as tanorexic before actually sprinting into the store screaming, "I have an emergency!" and lunging at the counter. He orders up the strongest bed they have, the most absorbent lotion, and a double-session. Once inside the booth, he shouts, "Oh yeah! Tanning yeah!" He has 40 days of GTL to make up for. Shit is real, y'all. For his part, Ronnie is most excited about the gym. They hit up the Laundromat and take a positively ecstatic ride to the barber (or, as Pauly calls him, "baaaaah-buh") as Pauly declares, "This is America. I can breathe, I smell the smog, I love it!"