Episode Report Card Mr. Sobell: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Abruzzi -- dead!
By Mr. Sobell | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 09.10.2006
Which is exactly what she appears to be doing, as she proposes to Bellick that they join forces to snatch the Utah cash. Bellick counters with an indecent proposal of his own -- and by "indecent," I mean, "ewwwwwwwwwwwww" -- that he and Nika make the bouncy-bouncy right now in exchange for a cool 10 grand. Nika manages to suppress her gag reflex long enough to try and get it through Bellick's eight layers of skull that he's missing the big picture: "Typical man. I'm talking about millions of dollars, and you'd piss it away for sex." Bellick affirms that, yes, indeed, there's a lot he's willing to piss away if it means sex with a real live human female. "And I was hoping you wouldn't let Michael out-smart you too," Nika sneers, baiting the hook just a tad more. And it appears to have the intended effect on Bellick, too. Nobody outsmarts Brad Bellick! Except for bosses. And convicts. And door-to-door salesmen. And telephone solicitors. And most carbon-based lifeforms. But other than that? No one. Certainly not Nika, who negotiates the following offer: She will exploit Michael's trust in her to find out where the money is and pass that information along to Officer Fuck-Up in exchange for her fair share of the dough. Bellick defines her fair share as $200,000, and, when Nika protests, reminds her the he has the gun and a general idea of which direction to point it when he shoots. We'll take Nika's silence as assent.
At the Abruzzi Family reunion, False Ted Leonsis arrives to inform Abruzzi that his long-time nemesis Fibonacci has been spotted in Washington, D.C. At a Washington Capitals game, no doubt -- right, False Ted Leonsis? Actually, he's in Washington to testify against Abruzzi, and he's staying at the Globe motel. This bit of intelligence comes courtesy of the Jersey Mob. "Fish Head Tommy wants to pay tribute," False Ted Leonsis says. And seriously -- what kind of crappy mobster do you have to be to wind up with a nickname like "Fish Head Tommy?" "All right, Tommy, it's time to give you your mob nickname... got anything in mind? 'Killer?' Yeah... that's OK, I guess, but me and the boys thought 'Fish Head' might be a more fitting moniker. Why? Uh... because of your distinctive body odor and love of foods that are high in Omega-3 Fatty Acids? Will that spare your feelings?"
Abruzzi decides that a chance to combine a visit to the many landmarks of our nation's capital and execute the man whose testimony put him behind bars is just too sweet an opportunity to pass up. Mrs. Abruzzi disagrees, slapping her husband across his kisser. Twice, even. "Look at this room, John," she says. "Look! We can be a family again. But you want to risk it all, disrespect us, and for what? Vengeance?" Abruzzi's all, "Look, honey, he betrayed me," but the missus isn't following that logic, so Abruzzi tries again. "He betrayed us. I'm sorry you will never understand what happens when you're in prison." I don't know -- that scene in Goodfellas where they're cooking steaks makes it seem pretty sweet if you're mobbed-up and all. But let's concede the point that prison made Abruzzi feel all messed up inside -- wouldn't whacking Fibonacci land Abruzzi back in the slammer? His wife certainly seems to think as much, but Abruzzi insists that he won't be returning to the Big House: "I'd rather die... there's no going back. Never ever again." Mrs. Abruzzi tries to remind her husband of his jailhouse religious conversion. "Didn't you realize that was just a plot contrivance?" he says. Or maybe he just accepts the crucifix his wife hands him, hugs her, and gets a "Oh, I am so totally going to drive to Washington to kill Fibonacci" look on his face.