Episode Report Card DeAnn Welker: A- | 93 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Tangiers the Gay Lion
By DeAnn Welker | Season 3 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.23.2009
Frank walks up to leave a doughnut box on the counter, and Kenneth tells him no more leaving food out. Frank says it's not food, just a mouse in a doughnut box. (Duh!) Toofer nods approvingly, and Liz asks if they're pranking Lutz. Hearing his name, Lutz walks up, and says, "Awesome! Doughnuts!" Then he sees the mouse, freaks, runs into the wall, falls over, and the flat-screen TV on the wall falls after him. That's prank perfection right there.
Tracy's with Dot Com and some other guy I've never seen. He tells Liz they've narrowed down his 20th-anniversary gift for Angie (it's the anniversary of the night they met). Tracey reminisces: "She was working at the Dyker Heights Arthur Treacher's, and I was residing there. She slipped me a free shrimp combo, and we've been together ever since." So the gift has to be special. He's narrowed it to a denim jacket that says "Hot Bitch" in diamonds, or a Slanket. Liz says Angie doesn't want that, and Tracy should ask her what she wants. Tracy says Liz is smart, like a genetically engineered shark (or, you know, a person), so he has a gift for her. Dot Com tosses her the Hot Bitch jacket, and she asks for the Slanket, too, please.
Liz walks into her office and sees Salma. She yells, panicked, "Puerto Rican!" Salma's all, "That's interesting." Liz asks when Salma got back from her homeland. Salma admits it was three weeks ago, but she doesn't know what to do about Jack, because she's afraid he's going to go through "with his proposings of marriage." She apologizes for talking like that, but she hasn't spoken English in "two minces." Liz asks if she's saying she doesn't want to go through with his proposings. Doesn't she love him? She says she does, which is why she calls him "El Uno," but she cannot marry him because of a terrible secret. Liz says she doesn't want to know, but then asks, "Are you a man?" Salma's like, "Really? That's your guess?!" She asks if Liz would like to see her naked, and Liz sort of does. Salma loves Jack so much that she doesn't have the strength "to tell it to his head," so she was hoping Liz would. Liz says no, but Salma thanks her for doing what she cannot. She tells Liz goodbye forever and kisses her on the lips before storming out. Liz totally sees why Jack's in love now.
Lutz is in the background with his head wrapped, concussion-style as Pete tells Frank and Toofer he hopes they learned their lesson, since "we almost lost a monitor." Poor Lutz rates below the monitor. Jenna's talking to a paramedic, who's a big fan. She can't believe he's such and isn't gay or at least bi-curious. He doesn't know what to tell her, other than that he loves her show, reads her blog and has all her albums -- even the one she did with Phil Spector. Jenna thinks that one would have sold better if he'd shot her in the face. The paramedic sort of seductively tells her he's glad she didn't get shot in the face. She thanks him über-seriously. He says that if he had, he would have liked to get that call. She thinks that would have been nice. Cerie comes up to tell Jenna that US Weekly is calling to confirm a story that Jenna's animal rescue shelter is supplying quesadilla meat to amusement parks. Jenna has to call her lawyer. She asks the paramedic not to leave. As soon as she leaves, the other paramedic comes up and says they have to get out of this place, since he stole some pens. Hot paramedic gives Lutz his number to give to Jenna. He asks if Lutz is okay, then leaves. Lutz eats the phone number.