Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gee, Unit!
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.05.2012
Pauly heads off for breakfast with his trick, and Unit wakes up. He and Sitch are in prime position to set a mood of hostility when Snooki and Jionni wake up and head through the main transit room of the house. Seeing that Snooki went out on the porch for a cigarette, Sitch takes the opportunity to head out for a smoke himself. Totally innocent! Totally not trying to start trouble! Never! Snooki says, "I never get Mike. I never know who he's going to be today. Is going to be the nice guy, or is he going to try to fuck shit up?" Word to the wise, Snooki, always err on the side of "fuck shit up." Outside, Sitch tries to guilt Snooki about being "mean" to Unit and tells her to apologize. "The ingredients of the bomb are here right now," he insists. Yeah, and they are two spoonfuls of Situation, a half cup of Situation, set to Situation degrees, Situation for 45 minutes, then sprinkle with powdered Situation.
Jionni heads upstairs, and Unit comes out to a mumbled, half-hearted apology from Snooki. Instead of accepting it and moving on, he drags her through the mud and basically tells her to grovel. After she apologizes about 10 times, he says he'll take it as a first step. Speaking of bombs, Situation is frustrated to find that his plan to rile up Snooki has blown up in his face when she actually followed his reverse psychology-style advice. Realizing he has been outplayed (though that might give kowtowing Snooki too much credit), Sitch must temporarily retreat or else he will be exposed as the pot-stirrer everyone plainly knows him to be. Then he adds, with a shit-eating grin on his face, "But we got the whole summer, so... we'll see what happens."
As the day wears on, the love ones all leave, including Roger with a pink suitcase in tow(!), and JWOWW makes plans to meet up with him at da club later that night. Vinny, on the other hand, is in no mood for merry-making. Even his pleasure trail of a new haircut gives him no pleasure because he desperately misses his family. He admits that seeing his mother only intensified his homesickness. Ronnie heads up to the deck for a pep talk that mainly involves offering to hire a stripper. On the inside, he secretly thinks Vinny should man up and stop being such a mama's boy. When Vinny remains glum, Ronnie ups the ante to a hooker, and Vinny gets a devilish glint in his eye. Deena says in exasperation, "God, do you want to do sex?!" Vinny doesn't flinch before rejecting that makeshift offer. Deena pretends she didn't mean it that way, but come on. We know you, Deena.