Episode Report Card Jessica: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Clean And Sober
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.04.2003
At the party, Jack and Pacey watch as Emma fails to complete a keg stand. Fucking amateur. They agree that they're terminally grossed out by Gus. Pacey sighs that he just doesn't get Emma. Jack nods and says that he knows she's in a bind, but wonders why she didn't say anything to them. Pacey shrugs. "I wonder what kind of creep would marry someone he didn't love," Jack asks. "That kind of creep," Pacey says, taking a sip of beer. "It's like he's given up hope. When you stop to think about it, it must suck to be him." At this, he stops, and thinks about what he's just said. Hmmm -- is that little enlightened comment supposed to apply to anyone else in this scene? Is it? IS IT?
Over to Blandy and Jen. She's being sanctimonious, and he's being defensive. Two great tastes that taste great together. Jen asks if he's been drinking. Blandy tells her that he'd be a great deal more likely to answer that question if she wasn't looking at him like he'd "killed Grams drunk-driving." Jen lies and says that she's just curious. Blandy reminds her that Pacey offered him a drink, and considering the fragility of his and Pacey's relationship, he thought it would be rude to turn it down. Jen can't believe that Blandy would throw "years of sobriety" down the toilet over "a question of etiquette." Blandy rolls his eyes and calmly tells her that he doesn't expect her to understand. He just didn't want to get into the alcoholism thing with a stranger. "Thanks for telling him, incidentally," he adds. "Now, he's apologizing to me like I'm dying or something." "Well, it is a disease," Jen snips primly. Oh, Jen. Cram it! You killed a girl, remember? Blandy snaps that he knows that; he's the one who trained her for the Teen Help Me Help You Help Me Helpline. Jen flails her arms and whines that she just wants to know why he's not sticking to his grand life plan? Blandy retorts that, lately, he's been wondering if he's been too strict with himself. Anyhoo, this is where it all comes out that he hasn't even been drinking! He's just holding the cup of booze and thinking about drinking! And if thinking about doing things counted, I'd be in prison for murder six times over. And that's just counting today's crimes. "I'd be more concerned about your friend Joey over there," he tells Jen. "She told me you killed someone." Jen's all, wait, you're not drinking? "Why? Would that change all the conclusions you just jumped to?" Blandy asks, and Jen admits that it totally would. He shrugs he's been thinking about taking a drink, "just like [he's] been thinking about pursuing normalcy with [her]." Jen looks down at her feet. "But apparently you find that wildly insulting," Blandy adds. Jen looks up at him and tells him that she doesn't want their relationship to be detrimental to either of them. Blah blah blah, the real question is: can these two kids make a go of it? I suspect that they can. Because I saw the previews.
And it's time for Spin the Bottle! I haven't played that game in years. Well, not since Spin the Bottle Thursday here at TWoP Towers, anyway. So, everyone sits around an empty champagne bottle, and Jen announces that she's not kissing Gus, who has the first spin. She's obviously unclear on the concept of Spin the Bottle. It's not, like, pick and choose. Anyway, she has no reason to worry, as the bottle lands on Joey. Everyone looks at La Potter, who blanches. "New rule. No tongue," she says. "No, what's fair is fair. And don't mess with me. I've killed before," Jen tells her. Joey leans in very close to Jen's face. "I know," she whispers. Loudly. Heh. "No tongue? Screw that," Gus says, and then starts licking her face. That actually happened to me once. Long story, the moral of which is: don't ever do that to anyone. Joey wipes her face off and spins the bottle. She lands on Jack, and they smooch cheerfully. Kerr Smith is clearly thrilled to be kissing a girl. Next, Jack kisses Emma, and Emma kisses Jen. Jen kisses Blandy. And kisses him. And kisses him. And then they run off to have sex. "Wait. This isn't, like, seven minutes in heaven! You have to come back," Joey calls after them. "You just want to kiss Jen," Jack snarks. Joey makes a face at him, as Pacey shrugs that they've forfeited their turn and spins the bottle himself. It lands on Joey. She smiles, and turns to face him. She gulps down her drink and licks her lips. "Lay one on me, Pace," she says, and purses her lips dramatically. Pacey just gazes at her for one long moment until…Gus knocks the television over. I don't know when he got up from the game, but he's just ruined that beautiful TV, and thus he must be destroyed. Everyone screams in horror and despair. Pacey is bodily dragged off Gus, who he's viciously throttling. After Emma drags Pacey away, preventing, surely, a murder, she smacks Gus across the back of the head and announces that the wedding is off. She marches Gus out of the apartment. "We haven't even done it yet," he calls sadly. "I'm aware of that," Emma snaps. Meanwhile, Pacey and Jack weep over their television set. "Anybody want to play sardines?" Joey asks cheerfully…then falls over, dead drunk.