Episode Report Card Owen: D | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Animal Pragmatism
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.09.2000
So this Lisa Loeb-ish girl walks into a ladies room. An old man who's been lurking inside insults her breath and offers her a stick of "Big Red" gum. She thanks him. Huh?
Halliwell Manor. Night. The lazy Ps bring Brunette into the house and ask her what's the big. Brunette stammers that the Halliwells "wouldn't understand." The Ps give her patronizing "oh you silly mortal" looks. Brunette admits that the study group recited the spell that "made guys out of animals." Prue asks what the ani-males want. Brunette says that they want to remain human -- and that they're violent and crazy. She adds that "maybe its our fault, for making them what they're not." Phoebe tells Brunette not to "blame [herself] for the actions of other people." Ah, Phoebe, but that's the rub; they're NOT PEOPLE. Phoebe goes to the kitchen to get some stuff to clean Brunette's scratches. She opens the cabinet under the sink and looks for some "hydrogen peroxide" (?!?). Just then Prue spots the broken front door and begins to freak. Phoebe's peroxide search leads her to the pantry, because she's a moron. When she opens the door, Pig Boy's corpse falls on top of her. Prue and Brunette come running while Phoebe shrieks. They see Pig Boy's newly sprouted snout and reason that the "spell's wearing off." Brunette tells the lazy Ps that Snake Boy and Pig Boy are probably headed to the P3AD to try to find Phoebe.
Street. Snake Boy and Pig Boy have run out of gas and flag down a passing motorist. The driver asks them what he can do to help. Snake Boy: "Don't scream." CW is sporting snake-eye contact lenses. Snake Boy strangles the driver. Rabbit Boy opens up the trunk of the car and brags that "papa's got a brand new set of wheels." Wait -- so the ani-males don't understand the whole concept of automobiles running on gasoline, but they have been able to pick up James Brown pop-culture references? Whatever!
P3AD. Piper's on the cell phone with Phoebe. She warns Leo that there's trouble brewing, and he should earmark anyone who comes in looking for Phoebe. Bedhead shows up and (natch) asks for Phoebe. Piper gets snitty at him and tells him to "sit over there, don't move, you'll have a perfect view when she comes in." Leo offers to help Piper out with the situation going down. Piper "doesn't want [him] to get hurt" since he's mortal now. Dan walks up. He asks Piper if she'll be his valentine. She will. Dan: "Let's get started." Piper: "About that --" Dan gets his bitch on, whining that Piper's "kidding." Piper gapes at him. Dan harshes on her that she's going to make some vague excuse about a "life or death situation." Piper: "Actually, I was going to say that I'm running a little late. Please wait at the bar." Go, Piper!