Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Touch my monkey.
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.26.2003
Crazy Grace's Bar And Grill. Quasimodo orbs Piper into the center of the room, where she spots the Dolt in his briny cage. She flings out an irritated Hand, and the glass shatters outwards, unleashing her husband. Along with several hundred gallons of water. Oddly enough, despite his time submerged in the tank, the Dolt remains dry from the waist down. Piper squats next to the Dolt to process through some issues, specifically her newfound telepathic connection to Phoebe and Raige (which the Dolt insists was there all along) and Wyatt-San's precocious orbing abilities. Wyatt-San and the Dolt grin at each other before the Dolt orbs back to the Manor with Piper and Quasimodo.
Later that evening, Phoebe and Piper settle onto the sun porch's wicker loveseat for a chat. Phoebe announces that, given the choice between a nationally syndicated advice column and her family, she's choosing her family. She intends to inform Chronic of her decision as soon as he returns to San Francisco. And that's…it. Really. So much for that pointless subplot.
Ratbag Lounge. Raige, rather stunning in a black sheath accented with silver beaded straps at her shoulders and elbows, her hair swept back from her face with a few low-key pieces of jewelry dangling from her ears and her wrist, stands at the microphone, dedicating the song she's about to sing to her latest slampiece. She really looks good. She doesn't sound too good once she starts "singing" Peggy Lee's "Fever," especially when the editors cut out the bit with the key change, and someone really needed to teach Rose McGowan proper lip-synching techniques before they shot this scene, and Rose, honey, whoever choreographed those wildly random gesticulations and fluttery hands of yours should be taken out and shot, because there is such a thing as overselling a song, and you're doing it now, but where was I? Oh, yeah. She really looks good. Slampiece Ratbag smiles quietly to himself at the bar as Raige croons us into the closing credits.
Couch Baron: "Fever"?
Demian: Don't look at me, dude. I think it's a horrible choice for her.
Couch Baron: And you would have recommended…what, exactly? "The Slampiece That Got Away"?
Demian: You've been reading the spoilers, haven't you?
Couch Baron: That's beside the point. I just know you'd go for the Judy.
Demian: Not necessarily. "Ratbag To Watch Over Me" would have been a lovely way to close the evening.