Episode Report Card Mr. Sobell: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Abruzzi -- dead!
By Mr. Sobell | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 09.10.2006
Debra Jean's back on the phone with her mystery caller again, spilling the name of the motel where she is staying with Tweener and the approximate room number. At the first sight of Tweener returning from a trip to the local mini mart, she hangs up. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the writers of this episode were trying to convince me beyond a reasonable doubt that she's ratting out Tweener to the Feds. Which, of course, means that she isn't. Unless she is. Oh God, I'm confused... I need Tweener's special brand of stilted street jive to calm my racing brain. "Yo, check it," he begins... ahhhhhh, that's the stuff. "I know this might be a little forward and all, but let me 'ax' you something: You got a man?" When Debra Jean doesn't answer immediately, Tweener breaks out his mad Hipster-Doofus-to-English translation skillz: "I mean, a boyfriend." And when she still doesn't answer, he jumps immediately to the recriminations and self-doubts portion of the pick-up: "What am I thinking? You're Mormon." This causes an understandably irritated Debra jean to answer. "I'm not Mormon," she says. "You think all girls from Utah are Mormons?" No, but I pretty much assumed that they were all related to Bill Paxton in some way. Tweener concedes that he did, but brightens when he realizes, "Then you can party, right?" Debra Jean rolls her eyes at his stupidity -- hey, sister, you've only had to deal with Tweener logic for a couple episodes, we've been stuck with this clown for a whole season now -- and stalks off. Party on, Tweener!
As if on cue, we cut to Mahone racing around barking orders. "When I land, I want 12 armed agents waiting for me on the ground," he snaps. "Tell them I want to go straight to the motel from the airstrip." Well, that cinches it -- Debra Jean definitely sold Tweener out. Or she didn't. You know how wild and unpredictable those non-Mormon girls are.
Back in the Chicagoland area, Sara is about to wash away the sting of the NarcAnon meeting with a tasty slice of pie. Hey, who doesn't enjoy themselves a hearty helping of pie? Kids, seniors, moms, dads. Even foot soldiers in vast conspiracies that reach as far as the upper echelons of power. Speaking of which, here's Kellerman, to get his own slice of pie. "I was an ass before. I apologize," he says. And Sara's like, "Apple or rhubarb?" Kellerman tries again: "I was a huge ass. I apologize." "I'm not going to argue with you," says Sara -- and snap. Anyhow, everyone apologizes to everyone else, and pie is served, and Sara recommends the blueberry before walking off as Kellerman sips his coffee and ominous music plays. Well, that scene was... concise. Hope you were holding on to a loved one while the menacing agent tried to decide what pie to eat.