Episode Report Card DeAnn Welker: A- | 93 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Tangiers the Gay Lion
By DeAnn Welker | Season 3 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.23.2009
At a club, Tracy and Jack are getting hit on by some cute ladies. Jack says this is decadent, and he once went to Miami with Darryl Strawberry. (I am sensing a strawberry theme.) Tracy says it's the tip of the iceberg. He says she can have all of this or he can marry Salma. Jack says he loves Salma, but Tracy loves his wife too, right? Tracy says of course he does; she's "the one." Jack asks where Tracy heard that, and Tracy says he made it up after watching The Matrix. Jack says Salma's his "one," but he sometimes thinks men like them aren't built for marriage. Tracy leans in to tell Jack his terrible secret: In the 20 years he's known Angie, he's never cheated. He tells Jack not to look at him. Jack can't believe it. Tracy says the partying's for show, and because he's a high-functioning alcoholic. He says the phone numbers he hands out aren't even his. We cut to a phone ringing and Brian Williams answering. He says, "No, this isn't Tracy Jordan," then listens and says, "Really? I've not heard of that term before. Do you know how to get to Connecticut?" He's totally going to get freaky. Tracy says if he can do it, so can Jack. Jack wonders what's wrong with himself. He says if her only flaw is she demands he be faithful, he'll be faithful. Tracy says he's getting the tattoo and then gets a lady to pay his tab.
Jenna admits to putting strawberry juice in everything of Kenneth's, including his water. She's sorry, but wouldn't do it to him for just any guy. She thought the paramedic was "the one." She says it hurts more than her foot botox (what? why?) to know he's out there and she can't find him. Kenneth tells her, when she calls 911, to tell them they have to send everyone. ["EVVVREEEEEEONNEE!" - Gary Oldman in The Professional] He takes a drink of the water and says, "Earn this," as he collapses. Jenna calls him a remarkable sonofabitch, then calls 911.
Liz is in her Slanket, cutting cheese and eating it and singing, "Working on my night cheese!" There's a knock at the door. She sees Jack in the peephole, opens the door and asks if he knows what time it is, since she was sound asleep. He says, "I heard you singing: 'Night Cheese.' " He tells her he's been having a crazy night, and we see a hand stop the door as Liz thinks she's closed it behind Jack. Jack tells Liz he went out clubbing with Tracy, whose life is like Enron 1999. Salma butts in that she's sure it was. Liz asks how she's so quiet when her parades are so loud. Salma yells at Jack for going out and partying with "that black guy!" Liz asks if Salma didn't come here with Jack, and he asks if she's been following him. She keeps raging about him then going to Liz's at 4 a.m.! She knew Jack and Liz's relationship was too weird not to be sexual. She picks up Liz's cheese knife. Jack thinks it's insane that Salma would think he'd cheat with Liz. Liz is all, "Yeah, look at me," and strikes an unflattering pose. Salma sort of gasps. Jack says he went out to prove he wouldn't cheat, and then came to Liz's because she's his bro.