Episode Report Card Al Lowe: A | 129 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Wedding Bell Blues
By Al Lowe | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 2005.02.08
Instead of hanging up and saying, "My parents are assholes," Lorelai gets off the phone and she and Rory panic about having to throw an impromptu bachelorette party for the sixty-year-old matriarch of the family who has been married now for forty years. Somehow, however, they pull it together, and we cut to a little while later when Lorelai opens the door for a sleepy Sookie, carrying in a tray of delicious pot-stickers. (That's Kay Starr singing "It's a Good Day" in the background. No one else in the world but me could have named that tune in two notes, my friends. That's a little recap bonus for y'all. Ask your granny if you think I'm wrong.)
The bachelorette party is cute, featuring all the women from Stars Hollow Emily doesn't know. My only complaint is that there is not enough Lane, and MamaLane is not there at all. That ain't right. We do see a minute or two of Rory and Lane trying to explain to Kyong just what is going on that night, and of course they can't explain it, because it doesn't make sense. This scene kind of made me love Rory. I just thought she was cute in it, okay? Don't freak out.
Miss Patty asks Emily to tell everyone about this wedding she's having (to which none of those gathered are invited). Emily explains that it will be fabulous, and asks Lorelai to confirm. Lorelai does, even adding that it will be "ab-fabulous, sweetie darling," and her mother laughs further and says that she finds her daughter to be so funny, even though she never understands a word she's saying. "But she's so entertaining! Like a chimp!" Then she asks Gypsy to confirm that Lorelai is like a chimp. Gypsy asks that Lorelai arrange it so Emily not speak to her anymore. Lorelai: "If only I had that power."
God. If only she DID. Because…a chimp?! Will no one smack Emily in the mouth? I guess not, because she continues to rant on about how great everything will be at this party (to which none of these people are invited, I'll say it again), and how her dress, which she just said an hour ago was made by a crack whore, is incredible. "The woman who made it is a genius." Lorelai and Rory roll their eyes at each other and rightfully so. Another lengthy discussion goes on about how they have ripped the room away from the Sheldrakes and how stubborn and selfish said Sheldrakes were for daring to try to have their party in Emily and Richard's chosen room. After Lorelai presents her mother with a re-gift box of Penis Pasta, Emily blessedly goes upstairs and passes out, snoring. Praise God. Now would be the perfect time to smother her with a pillow, but they don't.