Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Whoever had "burn" in the office pool wins
By Sobell | Season 1 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.26.2006
Michael's checking out his tattoo again and noting that the pipes beneath the psych ward are quite complete. Sucre's dozing, and rouses himself to ask, "How complex can it be?" Oh, you had to ask. Michael monologues, "When they built this place in 1858, the pipes were lead. A century later, they discovered lead was a health risk. They replaced them with copper. They never removed the lead pipes -- it costs too much. There's thousands of yards of the stuff still down there. A few years ago, they switched to industrial plastic -- it was cheaper just to lay it over the old stuff." The upshot -- and this is illustrated by layer upon layer of schematic embedded within Michael's back tattoo -- is that Michael will have to negotiate a veritable rats' nest of pipes, and if he gets lost, the whole plan is blown because he won't be back by count. At this point, Sucre is just over panicking over every little detail. He only asks, "You won't make a wrong turn, right?"
Within moments, Michael's managed to find his manhole (not like that), handle his package (again, not like that), and emerge into the courtyard…dressed like a guard (again, I'm speaking literally). The music tells us we should be awed by the drama of the moment.
Commercials. McDonald's, you do not want to cross me with this "wake up and smell your life" business. Ask the Burger King how well it worked out for him when I began paying attention. Oh, wait -- YOU CAN'T. You've been warned, Ronald.
So we come back and Michael's just standing there until a big, horkin' spotlight comes on and then he waves all, "Hi! It's just me!" The light sweeps on and so Michael takes off again. He buzzes for entry into the psych ward and the ultra-creepy gatekeeper says snidely, "I don't believe my eyes. One of the blues actually coming into psych ward." Michael makes up an excuse about having to visit the little guards' room and the guard buzzes him in the second set of gates. He then adds a little comment about how it's a total mystery to him why the guards all avoid the Whack Shack, explaining, "Between the killers and the crazies, I'll take the crazies. A crazy steps out of line, all I've got to do is shoot him with 40 cc's of shut-your-trap and it's beddy-bye." Michael does not ask, "So you're not familiar with the DC Universe? The words Arkham Asylum don't ring a bell?" Instead, he merely asks for directions to the bathroom.
Now Sucre's up and worried, as bed check is coming around and Michael's not back yet.