Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Whoever had "burn" in the office pool wins
By Sobell | Season 1 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.26.2006
Westmoreland shadows Michael and asks, "This grate you're talking about. It's hidden, right, partner? The COs can't see it." Michael replies, "Not exactly." And on it goes, the prison-yard equivalent of the Socratic examination, all because nobody's ever told Michael about the marvelous inverted-pyramid method of conveying news: most important details up top, then supporting details below it. Anyway, the upshot is, they're going to be popping up out of a manhole cover, there are three guard towers within easy eyeline, and C-Note officially thinks this plan sucks.
Commercials. Am I the only one who thinks Fox telling people about the V-chip during a show that comes with a warning label is one of those "the horse is already out of the barn" moves?
When we come back, Sucre and Michael are gellin' like felons in their cell. Michael tells Sucre he's got to head back inside the walls, so he can head over to the psych ward, familiarize himself with the pipes beneath, and make sure they can get through. Sucre frets about Michael getting caught as he pops up out of the manhole. Michael's also worried. Then a calorically-blessed inmate wheels a laundry cart on by and Sucre says thoughtfully, "I might have an idea." Michael sprains his neck as he pops up to look at Sucre in shock. Sucre's looking pretty smug: Ha! And you thought I was only good for comic relief.
Meanwhile, back on the outside…Madame Evil is carrying on about how the only thing that'll heal her family's pain is a recording of the sizzling sound Lincoln will make as he's executed. As she speaks, we see Veronica and U.S. Attorney Beardo watching the coffin carrying the disputed corpse being lifted out of its grave. Nick the legal beagle notes that Steadman asked for a green funeral -- no embalming and an environmentally correct coffin. Veronica notes that that's very convenient if you don't want to be able to easily identify a body. Someone has gotten a little cynical since the government started trying to kill her.
Hey! It turns out that Captain Calories is actually Sucre's cousin. And Sucre's just asked him for a big, unspecified favor. How convenient, as this will make us more likely to wonder exactly what Sucre could be up to! Oh, you crafty writers. Is there no bottom to your magic bag of tricks? Anyway, Sucre huffs, "You can't say no!" and Captain Calories says, "If my mom -- or worse, your mom -- knows I did anything in here to get you in trouble, forget it." Sucre points out, "I'm in prison, man. How much trouble can I get into?" Captain Calories says, "A lot!" Sucre hisses, "You owe me." Captain Calories replies, "The hell I do -- it's your turn, not mine." The two then debate who owes whom based on past incidents -- there's a broken window, some set of sisters, a lost El Camino, a church collection basket -- and Sucre tops him off with, "The donkey." Captain Calories stops and gives Sucre an incredulous, betrayed look. He looks around to make sure nobody else heard the word "donkey," then says, "We took an oath, bro." Sucre replies, "Don't make me break it."