Episode Report Card Al Lowe: A | 129 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Wedding Bell Blues
By Al Lowe | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 2005.02.08
This scene made me cringe like I have never cringed BEFORE. Oh, LORD, how many times have young women of a certain age said those lines? Countless. And how many times have we meant them? ZERO. I am in pain just sitting here remembering one particular midwestern gentleman to whom I uttered those very words. My very own Logan. May he burn in eternity for Jedi mind-tricking me into believing myself.
And as much as it's her responsibility to keep it real, which she isn't, he still plays the asshole card by doing the whole "you may say this now, but later..." like he is God's valentine to all womanhood, and has to school the little girl on the true power of his mighty magnetism. Seeeeeriously, I wish I could reach into the TV and throttle everybody in this scene, which goes on forever. To prove that, no, really, I'm a total bad girl and proud of it, she drags him off into a side room where they drink champagne out of a bottle -- something that's physically very difficult to do, in reality. He asks her, assholishly, if she's sure she wants to "do this," and, taking a page from her mama's book, she says, "I just want to know what it would be like," and plants a super-awkward kiss on him. Because she's wearing a suit, he cracks, "I feel like I'm kissing a guy." She kisses him again, prompting him to say, "And, apparently, I had no idea what I was missing."
Now, clearly, he was talking about how he didn't realize how great it would be to kiss Rory, but I am telling myself he's really saying he didn't realize all that he had been missing by never kissing a guy.
Commercials. Have y'all seen this thing about this new show The Starlet? Y'all, that's Faye Dunaway. What the frig? Oscar-winning Faye Dunaway, I'll remind you. The end of the world is nigh.
Meanwhile, back at the wedding, Richard and Emily are smooching it up to the sound of clinking glasses. Lorelai brings Luke another beer and realizes that in her absence he's been Totsied. They gag as Christopher walks up and joins in the fun. He uses the Totsie to spin out a few old yarns about him and Lorelai and all their childhood baby-making antics. He's drunk. Lorelai tries to brush him off by claiming to not know what he's talking about, and it just goes downhill from there. As an escape plan, she asks Luke to dance, but Christopher warns that she'll get "second-hand Totsied." That's pretty funny, but why didn't they think of "Totsie-by-proxy"? Show me the money, Hollywood.