Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Mars Attacks
By Wing Chun | Season 7 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.25.2000
Carter examines Stinky Le Pew, Lydia's indigent patient, and tells him that he has a corneal abrasion. Stinky asks whether that's the same as pinkeye, and Carter explains that it means he has a scratch on his eye, probably caused by some dirt under his eyelid. Stinky muses, "Now, how on earth would that happen?" Carter backs away, takes in a lungful of non-stinky air, and replies that he doesn't know: "Maybe the wind blew it in." Stinky declares, "Well, last time I was in here they said I had pinkeye. Oof!" He starts...scratching his nads. Is this the trend for this season? Because I've already seen plenty in the area (as it were) of nad-scratching. At least work in a tit-scratch? Ass-scratch? Mix it up a little. "And crabs. I think I might have them again," Scratchy explains. Pinkeye and crabs? Pinch me, because I think I'm dreaming...of my perfect man! Carter suggests that they treat one thing at a time, and heads off for an antibiotic for Stinky's eye. "Will it stop the hurting?" Stinky asks. Carter promises to get something for the pain, as well. Wow. They show Stinky's face close up, and it's so caked with dirt that I can't tell if he's white or black underneath. I'm not saying I'm always immaculately clean or anything, but damn.
Mark and Dr. Dave go up to Surgery. They run into Elizabeth; Mark: blah ruptured appy blah. Elizabeth: thought it was a rule-out blah blah. Mark: it's probably blah ruptured by now. Elizabeth: Dr. Dave didn't give me a good enough story. Dr. Dave: I did, too. Elizabeth: did not. Mark: when we call for a consult, that's what we need. Elizabeth: oh, get over yourself, Don Baldo. She snatches the sheet off the gurney, exposing a bunch of equipment they're stealing. Didn't I already see this scene, like, five seasons ago? Thought so.
Chen and Lisa treat a patient who used kitchen shears to give himself Vulcan ears. They're bleeding pretty badly. The ears. Not Lisa, nor Chen, who orders Lisa to irrigate the wounds and treat him with various meds; as they walk off, Lisa suggests a Psych consult, and Chen agrees, adding that she'll call Plastics. The Spock manqué overhears and insists that he's not crazy. Lisa reminds him that he mutilated himself with kitchen shears. He asks how long it'll take, since the sci-fi convention starts in a few hours. Lisa cracks, "We're moving at warp speed, here, Willie." She and Chen smirk to each other. Oh, that's professional.
At the desk, Dr. Dave presents Chen with the scope she needs to examine Tony Hawk Jr. She gasps and smiles (but doesn't actually thank him), which he somehow takes as his cue to start asking intrusive questions about her baby, starting with whether she's picked a name. She flatly tells him she hasn't. He asks whether she's planning on "something Chinese, or a little bit more western." She evasively says she hasn't given it much thought, and books. Carter rolls in and asks if she can write Stinky's Vicodin prescription. Isn't that awfully strong for a scratched eye? ["Maybe it's Matthew Perry under all that grime." -- Sars] Anyway, he hands her a mask and warns her that Stinky...well, you know. Chen smirks fondly, and asks if Carter's gone soft on her. He replies by motioning toward her burgeoning form and saying, "It looks like I missed a few things while I was away, huh?" He asks how far along she is (twenty-four weeks), and whether "this was planned." Oh, please. Gamma raised him better than that. How rude! She evasively replies, "Not particularly," tweaks his necktie, and says she has to run.