Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Whoever had "burn" in the office pool wins
By Sobell | Season 1 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.26.2006
Michael, meanwhile, is busy not going to the bathroom. He's checking out the nest of pipes and whatnot beneath the building, and he eventually finds a trapdoor. Then a buzzer alerts him and he stops poking around. It's the creepy guard up front, and Michael has to pull the "Ah, heh, can't tell my left from my right, this place is so creepy" nonsense. It would be tense, except I've had many tense scenes already tonight and I think my adrenal glands are empty.
And a good thing because otherwise I'd be all, "Ewwwww…" at the very decomposed body on the slab. The coroner's saying, "With decomposition this extensive, the most accurate method of identification is dental records." And why wouldn't it be DNA? Unfortunately, neither Veronica nor Nick the legal beagle watches CSI, so neither of them thinks to press for this double-checking. Because honestly, how hard would it be to make molds of Steadman's teeth, then rearrange someone else's teeth to look like those? Anyway, Nick and Veronica shuffle out the door…and right into the path of Madame Evil. She summons all the righteous indignation she can before saying, "I hope you're proud of this. You've gotten your pound of flesh. Are you done now, or would you like to hurt my family more?" Instead of whipping out a bottle of holy water and chirping, "Option B!" Nick merely ushers Veronica out without a word.
Michael's cruising back toward his manhole and slides in before anyone in the guard tower can notice. Back in the cell, Sucre's having a freak-out, which is surely the best way to not attract any attention at all.
So as Michael's wending his way back to his cell, he has to go through this warren of pipes where it's all very hot and steamy and industrial-looking, and unfortunately for Michael, that's when another guard comes down. It's Mack. He's decided to have a wee droppie in the boiler room before heading back to rounds. Mack steps back so nobody can see him hitting the flask, so Michael steps back too…and thus ends up searing his back on a pipe. Fortunately, Mack mistakes the sizzle of roasting flesh for the lysing of his liver cells, so he's not bothered to investigate.
When the guard gets to Michael and Sucre's cell, there's a blanket-huddled bundle on Michael's bunk, and Sucre sprawled out all over his bunk. The guard moves on…and then we hear the gentle squeaking of metal as Michael comes crawling back in. Dude is looking rough. The burn's pretty nasty-looking, and when Michael tells Sucre to help him take off the uniform, Sucre points out, "It's, like, burned to your skin." Michael hisses that it has to come off because "if the guards catch me wearing this, I'm a dead man." Sucre is like, "Um, ew, it's all melted and stuff," but he eventually braces himself, counts to three, and rips. We go to commercials on Michael's scream.
Commercials. Few things are as amusing as the hysterical news coverage surrounding rain.